Why You Should Avoid Women With Boyfriends Who Like Your Attention

Why it’s not healthy to obsess over women with boyfriends who like your attention.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer in France who’s a college student. He likes a girl who has a boyfriend, but clearly enjoys his attention and interest. While he obsesses over a woman who has a boyfriend he’s missing out on all the other women who are single and ready to mingle. It’s how men avoid relationships by getting hung up on women who are unavailable. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “Why You Should Avoid Women With Boyfriends Who Like Your Attention”.

Obviously, you want to try to avoid becoming part of a woman’s Frankenstein Boyfriend Project, and guys who don’t know any better end up getting into those situations. And so what you have is a woman who’s in a relationship with somebody, but the boyfriend doesn’t check all the boxes, or he does some things that she really likes, but not other things.

Especially if he’s kind of emotionally distant or he’s not around a lot, often she’ll fill that time and that space up with other dudes who clearly have interests in her, but she keeps them at arm’s length. And then the guys stick around, hoping that eventually they’re going to get their chance. Well, a man who has choices and options is going to express his interest.

And if he finds out that she’s taken he’s going to tell her to “Get in touch if it doesn’t work out, or let him know if it doesn’t work out.” And then he’s going to continue on with his life. Now, if it’s somebody he works with or like in this case, this is a college student in France, he’s met a girl in class that he really likes. She clearly likes his attention and interest, but she has a boyfriend and he’s allowing himself to obsess over her, and he’s ignoring the fact he’s in college.

There’s never going to be another time in a man’s life other than college when you’re away from school, you’re away from home, and so are the girls. They’re away from home the first time, they’re open to experimentation. And it’s the most target rich environment a man is ever going to experience in his life. There’s so many young, beautiful girls around campus to get hung up on a girl who is taken but likes your attention is just not healthy.

And it’s one of the ways if deep down you don’t believe you deserve a relationship or deserve a girlfriend, you’ll get hung up on somebody that’s unavailable because it helps you play that pattern out. In other words, it helps you play that belief out that you don’t deserve it. And like in my case, I used to do this a lot when I was younger, and I realized that I was getting hung up on women that were unavailable.

And sometimes I’d waste a year or two years stuck in friend zone, hoping that I’m going to get a chance and then next thing I know, she breaks up with her boyfriend. I’m thinking, “Oh good, I’m going to get another chance.” Then meanwhile, she’s already hooking up with some other guy and complaining about him and dating him and yet I would be stuck in friend zone.

And after that happened a few times and I wasted several years of my life kind of doing what this guy is doing. And what led to that was growing up in the family I grew up in. Where I didn’t get any hugs, I didn’t get any I love yous, my parents were very cold and very distant. And so I grew up as a child wanting love but not getting love. And so when I became an adult, a teenager, I’d get obsessed and hung up on and have these fantasies about these girls that I wanted to be with.

I wanted love from them, but they were unavailable. And it felt just like the relationship that I had with my parents. So especially when you’re young, it’s just a bad way to go. Like I said, I remember the last time that it happened. I could see it like it was yesterday. I was like I think 22, maybe 23 I think, I was about 22, actually. And I was thinking to myself, like, “Man, I wasted like almost two years of my life hoping to get a chance with this particular girl. And I was like, what an absolute waste.”

And there were other women that I met that were clearly interested in, and I would put them off because I was thinking, “Oh, I’m going to be with this other girl because I really like her.” But I was in love with the fantasy of what I wanted. So as a man, you extend your invitation for a date or you express your interest. And if she’s unavailable.

“Hey, if it doesn’t work out, let me know. I’d love to take you out sometime.” And then that’s it. And then you move on and you focus on women that are single and ready to mingle. Because especially when you’re young, you just don’t want to waste a lot of time.

So let’s go through his email.

Viewer Email:

Hey Coach,

I’m a college student in France, in my final year. About six weeks ago I met a very attractive girl in my class. She’s been teasing me, calling me sweet names, being playful, and only acts that way with me. She doesn’t even talk to others and sticks with a female friend. We’ve taken the same two-hour train home 3 times and I planned to ask her out for coffee after about a week.

So the other thing is just spend a lot of time with somebody, but never getting around to asking them out. You want to shoot your shot because the more you hesitate, the more you’re going to masturbate. Because again, as the period goes on where you’re interacting with her and you don’t know whether or not she’s single or she’s taken, many weeks and maybe a month or two goes by, the danger is you get hung up emotionally, and then you get dopey and drunk on your feelings and your emotions.

And you convince yourself that it’s a Disney fantasy and that you’re destined to be together and you’re meant to be together. And then what happens is like, once you’re really hung up on her, it’s very hard to disengage. It’s very hard to be open to other women because you’re obsessing over them so much. So it’s just not a healthy way to be. Give your attention to women who are ready, willing, able and open to dating you. And you’re going to come across women that are taken.

You can express your interest in them too, but when they’re unavailable, tell them, “If it doesn’t work out, hit you up.” And if you’re in class with them or maybe this is somebody you work with, or it’s a girl in your social circle. You have to think about it from the mindset of; because again, you don’t want to get hung up on her. So you think about it as if, “What if you’d already dated her and you were tired of sleeping with her and you didn’t want to date her anymore?” But you saw her all the time because she’s part of your life, what would you do?

You’d be nice to her. You would listen to her. But you’re not going to encourage anything sexually or romantically. You may tease her from time to time, but at the end of the day, you’ve been there, you’ve done that, you’ve got the t-shirt and you don’t want to go back down memory lane because it’s important to give your attention, especially your romantic attention to women who you have a possibility with, especially when you’re young, especially when you’re in college.

Because with having my book and learning the information, it’s like it’s such a target rich environment, you can absolutely clean up. And I spent a lot of my time wasting years of my college life being hung up on girls that had boyfriends that were unavailable because I believe the Disney fantasy. “Oh, it’s meant to be. We’re going to be together forever.” Because again, you see that same type of scenario play out in one movie after another.

And it’s usually the dorks that didn’t get the girl in high school or college or whatever that write those scripts. And when you identify with that, especially growing up in an environment like I did, you want love, but you don’t get love. And then you meet somebody who you want love from, but they can’t give it to you. It just feels normal. It feels natural. It feels like that’s the way it’s supposed to be. Because you spend so much of your life desiring love and seeking love, but not getting it. So let’s go through his email.

Hey Coach,

I’m a college student in France, in my final year. About six weeks ago I met a very attractive girl in my class. She’s been teasing me, calling me sweet names, being playful, and only acts that way with me. She doesn’t even talk to others and sticks with a female friend. We’ve taken the same two-hour train home 3 times and I planned to ask her out for coffee after about a week. On that day, a classmate who’s fat fuck who likes her and always sits next to her got upset when she changed place.

Can you guys hear the dogs barking? I think the Amazon guy is here.

Later she told me that he’d.

And it’s like down a couple floors.

Asked if she had a boyfriend and she said yes.

So when you hear that, that’s it. That’s time to disengage.

When I asked if that was true, she said it was, I said, um, that’s weird he should have gotten the memo. 

And so right then and there, you should have been able to disengage. But then you think, “Oh, well, I’m better than that other guy. I’m better. I’m better looking. I’m this. I’m that.” And that’s what you tell yourself to stay obsessed. And if deep down maybe you’re afraid or you’re fearful of a relationship, then you’ll try to avoid it.

We later took the train for the final time, my vibe changed a bit, i continued being playful and teasing so did she. She joked or not about her boss being her “love”.

So it sounds like she’s probably hooking up with the boss, who could be a married guy, have a girlfriend. He could. She could just be his mistress. Remember, like attracts like. People that like the same things tend to like each other. And she’s hung up on an unavailable guy that she’s hooking up with, and he’s probably telling her, dangling the carrot, “Oh, eventually he’s going to leave his girlfriend.

Eventually he’s going to leave his wife. But now’s not the right time.” It would make sense from an attraction perspective that you’re hung up on, a woman who’s hung up on somebody else who’s unavailable, because you both pursue unavailable people. The difference is, is she’s probably sleeping with the other guy.

When I said that I smoked for 8 years and stopped thanks to a book she told me, “I should get it for my boss what’s the name?” I said, “Do you see a sign on my face that says savior? I won’t give it to you.” Shoutout to Allen Carr’s Easy Way to Stop Smoking highly recommend to anyone who wants to quit. When I asked her if her boss is her boyfriend she said, “no”, I told her she’s “Confusing as fuck.”

I thought all the boyfriend and potential lover could be a shittiest and I asked her out for coffee anyway she said, “Are you serious?” I said, “I’m dead serious, if you want to if not then.” She said, “No I do not. I said, “Alright then.” I continued talking to her a bit.

You can tell he’s translating this from French, so it sounds a little awkward.

I continued talking to her a bit and mentioned she should ask her boyfriend to take care of her problems like the guy who clearly bothered her in class.

So that’s again, that’s the Frankenstein Boyfriend Project. You give her time and attention, you give her advice, more often than not, it’s because the boyfriend’s unavailable. Especially in this case it might be that she’s sleeping with her boss, and he’s really unavailable. So technically he can’t be her boyfriend. But she’s committed to him because she hopes to be his girlfriend eventually.

The next day she walked past me purposefully without saying hi, ignored me and talked to everyone else. I had a smirk on my face because I knew she was doing it on purpose. I later talked to her normally about the class project, she was happily talking to me again. I kept the conversation very very short. We only have classes every 2 weeks, so the next time she came to talk to me after I didn’t, a big smile happy to see me asking how I’m doing, I stayed cordial. She finds excuses to talk to me, sometimes hot and cold so I mirrored heavily ghosting her for the whole week.

I wouldn’t consider that ghosting. I would consider it just not giving it her attention. Ghosting in English is basically you are talking and then you just stop replying to the other person. You literally ghost them, you disappear, and you ignore them permanently. It’s rude, but people do it all the time. It’s just a way to avoid uncomfortable conversations you don’t want to have. Especially when you’re dealing with people that won’t take no for an answer.

Yesterday, during our group presentation, she was glued to me, her tit touching my arm in front of the whole class, she’s a bit crazy but I like that.

Well, if she’s a little crazy, you’ve got to watch out for those crazy girls.

I find myself attracted to her, but she’s confusing and I would probably not trust her emotionally. We won’t have class together for 3 weeks, I would appreciate your advice on how to handle her moving forward, what you think the best move is, should I try to see where she’s at, maybe tell her if things don’t work out let me know via text, I have her Instagram but never talked to her, should I ask her out again or should I just walk away completely and move on? Thank you very much.

Best Regards,

Bob

Well, like I said earlier in the video, we know she’s taken and so the best thing to do, because you see her every couple of weeks is talk to other girls in the class. Because as a man, you’re looking for somebody who’s single and ready to mingle and this girl’s told you that she’s not. So until she tells you otherwise and if she sees you talking to other girls and not really paying much attention to her, again, how would you treat her if you were tired of fucking her? If you were bored of her and you wanted nothing to do with her.

If she came to talk to you, you’d be polite. You’d be nice. She wouldn’t be rude. But you’re not going to give her the impression that you’re ready to go down memory lane with making any kind of moves, or talking about the future or anything like that, you’re going to be nice, you’re going to be respectful, but you’re going to give your attention to other women and that’s what you should do. And so if she wants to come over and talk to you, great.

If you see her across the hall, wave, smile, and then go about your business, don’t go out of your way to go talk to her. And even if she does, say she comes and sits next to you in class, or maybe this is somebody you work with, she sits next to you at the office or comes up and starts talking to you. You could listen to her, talk, ask questions, treat her like any other person in class. Don’t treat her special. In other words, like he was doing initially, giving her lots of attention and time.

But if she ever becomes single and is available, she’ll hint at it. She’ll let you know. “Oh, I’m not with that guy anymore. Oh, I broke up with my boyfriend”, or whatever happens to be. She’ll tell you. Especially if she becomes single and is hoping that you ask her out again, but you don’t do anything. She’ll become more bolder as the days and the weeks go by. Especially if you guys have each other’s phone numbers or social media or whatever.

She’ll find a way to contact you and let you know that she’s single. Especially if she sees you talking to other girls in class, or hanging out with other girls, or hears about you dating somebody else. So again, it’s really super important to disengage and stop obsessing over women like this. As soon as you find out they’re taken. Give your attention to somebody else.

It doesn’t mean be rude or ignore them like she was doing to this guy. But stop obsessing over her. Stop thinking, “Oh, I’m going to take a three hour train ride and then in two weeks I’m going to ask her out for coffee.” I wouldn’t be doing these things. You want to pull the trigger quicker so you can find out quicker.

Because again, like I said in the beginning of the video, the longer this goes on where you’re thinking about her and you’re giving emotional and mental energy, it’s easy to get yourself obsessed and get a little infatuated with somebody who’s unavailable. And then it’s really hard to think about anybody else or meet anybody else because you’re obsessing over this woman.

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