Why You Should Never Accept A Maybe Date

Why you should never accept maybe dates & what to do instead.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who’s new to my work, but has already listened to 3% Man 10 times. He shares how after reading the book he realized a hot bartender he had known for about two years liked him so he asked her out. It went well. He accepted a maybe date for their second date which she broke.

He then saw her driving with her ex-boyfriend days later and wonders if she will be back in touch. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

This particular email is from a viewer that looks like he’s pretty new to my work. However, looks like he’s taken being a good student serious. He’s read 3% Man 10 times or listen to it 10 times already. So he realized after reading the book that there’s this hot bartender that works at a place that he often takes his dates. She’s seen him with a bunch of girls. This has been going on for like two years. Then one of the girls he was with was like, “Hey, I think that bartender’s got a crush on you.” So after he went through the book, he’s like, “You know what? I’m gonna shoot my shot.” So he did.

He asked her out. They went on a date. It went well. There are some things that I will critique him on that I would have done differently, but overall it seemed like he had a good date, but he just didn’t escalate things because he might have been able to hook up with her because he’d known her for two years. I mean, he went and picked her up. So it’s not like they were total strangers. However, she reached out the day after the date saying what a great time she had. She posted on social media, even showed us a picture or, I guess, a screenshot of their bowling score because he ended up taking her bowling and she posted that to social media and even had his name up there. So he’s like, “Wow, this girl really likes me.” However, it looks like she was doing that probably to make another guy jealous, as you’ll see here in a moment. He made a mistake and violated some of the principles. He accepted a “maybe” date, and of course, she canceled that, which was not the way to go.

Viewer Email:

How’s it going, Corey?

I have listened to your audio-book at least 10 times now, I run three miles everyday and I listen to the book while I am running. I am going to continue to keep listening to it and I notice every time I do I notice I messed up in certain areas and always learn something new.

I recently went on a date with this girl I met while she was bartending. I have known her for about two years. She was always very friendly with me and I just thought she was doing her job.

Well, that’s why once you go through the book, like you ever see that movie They Live? I think it was from the 90s with “Rowdy” Roddy Piper. He gets these sunglasses and he puts them on. He looks around, he’s like, “There’s all these people. They look human without the glasses on,” but when he puts it on, they look like these weird, creepy looking aliens. It’s like they live. So, you know, it’s kind of like reading the book. That’s what it’s like. You put the glasses on, you’re like, “Holy shit, all these girls are hot!” For me, it’s like a little light bulb or a little sign above their head saying, “Hey, I like you. Ask me out, dummy.” Captain Obvious! If you don’t know what to look for, because they don’t teach this stuff in school, and most parents, especially dads, don’t know this shit either. It’s just kind of like hit or miss. So it’s like a pair of glasses that enables you to see what reality is. So he obviously was like, “Wow, this girl actually really does like me.”

She has seen me take many different girls there and one girl I was on a date with even said, “I think that bartender has a crush on you.” She always seemed extra friendly to me. I have her on social media and recently I posted my son’s birthday party, she responded saying why I didn’t invite her. I didn’t think anything of it and told her to come by. She actually showed up. We had some drinks and talked like we usually do.

Next week on a Friday night she messages me saying what was I doing tonight, she suggested I meet her out for some drinks because she was going to be out with some friends.

Well, I would have said, “I’d love to, but I can’t. I’m out with friends. When are you free to get together for dinner?” Then you make a date and say, “What’s your address?” Then you make a definite date and you go pick her up because you’ve known her for two years. You didn’t just meet on a dating app and you’ve talked for two hours back and forth on texting or anything. In this case, since you know each other and have rapport, she’s seen you with lots of other girls, you have social proof she’s reaching out to you. It’s her idea. You’re not going to get rejected when that happens.

Again, you’ll see as we go through the book, this is why I say you got to read it 10 to 15 times, because as you’ll see, he makes mistakes even though he’s been through it 10 times. You got to read it and you got to be applying it, which is what he’s doing. So mistakes are be to be expected. We just want to make sure you do more things right than wrong.

I went out with my friends and eventually we met up at the bar and I asked her a bunch of questions, but like you say in your book, group dates are never a good idea.

But he did it anyways, and I’m trying to stack the deck in your favor so you can get to the Promised land in as few steps and as few interruptions and cock-blockings as possible.

Although I did not really see it as a date, more of an opportunity to see what the night would bring since I was already in the area.

Again, I would not have done that. This is why if you want to test the premise, it’s like ,you want to reinvent the wheel, that’s on you. Then you got to live with the consequences of blowing good opportunities.

Like you say, her friends kept getting in our way while we were in conversation. Eventually there was a long period of time when her friends pulled her away and I decided to walk away to the next bar. 

So it’s very similar to what I was writing about this girl that I liked and she invited me to meet her at the bar that her family owned, which is a very popular bar back in the 80s and the 90s. Then same thing happened, I didn’t know any better. I was like, 24, I think, at the time. So I go and I show up, because she knows everybody there, because it’s her parents’ bar and she’d get pulled away, eventually my buddy’s like, “This girl doesn’t care about you. Let’s go.”

So we got out of there and I felt like a total chump because he was really good with the ladies. He always had hot girlfriends. I was always amazed. I listened to him because he knew what he was doing. So I didn’t do anything and then the girl literally calls me the next morning and she’s like, “Where’d you go?”

A few days later, she messaged me again saying what I was doing. By this point, I had listened to the audio-book about six times, so I immediately thought about, “If she’s contacting you, assume she wants to see you.” I went ahead and asked her on a date. She said she was free Sunday, which was about four days away. So I made the date, told her I would pick her up, although she said she would send me the address Sunday.

I would have just said, “Send me your address. What’s your address?” So you agree to pick her up at seven, say, “Great! What’s your address?”

I was hesitant to accept because I knew there was a possibility she would cancel. I agreed and got off the phone. On Sunday, she actually sent me her address and I picked her up.

So if Sunday comes around and say she’s like, “Well, I’ll send you my address Sunday,” it’s like, Why don’t you send me it now?” Be direct. Tell her what to do. Not in a mean way or an aggressive way. Just, “Send it to me now so I have it so I know how much time it’s going to take to get from where I live to where you are. I want to be punctual.”

By this point I had read the book two more times. 

I picked her up, opened the car door, took her for dinner and drinks and I kept asking question after question and I even used one of your lines when she asked me about having a girl since she was used to seeing me with different girls at the bar she worked at.

And his response? “Are you seeing other women?”

“I always have room for one more.” She laughed like crazy…

That’s a great line, a great comeback and been using it for decades. It works awesome. I have yet to have somebody go, “Oh, that’s a Corey Wayne line. You got that out of 3% Man.” I’ve never once got an email from somebody saying they used that and got their balls busted. So if a girl, say that does happen, “Oh, that’s Corey Wayne.” He’s like, “It’s a great fucking line. That’s awesome and you liked it. You know you liked it. You liked that,” like Kirk Cousins said.

…And I just looked her in the eye and smiled, keeping my cool. I could see her attraction level rising before my eyes. After dinner, I asked for the check. She looked like she did not want to end the date…

Well, that’s why the third place should be a place where physical interaction can happen like bowling, throwing darts, shooting pool, miniature golf, video games, something like that, throwing axes.

…So we drove to the next town over and I surprised her with bowling. We had a great time. After every turn, I noticed her sitting closer and closer to me.

Well, the purpose of seduction is to get closer and closer to a woman until you ultimately end up inside of her.

She even grabbed my hand and said how soft it was where I joked, “Whoa whoa! I have calluses from working out. They can’t be that soft!” I joked and bantered all night.

“Babe, I use lotion on the hands. I don’t know if I’d use that one, but the lotion’s working babe. I properly moisturize my skin.”

After a turn while bowling the ball slipped from her hand and she walked back saying, “It slipped…”

I would be like, “Well, maybe you just need to hit the gym more, babe.”

…But she was giving me that look dead in my eye and I knew it was go time. She sat down right next to me and since she had just grabbed my hand I knew touching was OK. I hugged her…

Bruh…

I get it, you’re young. It’s easier when you’re older and experienced, to look back when quite frankly, you probably would’ve done the same stupid shit, but you live and you learn.

…She looked me in the eyes and I went in for the kiss. We made out heavily, all the signs were there. We made out several times over the rest of the night. I took her home and when we were making out outside of the car, I seen she kind of pushed her neck towards me (After reading the book after the date, I know now this was a sign of high attraction). I should have kissed her neck and got her going, but I did not, I think this is where I messed up. 

If you hesitate, you will masturbate. What you’ll see, it looks like you’re in a place to be a rebound. If you’d have kissed her neck and escalated, she would’ve said, “Would you like to come in?” I would be like, “Sure.” “But we’re not having sex.” It’s like, “Who said we’re having sex? I haven’t decided yet, honey. I’m still just trying to get to know you. I’m an innocent child of God. We’re not having sex. I’m an innocent child of God. I’ll keep my hands to myself. Maybe…”

She text me the next morning saying how great of a time she had. She posted a status on Facebook saying how much of a great Sunday she had and she even posted the picture of our bowling scores with our names on it…

Probably trying to make someone else jealous.

…Which I found really surprising and showed a super high level of interest. 

I’d say she had high interest and she was trying to troll somebody else.

I also realized I messed up because after she text me saying how much of a great time she had, I asked her on the next date. She said, “We will see.”

When a woman says, “We’ll see,” it means no. She says, “We’ll see,” I’ll just say, “Well, hit me up when you know your schedule and we can plan something then.”

I was surprised and said, “No worries, just let me know.”

“When you figure out your schedule.” He didn’t say the “figure out your schedule part,” but again, this is why you read the book 10 to 15 times, because the more you know the book backwards and forwards, when these things happen in the moment, you’re able to respond like that instead of going, “Oh shit, there was something on page 53. What the hell was it? I should have gone through it 10 times, 15 times.”

I did not text her and three days later, she texted me about seeing my sister at her place of work. I once again thought, “If she’s reaching out, that means she wants to see you.” So I, again, asked her when she was free and this time she said, “Maybe Thursday.”

I’d say, “Well, give me a day. You definitely know you’re available,” and she says, “Well, I don’t know,” then just say, “Hey, no problem. Well, hit me up when you figure out your schedule.”

I did not like the “maybe” word, but I agreed. (Thursday was a week away)

Shouldn’t have done that because that’s like a compliance test. Especially if it’s you and another guy who’s the most masculine, they’ll do things like that. In other words, “Hey, are you willing to be a backup plan and let me take up one of your evenings only to blow you off at the last minute with a bullshit excuse?” And you said, “I’ll take the bullshit excuse. Thank you. Give me the ‘maybe’ date.”

I did not talk to her and I know I am not supposed to verify dates, but on Wednesday I just sent her a text saying, “I will be there at 8” to which she replied saying she couldn’t because she said the father of her kid was being an asshole and didn’t want to take their daughter to cheer practice on his custodial day.

Sure…

This is why the book says don’t accept a “maybe” date. Just say, “Well, let me know. What day are you definitely available?” And she still doesn’t know, just say, “No problem. Well, figure out your schedule and get back to me. I gotta run, I’ll talk to you later.”

I thought that was a BS excuse, but kept my cool and said, “No worries. Whenever you get things situated and are free, let me know so we can plan a date.” She replied saying, “I will.” 

On Saturday, few days after she broke our date, I was driving and, what do you know?

This is like the deer in the headlight look is about to happen.

I seen her in the passenger seat of her ex-boyfriend’s car (Not the one she had a kid with) and she looked at me and she looked like she seen a ghost. Basically it seems like her ex-boyfriend came back into the picture and she went to spend time with him instead. Her “I will” text was basically telling me if it doesn’t work with him she will contact me.

Yep. It’s understandable these things are going to happen.

I am sure I made some mistakes, but overall it seemed like we had a great date and she even posted all about it on social media (Maybe to get her ex jealous, who knows). 

If I was a betting man, I’d say she’s definitely trying to make the ex jealous. If the things that I pointed out you’d have been a little cleaner, a little bit more confident, and a little bit more holding her feet to the fire, like when she offers you “maybe,” then you just come back to, “Well, tell me a day you know you’re definitely available and let’s plan a date then. I only have very few evenings open each week, and I want to make sure if I plan something that you’re definitely available,” and she still gives you the, “I don’t know,” just say, “Hey, no problem. Figure it out. Get back to me.” Give a woman the time and space to follow through on her plans and commitments, or in this case, to get back to you with her availability or to flake out and disappear forever.

So when he starts moving forward, she does reach out after a few days. So what she’s doing is she’s testing the ex-boyfriend and she’s testing you. Whoever’s most masculine is who she’s going to spend time with. She has more time with the ex-boyfriend, so she’s emotionally bonded to him, and she’s not to you. So when your game is a little sloppy and you make three or four mistakes, like I pointed out throughout his email, that’s really all it takes.

Can you tell me where I went wrong and what I should do now?

Well, I obviously pointed it out throughout the email, but I wouldn’t do anything. I’d just wait to hear from her. When she does reach out, just say, “Hey you, what’s your schedule like? I want to see your face.” You don’t need to go, “Oh, here’s a meme.” You don’t need to do any of that. When she reaches back out, assume her schedule is free and she wants to see you. So just say exactly what I just said. Cut right through the BS. Boom! Get to the point.

I don’t plan on contacting her or going to her work anymore. If she contacts me, I will set another date as she was super hot. In the meantime, I will keep dating other women. Like I said, she’s seen me take multiple different women into her work. 

Thank you, Corey.

Bob

So you’ve seen her with other guys, you obviously know who her baby daddy is and you know who her boyfriend is, and she’s seen you with multiple girls, but your game was just a little sloppy. If it had been cleaned up, she might have been going out with you and hooking up with you instead of him. Especially if you had escalated and kissed her neck, she probably would have invited you in and you would have been bumping uglies. The next time she reached out, you would have made a date and you probably wouldn’t have got the “maybe.” She would have been testing the shit out of the ex, probably, but hey, you live and you learn. Good email. Thanks for sending it in!

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.