Why you should never chase after women who cancel dates, flake out at the last minute or jerk you around.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who met a girl in dance class a month ago. They’ve been on 2 dates so far and only kissed a little bit on the 2nd date. On their third date, she canceled saying she was sick. Then he asked if she would be better the next day, and she said that she’d let him know.
He got angry when he contacted her an hour before the date and she canceled again. She apologized, stopped replying and he hasn’t heard from her since. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
This is a good email because, for most guys, this is what the majority of the women that you’re going to ask out are going to be like. They’re not going to be super excited, super into you, super willing to go out on dates and be excited. They’re kind of like, “Eh.” But, at the end of the day, as a man, you want what you want. And some of these women who are marginally interested – in other words, on a scale of 1-10, the attraction level is maybe around a 5 or a 6 – with time, taking careful measured steps, like I discuss in 3% Man, you can raise it and get her to fall head over heels in love with you.
Me personally, I prefer love at first sight. I prefer instant connection, where you meet, it’s easy, it’s effortless from the get-go. All of my closest friends, that’s the way it was when we met. When you’re young, you just haven’t had the life experience for this to have happened enough. But being 52 and having been through several decades of my life, you recognize it when it happens. It feels different when you meet somebody that you just connect with, you genuinely like being around them, and they genuinely like being around you.
The reality is, when it comes to dating, at the end of the day, a smoking hot girl is a smoking hot girl. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And my job as a coach is to help people get what they want. And so, what you see with this particular email is what guy deals with. You really can’t make too many mistakes or get butt-hurt without completely turning off a woman who has marginal interest. So, it brings up a good point.
I would highly encourage you to go to my Rumble account and follow me at CoachCoreyWayne. Subscribe to my Rumble account, because I’m going to be posting exclusive content there. And slowly over the next year or two, I’m going to be migrating more and more of my videos and content to the members area on my website.
And if you like my quotes, I highly encourage you to get one of my two quotes books. The second one, Quotes, Ruminations & Contemplations – Volume II, is out now, and obviously Quotes, Ruminations & Contemplations – Volume I, has been out for a year now.
Regarding this email, something to keep in mind is the Thich Nhat Hanh quote, “You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.” So, in the situation that this guy is in here, you want to give women the freedom to follow through on plans and commitments with you, or to flake out and disappear from your forever, because it gives women the freedom to come and go as they please. You want somebody that chose to be with you as well, not somebody that’s just kind of going along to get along.
The reality is, a lot of women marry men that they’re not in love with, and the guys just have no idea. I mean, just look at the red pill community. It’s full of dudes that have no idea. They can’t tell when a woman is in love with them or not. A lot of them make the mistake of assuming just because the girl is with them that she cares for them. And that’s the thing that sets my book apart from all those guys that are in there, basically looking for reasons to validate their choices and why they did nothing wrong. But if you can’t tell if a woman really is into you or not, you’re going to make colossal mistakes.
Glad you joined the bearded gang.
I’ve pretty much had a beard off and on since I started doing videos, so I don’t know what you’re talking about, but okay.
This is me officially saying welcome to the club. Now to the meaty part of the e-mail. I met a girl (duh) during a dance class over a month ago. We were on 2 dates – 1st date (no kiss), 2nd date which was her idea (2 smooches on the lips).
The thing is, we had a month-long break with seeing each other on dates, (no time, holidays, sickness etc.), but we see each other in dance class still, where she always follows me around and tries to get my attention. When we started the class, she was leaving her gym bag on the opposite side of the room, but all of the sudden, she always comes to me at the beginning to leave her bag near mine.
That’s what women do when they like you. They put themselves in your orbit, so you can make something happen. This is why it’s so important not to get angry, not to get upset, as you want to create the conditions where women feel safe and comfortable being around you. And if they choose not to, that’s okay as well.
I’m just trying to present that I think the interest is there, but I had a problem not so long ago with her. We were supposed to meet on one day to check out another dance studio. It was her idea. She was there once, showed me what they were doing and stated, “Yup, you’re coming with me next time.” I smiled and asked, “Do I even have choice in this matter?” and she looked at me, smiled and said, “No.”
I would have said, “Okay, well, let’s plan it. What day are you available?” and make a definite date, definite time, definite place to get together. That’s one of things I see that this guy is not doing. He’s not making definite plans. And with a woman with marginal interest in you, when you communicate that and you leave things up in the air, nine times out of ten, she’s going to jerk you around and blow you off, because there’s no consequences.
You’re communicating that your time is really not that valuable. And you’re not taking charge by being direct and decisive. You’re kind of leaving it up in the air. So, if you leave it up in the air with a woman, she’s going to tend to leave it up in the air as well.
The next day, we were supposed to a fun date that I planned. On the day of the dance class, she let me know she can’t go and that her head hurts and she feels sick, (100% believe her, it was her idea and she loves to learn dancing). I said that’s okay and asked her if she thinks she’ll be okay tomorrow.
So, I guess they were going to see each other in dance class, and then they had a date the day after.
She said she’s not sure and she’ll let me know.
When a woman says, “Hey, I’m not sure. I’ll let you know,” you say, “Well, why don’t we plan it?” This is where you do the takeaway, like I talk about the book. Because you want to make sure she’s not going to waste your time. And this also communicates that you value your time. And so, you do the takeaway to see, is she okay with not meeting up? Because again, you’re making it easy for her to flake out. You’re making it easy for her to not see you.
Rejection breeds obsession. All advertising is a “limited time offer.” I mean, if you look at the email subscribes on my website, just that little thing that says “for a limited time,” when I’ve taken that off, (because we tested this many years ago), I get like 30-40% less email subscribes. Without the time constraint there, you get less people signing up. But when you’re like, “Hey, it’s limited time offer,” they’ll be like, “Ooh, I better sign up now.” It’s just human psychology. It’s the way we’re wired.
Scarcity creates value, and if something appears to be scarce, people are going to value it more. And that’s why the takeaway, when it comes to setting dates, is so effective to make a woman shit or get off the pot – to make sure she’s all in and definitely wants to see you, or she doesn’t really care and she’s just looking to waste your time and get a free meal, or whatever, or some free drinks – so you can dip out and avoid wasting your time and your money.
So, the way the takeaway works is, when she gives you this kind of an answer and she says she’s “not sure,” she’ll “let me know,” then when you go, “Oh, okay. Yeah, that sounds fine,” you just basically tell her “It’s okay to waste my time.” But if your time is valuable, if you’re like most busy professionals, you don’t have a lot of free days and nights available to make dates. And when you have free time, you want to spend it with people that actually care about you, and want to be with you and are excited to be with you.
So, when you get “Oh, I’m not sure, I’ll let you know,” you say, “You know what, why don’t we just do it another time when you’re feeling well. Why don’t you give it some time to get better, and we’ll make plans another time.” And then, you shut up and don’t say anything else and wait for her response. And if she really wants to see you and she values you, she’ll say, “No, I definitely want to keep the date.” It’s like, “Okay, let’s do it then.” If she just goes, “Okay. Yeah, let’s just do it some other time,” you know she really wasn’t that into it, and you don’t need to waste any more time calling or texting her or trying to invite her on a date, because you want someone that’s excited to be with you.
I decided those are special circumstances and allowed her to do that.
That’s not what the book teaches, my man. But that’s why you’re sending me the email. I don’t know if this guy’s read it or not. He didn’t say.
The next day though, I had to ask her myself if everything’s alright, and she replied an hour before the date that she feels unwell.
“An hour before,” huh.
This made me kind of angry, because she could’ve let me know in the morning, when she probably knew already we weren’t gonna meet up.
Well, dude, in all fairness, no one will ever do or say anything to you that you don’t invite them to do. And you put it out there that way. You created the conditions to where it was okay to jerk you around. Because you communicated your time was a valuable, but you were desperate to see her.
You were willing to create the possibility where this woman wastes your time just to have some time with her. It shows that you’re more into her than she is into you. Because, if you don’t value your time, guess what? Nobody else will either. And that’s what you communicated, that your time is really not worth anything. Therefore, if your time’s not worth anything, there’s no consequences for her wasting it.
That way I could have time to reschedule with someone else or do something else. I tried not to be a dick, but I stated to her that I’m kind of a busy guy…
“I’m kind of a busy guy.” If you were a busy guy, you would have done the takeaway.
…and she needs to let me know if she says she will, otherwise, it’s not gonna work for us.
I wouldn’t have handled it that way, because if you’ve got a woman who’s marginally into you, and then you get upset and angry when you kind of created the conditions for this. This is on you, bro. Because you’re you’re the leader. You’re the one that’s making the date. And so, it’s up to you to make sure people don’t waste your fucking time. It’s like, you invited her to do it, and then she wasted your time, and then you’re pissed off at her for your own weakness. I mean, that’s the reality. The red pill guys hate it when I say that.
At the end of the day, what did Don Shula say? He said, “Strong men blame themselves. Weak men blame others.” And that’s all I see from these guys. It’s constantly in the comments, all day, every day. It’s like, “Why do you bring it up?” Because they’re constantly in my comments on different videos complaining how it’s not the guy’s fault. It’s always the woman’s fault and not theirs. It’s like, okay, dude. That was your best thinking to get involved with her. So, as long as it’s not your fault, then there’s nothing for you to fix and you don’t get better.
She started to apologize but didn’t reply to the last part.
Scarcity creates value because, again, you communicated that your time is not valuable. If you don’t value your time, nobody else will either.
That was a week ago and no text from her, (pretty normal as we don’t have a need to text since we’re seeing each other during dance classes). Should I reach out to her myself?
What? And invite her to jerk you around again? Remember what I said in the very beginning, that quote, “Give women the freedom to follow through on plans and commitments with you or to flake out and disappear from your life forever.” And that’s what you’re doing here.
Or wait to see her in class or wait for her to make an effort to push things forward?
Again, she wasted your time. The late, great Doc Love used to say, “If a woman cancels the date at the last minute, she’s out forever.” She gets one chance – per woman, per life. That’s pretty harsh, pretty black and white. And a woman who is super into you is not going to jerk you around, because she doesn’t want to risk ruining her chances with you. But a woman who doesn’t really give a shit and she has plenty of dudes throwing their dicks at her, she’s not going to care.
So, I would never call or text her again for any reason. When you go to class, if you see her, smile, wave at her and go about your business. Talk to other girls in the class, give other women your attention, and then just pretend like she’s not there. I’m not saying to ignore her on purpose. I’m saying to focus on the other women there, because in your mind, you’re like, “I crossed her off my list. I didn’t like how she treated me, so unless she reaches out, I’m not going to do anything.” And then, if she does reach out, assume she wants to see you and make a date. But you’ve got to have a definite date, definite time, definite place to get together. You’ve got to have definite plans.
But I’d never call her or text her again for any reason. Because, in your mind, based on her behavior, you were like, “This girl’s not into me enough to warrant me reaching out to her. She communicated my time wasn’t valuable.” I mean, at the end of day, you wanted a date, and all you got was a little bit of kissing. It doesn’t sound there’s much passion there on her part. She enjoys the attention and the validation that you’re giving her.
I would give your time and attention to other women in your class, and let her come over and earn your time and attention. Be nice, be playful to her. Don’t bring it up. You know, if she wants to come and apologize, say, “Hey, no problem, maybe you can make it up to me by making me dinner. What’s your schedule like?” And then invite her over to your place to make dinner together. Because you know her from class. It’s not like some complete stranger that you’ve only talked to for 3 minutes on a dating app. You see her often. But that’s how I would handle this.
And so, remember, go to Rumble.com, look up CoachCoreyWayne, and subscribe and follow me there. Because, at least right now in the present day and age, that’s the one place where you’re pretty much able to have free speech and say what you want to say in videos. All the rest of the platforms, the walls are closing in and you just can’t say what you want to say anymore.
Eventually, with enough time, those woke idiots will end up destroying the platform. And Facebook’s got lots of problems with revenue now with the Apple Privacy Update and the fact they’ve banned so many people in the last few years. It’s like, now it’s starting to affect their their bottom line. So, eventually, it might take 5, 10 or 15 years, people are going to go to other platforms, and then they’ll go the way of MySpace. That’s what happens. Get woke, go broke.
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
Give women the freedom to follow through on plans and commitments with you or to flake out and disappear from your forever. ~ Coach Corey Wayne