Why you should never try to date or steal another man’s woman.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who is a little clueless, naive and inexperienced with women. He developed a crush on his female neighbor whose boyfriend also lives in the building. He claims she showed interest in him over the past year, but he didn’t make a move because of the lockdowns. Then he found out she was moving in with her boyfriend forever.
He sent several messages/letters which her boyfriend found. The last one caused them both to show up at his door, but he didn’t answer. This is why you never mow another man’s lawn. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
The thing that you should never do is, you should never try to rip off another guy’s girl, never try to mow another dude’s lawn. Because if she cheats on him with you, eventually she’ll do the same thing to you. As a man, you want to operate from a place of integrity. And this guy, he’s obviously kind of inexperienced and naive. He’s kind of clueless.
And this is great email, because this is what you don’t want to do. Because he never answered the door, yet he lives in the same complex with the two of them. So, what do you think is going to happen when they run into each other in the hallway? You think it’s going to be a pleasant conversation? You think they’re all going to be glad to run into each other or see one another? Probably not. So, it’s a good email of what not to do, ladies and gentlemen.
Dear Coach Wayne,
Here, I write you about this 28-year-old woman. There are a couple of events that happened recently (and even today) which convinced me that she might be lost forever. But never mind, everyone will learn from his mistakes, and where I will try to get over it.
Some short and fast background: the story began a year ago in the summer where I bumped into this gorgeous woman living in the same flat building. We began to chat, of course, where she showed interest in me. Since it was lockdown time in Europe, I thought it would be wise not to make a move. I was waiting for a time where things would ease up a little and people would be allowed to come together again. But I was seeing her occasionally from time to time and where once we were literally playing.
Well, if you’re so worried about the virus, why are you playing with this girl? It’s kind of silly. It just sounds like he didn’t have the guts to make a move. I don’t know if this is before he found out she had a boyfriend, or what the deal was, or the boyfriend came along later.
Six months later on, and I still haven’t made a move. Reason, the TV news which warn all the time of surges in Covid infections.
That’s part of the problem with us in the West is that too many people still believe that the news is real.
So, now here we are again in the summer 2022 where I saw her last July by coincidence and discovered that she went to live with her boyfriend during the month before…
I mean, when you see something like that, it’s like, game over. She’s living with her boyfriend. But he doesn’t seem to care that she’s got a boyfriend. He’s thinking, “Well, she likes me, so she doesn’t really want to be with her boyfriend.” That’s what he’s telling himself. If you’ve got oneitis or you’ve seen one too many movies, you’d think that, because a lot of movies are like that. Two people meet, but one or both people are involved in relationships with others. And then something happens, and one person becomes single, or they start dating, they get together. Guy gets the girl, and the guy loses the girl. Guy wants the girl back. Then, eventually, he gets her back and they live happily ever after.
But in the movies, boyfriends or husbands are no big deal. Just go for what you want. And when you see that enough times, by the time you grow up, you go, “Oh, well, maybe it was fate. Maybe it was meant to be. Maybe she was with the wrong person, and I’m meant to be with her.” And so, you can see how when you see that theme over and over in movies and TV, you think, “Oh, this is a good plan. I should definitely act upon this actionable life advice.”
…and that she’s going to live with him forever after her vacation!
And in his mind, he’s going, “I think I’ve still got a chance.”
During her talk, she was looking at me in the eye with a big smile. And noticing that I was looking at her chest, she pretended to bend forward so that I would have a glimpse of her tiny and flat breasts. Her actions puzzled me and gave me the impression that she might still be interested in me.
“I’m going to go live with my boyfriend forever.” But “Hey, I think she’s interested in me. And the boyfriend… just don’t worry about the boyfriend. It’s totally cool. You can get her.”
Anyway, two days after that, I saw her again when she was finishing clearing up her flat to go to her boyfriend’s, which was also in our same building. She looked as if she were unhappy, or maybe it as was the result of the heat wave and her bruised foot. At that moment, I thought I could still try to make a move, knowing nevertheless that it might be a bit late in view of the developments.
You think? Never try to mow another man’s lawn, dude. This is how you get beat up. So, I’ve told this story a few times over the years. When my brother was in college, he was valeting at a restaurant. There was a cute girl that was one of the hostesses there, and one of his friends that he worked with became friends with the hostess. Obviously, they liked each other. And so, one night he and the hostess went back to the hostess’s place. As they were walking to her door, her ex-boyfriend happened to show up. And then the ex-boyfriend shoots my brother’s friend in the head, kills him, and then says, “See what you made me do?” Then he turns the gun on himself and he literally blows his brains out, right in front of her.
And, unfortunately, my brother’s friend, I don’t think any of them even knew about the fact that she had a boyfriend or a dude that was kind of stalking her or a little wacky or whatever. But my brother’s friend was just going over to her house, hanging out, thinking, “Hey, this cute girl likes me,” and he knew nothing about any ex-boyfriends in the background.
So, that’s the extreme case that there are wackos out there, and that’s why you don’t mow another man’s lawn. I don’t know how involved they were, but it seemed as if nobody even knew about the boyfriend, like it was a dude from the past, or whatever, and he was stalking her, sitting out in his car, waiting for her to come home. And my brother’s friend was just like, “Hey, I’m about to get some action.” And then, that was the last thing he ever did.
So, when you do stuff like this, it’s like, come on, man. What are you thinking? How are you thinking that’s going to turn out good? She’s living with her boyfriend now and you’re going to sneak around? When the boyfriend is gone, she’ll come over to your place? Why would you want that? Why would you think that’s a good idea? You want somebody who’s single and ready to mingle. Ready, willing, able and open to dating you.
So, I slipped her a letter in her post box asking her out.
Instead of asking her out in person, which is masculine, you slide her a letter. Because, on some level, you knew it wasn’t going to go anywhere, but you did it anyway.
But, well, funny things happen. Her great boyfriend found it and slipped an angry and (a hilariously) threatening letter in my own box, full of mistakes, which showed how destabilized he was at that moment.
Dude, you’re trying to rip off his girl. Most guys don’t take too kindly to that, especially when you’re a neighbor and you live in the same building. And he finds out about the note. I don’t know if he found it first or maybe he went and checked the mail. I mean, that’s just kind of dumb. Slide it into a mailbox that they both have access to going, “Yeah, I’m definitely sure that the girl I like is going to be the one that empties the mailbox out.”
Later this month, thinking I could go around the great boyfriend, I posted a message on her Facebook messenger saying hello, trying to check her reaction. Since the messenger showed a hollow ball, I thought I would attract her attention to her Facebook some way. So, two days ago, I put a small paper under some item for her to find, (no details keep things short).
So, he’s putting a letter somewhere where he thinks only she’s going to find it now.
Today I heard a knock on the door and through the door hole I saw her standing outside with her (playing angry) boyfriend…
I don’t think he was playing angry, dude. So, you notice, he’s like, “Oh, this is all a big joke. This is funny. Not a big deal. Ha-ha!”
…and my letter in her hand!
More than likely, she saw it and she’s like, “Hey, this dude won’t leave me alone.” And if she’s showing her boyfriend these things, then she doesn’t like or want your attention. I mean, it should have been a clue after you got the first angry letter. But it’s like nothing deters this guy. He’s like, “Hey, but I saw it in a movie,” and the guy did it anyway. In the movie, the guy gets threatened by the husband and he goes away and she’s like, “Oh, you don’t understand. We’re not going to stay together.” Maybe he’s just seen one too many movies. So naive.
Of course, it was a ‘wee’ shock to me since I was having a different perception of the situation.
You think? So, after the first angry letter, you’re like, “Oh, it’s okay, I’ll just proceed anyway. I’ll just make sure to put the letter somewhere where only she’s going to find it.”
So, my question: where the hell did I do something wrong where I was trying to stay cool and not needy? Or was it some unavoidable turn of circumstances?
Dude, she had a boyfriend. She told you about the boyfriend, and you acted like it was like a non-issue, because you’ve convinced yourself that she’s interested in you. More than likely, from what it sounds like, she was just being nice. Or maybe last year, or two years ago, or whenever it was, maybe she was single back then.
But at this point, she’s literally, even as you go by her place and she’s cleaning the last bits of things out because she’s moving in with her boyfriend, you’re like, “Yeah, I’ve still got a chance.” And then even after she’s moved in, he’s like, “I’ve definitely got a chance with her. I know she lives with her boyfriend, but I saw it in a movie once, Corey. You’ve got to shoot your shot.” That’s just crazy.
P.S. I’m reading your very instructive book which I downloaded.
Well, at least you’re reading the book. Because, again, you never try to mow another man’s lawn. And this dude showing up at your door, doing things like this is how you get hurt. So, don’t be like this guy. Don’t do this.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur