Why You Should Reject Flaky, Structured Women Who Waste Your Time

The importance of rejecting flaky, structured women who waste your time.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who finally rejected a flaky structured woman who stood him up for their first date, was constantly late and refused to kiss him. He kept taking her out expecting a different result, but it never changed. On their last date things clicked when she revealed that her father had cheated on her mother and she had never had a boyfriend before. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “Why You Should Reject Flaky, Structured Women Who Waste Your Time.”

So this particular email is from a viewer who he finally rejected a flaky, structured woman who stood him up for their first date. Obviously, that’s never a good sign if you get stood up on a first date. Usually it doesn’t get better from there, but maybe occasionally it does. And the other thing is, she was constantly late, and on top of that, she wouldn’t kiss him. So he’s taking her out, spending money on her very first date. She doesn’t even show up. And so he kept taking her out, expecting a different result.

And this is just another case in point of why, when you come across a woman like this who doesn’t act natural, who’s following a set of rules, she’s got all these hoops she wants you to jump through, but she’s just not being authentic and real. And it wasn’t until she revealed later on that her father cheated on her mother, and on top of that, she’d never had a boyfriend before. And so then he was like, ah, now it kind of makes sense of why she does this with every guy. Every guy probably just gets sick of it and he dips.

But it’s again, it’s good to understand that these women are out there so you don’t waste your time and spin your wheels. Because the problem is, when you start dating a girl like this, you’re focused on how much you like her, and then you just completely ignore everything else because you’re hoping to get her to like you back and date her, have a relationship, whatever it is that you want to be, but you gotta vet the other person. You’ve gotta pay attention to what they do.

You want somebody who’s easygoing, easy to get along with, who’s nice to you, who’s flexible, who’s a giver, who communicates well. And if she wants to kiss you, she kisses you. If she wants to hug you, she hugs you. There’s no holding back. There’s no ridiculous set of rules or hoops that you got to jump through. And this girl is definitely not easy going, easy to get along with.

Doc Love the late, Great Doc Love had a rule. It’s like if a girl stands you up for a date or worse, she cancels at the last minute and doesn’t offer any reschedule, then you don’t take her out again. You flush the number and you move on. Because it typically doesn’t get better after that. As again, this email just perfectly illustrates.

Viewer Email:

Dear Coach Corey Wayne,

I hope you are well. Your work has played a major role in helping me live my best life and become more successful in dating. I have read “How to Be a 3% Man” 19 times and I am on my 20^th read. I am a 23-year-old, confident man with purpose who trains five to six times per week. Recently I ended a five-year relationship. We loved each other, but she grew increasingly needy and started molding me into the “Frankenstein Boyfriend.”

Well, typically the Frankenstein Boyfriend is, there’s other guys, not just you. She may be dating or sleeping with you. You may be her “boyfriend”, but then she’ll have other guys to take her out for drinks, guys that buy her things, and maybe a guy she maybe dating and hooking up with or fooling around with. The point being is that she’s never going to be with one particular guy. And you don’t want to be part of the “Frankenstein Boyfriend Project.” You want to be a priority, not an option or one of the dudes in her extensive rotation.

That was not acceptable to me. As a serious student of your material, I did not see the breakup as the end. I believe it is my birthright to be with a woman who truly knocks my socks off, so I got curious about what was out there and started dating to apply what you teach. One woman in particular raised questions for me. Her name is Jessica. She is 23, blonde, takes great care of herself, and has a very sexy vibe with unmistakable come-hither eyes. I followed her on Instagram and set a date, time, and place by phone. She did not show.

Well, if you only talk to her on Instagram and you only were texting, she never met you. If you’d have met her at a friend’s party or like you went over to watch football in the weekend or whatever, and she was there because maybe she went to school with your buddy’s wife or girlfriend, and they were sorority sisters, and you spend the afternoon hanging out and talking, you’re going to get her number, and you’re going to go pick her up and take her on a normal date. But in this case, he slid into her DMs on Instagram. She said yes. Probably would have been better if he texted her, you know, if he had a 6:00 date or say, 7:00 p.m., he was supposed to meet her maybe around 1:30, 2:00, he can say, “hey, I’m running late at work. Can we meet at 7:30 instead of 7:00? Does that work for you?”

Just to make sure that she’s going to show and she’s not going to stand you up or be flaky. Because again, he slid into her DMs. And when women have all that leverage and they don’t know you, they haven’t met you in person. You don’t have mutual friends or family. They’re going to say, “hey, why’d you stand so and so up? Why didn’t you call that guy back? I put a good word in for you, you made me look like an ass.”

When that’s not there, and again, in this case, it doesn’t look like he even talked to her. He just sent a couple texts through DMs, and she agreed to a date. So probably that would have been the best form of action to prevent a flake. But at the end of the day, if she would have really liked him, like, “oh, I can’t wait to meet this guy”, she would have met him. But instead she was like, “eh” she didn’t care. And that just sets the tone for everything that comes after.

She later called to apologize and said she “forgot” the time. I read that as very low interest. As a self-respecting man, I told her mistakes happen, but it was best to leave it at that. I do not pursue women who stand me up, no matter how beautiful they are. A few hours later she texted to apologize and proposed a new date, time, and place, adding that she would buy the first round.

Okay, so this is her idea to make it up to you. He was like, “hey, you know, you stood me up. I’m not really interested. Good luck.” And she’s like, “wait, wait, wait. Okay, I’ll buy the first round.” It was like, ah, give the girl a benefit of the doubt. Maybe he had nothing else going on. He’s like, ah, let’s throw some shit against the wall and see if anything sticks.

That looked like high interest and accountability, so I agreed. The date went smoothly. We laughed a lot, she called me funny, and I invited her to dinner afterward.

So he had a second place to go to.

She accepted and we had more fun. She did most of the talking. I did not go for the kiss that night, which I recognize was a mistake.

Yep. If you hesitate, you’ll masturbate. And plus, you want to make sure if she likes you, she’ll kiss you. Especially in a case like this.

Five days later, I called to set the next date. She agreed enthusiastically. We met on a rooftop for drinks, then walked through the city. She does not drink alcohol, which I respect. She became affectionate, bumping into me and holding my hand. I did the kiss test. She had been looking at my lips all night, but she said she did not want to kiss me.

Well, if she saw you, look at her lips. Well, it doesn’t mean you can’t lean in and kiss her. She might kiss you back. So maybe he was asking if he could kiss her. I don’t know what would prompt her just to say that. If unless you’re real close to each other and you’re looking at her lips and she says, “oh, I don’t want to kiss you.” I was like, “well, why are you looking at my lips like you do? Maybe you should bring your lips over here and kiss me anyways. Be a little naughty tonight.”

I was surprised because her behavior signaled high interest. I joked lightly that I am not used to a girl not wanting to kiss me, we both laughed, and we continued our walk.

So it sounds like he just gave up. Again, I wouldn’t have done that, but what’s done is done.

A week later we met again at the beach. A date she set up the date for, she texted me a day after the second date to set it up. She offered me a massage, we hugged and were very comfortable together. After dinner I teased, telling her she should stop thinking about kissing me and just do it. She politely declined. She drove me home but did not want to come inside. The next day she texted about her upcoming vacation.

I wouldn’t have set a date after. Again, the book says, you’re getting the cheek you just stop moving forward. The only way you go out with her is if she re-engages and asks you out on a date. But he didn’t do that because I think at this point he’s thinking, “I’m getting close. I think I can convert this one, coach.”

I set one more date, expecting it would be the last if the holding back continued. We planned a picnic, and she arrived 30 minutes late.

Not good. Doesn’t respect him or his time.

Saying she is chaotic and always late.

Well, I don’t think she was late to there other than the stand up, but the other dates it seems like she was ready and on time.

I did not make a fuss, but I noted the pattern. We still had fun and later went to the beach. She opened up about her past. Her father cheated on her mother throughout her childhood. They stayed together for the kids.

How did that turn out?

Then divorced when she turned 18. She now sees them both, but it shaped her view of men.

She probably definitely doesn’t trust men. Assumes they’re all bad. If the father perpetually was cheating on mom, then eventually when she was old enough, they left or they split up.

She has never had a boyfriend, at least that is what she told me. That is when things clicked. I concluded she is structured and struggles to trust men. After she texted that she got home safe and wished me good night, I decided not to continue.

Yeah, again this is a classic hallmark of a structured girl. You’ve been out with her multiple times. You talk about kissing her. She says she doesn’t want to kiss you again. You shouldn’t be talking about kissing. You should just kiss her. That’s the whole purpose of, “The Kiss Test.”(Page 164). But maybe he’s new, you know. He did say he read the book about 18, 19 times, but again, doesn’t sound like he did a lot of practicing, because the kissing it should just should be the easiest thing to do at this point.

What do you think, Coach? Did I read this correctly as a structured woman whose behavior showed interest but whose fear blocked escalation?

Yep. Yeah I wouldn’t keep engaging with her. Because again, you’ve been out a bunch of times and now she’s starting to show up late, so I wouldn’t call her or text her at all. Say she does reach out. Just don’t ask her out. Don’t bring it up. And then invite her over to your place to make dinner together just to see if she’ll come over. Because at that point, it’s like you’ve taken her out a bunch of times, she hasn’t even kissed you yet.

If she comes over and say you go for the kiss and she turns a cheek, then after that, even if she asks you out or brings it up just say, “I like you, but you know, I’m used to girls that want to kiss me and want to hang out and want to be intimate. And, you know, I’m just I’m not interested. I don’t really feel a spark or chemistry, and I don’t want to keep going out and spending time and money, and you’re not really making an effort.”

Was I right to cut it off given the stand-up, the repeated lateness, and the refusal to kiss despite strong signals, or did I miss a better way to lead and create safety while maintaining my standards?

Kind regards,

Bob

Well, again, you’re dating a structured woman they’re are a couple of little instances, you know, what I said I would have done differently or what I would have said differently. But I mean, at the end of the day, look how it ends. This is just typical. Eventually you get sick of it, you get frustrated, you’re spending time, you’re spending money, and she’s like, doesn’t want to be kissed.

Clearly she’s not into it. She’s not feeling it. But she sure likes the free food and drinks and you spending your time entertaining her. So that’s why again, this is why it’s in the book. You don’t date the structure girls because they’re a fucking pain in the ass. It’s just not worth your time.

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