Why You Shouldn’t Date Structured Women

Why you shouldn’t date structured women if you’re open minded and natural.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who has read 3% Man, 27 times. A few months ago he started dating a structured woman who claimed to be waiting until marriage for physical intimacy. She was constantly holding back, no kissing, she wouldn’t reach out to him ever, etc. After date 6 she suggested he meet her parents on his vacation, but after he didn’t, she ghosted him. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “Why You Shouldn’t Date Structured Women.”

So I got an email, this guy has been following me for a while. He says he’s read 3% Man 27 times already, so he seems like a pretty serious student. However, he came across a girl who was structured. She wouldn’t kiss him. No physical intimacy. Says she was waiting until marriage. She wouldn’t ever reach out to him. And I mean, obviously, I talk about this in The Book. I’ve been talking about this since I’ve done it.

I’ve dated women like this. I know what they’re like. It’s not for me personally, but maybe, you know, because there are some people that are no sex until marriage, Christians, some cases obviously Muslim or whatever, and that’s their value system. And so if you’re going to date in the West, and you’re going to date women, because I saw an email this morning from a from a guy, he wants to wait until marriage, but he gets like maybe three dates, max.

And then the girls, they’re just not interested in that. If they’ve had boyfriends and have sexual intimacy, they’re not going to want to wait until they get married. And so in this particular case, this guy has done well with my work. But after basically date six, because I guess he was traveling and where he was going to be traveling to was where her parents lived, and she suggested that he meet her parents. And it doesn’t seem like he did. But when he got back into town, she was like, “Oh, I’m looking forward to seeing you.”

He reached out and she just never responded. She just totally ghosted him. And so now he’s scratching his head. And the other thing is he’s like, man, five years. This is the first woman in five years he was really into, and she ghosted him. But I mean, this is what happens. I mean, this stuff is in The Book for a reason, because I’ve been through all this stuff when I was younger and I learned the hard way. It’s just, I want somebody that acts natural. Women that act natural, they go off their feelings and behave based upon what they want to do.

Because I saw somebody the other day was upset because I had another video a couple weeks ago that I did, we were talking about structured women, and he was saying, “oh, if this was your daughter, she’d just go sleep with whoever.” Well, if you taught your daughter right, she should be good at judging a man’s character. She should be able to distinguish between a fuckboy and a guy who really, sincerely, is authentically interested in her. But hey, you, do you boo boo.

I mean, if you’re one of those ultra religious guys and you want to date somebody who’s like this, it’s going to be difficult and you’re expecting to find somebody that’s a really small pond. So you’re really limiting your dating prospects. If you’re insistent on insistent on finding a virgin or a girl who believes in no sex until marriage. But from the flip side, you have a guy’s perspective here on what it’s like to date somebody. Like, they just don’t act natural.

And so for those of you that are maybe new here, you haven’t read The Book. It’s free to read it. UnderstandingRelationships.com Just subscribe to the free Email Newsletter and it’ll open up right in your web browser and you can start reading it. But the idea is I want you guys to have a good experience. There are certain women that I often talk about that are for hooking up and having fun, but you’re not going to wife them up. You’re not going to have them as a girlfriend. But you can have fun.

And then there are women that are more family oriented, that are good prospects for girlfriends or potential wives. If you’re one of those guys that wants to involve the government and your relationship and get married and go the traditional route. It’s like, I’m a Coach. My job is here is to help people get what they want. And I want you to have a good experience. That’s why It’s spelled out in The Book, and I talk about it often, why you don’t date structured women. But this guy proceeded anyways, and he didn’t have the greatest experience. And all I can do is suggest. And if you want to go against that, well, that’s on you.

Viewer Email:

What’s up Coach,

I’ve now read your book 27 times. I’ve practiced and applied over the years and have had great success. I’m sharp and can read situations great now. I made the mistake of dating what seemed to be my total 10 who was the first girl that really did it for me after 5 years single now. 

Well, if you’re dating somebody that’s this unavailable that made like literally zero effort would never call, would never text and was doing it on purpose, she’s not acting natural. This is again this is why you don’t date women like this because they’re not going to co-create with you. It’s here’s my rules, “Jump through your butt, jump through my hoops or we’re not going to going to date.” And you want somebody who’s easygoing, easy to get along with, who is flexible, a giver. She makes the effort. And this woman clearly wasn’t doing it.

So I would suggest on some level, this guy, really got into a girl who was just emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically unavailable to him. And so if you don’t believe that you’re worthy of the love that you want, you’ll rationalize and make excuses for dating somebody who he projected his fantasy onto her and then just ignored everything he learned in The Book, basically. And now he’s stinging from rejection because he invested all his time, all his emotional energy, and then she just dipped on him anyways.

She’s a Broadway performer and a lead in her show. We matched on hinge and our connection was solid. I could see the enthusiasm in her eyes but could tell she was holding back and preventing things from escalating.

Again, you want a want a woman that’s natural and not following a set of rules.

She’s waiting till marriage and would hold back from kissing me.

It’s like, why would you even want to go out with the girl? You live in the West. I mean, again, most people are not going to be down with this. You’re talking like a real small segment of the population that really believes these things and operates that way. And if that’s what blows your skirt up. Hey, man, more power to you. I’m not here to judge.

I know I should have walked but I gave it a few dates as I really enjoyed the chemistry. She brought me to a show and even took me to church with her. She would hold back on affection and said she wanted to wait till she was really feeling it.

So she says she’s not touching you and being affectionate because she’s not really feeling it, in other words. And so again, this guy was seemed to be focused on his interest in her and was kind of ignoring that she wasn’t reciprocating. And then he bought her excuses.

She also seemed to hold back on texting, and I could tell she was into me by her eyes and body language. I’ve practiced enough to tell.

Again, I say it all the time. I say it constantly. You want somebody who’s easygoing, easy to get along with and somebody who’s flexible. Somebody who’s following a bunch of rules that they’ve made up that they don’t tell you about, and then you’re trying to jump through your butt to please her. Well, you shouldn’t be surprised that it didn’t end well.

I was never dopey or needy and I knew she purposely took time as she’s a huge name and has had a lot of stalker men so I was extremely patient.

So he just made all kinds of excuses for her because it seems like she’s, I guess, a little famous in the scene. It’s like whatever. Still a chick at the end of the day.

I felt it was one of my best times applying as I was focused on the profession. But after the 6th date of her mentioning I should meet her parents while I was on my trip to Cali and saying she wanted to see me when I got back. She disappeared and did not reply.

So if you’re the love of her life, if she’s really into you as you claim, she’s not going to just ghost you. You were jumping through all of her hoops. You did everything she claimed to want and she still blew you off. She wasn’t easy going. She wasn’t easy to get along with, and she certainly wasn’t flexible. So she basically ran things and you tried to shoehorn yourself into her life. You kind of made her the man in the interaction.

I think an ex or another guy may be in the picture.

Well, I thought, this is the girl that’s waiting until marriage.

It seemed to be progressing and I should have never tolerated the no kissing but I slipped up due to enjoying the connection.

Yeah. You thought you were going to be different again. I made all these mistakes. I did all these things when I was younger. It’s just, again, this is not the kind of woman I personally would waste any time with. If you’re on a date with a girl and she’s like, no kissing, no sex, no nothing until marriage, it’s like, that’s the last time she’s ever going to see or hear from me.

It’s like, I’m just not into that. You got to be natural. You got to be real. And she’s not being real. She’s being fake and phony. She’s putting on an act for you. She is an actress, by the way. What actresses do they memorize lines and they lie for a living. So I would say on some level, she probably told this guy what he wanted to hear, and he was so focused on his interest in her that he just completely ignored things.

I was kind of surprised by this.

Well, I’m not surprised at all. This is as predictable as the Sun coming up in the East and setting in the West. But I like the fact that there are guys out here that will go against the things that I teach, and then they get burned. I’m like, what do you want me to say? I told you so. It’s like it’s just the way some women are. If you want to have a good experience, you don’t date women like this.

I was kind of surprised by this as she was showing the signs of interest going up.

I’d say he probably also overrated her interest, because if he thought she was so into her, then for her just to ghost him after six dates, she obviously wasn’t that into him. Or it’s also possible maybe she went back to an ex. But remember, this is a girl who’s waiting till marriage and now she’s hooking up with her ex again. Come on. Do you think she’s telling that guy? Oh, I’m waiting till marriage now. Yeah, right.

I also know she had two really bad relationships before me so it seems she disappeared as if one returned to the picture. 

So we also know she’s not a good judge of character.

Please rip me for not walking away as I really slipped here. She watches my stories and even liked my most recent IG post. I haven’t heard from her in close to 2 months now. I haven’t seen any men posted on her posts and I ignore her stories. I’ve also posted being at tables at nice places and you can tell I’m with a woman in them just for fun. Do you think I got ghosted for another dude?

It’s possible. It was sudden. As if as things seemed to progress. Maybe when you did meet her parents. Because, again, it doesn’t sound like you went to visit her parents. And when you were in California, she just thought, well, he’s not going to jump through my hoop. So. But again, all of these rules go out the window if she’s really super into you. And it just doesn’t sound like this girl was into you at all. You just bought her bullshit. Again, this stuff is in The Book, so you don’t avoid wasting several months of your life with somebody like this. But hey, you know you want to learn the hard way. You want to reinvent the wheel. Go for it, man. You do, you boo boo. But I told you so.

It was sudden as things seemed to progress. But I violated the no kissing as well as did all the initiation. She mentioned she was a Steve Harvey fan which tell women to hold back purposely.

Didn’t his wife just leave him?

It seemed she was holding back more than low interest due to her body language. I appreciate you but I’m really licking my wounds from this one. It felt good to experience this connection at least again.

Best Regards,

Bob

Well, I think the connection was mostly one sided. You saw what you wanted to see. And so, like I said, some self-examination. Maybe you should contemplate in the fact that dating somebody like this who won’t kiss you, who won’t touch you, who won’t initiate any phone calls, tells you she’s waiting till marriage wants you to meet her parents, and then when you don’t, she just ghosts you. Sounds like you’re dating somebody, because it’s really a way to kind of stay out of a relationship. And if you’re attracted to women who are who are unavailable.

Usually it’s because it’s a safe way to say, hey, I’m dating, but it’s not really going anywhere. So it’s a way to avoid a relationship and intimacy and sex and everything else. But again, I had this experience enough when I was younger to realize it’s like, yep, it’s just it’s not easy going, easy to get along with. Again, the girls I wrote about in my Book that some of the greatest loves of my life, it’s like they were easygoing, easy to get along with, made things nice, easy and fun and authentic and real. That’s the most important part. This girl was not authentic.

She was not real. You’re dating an actress. Again, they memorize lines and they lie for a living. So you bought her phony act, and then you got burned. So again, it’s like you wanted to learn the hard way, but at least it’s a good email. At least we can all kind of laugh at it. And I go, yep. Yeah. Water is wet. Sky is blue. I told you I should have listened, but you didn’t. But hey, now you learned the hard way.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly.

If you guys haven’t already signed up for our Paying Members Only Content and the links to this video, there are links to join on YouTube. You can join on Spotify, or preferably you can join on our Website UnderstandingRelationships.com Just click the “plans” tab when you get there. You can sign up for a seven day free trial, a monthly or an annual plan, and if you choose the annual plan, you’ll get a 25% discount for paying the whole year’s premium up front.

And so what you get is a paying Premium Member is five Members Only Video Coaching Newsletters per week similar to this one that only Paying Members have access to. We have a weekly 3% Man Study Group Podcast and a weekly Mastering Yourself Study Group Podcast where we literally go page by page in the books and I discussed. It’s basically a class, an ongoing once a week, like an hour long class, where I’m going really slowly through The Book and discussing the concepts in both books with The Girls and Chunky, just as another teaching and learning tool for you.

We have lots of other videos. There’s hundreds of Members Only Videos and Articles on my Website, and also if you Subscribe to the Website, you get the Email Analysis that goes along with these Video Newsletters. But if you just want to watch Videos, I’d say YouTube is great for that. If you’re just rather kind of listen to the videos, then probably Spotify be better because with YouTube, when your screen goes to sleep because of the way their paywall works. You can’t just listen to it. When your screen is gone to sleep, it will actually shut off on you. But that works with Spotify, so if that’s how you’d prefer it, I’d say Spotify is the best bet.

But if you want everything, you want the Email Analysis and then plus there’s videos that that are on Spotify and on my website that I just can’t put on YouTube just because it’s like, you’ve got to be G and PG rated there. I had a video that they removed a few months ago. We talked about the “clot shot.” It’s just actually it wasn’t the clot shot. It was about, um, I don’t even want to say the word, but it had to do with, you know, getting injected.

And it was it was just a video of his couple and what happened to their kids after they. And they said, nope, you can’t talk about that. And they removed the video. So it’s not going to fuck with the people at YouTube. There’s too many Karen’s and Communists there. So you got to play nice in their sandbox. So again, UnderstandingRelationships.com Click the “plans” tab when you get there and sign up for a seven day free trial and check out our premium content. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.