Why You Shouldn’t Encourage Her To Cheat Even If She Likes You

Why you shouldn’t encourage women you like & who seem to like you to cheat.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who has been following my work for 11 years. A girl he had a crush on during college got married a month ago. He last saw her about a year and a half ago and ignored her because she was in a relationship. Now he worries if she ever becomes single again that she won’t reach out and he burned his bridge. He hasn’t met anyone he had as much of a connection with as her. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Members Only Newsletter is, “Why You Shouldn’t Encourage Her To Cheat Even If She Likes You.”

Well, this particular email is from a guy he’s been following my work for 11 years. And so there’s a girl he had a crush on in college, and I guess she was only single one time he tried to date her. He didn’t really make much progress. And then he found out she was dating some guy, so he backed off. He didn’t see her for, like, a year and a half. And then he ran into her. Actually, he ran into her a year and a half ago, but he said he completely ignored her because she was in a relationship.

However, he’s been carrying the torch for all these years. He hasn’t met anybody else that he liked as much or was as attracted to. And so he’s all wrapped up in this fantasy of who he wanted her to be, even though he barely knows her or didn’t really date her. I don’t know how well he got to know her, but he found out she got married and now he’s worrying, “Oh, what if it doesn’t work out with this guy? And they get divorced? And I ignored her last time she saw me. She might never reach out.”

So he’s definitely got a case of the oneitis going on here, which is not healthy. The idea is you got to be dating somebody that’s ready, willing, able and open to dating you. And she’s just not she’s not. She’s not available and being hung up on her, it’s one of the ways that people avoid getting into a relationship. They’re afraid of getting hurt or they’ve been burned in the past. They’ll stay hung up on somebody that’s not available because they don’t have to do anything. There’s nothing to improve.

They just tell themselves, “Oh, woe is me. I never get the girl I want. Poor me. Girls I want don’t want me. And the girls I don’t care about are all over me.” That kind of shit. I think everybody’s kind of been there. But this is just immature. This guy is 40 and he’s holding on to a crush from like 12 years ago. It’s like, bro, you got to let it go. So I guess all this happened with her. He tried, and he chased, and he pursued for a long time, and she rejected him, so he got nowhere.

Viewer Email:

Dear Coach,

First, let me express how thankful I am to you for the amazing advice you give on a consistent basis. I have been listening to you for 11 years.

Well, thanks for sticking around.

I want to know your opinion on something that has been bothering me immensely since I learned she got married 1 month ago. I am 40, single and she is an old crush from university from 12 years ago. 

So we’re talking back like when you’re like 27, 28, it’s time to let it go, Dude. This is what happens, you stay hung up on somebody that’s not available, and you don’t really practice or try to meet anybody else and then of course, the fantasy is going to be more real and more enticing because you’ve dedicated 12 fucking years to being obsessed with somebody who rejected you 12 years ago. It’s just not healthy. You’re stunting your growth. I mean, you’re 40 years old and you’re not even trying.

Her influence on me at the university made me a better student and a more desirable man overall. She “knocks my socks off”, and I have only met 1 other woman in my life I cared so deeply about and who inspired me to greatness. 

Well, again, you were projecting your fantasy onto this girl and ignoring the fact that you never dated her. She never wanted you. And yet, in your mind, it’s like you had some great romance with her. Like you just got, you saw too many Disney movies. It’s like you got to come back down to earth and live in the real world. This woman rode off into the sunset a long time ago. And when this happens, you just gotta charge it the game. Chalk it up to experience and keep moving forward. Not obsessing over somebody from 12 years ago. It’s absurd.

Because she was in two relationships during our six and a half years at university and me in hardship in the one and a half years in-between when she was single, we were never together.

I don’t know what that means in hardship. Maybe he was almost flunking out. He was on academic probation, maybe?

I made an attempt at the beginning of her second relationship seven years ago where I “went down in flames”. I moved to a different city after. It’s been very hard forgetting about her, and I haven’t met someone that compares to her.

Well, I don’t think you’re really trying very hard. Because that was a long time ago, 12 fucking years ago, Dude. So this is what happens when you don’t work to improve yourself. You don’t spend much time dating, probably sitting around jerking off the porn and not doing very much and not mingling with other human beings. You got to get out there and participate in humanity. Not sit at home, jerk off to porn, smoke weed and escape or whatever the hell it is you’re doing.

But 12 years is absolutely absurd. The woman was never available. She was never into you. Or even if she had been into you, it’s clear you completely talked her out of liking you in any way, shape or form. Plus, you were trying to date her when she was starting a second relationship. And that second relationship was a guy she ultimately married. So she’s just not available. She’s not a prospect.

I crossed paths with her one and a half years ago and I completely ignored her knowing she was in relationship.

Well, quite frankly, you know, unless she came up to you to say hello, or maybe you saw each other and you didn’t acknowledge her or go up to her, at the end of the day, you knew she had a relationship, probably because he was creeping her social media and knew what she was up to.

From the way she looked at me, I knew it there and then this was my last chance to make a move before she settled down and married her boyfriend of six years. 

Dude, what kind of fucking thinking is that? You thought you’re going to rip her off? Rip her off from her boyfriend? It’s like, come on. That’s just a bad way to go. Because when you actually start do dating, you’re going to attract women into your life that are liars and cheaters because you’re trying to get somebody else to lie and cheat. Because, again, you’re projecting your romantic fantasy onto her and you’re completely ignoring reality.

I ignored her mainly because I didn’t want to be the cause to break them up, I wanted their relationship to run its course but also resented her for the past. One woman one chance per lifetime. Does my last failed attempt qualify as “one chance” given that I spent ten months seven years ago to date her?

So he tried dating her for ten months and he clearly got nowhere. And I guess at some point he was starting to follow my work, but he clearly wasn’t applying it. And so it just looks like he’s been obsessed with this girl and carrying the torch all these years when she wasn’t even available or into him. I mean, that’s just ridiculous. That’s like getting hung up on a celebrity thinking you’re going to date them. It’s just not going to happen, dude. You gotta see reality as it is not better than it is or worse than is. But as it is, and you’re clearly seeing it as way better than it is.

Even so, I would make an exception for this girl were she to ever become single again. I know I came off as rude, a cold fish, a coward and ignoring her was not the way to go.

Well, she’s not available anyways.

I knew this even as I was making the mistake and that in the future I would have to live with the consequences and decided to play it safe instead. Do you think I acted appropriately in the grand scheme of things?

Not at all. Wasting ten months chasing after a girl. Especially once you started following my work and you still thought it was a good idea to chase and pursue somebody. But then again, he said she was already dating her new boyfriend. And so if she was with somebody, you were really just trying to steal her away. Of course, it usually doesn’t work out, because you’re acting like a beta male anyways.

Having her risk a six year old good and nurturing relationship for a new relationship with uncertain chance of success? Thank you.

Sincerely,

Bob

I bet if she knew you were thinking all this, she’d be like, “What? What? What?” So this, you know, again, you got this fantasy in your head, and this is what keeps you from doing anything. I mean, you got the book. You’ve got to apply it. It doesn’t sound like you’re trying to meet anybody. Like you’re just hoping that this woman’s going to come back and that’s how you avoid getting any better. That’s how you avoid doing anything to change yourself, is that you stay hung up on a fantasy. You’re 40 fucking years old, Dude.

Were you okay going to your grave having not experienced in life? Do you really think it’s a good use of your time to be hung up on somebody for 12 years who’s now married, to the guy she’s been with for 6 or 7 years? You had no chance in hell of ever dating this woman. And it’s delusional to think that you did. It’s delusional to think that if she breaks it with him, that you’re going to get together with her. Probably after the ten months, have you over pursuing her and trying to date her when she had somebody else.

You probably made up her mind that you’re just a beta male and she has no interest in you. It’s like you got to read the book and apply it and get out there. I mean, 12 fucking years. That’s a long time. That’s a lot of time to waste. You don’t; we don’t get tons of decades, and you’ve wasted 12 years being hung up on a fantasy of somebody who doesn’t look like she was ever even into you. So it’s like you got to pull your head out of your ass Dude, and start moving forward towards the things you want. You need somebody who’s single and ready to mingle, ready, willing, able and open to dating. And this girl was never any of those.

So it’s just kind of absurd at this point to be thinking this way. And again, you shouldn’t be trying to steal some other guy’s girl. That’s just, come on, man. You’ve been following me for 11 years. You think this is a good idea? You need to re-evaluate your life and how you’re operating, that’s for sure. There’s what, seven, 8.5 billion people on the planet? Half of them are women. And you couldn’t find anybody else? It’s; no. You just didn’t even try. I mean, hopefully you don’t have a shrine of her in your your house somewhere. It’s like. It’s like, let it go, Dude. Move on. It’s over. Elvis left the building, and you were never in the running with her.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.