Why You’re Having Trouble Getting Out Of Friend Zone

How to get out of friend zone if you keep getting stuck with the same girl.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who is firmly stuck in friend zone with a woman he likes because he is too nice, soft and compliant. She initially friend zoned him and he walked away. When she came back he assumed she changed her mind and wanted romance. He took her out on 2 more dates, didn’t make a move and she again stuck him in friend zone. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne. This is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Members Only Newsletter is, “Why You’re Having Trouble Getting Out Of Friend Zone.”

So this particular email is from a guy he is firmly stuck in friend zone with a woman he likes because he’s too nice, he’s too soft, and he’s too compliant. So she initially friend zoned him and he walked away. And then when she came back, he just automatically assumed she wanted romance. He takes her out on two dates, doesn’t make a move, and she again stuck him in friend zone. I say this all the time, if you hesitate, you will masturbate.

You’re supposed to be direct, decisive. Get to the point and go for what you want. You don’t keep taking a girl out on dates, and then you’re too afraid to try to kiss her or escalate things physically because women can tell. They can notice that. And they want a guy that knows what he’s doing. They don’t want to have to teach you how to be a man.

And if her interest isn’t super high and you’re too afraid to go for the kiss, and she can tell; you’re going to get rejected, and you’re going to get stuck in friend zone. Because again, they don’t want to teach you how to be a man or how to romance them. They want you to know how to do this stuff already.

Viewer Email:

Hi Corey,

I’ve been following your YouTube channel for about eight months and have read your book twice. Your content has helped me understand dating dynamics already much better, but I still have some questions you might can help me with. Here’s my situation. Last year in July, I met a woman and we dated for about two and a half months.

Things progressed very quickly, we kissed, spent a lot of time together, and she was putting in a lot of effort, initiating plans, giving small gifts, reaching out often. However, when things got very serious, I found out that she was still emotionally attached to her ex, breakup was three months earlier. So, she pulled back and ended things. I then learned through your YouTube videos that this is a classical rebound situation. 

Well, probably you were doing and saying things that were turning her off. You probably came on too strong. You were probably too focused on a relationship and locking her down to a commitment. And after she just got out of, you know, when you got a woman that just had a breakup, you’ve gotta let her come to you at her pace. But I assume that was probably before he came across my work. And since all he’s doing is mentioning YouTube videos, I assume he’s just cherry picking and hasn’t actually read the book yet, so that would make sense as to why he’s still making mistakes on trying to date and seduce her because he’s cherry picking videos.

So these videos are based on the premise that, you know, at least the baseline fundamentals in the book, and the videos are meant to help coach and help you tweak your approach with specific real world situations. And what you should do and should not do, or what you could do better so you fine tune your approach and you get the success you want. But if you’re a cherry picker and you’re fucking lazy and you don’t want to read the book, it’s like you’re just going to keep making stupid, unnecessary mistakes like this guy is making.

I found out that she was still emotionally attached to her ex, breakup was three months earlier. So, she pulled back and ended things.

Then obviously, that’s where he came across my YouTube videos.

From October on, I stayed in No Contact with her until May this year, where she reached out, asking me if I wanted to get back in touch as a platonic friend, since she likes spending time with me. Having learned from your Videos, I told her clearly, I’m only interested in dating her romantically. She wasn’t on the same page, so we stopped communicating again. One month later in June this year, she wished me a Happy Birthday, and I took that as a sign she wanted to reconnect as more than friends, since I made my point clear a month before.

Well women test your strength. And she’s probably hoping you will cave because again, if you were dating her and she seemed to be interested but broke it off and then friend zoned you when she came back, that tells me you did, and said a lot of things that talked her out of liking you, but she thought, “Hey, he can probably take me out, spend money on me. He’ll give me some attention and maybe I’ll kiss him on the cheek and I can keep him as a friend for when Chad Thunder Cock is unavailable.”

We went out to a wine bar for cocktails and then had a second evening date two weeks later at a pizzeria followed by a walk. During that walk, she again told me she only wanted friendship.

So it sounds like he went out on a date the week before. Again acted like a eunuch. Didn’t go for the kiss. And you know, he doesn’t go for the kiss. So if you tell a woman you’re interested in romance, then you go out with her and you act like a friend. That’s why she’s gonna slide you back into friend zone. Because you didn’t have the balls to go for the kiss.

We didn’t kiss on either of these recent dates unlike in our first dating phase.

Well, that’s a you problem.

My dilemma, should I once again firmly state my boundary, wanting more than friendship, and end contact?

Well, so she said she only wanted friendship. As soon as she said that, it’s like, “I’m down with friends with benefits, but I’m not going to be platonic friends with you. And if that’s all you want, then I can take you home now and you know we can part ways in which each other look. But I’m not interested in something that’s only platonic. That’s a non-starter. So. And what I’m telling you is, I don’t want to hear from you again unless you’re interested in romance.”

But again, the problem is you go out, you say one thing, but when you’re with her, you act like the gay male girlfriend. So what do you expect? You’re going to get put in friend zone if you act like a friend. And that’s what you did. You told her you weren’t interested in friendship, and then you go out on dates and you don’t even try to kiss her. That’s an “you” issue.

Or should I accept the friendship, hoping she might develop romantic interest again? 

Again, Dude, you’ve got to read the book. It’s free to read at UnderstandingRelationships.com. Just subscribe to the Email Newsletter. And obviously if you’re watching this, you’re a Paying Member so you have access to the book anyways, that’s assuming that you subscribed on the Website. But say you subscribed on YouTube or Spotify and you’re not subscribed on the Website. Just go to the Website UnderstandingRelationships.com. Put your email address, your name, create a password, and the book will open up right in your web browser and you can read it.

You got to learn the baseline fundamentals because your game fucking sucks. You do not know what you’re doing. You’re saying and doing things out on dates and it’s turning the girl off and you have no idea that you’re saying and doing things that are totally unattractive. And especially going out on two additional dates and then not even trying to kiss her, it’s like, what are you thinking? You tell her you’re not interested in friends, and then you go out on a date and you act exactly like a friend.

That’s why she keeps moving you there. Probably because you’re a rookie, you’re inexperienced with women, and she can tell you’re probably not leading. You’re probably too soft. You’re probably too compliant. She knows she can push you around. You’re not really going to be a challenge to her. That’s why you’re drying her up. But she thinks, “hey, he’s nice, he’s got money. He’ll take me out. Wine me and dine me. Buy me flowers and all I’ve got to do is give him a hug and tell him thanks for being such a great friend.”

I’m aware I still need to work on being more dominant and less of a “nice guy,” and I’d appreciate your advice on how to handle this situation.

Read the fucking book, Dude. You cannot get around that. There are no shortcuts to success.

I generally would say that I have my life in order, working as a well paid management consultant for a big German automotive cooperation, being three times the best man of the groom, training for my first marathon etc. But I still struggle to be more in my masculine energy. Would be very grateful for your advice.

Thanks for all the work you do,

Bob

Read the book, read the book, and read the book 10 to 15 times Dude. Your game sucks. You don’t have any idea what you’re doing on dates. You don’t know when to make a move, and you’re making yourself look like an amateur and inexperienced, and the women are picking up on it, at least this one is picking up on that. And that’s why she keeps trying to slide you in the friend zone. It was clear she was originally attracted to you, but you just kept behaving like a beta male.

And then when she came back a year later, you’re still acting exactly the same way because you’re lazy and you’re trying to get stuff from watching a few videos here and there. You’re probably only watching videos on getting out of friend zone, and you don’t understand the baseline philosophy. You’re spending time with her, but you don’t know what to do. You have absolutely no clue. The fact that you went out on two subsequent dates and you didn’t even try to kiss her after telling her that you weren’t interested in being friends.

It’s like you say that, but your actions show you’re okay with being a friend only because you act like a friend. Your job is to create an opportunity for sex to happen. Hang out, have fun, and while you’re having fun together, when the signs are there, she’s ready to be touched, ready to be kissed, ready to be seduced, like the book says, you make your move. But again, if you hesitate, you will masturbate. So hopefully you’ll start reading the book and take what I say seriously.

Because cherry picking doesn’t work. Which you’re clearly finding out, but at least it’s a good email, because there will be other guys that are thinking about being lazy and they’ll go, oh wow. It’s pretty obvious like why you got nowhere with this girl. First time around you talked her out of liking you. The second time around, you acted like a statue, didn’t know what to do, when to do it because you were clueless. She picked up on it. And that’s why you’re stuck in friend zone.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.