What to do if you are in a long distance relationship with a woman you really love, but you have no intention of moving to her city and she seems to be contradictory in her statements about her openness and willingness to move to your city, and move in with you even though she keeps asking when you’re going to move in together.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who originally found my work about five months ago after realizing that he was exhibiting the same kind of beta male behaviors with his girlfriend of two years that led to his divorce with his first wife. He says he has completely changed his behavior and turned things around. He says she does 75-80% of the calling, texting and pursuing. They’re in a long distance relationship together and live three hours apart.
He has no desire or ability to move to her city because he loves his job, has young children with his ex wife who he shares joint custody with, and also loves the people he works for. His girlfriend could easily get a job in his city. She tends to vacillate back and forth between suggesting she could move to his city in 2016 when her daughter finishes high school, but sometimes says she’s going to stay where she’s living until her daughter finishes college. What’s confusing to him is, about once a month, she asks him when they are going to move in together. He’s tired of driving and being apart and asks what he can do to resolve this situation.
I hope today finds you well sir. Thank you for your work. It is indeed life changing and life saving to all who follow you. Your approach with life and women has absolutely changed my relationship and me for the better. If I may give you a quick example of a text my girlfriend sent me the other day, it speaks volumes about what you teach:
Her: How come I love you so much????
Her: You’ve been putting the Bob mojo on me this week.
Me: You know why you do.
Her: I sure do miss you. I wish it was Friday.
Me: I know you do gorgeous. I’ll be there real soon.
This is just a small example of how being a fucking man can change things. I have generally been good at picking up girls. I never have chased. I guess you could say I was a “natural.” However, my problem was always KEEPING the girls. That is apparent, as I am divorced. (How long you stay in a relationship really has no impact on the quality of that relationship. The idea is to be able to attract the kind of people you want to have a relationship with, and enjoy that relationship as long as there’s chemistry, love, and you are continuing to grow together.) I know what I did wrong in the past, and I found myself doing the same beta behaviors with my current woman of two years. I had to get back on my game, and I found your videos. I have read your book, “How To Be A 3% Man” I do not now how many times. For the rest of my life, I will reference it and continue to follow your videos. (That’s a great way to approach dating, because it’s fundamentals. With anything in life, you’re going to have fundamentals you need to follow that will bring success.)
Our relationship has been good for the most part since we have been dating. I acted a little beta, found you, and changed that shit! We are exclusive and plan on keeping it that way. Since digging into your material about 5 months ago, things have been GREAT. I am absolutely crazy about this woman. She is fucking gorgeous, a serious alpha female, the sex is fucking mind-blowing, she’s just my type, and she definitely keeps me on my toes. strong>(The only way you’re going to keep an alpha female in love is if you do the little things consistently.) I am 44, and so is she. We live three hours apart, and we share with the visiting of each other. She comes here, and I go there equally. She does 75-80% of the initiating as far as calls, texting, etc. (That is part of your problem right there. You are still doing too much of the calling, texting and pursuing. Women need time away from you to wonder about you and think about you. That’s the only way their feelings for you will grow.)
I do have a dilemma that I do not know how to handle though. I want her to move here. I talked to her about it a while back, and she said that she wanted to let her daughter finish school there, which is fine by me. I respect that, as I am a father, and kids come first. Her daughter will graduate high school in 2016. Keep in mind, she is ALWAYS asking when are we going to live together. I told her that I would not move there because of my daughter. My kid is 11, her mother and I have 50/50 custody, and I am not willing to give that up to move. Also, I have a fat pension that I am not willing to give up, plus I really like my job and the people I work for. (You definitely should not move. You’ve got too much to lose.) My girlfriend will have the ability to move here when her daughter gets out of school. She says she may not want to move here though until her kid graduates college, as she plans on attending school where she lives locally. (By then, her daughter will be an adult and doesn’t need to be living at home.) Her daughter could stay with her Dad if she wanted to, or she could attend a college here. She has not committed to any schools as of yet. Also, as far as my girlfriend’s career field, she could EASILY land a job here. My point is that, it’s simply a hell of a lot easier for her to move here, logistically speaking. The bottom line is that I am not going to quit my job or leave my daughter three hours away. I have made this very clear since the beginning, so I am confused. She wants to live with me, and she knows where I stand, yet she continues to ask me when we are going to live together, and she continues to make excuses on why she won’t move here when her kid gets finished with high school. Do you have any insight on this? (You’re getting two different answers from her.)
I am not acting beta about this at all. I am sticking to my guns. I have communicated with her in a very loving manner about this. Do not get me wrong, this is not a source of a constant argument or subject with us, but it does come up about once a month. I love this woman like I have never loved another, but to be honest with you, if the move doesn’t come next year, I do not know what I am going to do. (Just tell her you have no intention to move, and you expect her to move next year after her daughter graduates, or it will be the end of the relationship.) I am tired of driving back and forth, and I am tired of not being with her as much as I want to be. Am I supposed to say okay, well, MAYBE you will move when she graduates high school, or MAYBE you will move when your daughter graduates college five years from now? No way, man. I don’t want to wait that long. I have no problem with waiting for her daughter to get out of high school, but I believe that if she really loves me, at that time she would be ready to go. Like you say, women will do ANYTHING for a man if their attraction level is at 100%. Is this what I need to be focused on, getting her attraction for me up to 100%? Would this be one of those situations where we keep going like we are, not say anything and let her come to me, so to speak? Or should I say, “Hey, this is what I would like, and if you don’t see it that way we should end it. I love you and adore you, and think you’re a great girl. Call me if you change your mind?”
Your advice would be extremely helpful right about now. I am getting to the point where, when she brings this up, I do not know what to say. (The next time she brings it up, let her know you will give it another year, but come next year, you expect her to move in with you. Otherwise, it will be time for you to part ways. Let her know where you stand, and be congruent with your statement a year from now. Start slowly backing off over the next 30 days until she is doing 100% of the calling, texting and pursuing. If her attraction level is a 10 out of 10, she will start planning the move.)
Thank you for everything you do.
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“When it comes to long distance relationships, especially ones where people live several hours apart or live in completely different cities or countries, if the relationship is going to last long term, then someone is going to have to move. If you find yourself starting a new relationship with someone who is long distance and you have no intention of moving or the ability to move if you share joint custody of young children with an ex, then unless the other person is willing or able to move at some point in the future, it’s simply not a good idea to become involved with them romantically. When it comes to long distance relationships, it’s essential to remain objective and not become too emotionally involved or involved at all if there’s no chance of you or the other person moving to each others city.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne