A woman explains from her perspective why she loves and is married to a 3% Man.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email success story from a woman who is married to a 3% Man. When she was younger, she was married to and had three daughters with her now ex-husband who, even though he was a churchgoing man, was emotionally, verbally and physically abusive towards her.
After her divorce, she was approached by a 3% Man who was completely different from any other man she had ever met. Now they are happily married, and she explains why. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of her email.
This particular guy who is obviously an avid reader and student of my work, and a good student at that, met her and approached her in a way that was completely different than other guys. And she wasn’t really into dating anyone at the time, because she was still stinging. But he reached out, I think it was like a couple of months later, because as I talk about in How To Be A 3% Man, I would ask out a woman no more than twice, if you ask her out the first time and she’s kind of “Ehh,” not really excited one way or another.
Obviously, in this particular case, she’s like, “I’m not looking to date anybody right now. Just got a divorce.” He’s like, “Hey, well, enjoy working on you. Get in touch if you change your mind.” Then he reached out a month or so later, and she was kind of in a different headspace.
And so, it’s interesting, she offered coffee, and he said, “No, let’s do dinner,’ which she was surprised. It’s pretty interesting. But it’s a nice little story of how this particular guy is unlike any guy she’s ever met. Now, her friends seek out his advice, and she thinks he should be doing some kind of a podcast or something like that. So, it’s really cool from a woman’s perspective what it’s like to date a guy, and in this case, be married to a guy, that is a good student of my first book, How To Be A 3% Man.
Good afternoon Corey,
My name is Jessica, and I just wanted to email you and say thank you for changing my life. Let me explain. Growing up, I never quite had an example of what a 3% man looked like in my life. In church and in our circle of family friends, there were a lot of great Godly men, don’t get me wrong. However, I don’t believe that many, if any of them, were the example of what a 3% man is.
Well, obviously, that’s one of the reasons why the 3% figure is so low. Most guys are just not willing to watch a video like this, to read a book like “How To Be A 3% Man,” or even further go into “Mastering yourself,” which is a book of self-reliance, or get into a book like “Quotes, Ruminations & Contemplations.”
Most people, when their formal education ends, when they graduate college or high school or whatever, that’s it. They don’t read books, they don’t try to learn, they don’t try to grow. They just try to get through life. It’s like Wayne Dyer used to say, “It’s never crowded along the extra mile.”
Most people just simply won’t do anything to help themselves. That’s why 74% of Americans are overweight or obese. People just don’t care. People don’t care to take care of themselves or their body. It’s sad, but it is what it is. People just don’t love themselves enough.
My parents got divorced when I was in 8th grade, and I didn’t get to see my dad often. Fast forward to high school and early 20s to me dating guys and quickly thinking “all men are the same,” as my mother had preached to me growing up was a reality. I got married when I was barely 21, thinking I could prove my mom wrong and live happily ever after.
“I’ll show you, Mom. We’re going to have the best relationship ever. It’s going to be awesome, you’re going to be jealous.” Everybody, when they’re young and get to be an adult, around college, early 20s, they think, “I’m going to show my parents how clueless they were and how awesome I am.”
This was not the case. Fast forward to my late 20s when I remarried to my now ex-husband and had 3 beautiful daughters with him. It was a very verbally, emotionally and turned into physically abusive relationship. It almost broke me. I thought, “What am I doing wrong?! I’m giving everything I have to these men to continue to be treated poorly and hurt? What gives?”
Most guys just simply don’t know how to talk to and interact with women or how to treat them, for that matter, or understand them. And quite frankly, most guys, you try to offer them a book like mine, they’re going to have zero interest. But they get served with divorce papers or they get dumped, and they’re like, “What’s the name of that book? What was that, again?”
Again, I thought, “Maybe my mom was right and all men are the same.”
Well, if you believe all men are the same, you’re going to keep attracting the same kind of men.
I decided to be single and focus on the things I needed to work on for myself for a while. In that time, through a lot of research, prayer, and soul searching, I set my standards of what I believe a REAL man is. About that same time, a man asked me on a date, but out of fear of getting hurt again I said, “No, thank you. I’m not dating right now and am working on finding myself,” expecting a similar response, as the previous men who had asked me out I braced for having to continue to decline his offer and eventually block him for him not getting the point.
So, it’s interesting. This is why women have a hard time rejecting guys, because guys don’t take no for an answer. They don’t just go, “Okay, no problem. You’re married, no problem.” They they keep insisting and they don’t go away. But this guy was different.
If you love and you value yourself and what you bring to the table, and you get a response that’s anything other than, “Hell yeah, I’d love to see you! I’d love to spend time with you,” then go spend time with somebody who is excited to spend time with you. Most people don’t do that. They think, “If I just get this one to change her mind, I’ll I’ll have one of those fairy tale Disney romances like I see on TV and in the movies.”
But what happened next shocked me. He said, “I totally understand. If you change your mind, let me know.” And that was it, no further asking, pleading or begging from him. This intrigued me. Although I truly knew I wasn’t ready to date, I still was curious as to why he was okay with it. A few months went by and he reached out to me in a very non-threatening way with a casual, “Just checking on you to see if you’ve found yourself yet ;)”
So, the one thing that I would say about that, this is where the book is not going to be so set in stone. I say to reach out twice total. Try two different occasions to make a date, and if she still won’t, then move on. However, in this case, he says, “Let me know if you change your mind.” In other words, he put the ball back in her court, figuring, “Hey, she’ll find herself, and maybe she’ll reach out and say ‘whatever happened to that guy?'” Which is still possible. She might have, but she didn’t.
I’m sure he really liked her. In the back of his mind, he’s thinking, “Man, that girl was hot. I really liked her.” He thought, “You know what? I’ll just send another text, maybe she’s in a different headspace, and see what happens. It’s been a couple of months.”
I was yet again intrigued by his gentle yet interested request. He created a safe environment for me to consider a date at that point.
Well, that’s because the 3% man knows that he is bringing a lot of value to the table. And a smart woman who likes him, most importantly, is going to be intrigued and want to take him up on that offer. And she may be a smart woman, but she has no interest. She’s not going to be interested in going out. And that’s fine, too. As a man, you just have to extend the invitation. That’s what you owe women. You’ve got to show up, extend the invitation and let the chips fall where they may.
I replied and said if his offer still stood, I’d love to get coffee.
We don’t do coffees or lunches, because those are platonic things during the day. Because when a guy who doesn’t know any better agrees to go to lunch and go to coffee, then what ends up happening is then it just becomes a lunchtime thing. He becomes her emotional tampon. And since it’s just lunch or coffee, there’s really no romance that’s going to happen.
But he replied with, “No coffee. Let’s get dinner.”
Nice. Why? Because he’s interested in sex and romance, not being a gay male girlfriend, or a buddy, or a pal, or a therapist. He’s interested in romance. So, he’s decisive. He’s like, “No, I’m not interested in that, but I would be interested in dinner.”
Again, for some reason I was taken back, but in a good way, by his alpha reply and sense of confidence. Who would be so bold to assume I’d do dinner?
Well, he’s a man who knows he’s a catch and who’s valuable and who is used to pretty girls going to dinner with them.
Coffee was less intimidating and more casual.
Yeah, but that’s platonic. And he knew better, because he had read this sweet book.
But I accepted his offer for dinner and couldn’t be more happy with the outcome. Later on in our dating relationship, I questioned why he was so different than other men and knew how to respond to me and understand me. He said he had read your book, “How To Be A 3% Man,” and it had changed his outlook completely.
Yes, you have encountered one of the men that are part of the 3% Club. It was your lucky day.
Needless to say, the reason I say you changed my life is because by you writing your book and giving your time speaking truth and life into men, you have given me the gift of an amazing marriage to literally the only 3% man I have ever met. My friends are always asking for his advice, because they all say he truly is one of a kind – a 3% man – and he is indeed.
I constantly tell him he should start a podcast to get your 3% Man message out to as many men as he can, because I think the world would be a different place if men could show up differently, and in turn, that would create a safe place to bring the 3% Women in us all out as well.
Well, it’s up to the men of the world to create those conditions, to create the safe environment where women can blossom. That is our job, it’s our responsibility, it’s our purpose. And anybody else that says differently are a bunch of soy boy, beta bitches that have no idea what they’re talking about. But that’s a subject for another day.
Thank you for giving us both another chance to start again and to love and respect each other the right way, the 3 percenter’s way.
Well, many blessings to you and your amazing husband, obviously. And thanks for sharing that. And I think it’s a great idea, I think he should start a podcast and try to help as many people as he can, because I can’t be everywhere. I can’t help everybody. And your husband obviously is good at it, and he should. I think it’s a great idea. Anything you can do to spread the word, spread the books around, spread the information and help change lives, I think is a great thing.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“The purpose of all relationships is that you go there to give. You’re there to help each other grow and become more together. Love is allowing the other person to be who they are and come and go as they please without fear or attachments. True love is loving in such a way that the other person feels loved, supported and encouraged to reach their full potential and to feel free as they make it a reality. Genuine love is rejoicing in the success and happiness of others.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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