Woman Of My Dreams Vs. Being Realistic

How to decide between the woman of your dreams vs. being realistic.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a 34 year old viewer whose been following my work since 2019 and read 3% Man over 100 times. He’s been dating a girl he once would have thought was out of his league. However, now he is unsure about her and wonders if he could do better. He wants to start a family, but is unsure if she’s the right one or if he’s just settling. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Members Only Video Newsletter is, “Woman Of My Dreams Vs. Being Realistic.”

So this particular email from a guy, he’s 34. He’s been following my work since 2019. So that’s about five years now. He says he’s read 3% Man over 100 times. That’s quite a bit. And he’s been dating a girl that he says he wants would have thought was totally out of his league.

However, he’s now unsure about her and wonders if he could do better. He says he wants to start a family, but he’s unsure if she’s the right one or if he’s just settling. So he’s like, what do I do? Well, first and foremost, I have to say that I don’t know what’s in your heart. Only you do. That’s between you and the creator. But I can give you some things to consider.

Viewer Email:

Hi Coach,

I want to start off with huge thanks for all the work you do. I’m 34 years old and have been following you since 2019. I’ve probably read 3% Man over 100 times and seen almost every video you’ve uploaded for the past 2-3 years. I want to ask where to draw the line between getting the woman of your dreams vs. being realistic.

Well, the woman of your dreams is. It’s just it’s your dreams. To you what you consider as a dream woman, I may look at her and go, “eh?” And vice versa. The girl I think is the hottest woman on the planet. You might be like, “eh?” So beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder. And so what are your criteria for woman of your dreams? That’s what really matters.

In the past 5 years my confidence has grown significantly, I have progressively dated better and better women, some that at first seemed to knock my socks off but later I had to end things when I got to know the real them and realize how imperfect they are behind a pretty face.

Well, everybody is screwed up in some way, shape or form, and everybody that you love is going to hurt you. And like Bob Marley said, “Everybody you love is going to hurt you. What’s important is which ones are worth suffering for.” That’s the one. That’s what you really need to consider.

I’m currently dating a 5’9″ redhead, blue eyes, is a therapist, and has an astrology business. The 29 year old me wouldn’t even have imagined I would be been able to land a woman like that. She tells me I’m the best man she’s ever dated and she feels very safe with me.

That’s good. That’s the way it should be.

I do feel that compared to the dating pool, she’s pretty good, but internally, she’s not my “dream woman”.

Well, you kind of sounded like she was in the beginning, but now you’re like, “eh.” So what do you really need to be asking yourself? This email is almost over, so let me finish it and we’ll have a discussion.

One side of me wants to keep trying, but part of me wants to start a family and is also scared that I won’t be able to do better than this, and maybe I shouldn’t be greedy risking this and settle down. For more context, I’m 6’1″, fit, decent looking, and make about 200k a year and would rate me about 7/10. I have asked 185 women in cold approach in the past two years and numerous dates from dating apps. Pictures attached for reference.

Bob

So again, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And if you’re at a place and you want to start a family And when you started dating this girl, you thought, “she knocks my socks off and she’s the best I’ve ever had. And the 29 year old, you would have never even been able to land a woman like that.” And so now that you’ve been with her for a while, I don’t know how long, last year or so maybe. Now you’re thinking, “I can do better.” Do better in what way? Physically better looking? Is she going to have a better attitude? What is it you feel that your girl lacks? Because the reality is you could find somebody that’s hotter, but she’s a train wreck. And so what do you look for? Easy going, easy to get along with. Loves her mom.

Loves her dad especially looks up to her father. Admires her father. Respects her. Father. Respects his authority. He’s the head of the household. He’s a masculine man. All of his decisions are final. The wife or baby mama respects him. The other girls in the family respect him. He’s a type A alpha male. He’s the leader of the household. In other words, he’s not an emasculated beta male who gets walked all over by the wife and the daughters. So that’s important. Does she treat you good? Does she communicate well? Does she communicate like an adult? Is she easygoing? Easy to get along with?

And so if you’re looking to start a family, the simple question is, do you want her to be the mother of your children? Would you be proud to have her as your baby mama? Would she be a good, loyal, and faithful teammate? That’s what really matters. And the other part of the equation is, do you like her family? Do you respect her family, her parents? Do you want her parents to be grandparents and there and the rest of her family to be aunts and uncles to your kids? Are you like, “Holy shit, I’d love to be a part of a family like this. My kids would be amazing because of their influence.”

That’s what you got to be asking yourself, because you say you’re at a point where you’re ready to settle down and have a family, and she says, you’re the best guy that she’s ever dated. So what is it exactly that you’re lacking? A better looking woman maybe? Taller. Shorter. Better body. Bigger boobs. Different color eyes. What is it specifically? Because if she has everything you want. When you started dating her, she knocked your socks off and you were like, I can’t believe this girl is dating me. 29 year old you.

The you know, the guy that you were five years ago would have never even been able to get a girl like this out on a date, as you said, or in a relationship. And so now you’re like the dog that caught the car, so you caught the car. You got the girl you wanted. Now you’re going, huh? It’s like the paradox of choice. I can do better. Better than what? What is it you need to enhance or improve? So the other thing you have to keep in mind is that the honeymoon period lasts for about 6 to 12 months.

And so do you want to continue to make the effort to love this woman? Do you want to continue to romance her and make love to her, despite the fact the infatuation is worn off? Because, again, that only lasts for typically 6 to 12 months? And so if you’re with the right girl and that’s what you want to do, you’ll be motivated to continue romancing her and dating her and making her feel heard and understood.

And plus, you’re in a relationship with a therapist, so hopefully she’s a good one, because that can be helpful for raising the kids, if she’s a good one and has her shit together. Is she calm? Easy going? Does she respect you, admire you? Respect your authority? Look up to you. Is she submissive? Feminine? Girly? Does she trust your leadership? If she has a father that she loves and respects, and she treats him good and she treats him with respect, she’ll treat you with respect.

If she doesn’t respect her father at all, she’ll be a complete ass to you, just like she is to her father. So that’s what matters. Because maybe, just maybe, what you’re really missing or longing for is that infatuation. The honeymoon period, which, again, it only lasts for 6 to 12 months, and once that dissipates, then you’re left with do you love her enough as a human being to want to continue? Or in other words, are you motivated internally to keep making the effort with her? Do you look around and go, you know, like you said, you approached 185 different women, numerous women you met on dating apps.

I mean, eventually you’ll find somebody else. Eventually you can probably find somebody that you think is more attractive. But is she going to have the same attitude? It’s so, in other words, does she do you share the same goals, same values? Yes or no? You either do or you don’t. And everything meshes and the only thing you really missing is the honeymoon period. Then maybe you really are with the right girl again. I can’t make that decision for you. I don’t know what’s in your heart, but the only thing that sounds like it’s missing is you’re bummed at the honeymoon period is over.

The infatuation is over. Good people who are good to you, good for you, good for your soul are really hard to come by. And that’s why there’s only a handful of previous ex girlfriends that I keep in touch with that are still in my life. Like for all you guys, obviously this is a Members Only video, and if you ever watch any of the videos that we did with Katie when she was here last year. It’s like she was raised by a good family. She’s a good human being and good human beings are in short supply.

So that’s why we’ve always stayed in touch. Because I love her dearly. I’d do anything for that girl. And the same thing with all my close friends. It’s like good people. Good for you, good to you, good for your soul. You really should appreciate them. So I don’t know, you got to contemplate what is missing. Is it just the infatuation that you missed that again, that only lasts 6 to 12 months.

Do you love this girl enough to want to keep dating her? Want to keep romancing her? Want to keep seducing her? Would you love to have her as the mother of your children? You either do or you don’t. And if you don’t, then yeah, you need to end it. And if you don’t like her family and you don’t want her family to have anything to do with raising your kids, you definitely should probably not have children with her. So again, I don’t know the answers to those questions. Only you do.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.