In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a female viewer who describes a recent disappointing situation she had with one of her girlfriends at a nightclub when they both liked the same guy. She initially noticed this guy who seemed to be charming and interesting after he waved her over to his table. She says she usually gets more attention from men than her girlfriend does. Lately, her girlfriend has started to interfere with, sabotage and outright tried to steal men away from her who express interest. She’s kind of ruthless. After a few minutes of her talking to this new guy at his table, her friend interjected herself into the conversation, and then a few minutes later sat in his lap and started making out with him. Afterwards, she started gushing about all of his material success and possessions that he had as if she was bragging about him. She asks me my opinion on her girlfriend’s behavior.
Thanks for answering my last email. It really helped. One of my sisters made a comment and I said, until you can offer a solution instead of your commentary, I suggest you stick your day job. (I discussed this in my article and video, “My Family Is Nosy About My Dating Life.”) I haven’t heard from the peanut gallery since.
I have a new problem for you, as I know you like to problem solve. I have been having some issues with a friend of mine. A few months ago, she started to make little digs at me in public. (It sounds like she’s a little envious. A real friend is going to lift you up, support you, and nurture you.) FYI, I get more attention than her when we go out. She’s been doing it more and more lately, and I thought ignoring it would make her stop, until recently her behavior escalated. We went out to a crowded bar, and a guy waved me over to his table. He was obviously interested in me, his friends were talking him up to me, and my friend was silent the whole time like a little Bitter Betty. She only chirped up when she found out what he did for a living and that he drove a nice car. Everyone in town drives a nice car. I couldn’t figure out what her deal was. (She’s not a friend, she’s shallow, and I would never hang out with somebody like that again.) After that, she was all over him and was convinced he was famous. She came on so strong to this guy, I was like wow, if it was reversed I’d never hear the end of this. Later, she was making out with him, and then when she wasn’t looking, he was all over me, so I told him, “I don’t compete for men. I don’t have to.” He said, “It’s no competition. Why do you think I waved YOU over to my table” – smooth talker. At the end of the night I was so disgusted with the way my friend behaved, I felt like I didn’t know her. (You’re actually getting to see what she’s really like, and she’s a person with zero integrity.) Then what really pissed me off was, she admitted that he wasn’t her type at ALL, no bitch he’s my type but you knew that, and she wasn’t attracted to him. He was like a 9. Ants are attracted. Women approached him all night. She said to me later, “I’ve never had that happen. He must be famous.” I said “No, that only happens with alpha men” – idiot.
I’m not upset about the guy. There’s always another. I’m just so disturbed that I have a friend who is so influenced by status and material things. (She’s no friend. She’s an acquaintance.) I really think she feels entitled to do whatever she wants because I have more options than her, so I can take a back seat. My sister thinks she uses me to meet men, which after this, I’d have to agree. We can’t ever just go to a nice bar to have a drink, because there are no men there. It’s all about her entertainment. (You’re starting to stand up for yourself in your personal life with your family, and now it’s time to do that with your friends.) Every time, I feel drained after seeing her. I’d like to know what you think. (The next time she calls, tell her you can’t make it. Stop hanging out with her. Put an end to it.)
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Some women can be very ruthless and competitive when they like the same guy as one of their girlfriends. They often will ruin a friendship and screw each other over in their attempt to win the same guy. They also can be so devious that they will seduce and sleep with their girlfriends’ boyfriends or husbands. Since women tend to be emotional beings, weaker women who lack integrity will become run by their emotions without thinking about who they are hurting or screwing over in the process. Men should avoid women who behave this way because it reveals larger character flaws. Women should avoid and permanently end friendships with other women who exhibit these behaviors or treat them this way.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne