This is a recent email I got from a coaching client. He felt like giving up a few weeks ago… and now… he is saying hello and talking to anyone and everyone. Here’s his email:
Corey… Just thought I’d let you know that I have been doing a lil here and there when I can, and the work I’m doing is completely not working. Check it out… I have been greeting most everyone with a nice genuine smile and saying “Hello”. However, the best looking women/not so great looking women or the perfect 10s DO NOT respond in kind AT ALL. What the fuck? Now, tell me if that provides incentive to want to improve my life and dating life. It’s not very encouraging, man. In fact, it’s downright sad. It almost makes me want to go crawl back down in the dark hollow I live in and quit. Anyway, another thing that baffles me.. it’s when I hear people talk about flirting. I have no idea how to do it. Supposedly it’s important but anytime I’ve tried it I lose. Can you refer me to some material on flirting and how to do it right? Thanks. Tom.
That is so awesome that you have started saying hi and being friendly. The hardest part is over. Nothing you will ever do going forward is going to be any harder than that, your mind may try to convince you otherwise, but as long as you keep practicing you will get better and more natural sounding. It not only must become a daily habit, but just part of who you are. You are a fascinating guy with an interesting life history. Chicks will have plenty they can ask about and discover slowly about you. Just the fact you ride a Harley communicates you are a little dangerous. Women fantasize about dangerous men taking them and having their way with them. They want a man who makes them feel safe and comfortable enough to totally give up control. Un-chained and off the hook domination by a strong alpha male.
By talking to anyone and everyone you are smoothing over your rough edges and making yourself easy and approachable. That will make women feel comfortable and like talking to you is just like talking to a long lost friend.
The incentive is, you should practice talking to random strangers day and night until you lose any fear or apprehension around doing it; and most importantly STOP GIVING A FLYING FUCK WHAT OTHERS THINK ABOUT YOU!!!! You still care too much what women think about you. Its not important. Most won’t like or want you, but they will all be friendly and respect you once you lose that energy of needing/seeking their approval. If you talk to random strangers everywhere you go, when you bump into hotties it will flow naturally. Don’t worry about getting numbers for now. Keep doing the smiles and hello’s. That’s who Tom is. A cool friendly guy.
I am sure you frequent many of the same truck stops and cities along your trucking travels. Keep doing what you are doing and within a few months where ever you go people will know you and say TOM!!! when you walk in. In the future, any lovely ladies who happen to cross your path will already be sold on you when people go out of their way to recognize and say hello to you.
Remember, these chicks are cannon fodder. Just practice on them. People see you how you see yourself. Act like the most charming James Bond/Biker/Trucker dude you can be, always. You are a guy who is going somewhere in life. You are starting on your journey to becoming a veterinarian and gong back to school. You are a man who knows what his purpose is in life and is working to create the life he wants. NO MATTER HOW MANY YEARS AND DECADES IT TAKES TO DESIGN & CREATE THE PERFECT LIFE. Its a process and a journey that makes life fun and worth living. Along the way you are going to continue to gradually get better and better with women and becoming more comfortable in your own skin than you ever have been in your entire life. Maybe it takes 6 months before you feel like you are ready to ask for numbers. Just keep doing what you are doing and you will know when you are ready for the next step. Just master the hello’s and smiles for now.
Think of yourself like a little mad scientist who is experimenting, experiencing and learning about the opposite sex. The truck stop, 7-eleven, etc. is your testing laboratory where you test your latest theories and approaches. Everywhere you go there are new women to practice on. Women who you will NEVER see or encounter again in your life. The instant you lose your concern for what women think about you, they will instantly start responding to you entirely differently. You will know because you will feel it inside. It could be tomorrow, next week or several months from now. Each approach you make with a woman is like a rep in weightlifting. It takes a lot of reps over time to build your muscle and thus your skills.
Success with women is all in your mind. Keep practicing. With practice and repetition you will condition your mind to think and act naturally around women. Then it becomes effortless.
As far as flirting goes, just ask the basic questions “where are you from?” “What brings you out this way?” “What are you up to?”
Its no different than talking with a friend or someone you have an interest in. What would you ask your favorite rock star Ted Nugent if you were talking to him? What type of things would you ask someone or would you want to know about them if you found them interesting? Asking questions keeps you in control of the conversation. These early interactions are not meant to be epic conversations, just a friendly interaction to pass time while in line or eating your lunch, etc. Its practicing small talk. During our coaching calls you always have plenty to talk about and stories to tell me. Its no different than talking to me. Its easy, you already know how to do this stuff. You just have not practiced enough with random strangers to have the same level of comfort you have with people you know. Once you do it enough you will see its the same thing.
One last thing, pay attention to your physiology and make sure you are comfortable when you stand with your arms relaxed down at your sides like Marcus Luttrell is in this picture. Body language communicates more than your words or voice tone does.
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same.” – Carlos Castaneda