Women In Relationships Who Still Act Like They’re Single

What it means when women who are in relationships still act like they are single and invite attention from other men.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a 23-year-old viewer who just broke up with his 22-year-old girlfriend. They were together for 14 months. She dumped him because she still wanted to continue going out every week without him to drink with five single male coworkers. She gets extremely horny when she drinks. She gets all dressed up and looking hot, but it’s not for him. She called him controlling and insecure. He simply wasn’t interested in wifing up a woman who still wants to act like she’s single and available.

Three weeks after the breakup and she’s already seeing someone new. A male orbiter who was always in touch trying to get her to meet up even though she supposedly had a boyfriend. He says he doesn’t want to lose her. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

He wonders, should I be friends with benefits with her? What should I do here? This brings up a good point, because it’s obvious he was thinking he was going to have a long term relationship with her and she’s going to be loyal and faithful. Which, of course, she was not.

Viewer’s Email:

Hey Corey,

I have a unique situation…

Everybody believes that their story is unique.

…That I believe could make for an interesting video. I’ll try to keep it brief.

My ex (22f) ended our 14 month relationship with me (23m) a month ago. Our relationship was good with little conflict. I tried my best to employ the guidelines that you preach in 3% Man, and she was genuinely in love with me at one point.

Well that sentence there, does that sound like the sense of a guy who’s read the book 10-15 times and knows it backwards and forwards, or a dude who is cherry picking and really didn’t take the time to learn it? Then she was in love at one point. Obviously, if he’s getting dumped and he’s writing me this email, he was not able to keep it there. However, there are some character issues here with this particular girl that might make that a moot point.

As a coach, what I want him to do is to understand the principles and apply them properly, not cherry pick, because this impacts his success in all areas of his life and all the women in his life, regardless of character issues that his now ex has. The key is that you’ve got to be in your masculine all the time and you’ve got to exhibit these behaviors, because if you get in a relationship with a girl who’s got good character and you don’t know the material, this guy is going to turn her off in the same way. She’s going to lose attraction for him. That’s what we’re trying to prevent, but if you’re in a relationship with a girl and you agree to be in a relationship with a girl who is going out every single week and acting like she’s still single and getting all dressed up and looking hot and then you’re not going to be there to enjoy how she looks. Well obviously, she ain’t dressing up that way for you.

There was one major point of contention though, she would always want to go out drinking with her male coworkers every week.

Not girls, but male co-workers. Why? Because she likes attention from other men. Probably got some daddy issues, didn’t have a strong father in the household growing up that taught her morals and how to have good character. So she likes the attention from other men, and it’s obvious she invites it.

These were usually bar trivia nights with 5 single college-aged men.

Probably every single one of them who’s wanting to get into her pants.

Although I trust her, I just did not feel comfortable with my woman drinking with other single men every week without me.

Yeah, no guy wants that. You don’t want to be married to a woman like that who’s like, “Oh, I’m going to drink with the boys,” and she gets all dressed up looking hot? Come on, and you’re not invited.

She’s very attractive and it killed me to think of her getting done up to drink with other single men (not to mention she gets extremely horny when she’s drunk, LOL).

That’s not good. When a woman is behaving that way. You don’t get into a relationship with her. You can be a fuck buddy, friends with benefits, sex playmate. If the woman is supposed to earn your loyalty and your exclusivity and yet she’s still behaving this way, you’re just going to be like, “Hey, you still act like you’re single. You want to go out with the boys from work every single week and you get all dressed up looking hot and you want me to be exclusive to you while you basically go out and enjoy the attention from other men?” “Oh, you’re just insecure and controlling.” It’s like, “No, I’m not.” It’s like you do whatever the hell you want, but I’m not going to be exclusive with a woman that behaves that way.

That being said, I have been conflicted on whether my stance was controlling or common sense. What do you think?

Well, if you’re supposed to be in a relationship, she’s definitely not going to like you going out with five hot single girls from the office and going to the titty bar and doing VIP rooms and bottle service in the nightclubs and all these girls happen to be hot for you, she’s not going to like that at all. And she’s not invited to come with you? It’s like, that’s absurd.

My rationale is that fundamentally, if we were to go the distance, I wouldn’t want my wife engaging in that kind of behavior.

Well, she’s disqualified herself from consideration of being your wife or a girlfriend just based on her behavior already. Part of your problem is that maybe you thought you could change her. You were hypnotized by the pussy or how hot she was. Character is destiny. It’s like, you’re seeing this behavior when you’re dating and you think by being exclusive with her, that’s going to change? I don’t think so.

Maybe she wasn’t doing this in the beginning when she was in love, and then after she fell out of love, she started doing that because what she was really doing is looking for a replacement for him. He didn’t say when that happened or when she was in love. He just said at one point and it doesn’t look like he was able to maintain it, because he doesn’t know the material.

I understand her point of view and I never made any other “controlling” efforts with her. I guess it became too much for her last month and she decided to end the relationship.

No, she just wanted to ride some other dude’s cock. That’s what really happened. She doesn’t really care about loyalty or being loyal to you.

Our breakup went as smooth as it could have, where I didn’t chase or beg (but I told her that I would like to stay with her and work things out). I stayed in no contact until last week (stupid I know) when my car wasn’t starting and needed a jump. Sure enough, she responded to my text within a minute and drove 20 minutes to help me past the time she goes to bed. I talked to her while my battery charged and I could tell that she almost broke into tears, and she still had the stuffed animal that I got her in the car.

I recently found out through a mutual friend that she started seeing someone else within three weeks of the breakup.

Yeah, women like this always got lots of dudes around. When you break it off with her or she breaks it off with you, in this case, she’s already got the replacement lined up.

It’s a guy that had tried contacting her during our relationship, but she never returned his invitations to hangout. Yesterday, I dropped off the rest of her stuff along with some film pictures that I took of her from last fall. Again, it looked like she was about to cry and today she made one of them her profile picture on Instagram. Doesn’t exactly scream, “I’m over you,” to me, so what do you think I should do?

I think you should do nothing. You’re the prize. You’re the one that she should be trying to win over. Who cares? She showed you through her behavior consistently, and as Maya Angelou would have said or used to say when she was still with us, she said, “When somebody tells you who they are, believe them the first time.” A woman who wants and values her man and loves the relationship is not going to go out and do bar crawls with five thirsty single guys from the office every week and get all dressed up looking hot, and you’re not invited to go along. That’s a girl who is inviting and enjoying the attention of other men and is looking to obviously hook up with somebody else, and you said she gets really horny when she drinks, so you have no idea what she was really doing with these guys when you were not around. You’re just having to trust that she was loyal and faithful.

Her behavior is not the behavior of a woman who’s worried about losing you or a woman who values what you have. She’s not trying to win you over. It’s indicative of how she feels about you and most importantly, her character, which is obvious that she calls you insecure, but that’s inappropriate behavior. I would have never, ever in a million years agreed to be exclusive with a woman who behaves like that. Guys do that thinking, “OK, once we’re exclusive, she’ll knock this stuff off.” Obviously, she did not.

I love her and I know that she cares about me deeply, but I’m not sure what kind of role we can play in each other’s lives at this point. Do you think I was too needy, or was she uncommitted to our relationship?

Well, she definitely doesn’t act like somebody that was committed to the relationship. It’s possible you acted needy, but at the end of the day, expecting her not to go out and do those things without you, that’s normal. Us guys should not be in relationships with women that want to go and hang out with single dudes and get all dressed up and look hot and go to the bar and drink, especially when they get horny when they drink and yet we’re not going to be there? No way.

I know that I should probably move on, but I don’t want to lose her.

Bro, she’s gone. She belongs to the streets. She’s gone down the road, man. There’s no fixing that. You can’t make good wine from bad grapes. You’re not going to turn a girl that behaves this way into somebody that’s loyal and faithful. If she’s really head over heels in love, she might be willing to do that for a while. As soon as her interest drops, she’s back at the bar crawls and the VIP tables and dressing up and looking hot and inviting attention from other men instead of working on her relationship. This is a party girl. This is a girl you hook up, you fuck, friends with benefits, sex playmate. I’d never call or text her for any reason. This kind of woman, she’s got to do 100% of the pursuing. You make dates that lead to sex. Definitely wear a raincoat, because you don’t know who she’s sleeping with, or getting dicked down, if you will. You don’t want that heat.

Should I angle for friends with benefits?

There’s no angling. That’s the mindset of a guy who thinks, “How can I get her attention and validation?” You’re basically acting like one of her beta male orbiters, instead of looking at it and going, “I want a girlfriend. I want somebody that can be loyal and faithful to me and who has good character and good values and has the same goals as me.” When you see this kind of behavior, that’s disqualified from consideration. You can still have a lot of fun with her, but you got to practice safe sex. You should not make the mistake of thinking you’re going to fix her or change her or, “Oh, she’s just young. She’s going through a phase.” No way. Doesn’t sound like somebody’s going to be loyal and faithful to anybody.

The rebound complicates things further and I’m just hurt and lost.

Thanks Corey

Bob

Shouldn’t be hurt and lost. You should be reading the book 10-15 times and actually doing what the instructions tell you in the book to learn it so you can be the most attractive man that you can be to all women in general. If she ever reaches out in the future, invite her over, hang out, have fun, hook up, but don’t get into a relationship with her again. She’s not going to be loyal to you at all, dude. That ship has sailed. She’s not capable, but you can still have fun.

Don’t call her, don’t text her, stop chasing after her and putting her on a pedestal and, “Oh look, I found a handkerchief of yours. Oh, I found one of your books. Oh, I found a cookbook of yours. Or I found some cooking utensils or I found some of your panties. Let me bring them by.” I can tell from your email that you’re looking for reasons to contact her, just like you did when your car broke down. Have some self respect. This girl did you dirty, and yet you’re still making excuses for her. Just like you were making excuses for her when she continued to go out.

The first time she went out and did that, it was like, “Hey, you getting all dressed up looking like that and getting all hang out with five co-workers?” I don’t think so. “Oh, you’re being insecure and controlling.” Well, you got a choice. “We can have an open relationship. We can be friends with benefits, sex, playmates if you’re going to go out like that, but I’m not going to be your boyfriend anymore and I’m not going to be committed to you. That’s it. You walk out that door to go have a bar, crawl night with the dudes from work? Take your stuff with you, because we’re done being exclusive with one another. You’re violating my boundaries. That doesn’t work for me. It’s not going to happen. We can go together if you want me to come, that sounds like it might be fun. Maybe I can meet some of these dudes, but if you want to go out and look like you’re single and act like you’re single, I’m treating you like you’re single. You ain’t mine. You don’t belong to me. I don’t belong to you. We can be friends with benefits.“

“What’s your choice? What do you want to do? Because I’m not staying exclusive to you. When you want to go out and party like a single girl. Not going to happen. It ends tonight. You walk out that door. We’re done being exclusive and there’s no coming back from that. I’m not going to give you a second or a third chance. If that’s the kind of behavior you want, that’s OK, I’m cool with it. You do you boo boo. I’m not going to be your boyfriend. I’m not going to be committed to you. It’s never, ever going to happen again as long as we live. So what do you want to do? I’m cool with it either way. If you want to act like you’re single, I’m going to treat you like you’re single. I’m not wifing up a hoe. I’m not going to live with a girl that acts like a whore. Not going to happen.”

That’s the conversation you need to have when a woman’s like this, then she pushes you and tries to intimidate you and tell you that you’re being insecure and controlling. “No, if you’re my girl, then you’re not going to behave this way, and if you want to behave this way, that’s fine. That’s your choice, but I’m not going to be your boyfriend anymore. It ends tonight and it ends forever.” There’s not going to be, “Oh, I’m sorry. I messed up.” No, it’s like you’re not coming back from that. “As long as we’re clear, here’s all my cards. Lay them on the table. What do you want to do? I’m happy either way.” That’s what you got to be man enough to do. If she was doing this all along in the whole relationship, you should have never, ever agreed to be exclusive with her in the first place, because that behavior is just not appropriate.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.