Why women only care about how they feel about you and not how much you like them.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who met his now ex-girlfriend back in 2020. They fell in love, or so he thought, got engaged and got through the pandemic together. Then she had a stroke, and he spent the next year nursing her back to health and spending every day at the hospital with her.
Once she got better and left the long-term care facility, she dumped and ghosted him saying that she had changed. She went back home to her family to live with them. He says it totally came out of the blue and asks my opinion. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
This email is a perfect illustration of how dangerous it can be for a guy if he’s unable to read a woman’s romantic attraction for him. Most guys have no idea. Most guys just assume that because the woman is with him, well, she obviously loves him. But you’ll see from this email and the way she just discarded him, after this dude literally saved her life and nursed her back to health, that she’s like, “See you later.” It didn’t matter what a good guy he was, how much time he took out of his life to nurse her back to health. As soon as she was healthy, she just blew him off and went on her merry way.
Good morning Coach Wayne,
I met this girl back in 2020, and had I had the opportunity to write a chapter in the book of my life relating to it all it would be entitled, “Love in the Time of Covid.”
It was probably a one-sided love, but it happens. I wrote about a doctor that I met and his wife, and this is going back 20 years when this happened. We were on a trip together, all of us, and she’s telling me, “I was seven years with my husband before I finally fell in love with him.” And the dude had no idea, because he was only focused on his interest in her, and he just assumed that, since she’s with him, she obviously feels the same way. Which, unfortunately, that’s not the case, as this guy found out.
We made it through the obstacles of the pandemic and were able to form a strong relationship.
Or, so he thought it was strong.
I asked her to marry me on Easter Sunday to which she answered yes. She was constantly complimented on the engagement ring I got for her.
So, he probably spent a lot of money and got a big old rock. That’s brutal.
Come August 17, 2021, she suffered a stroke.
Obviously, we see a lot of these strokes. Even kids are getting strokes now, and you see articles in the media kind of like normalizing it, “Yeah, it’s totally normal for kids to get strokes. It’s kind of always been this way.” And then you see some of the other news articles about, “Yeah, if you drink too much tea, if you’re out in the sun too much, you’ll probably get blood clots.” But I’m not going to say what that potentially is, because he doesn’t say, but there’s just a lot of weird stuff like that happening. I’m sure there’s a medical explanation. I’m sure some medical doctor can explain that in the comments.
I was the first initial person who found her and immediately called the paramedics. I was devastated. She was in the ICU for about a month, and then spent 9 months at a long-term care center.
I’m assuming they’re younger. I don’t know, maybe they’re much older. And so, this is normal, but I know you guys are listening to this one like, “She had a stroke, huh? Hmm… wonder what caused that?”
I was at the hospital every day by her side.
Because he’s a good dude, obviously.
Regardless of how inclement the weather, I was there to see her, helped in physical therapy, even the nursing staff at the long term care center attributed portions of her success to me being there with her every day.
He’s good, dude. That’s what you want. You want somebody who’s loyal, faithful, that’s going to be there, no matter what. In sickness and in health, right? Well, they hadn’t gotten married yet. They were just engaged.
She’s also a huge baseball fan. I emailed her favorite baseball team and was able to have them deliver her a care package with certain signed baseball memorabilia.
All good things a good fiance would do who cares about his girl. He’s happy that she’s alive and she didn’t die on him.
Upon discharge from the long-term care facility, I was able to get us a place near the beach. The dilemma is, one day out of the blue she decided to go back home with her family and end our relationship.
He obviously never saw this coming.
I attempted to discuss the matter with her, and her reply was that “she had changed,” and that’s all she could point to.
“I’ve changed. That’s it.” What happened was she didn’t feel anything for him, or maybe she never really did, and she was just going along with it. And after her near-death experience, she decided that she was not going to be with a man that she didn’t feel anything for. Because that’s the bottom line, she doesn’t feel anything. This guy literally dedicated a whole year of his life to make sure she was well. He was the one that found her, saved her life, and she’s like, “Yeah, I’ve changed. See you, pal. Thanks.” He’s got to read my book 10 to 15 times. I assume he’s new to my work, but man, if he had known “3% Man,” he would have never been in this situation.
It is not my intent to be hubris in saying this, but I saved my fiancée’s life, and I am not certain as to why all of a sudden she wanted to go back home to her family.
It’s simple. She didn’t love you. She wasn’t feeling it. And the harsh reality that you’ve just been awoken to is that women don’t give a fuck how much you care, how much you love them, how much you super duper like them. It doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is how they feel about you. And the reason she went back home with her family is because she felt nothing for you. Her feelings either weren’t there, or you did a lot of things to turn her off.
There’s no way I can tell what happened, but at the end of the day, if I look at her actions and what she said, her explanation, I mean, after all that she doesn’t even want to explain herself to you. She’s just like, “Hey, I’m out of here. I’ve changed. See ya, pal. Thanks for saving my life and all of those countless hours that you were helping me with my physical therapy just because you loved me. But I don’t give a shit about you, so I’m out of here.” That’s basically what it boils down to. She doesn’t love him, doesn’t care about him, doesn’t feel anything for him.
You say, man, that’s brutal. That’s savage. What kind of a human being would do that? A ratchet, simple as that. But, like I said, there’s not enough here to tell. She may have never even been in love with this guy, and he had no idea. He just assumed, because she said yes to the engagement, that she felt the same way and was just going along with it.
That’s why it would really help for all men to understand and know what actions a woman will actually do that would communicate that she actually loves you. Not just saying it, but there are specific things that women do that is predictable. And it doesn’t matter where in the world they are, what cultural background or what religious or spiritual background, they all do and say these things naturally and instinctively. That’s how you know she’s in love with you and when she’s not, and this guy had no idea.
But at the end of the day, if I’m trying to walk in her shoes, and see through her eyes, and look at how she acted, she didn’t care for this guy at all. Maybe she never did. Or maybe he was controlling. There’s no way to tell. From his perspective, it just seems like he was the perfect dude. But if I look at how she behaved, she discarded this guy like he meant nothing to her. Like, she didn’t even really seem to say, “Hey, thanks for saving my life. No big deal. Have a nice life. I’m going to go live with my family. Don’t call me.”
I’ve seen your work on YouTube and thought I would endeavor to see if I could get your thoughts on the matter. I think you provide impeccable expertise on a wide variety of matters relating to relationships.
Well, you’ve got to participate in your own rescue, dude. You’ve got to read the book. It’s free. You can go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, subscribe to the email newsletter and you can read it for free. I would highly encourage you to do that, because when you go through the book, there will be things that will jump out at you and you’re going to go, “Oh, okay.” And maybe you’ll get a better perspective on what she was thinking and feeling throughout the time you were together.
When I look at your email, when I look at what she said and I look at what she did, she discarded you like a man she felt nothing for. And she has no remorse. She doesn’t appear to give a shit. And you’re like, “how can she how can she walk away like that? It’s like she didn’t care.” She doesn’t feel anything for you. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter how much you like her. It doesn’t matter you saved her life. It doesn’t matter. You spent all those countless hours and days waiting on her, going to physical therapy, taking time out of your life. She doesn’t care about you. That sucks. It’s horrible.
I wouldn’t want to be feeling what you’re probably feeling right now, but you’ve got to look at it and say, “You know what, I’ve got a knowledge gap, so I need to fill it in, so this shit never happens again.” And then if this chick reaches out, I’d never call or text her again for any reason. I mean, after a year of that and all the time you were together, two years, you weren’t even worth her time of an explanation? Just, “Hey, I’m leaving. I’m going to go home to my family. See you later. Have a nice life.” Fuck that ratchet.
You walk away, maybe she reaches out at some point, you start seeing her again. It’s up to you. I mean, you can look at it and say, “The bottom line here is that she didn’t care.” She treated you like you meant nothing to her. And it sucks, but a lot of guys have these kinds of rude awakenings. It’s just the way it is. At the end of the day, you’ve got to fill in your knowledge gap.
And also, the good news is “Quotes, Ruminations & Contemplations – Volume II” is out. And so, if you’re new to my work, either this book or the first quotes book, “Quotes, Ruminations & Contemplations – Volume I” ties everything together with the concepts of my first two books. So, that will help you tremendously as well. I feel bad for you, but pain is life’s change agent. Pain is life’s way of saying, the way you’ve been showing up ain’t working for you, and you need to change.
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur