Women Who Like You Make It Easy To See Them. Women Who Don’t Are Evasive

What it means when a woman is easy to date versus a woman who makes it hard. 


In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a guy whose dates with a high achieving woman go great. However, trying to actually make dates is incredibly difficult and exhausting. He wonders if it’s a polarity issue or something else is going on.

My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Always gotta remember that.

So this particular email is from a guy who he dates a lot of high achieving women and he says they go great. However, there’s one girl in particular actually. It’s like when they’re together, things go great. She’s feminine, she’s girly, but it does take a while at first to kind of get her out of that masculine armor, to loosen up a little bit and relax into her feminine energy, which can be tiring and exhausting. He’s starting to wonder, “Is there like a sexual polarity issue here?” Because they have great dates, they hook up, but in between the dates and trying to arrange future dates, he’s like, “It’s incredibly difficult and exhausting.”

So when you see that, again it just doesn’t look like there’s super high interest, or maybe the sex is just mediocre because again, if the sex is good, the girl is really happy to see you, wants to be with you, but the sex is really lousy, they’re going to probably avoid seeing you altogether because all it takes is one bad boning session, and that could be the end of it. Elvis will leave the building.

Viewer Email:

Hi Coach,

I had emailed you a few days ago about a woman I was dating. I think I may understand what’s been going on. Please don’t take that as I’m one of the guys that writes you to say I know more than you about any of this.  

You say to read the book 10-15 times. There’s a section of the book that jumped out at me during my seventh read through about the woman you dated who was always in her masculine and it caused polarity issues which ultimately led to you breaking things off with her.

Well, I didn’t break things off with her. We just didn’t see each other anymore because it was tiring.

So we went out a handful of times. This was a former Miss Florida. Very hot, very smart, comes from a very successful family, but picking her up on dates? I mean, as hot as she looked, it took like a half hour to get her to fucking loosen up and stop trying to tell me where to go, where to drive and, “Turn here. Take this. There is a short cut this way. We should go here. We should do that.” It’s like, the girl just couldn’t relax. It was tiring. It’s hard to lead when you got a woman who’s in her masculine who’s trying to lead as well. It’s like two dudes on a date. It’s like a dude in a hot woman’s body. She’s nice to look at, but dealing with is like, she’s total turnoff.

The woman I’ve been seeing has very inconsistent behavior. On dates, she’s completely in her feminine, letting me lead, and things go perfectly. She is drop-dead gorgeous, always dressed well, her hair and nails are perfect and she just oozes femininity. Things are effortless when we’re together.

When we’re apart and I follow the book, things aren’t so easy with her.  

Thinking about this a little bit, she had to take over the role of her father in her family when he passed away at an early age. From 16 years old, she was pretty much the head of her family, working to support them. She moved here a few years ago, got married – Her husband cheated on her and she got divorced. Until she met me (Two years after her divorce), she hadn’t dated anyone.

So maybe she’s gun shy. Maybe she’s structured, and maybe her interest is low. Again, if we just bottom line her actions and we take a look at it, it’s like, yeah the dates go well, but trying to get her out on dates? It almost seems like she’s kind of pulling in the opposite direction. She’s not pulling with you. She’s not pulling the cart up the hill. It’s like you’re pulling it up the hill and she’s trying to pull it down the hill or sideways. It’s not easy.

What do I always say? You want a woman who’s easygoing, easy to get along with, who’s flexible, who’s nice to you, who communicates well, woman who loves her father, very feminine, girly, pays her bills on time, responsible, disciplined, takes care of herself. Most importantly, she’s got to be nice to you.

Her friends have even said to me that I “Must be special,” because she hasn’t even entertained the thought of going on dates at all since her divorce.

Well, that’s nice that they say that, but if she’s incredibly difficult to get on dates, because he doesn’t really elaborate, but maybe she’s like, “Oh, I’m not sure about my schedule. I gotta check. I gotta get back to you. I gotta do this. I gotta do that. Work is crazy. I’m working long hours.”

Again, if she’s letting her career or her busy schedule get in the way of seeing you, typically it’s because the interest is not super high. That’s what you got to look at. If she really likes you and she really digs you, she’ll clear her schedule, she’ll figure out a way to make time for you, and she’ll make it easy for you to go out on a date with her because she doesn’t want to discourage you. She doesn’t want to make it too difficult by being busy because she knows she’s busy.

You got to make time. You got to make a space in your life for a romantic partner to come and fill. If you’re always busy and you’re putting people off and, “Oh, I don’t know, about my schedule. I gotta do this. I gotta do that,” then the average guy is going to be like, “I don’t want to deal with that.” You’re looking for a, “Hell yeah, I’d love to go out with you!” And we don’t get that, that’s where “The thirst is real” comes in. When the girl is really super hot, you’ll look past that. You’ll ignore the fact that she’s not making it really easy to go out on a date with her. So she doesn’t make it easy, she’s either a screwball or her interest is low. Easygoing, easy get along with, flexible, is nice to you, loves her dad.

She works all the time – Her purpose is like ours. She is motivated to retire by 40, works crazy hours, invests in properties, still takes care of her mother and also one of her siblings who has some medical issues. She’s all business when we’re apart and is very much in the provider role.

When I pick her up for dates, it always seems to take her a few minutes to revert back to being in her feminine. The dates always go well and we always end up hooking up. We’ve spent a number of weekends together.   

I think she’s amazing and we get along better than almost all the women I’ve dated, but trying to navigate the time apart can be exhausting. I’ve always had a decent amount of success with women, went on lots of dates, and have had a few long-term relationships after my divorce – But I’ve known this woman for a while and it was the difficulty I was having with her that motivated me to get the book because I started questioning myself. I’m starting to see that maybe there is a polarity issue here and it’s one thing I wasn’t expecting the book to open my eyes to.

Bob

Well, it also might be because when you go on a date, she’s good to be with, but getting her on her future dates? Well again, maybe the sex isn’t very good. Maybe she’s not that into you, but she’s got nothing else going on. Then after a few weeks of not seeing each other, she gets a little horny, gets a little lonely. Then since you’re persistent, she’s willing to go out with you.

So you should be reaching out. If she tells you she doesn’t know her schedule, it’s difficult or work is crazy, just say, “No problem. Figure out your schedule and get back to me,” and then wait for her to get back to you. Oftentimes if a guy really likes a girl and he tells her that and four or five days go by, then he starts to get worried, what does he do? He reaches out again and says, “Hey, did you figure out your schedule yet?” Trying to prompt her or forcefully shoehorn himself into her life trying to get her to spend more time with him. Instead of just looking at the fact that, “If she really wants to see me, she’ll get back and let me know her schedule. If her interest is low and she doesn’t care, I won’t hear from her at all.”

You gotta remember, dating is like tennis. So I suspect that might also be part of the problem, is that he’s doing and saying things when he’s with her, or when he’s not with her, that are turning her off, because her interest should be going up, and it just seems to be kind of flat. So he didn’t really have any detail. He just said, “It’s hard to get her on a date.” Is that because she’s always got to get back to him? Does he have to text her multiple times over several weeks? It’s like, what is he doing specifically?

Typically what the book teaches is that, if the girl says, “Oh, work is crazy. This week is just not a good week,” that’s typically what women say when they’re not really excited to see you. Then you just go, “Hey, no problem. Well, when your schedule frees up, hit me up. I’d love to see you,” and then just walk away and you never look back, you wait to hear from her. If she never reaches out, well she obviously doesn’t miss you. Now you know where you stand with her. So you got to pay attention to how easy or how difficult the woman is making it to get out on dates. Typically, they make it difficult when their interest is low. So again, he’s having good dates, but in between them?

So like I said, reading and understanding the book will help you. Don’t be a cherry-picker, so you can figure out and pinpoint what is going wrong. I think, I suspect it’s a combination of the things I discussed.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.