What you should do if your girl monkey branches to another guy and still wants you as a backup.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who was with his girlfriend for 7 years. Things weren’t going very well between them, but he obviously didn’t think they were that bad. Then she met a new guy at a party and mentioned him in passing. She eventually asked for space and started seeing the new guy.
Then she started reaching out, and they started hooking up again. He started chasing her, and she chose the other guy, but still contacts him from time to time. He asks what he should do. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
It seems like, at least from his perception, after reading the email, he recognized that there were problems, but he’s like, “Hey, I didn’t think they were that bad.” And then in passing, she mentioned she met some new guy at a party. Because women always will tell you about the dudes in their life. It’s the “Oh, I met this new guy. He was really nice.” Or, “There’s this new guy at work, and he’s really nice and friendly towards me.” And that’s about the extent of it. Because in her mind, hey, full disclosure, she told you about the other guy that will basically be your replacement if you don’t get your act together.
And so, that’s what happened. He started pursuing her a little bit more. She said, “I need space,” started seeing the new guy, and then, she started reaching out and was seeing him as well. And then, he started to pursue her, literally driving her into the arms of the new guy. And she says, “Well, I’m going to give this a go with the new guy, and best of luck to you.” Anyway, a few weeks ago, he came across my work, started reading 3%, Man, and now she’s back. And so, he’s kind of in limbo now.
When you were with somebody for seven years, that’s a lot of time. It’s not easy to just flip a switch and go, “Yeah, I’ll just find somebody new tomorrow.” She lined up his replacement. And rejection breeds obsession on top of that. And so, what is happening now – and a lot of guys get into these situations, because I do a lot of phone sessions with guys that are in this kind of a situation, where they’re kind of back and forth – she’s still kind of got her finger in the water, tugging on the line a little bit to make sure he’s still on the hook in case it doesn’t work out with the new guy. So, he’s like, “What do I do?” This is not a fun place to be if you’re a man, and it happens to a lot of guys. And most guys don’t know what to do in these particular situations.
It’s amazing watching these, because I’ve seen this thousands, and thousands, and thousands of times over the years, now, with so many different people. It doesn’t matter where you are in the world, or the cultural background, or the religious background. Women just behave the way they behave. And, as I say often – which really pisses guys off, they don’t want to accept reality – if you act like a bitch, women will treat you like a bitch. That’s the harsh reality.
I mean, look at Will Smith. We did several videos on that. He constantly acts like a bitch. There was a video clip I just saw on Twitter where he was talking about, if he became the best, most successful actor in the world, his girl would never cheat on him. That was the story that he told himself anyway, because I guess his very first girlfriend had cheated on him. I had that on my Twitter the other day, so you guys can go check it out. I might do a video on that one, because it’s pretty fascinating. You can ignore reality, but you can’t ignore the consequences of ignoring reality. Will Smith, he ignored reality, and look at the consequences.
I was with a girl for 7 and a half years. As every other relationship we had our disagreements, but we were really perfect together, always loving.
Notice how he’s like, “It was perfect. It was so perfect.” She left you for another guy. That’s how perfect it was.
Anyway, the end was near, she met this guy at a party. She lined him up couple months back, she told me she needs some time from us, broke up with me. I miscommunicated that I didn’t want that. Then we sort of heard from each other time to time. She called me one night, crying, telling me how she ruined everything, how she is a jackass.
This is predictable. Character is destiny. The reality is, in this kind of situation, because she’s now done this, and I’ve just seen this pattern so much, at the end of the day, the new guy wasn’t pushing her buttons. And then, this guy had walked away and was moving on with his life, or trying to move on with his life, and as the new guy acts weak and starts falling down, she thinks about the seven years that she had with the guy who wrote the email. So, she’s more emotionally bonded with him.
And so, when she senses weakness in the new guy, what is she going to naturally do? Reach out to the guy she hasn’t heard from, because he’s now demonstrating strength. Therefore, that’s why she’s crying, oh, she ruined everything, she’s a jackass, because that’s how she was feeling in that particular moment.
I did not know why she was telling me this, I was comforting her, etc. I went to her place a couple days later, and she told me she met up with him, he kissed her. Then I started to act all insecure and needy, which just pushed her away even more.
So, she kept pushing her way of us not being together, BUT she kept texting me from time to time, was affectionate, calling me over to be intimate, kiss, be together JUST so she could forget everything for a moment.
So, the problem is you weren’t standing up for yourself and what you want, and you were allowing her to get away with seeing you while seeing the new guy. What a woman is going to do is she’s going to gravitate to whoever is the more masculine one at the time. And that’s why they vacillate back and forth. She’s really looking for leadership and masculine strength, despite the character issues, because women who have character typically aren’t going to act like this. They’ll just stay in a relationship until it’s over, and then they’ll finally end it, take some time to heal, and then when they’re ready, they’ll start dating again.
And so, a lot of guys find out what kind of woman they’re in a relationship with. They go through a difficult time, they get busy, they get caught up at work, they neglect her. They don’t pay attention to her or the kids, they stop dating and courting her, she gets lonely. The next door neighbor is really nice. The guy at work is really nice, whatever it happens to be. One thing leads to another, “Oops! It just kind of happened.”
I started to chase even more, pushed her away more and more by the day. Eventually, that one last night we were together, she told me she is dating him now and she wants it to be that way. I was devastated.
So, at that particular moment in time, what she was communicating was, “The new guy is acting more like a man than you are. Therefore, I’m choosing him because he feels safer.”
Then I found you, Coach. I started reading, watching your videos and actually saw how stupid I was. I went into no contact, then after a couple of days, guess what, she texts me. She even calls me to talk to me. We talked, and I thought nothing out of it. I saw her with him last night, she saw me, pulled her head away and it felt like my heart left my body. I was just so frozen. Then she called me that night immediately. By then I watched your video “Here’s The Best Strategy To Get An Ex Back,” so I used that, told her everything from that video and we ended the call. I wasn’t being rude to her by any means.
That’s where you basically say, “I’m not going to participate in this. If you’re with the new guy, then go focus on him. If it doesn’t work out, get in touch. And if I’m still available, maybe we can go on a date. Maybe I’ll let you come over and make me dinner.”
She said to me that she doesn’t want me to hate her now, that i am the only one that really knows her.
So, she’s trying to keep you around, because deep down she knows something is off with the new guy. But, at the end of the day, he feels more masculine, consistently, than the ex does.
She told me that she knows, and everybody around her knows, even that guy she’s with now, that what her and I had was something really special, and that it can’t be repeated with anyone else.
Well, you’ve got seven years with her, and so that’s where she’s coming from. So, she’s emotionally bonded to you, and this guy she’s only known for a few months. But at the end of the day, character is destiny. She belongs to the streets! So, she’s not somebody that is going to be loyal and faithful when she’s unhappy. She’s going to go get her needs met elsewhere.
And the point I always make with these situations, especially when I’m doing phone sessions, is this is what you’re dealing with. If she’s not happy, she’s going to solicit attention from other guys. If she’s happy, she’ll probably be loyal and faithful. You have to be on your toes. You have to be the man. Just because she has a low body count doesn’t mean that she’s going to be loyal and faithful.
And the interesting thing about the the cheating thing that the red pill guys always go so ballistic about, and body counts, is that the reality is the stats are… and it’s funny, whenever I mention it, the red pill guys just jump, “I don’t believe it!” I mean, the numbers are the numbers, but men tend to cheat about 15.8% of the time and women are like 7.8, 7.9% time. So, literally about half.
And the guys are like, “Oh, no! Women just are better at hiding it.” It’s like, the numbers are the numbers, the stats are the stats. But, again, they’ve been brainwashed by these douchebags in the red pill community. They don’t know they’re assholes from a hole in the ground, and they just can’t accept reality. It’s like, hey, whatever. It is what it is. The reality is men cheat most of the time.
She told me she loves me and always will, and that by the time, if she decides to come back, is afraid that I might shut that door. So, what is your opinion, Coach? What are her thoughts now? Will she contact me? Will she be back eventually?
I know that the best thing for me now is to stay in no contact, focus on me, stay physically active, but I don’t really want to meet someone new now.
Well, the more you focus on yourself and finding somebody new, finding a woman who actually has more integrity than this particular girl, the quicker that it’s going to happen. And that’s why no contact is so essential. Because, if she’s not hearing from you, and her fear is that she’s going to lose you to somebody else and eventually you’ll shut the door, as she put it, that causes her to really test the shit out of the new guy. And the more she tests him, the more she backs off and jerks him around, and the more he flails away, the more she’s going to lose attraction for him and wonder what’s going on with you.
And that’s why you don’t hang out with her while she’s still hanging out with the other guy. You’re like, “You’ve got to resolve that.” It’s like, “I don’t want to hear from you unless you’re done with him. Go get peace with that, and then come back and talk to me or see me. I’m not going to be involved with you while you’re still with the other guy.”
Because, quite frankly, he’s already tried that approach. He tried that approach where she was sleeping with the other guy and sleeping with him. And what happened? As soon as he started pursuing her, she chose the other guy. And so, you don’t want to be in a position where she has the other guy. You want the other guy to basically self-immolate, burn himself up and turn her off to the point where she doesn’t have any feelings for him. Because again, she’s only been with him for a few months. So, seven years is always going to outweigh a few months, as far as emotional bonding.
But, at the end of the day, character is destiny. And you’re still faced with the fact that women like this, this is just what they do. I’m just here to give you the bottom line. It’s up to you. I’m not here to make up your mind or judge you one way or another. I’m just here telling you the way the world works, the way women are, and what they mostly respond to.
This particular woman that you’re with, if she’s happy, she’ll probably be loyal and faithful, and if she’s not, she’s going to be talking to and inviting attention from other men. And you have to decide, are you cool with that, or not? Because everybody slips up. I slip up, it happens. I wrote about it in “3%, Man.” You’re not always going to be perfect, especially after you’ve been together for many years. You’re going to get busy in life. You’re going to get caught up. It’s going to happen.
And character is destiny. If you’re with a woman who has low character, or has a history of cheating, or meeting new guys behind your back, as soon as she’s not happy, she’s going to want to get her needs met. If you’re not meeting them, somebody else is going to meet them. You know, as I’ve said many times over the years, if you don’t date and court your girlfriend or your wife, eventually some other guy will.
And you have to decide, is this somebody you want to stay with long-term, or not? And when you’ve been with somebody seven years, that’s a long time. You can’t get those seven years back. You can’t go back in a time machine. You can’t just flip that stuff off like a light switch. It takes time to heal, it takes time to get over that. It takes time to get used to being you without that person in your life anymore. But, at least this way, you know what you’re dealing with.
And so, if I were you, I’d be applying what’s in “3%, Man” and trying to improve the quality of the women that you’re dating. Because what usually happens with guys in your situation is they improve themselves so much, and what they learn in “3% Man” gives them such an edge that they attract a better quality woman that, eventually, even if the woman does come back, they don’t want to even entertain it or stick around for it.
They might hook up with her a few times just because it soothes their ego, but at the end of the day, they don’t choose to get back together in a relationship. Because trust is the hardest thing to get and it’s the easiest thing to lose. And at the end of the day, character is destiny. So, put your big boy pants on and make your own mind and your own decision up.
And if you have a question or a challenge, whether it’s in your personal or professional life, and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page and book a coaching session with yours truly.
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“Women typically break up with men 75% of the time, because men won’t end a relationship that needs to end, even after the women make their men miserable in an attempt to get the men to end it. The most important thing that matters for a long-term relationship to last is shared goals and values. People who lack integrity will typically fall back upon behavior that lacks integrity. If you are in a relationship with a woman who lacks integrity and she is not happy, she will line up a replacement while you are together, and then dump you when she feels secure that the replacement will work out. When she becomes unsure of the new guy, she will probably reach back out.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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