You Can’t Ignore Her Red Flags & Aren’t Going To Change Her

Why you can’t ignore a woman’s red flags & aren’t going to change her.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a 24 year old viewer who shares an email of his experiences ignoring red flags in women he’s dated and kept trying to change. It’s a good email to learn from because of all the problems ignoring red flags caused him. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne, and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Members Only Newsletter is, “You Can’t Ignore Her Red Flags & Aren’t Going To Change Her.”

Well, this particular email is from a 24 year old viewer, and he shares his experiences of ignoring red flags and women that he’s dated, and he kept trying to change them. You may have heard me say many times, “People don’t change who they are, but they may become a better version of who they are.” In other words, you’ve got to accept who they are, as they are, and how they are showing up. Not thinking you’re going to be Captain Save-A-Hoe and come to the rescue, and fix a girl that came from a broken home where her parents basically screwed her up.

Your job is to see reality as it is, not better than it is, because when you see it as better than it is, you ignore the red flags or see it as worse than it is, because then you just talk yourself out of it altogether, and you don’t even get the chance to date her or be with her or experience a relationship. But seeing reality as better than it is, is delusional. And as Ayn Rand said, “You can ignore reality, but you can’t ignore the consequences of ignoring reality.”

Viewer Email:

Corey,

I wanted to share my story as it is a result of your work and I wanted to sincerely thank you. I’ve listened to the book four times and watched several videos. I came out of a 24 year marriage five years ago and the domesticated house cat was thrown into the jungle. 

Welcome to the jungle.

I have dated five women in five years. Some I screwed up and didn’t pay attention to red flags, projected a fantasy, etc. 

In other words, he projected his fantasy of what he wanted and then ignored their reality, because we all make our decisions based on our emotions and then we use logic and reason to justify it.

Some I saw what was coming and pulled the rip cord only to be justified shortly after with ratchet behavior. My most recent relationship started two years ago. Right from the get go she would talk about her exes and was even talking to one that was her “best friend” and her “protector” (her words). Mind you, she briefly dated him fifteen years ago and was intimate with him. 

So he’s probably one of those guys that’s always hoping to get another chance. And she keeps him around because she likes the attention.

They broke up supposedly because he was too jealous.  As a cherry on top, he has been involved in most of her break ups where she was being cheated on. 

Like, attracts like. People that like the same things tend to like each other. And somebody who’s being cheated on or always being cheated on typically tends to be a cheater themselves.

He’s always lurking around and her excuse is, “everyone just hangs out at the same places.” 

Seems legit. What a coinkydink.

I told her it was not appropriate to be talking to this guy if she wanted to be with me in an exclusive relationship. She agreed and we went along. Six months in, I suspected that she was talking to another one of her ex’s. Her first, total scumbag, broke, horrible human being, a master manipulator and total player. I even told her to block these guys and at first. She pushed back, which was a red flag.

Yeah, again, if she’s not raised with that value system, with a family who’s loyal to one another, she’s just not going to have those values. Plain and simple. Especially if what was modeled at home was dysfunctional. There was lying, there was cheating, lots of drama going on. That’s what’s normal (to her). And so she’s going to seek what feels normal, which is that. Even though it’s chaotic, she’s emotionally anchored to it. And if you’re a good guy and you provide a good, stable environment, she’ll fuck things up because that doesn’t seem normal to her.

I asked for her last three months phone records and she immediately said yes. I guess she had second thoughts and as I asked for them over the next few days, she finally gave them up.

So she gave them up reluctantly. “Oh, sure. Totally. I’ll totally give you those. You could totally have access to my phone. Oh, I forgot my password. I’m working on it, honey. I’ll get it to you as soon as possible. I just got to delete all the incriminating stuff.”

She wanted mine as well and I was happy to provide them. What she forgot was that she wasn’t talking to the one I thought but rather the “best friend”. They talked every week with many conversations over an hour. 

This should be shared with him, her boyfriend, her actual supposed boyfriend, but instead it looks like he’s just kind of part of her Frankenstein boyfriend project.

It was always her calling him too. Which I thought was weird. I confronted her with it and her excuse was, “I just wasn’t sure about us. I was scared, and he’s always been a good rock to lean on.” Right. I broke up with her and started dating others for about three months. In that time, the gal I broke up with previously, a two year relationship, reached out to me. We began talking but my Spidey Sense was going off. I find out from her, that she slept with my best friend two months after we broke up. 

Oh, the puppies are up. So let me read that again.

I find out from her, that she slept with my best friend two months after we broke up. Wow! 

His best friend. How nice. So he loses a girlfriend and his best friend. That really fucking sucks. So I assume you guys can hear the puppies chirping in the background. They see Mom and Dad and they’re in their kennel.

I had suspected this for some reason, and I pretended that I knew. Sure enough, her conscious got to her, and she spilled the beans. I blocked her and “the best friend” at that point.

Yeah, well, I can relate, because my former best friend, who was also the best man in my wedding, was trying to fuck my ex-wife to be when we were in the process of breaking up, which was pretty shitty. So we have all five of the puppies out there, so, they’re all kind of howling and they’ve been stepping in piss and shit and their poop. So they all need baths. That’s why they’re in the kennels. That’s great.

The puppies, like one of them, especially, likes to play with the turds like it’s a fucking toy. Which is really gross. She’ll come over, and like fling her head. And then out of her mouth comes a turd. And you’re like, oh, great, this is so wonderful. And this is the Rocket Man. This is the guy that did it. This is the dude right here with, The Super Sperm, Rocket Man.

I started talking to “Suzy” again and we started, what I thought, was a relationship with known boundaries. This is why I am writing you and I hope you share with your followers. Here is a continuation of the mistakes I had already made I hope your followers can learn from. Despite her flaws and previous ratchet behavior, I thought I could change her for the better.

I think we kind of all have done that.

And that the loss of me was enough for her to get her shit together. Wrong. She cut the two exes’ off however, they were still hovering and even tried to talk to her in front of me one day. I quickly stepped in and made sure they knew, that ain’t cool. For the next 12 months though, she would randomly bring up one, sometimes both of them with some random comment that was going on with them. We would often see them out socially and it would just infuriate me, and we would end up fighting. I was mad because every time I saw them it opened the wound considering what she had done. 

Can you believe that Ocean?

About a month ago, she brought them up and I said, “look, for the last two months, I have been unhappy and there is one source. If you bring them up again, I am gone.” 

So in other words, he’s giving her an ultimatum to knock it off.

What do you think happened two weeks later? 

I don’t know. Character is destiny. If I was a betting man, she probably chose poorly. “She tells me”; this is two weeks later after he says, “Bring it up again and I’m done.”

She tells me that one of these ex’s is banging so and so and that his dick wouldn’t get hard. 

This is really important information.

I of course lose it. I got as much of my stuff as I could haul and got the hell out. From there, she has been randomly reaching out but a few days ago, she went completely dark. 

Oh well.

Regardless, I had been contemplating my happiness and made a promise to myself that I had to fulfill. I would not have done this and probably gone on for more years miserable before catching her cheating. I’ve realized she’s broken for a multitude of reasons and I can’t do anything about it. 

Yeah, it’s not your job. It’s not your fault she’s this way. This is what her parents taught her. This is what was modeled for her at home. And by the time somebody has gotten multiple decades of being an adult and behaving this way, you’re not going to fix it. You’re not going to change it.

Due to your book and videos, it helped to solidify it and allow me to walk away knowing truly what the issues were.

Here are my mistakes for your readers.

Pay attention to red flags. Don’t disregard them because “you’re going to change her”.

Captain Save-A-Hoe to the rescue. Didn’t work out again. Never works out.

If she has orbiters and she pushes back when you identify them, there is a reason.

Because she doesn’t want to give them up. You’re part of her Frankenstein boyfriend project and she wants to keep them.

If someone wrongs you, they have low character, and you should not allow them to do it again.

Yep.

Pay attention to actions, not words. She was a master at blame shifting, truth bending, having excuses and plain out lying.

Character is destiny. This is predictable.

When it’s time to walk, walk. Life is too short to give your energy to low character women. I have learned a lot from this experience, and I won’t make the same mistake again. There is a lot more crazy shit I could share and that I put up with, but this email is long enough as is. Thank you again. Will be sending you a C-note through the donate tab today. 

Best to you,

Bob

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