You Must Be Happy & Outgoing If You Want To Meet Women

Why you must be happy & outgoing if you want to meet women & get dates.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a guy who has mentally and emotionally checked out. He’s already decided he’s too nice and will never meet a woman to date and have a family with. He gave his copy of 3% Man away. He doesn’t seem to have an active social life, works on a farm and lives in the country and is mostly isolated.

He gets nowhere on dating apps and doesn’t appear to even try meeting women in person because of his bad attitude. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

This particular email is from a guy who is pretty much emotionally and mentally just checked out and given up on himself. He says he’s been following me for about four years, he read 3% Man five times, and he says he gave the copy of the book away, and it looks like he lives in a small town. He works as a farmhand, he races cars and builds cars. He says the only two places that he ever meets women in person are at church and the gas station. So when I read that, it sounds like he’s in the middle of nowhere. Lots of farm, very rural area, nobody around for miles other than people that work in the farms and where everything is happening is at the gas station, apparently.

So you could tell, he even sent a picture of himself, just the way he talks about himself and the way he writes doesn’t sound like a happy guy. If you’re trying to attract a relationship, you first need to get to a happy place, because a lot of people think, “Hey, if I get the right girl, then I’m going to be happy.” Then they get the girl and they realize they’re still not happy after the infatuation wears off and they’re out of the honeymoon period, usually after six to 12 months. Then when they realize after the honeymoon period is over that they’re still not happy. Then they start neglecting the person that they thought was going to make them happy because again, that’s also not making them happy. So why try? Then the relationship spirals out of control and they self-sabotage it. Ideally, you want to become the kind of person you want to attract. If you’re not happy, proud of yourself and proud of your life, how are you going to get a woman excited about it? What do you think your vibe and your energy is going to be on a date? Are you somebody that’s exciting, interesting and fun to be around, or are you somebody that is just miserable, unhappy and you’re a glass is half empty kind of person?

The email is short, but you got to participate in your own rescue. Nobody’s coming to save you. You can’t just sit at home and expect the right girl to just show up, find you, kick your door down and say, “Hey, here I am, honey! Let’s live happily ever after!” It doesn’t work that way in the real world. You need to get to a place where you’re happy, you love your life, it’s full of friends, full of family, and full of social activities that make it easy to meet other people, to befriend new men, and to meet women, potentially that you can date. If you’re living in the middle of nowhere and you don’t really have much of a social life, you got to force yourself to get out of the house. He says he’s on Facebook Dating and Bumble. He says he’s probably got two dates out of 6,000 swipes. So it’s a lot of work for very little results, which is understandable.

So if this guy wants to change his life, again, he already gave the book away and it’s like he’s kind of checked out and given up. He spends more time working on and fixing the cars that he races than he does building his life, getting to a happy place and focusing on his personal life. So whatever you focus on is going to expand. If you focus on all the reasons why you’re single or why women don’t like you, you’ll see even at the end of his email, he basically thinks women are the problem and not him. So it’s good short email of how not to be, how the mindset that is just, you’re going to constantly sabotage your own success because again, if you’re not excited about your own life, how are you going to get a woman excited to go out with you and have fun with you? If you’re not liking life and enjoying it, you’re not gonna be much fun to be around.

What is the formula? Hang out, have fun, and hook up. If you’re not happy and you’re not enjoying your life, you’re probably not going to be having much fun when you get together with anybody. As Jim Rohn said, “I’ll take care of me for you, and you take care of you for me,” and this guy is not taking care of himself for a potential partner. He’s just not willing to do anything to really help himself. So he kind of avoids it.

Viewer Email:

Hey Coach,

Bob here, LOL. I’m 33 and I’ve been following you for four years now and read 3% Man five times. I have been single for four years now and haven’t had sex in seven years. The only place I really meet women are church (one date) and the gas station.

Well, in the 20 plus years I’ve been doing this, I never had somebody telling me that the only places that they’re able to meet women are at the gas station and church. Does that sound like a guy that’s social?

I did a success story a couple of weeks ago of a guy that is a musician, he works as a bartender in this venue where he also plays with his band. He’s got a pretty popular band and like, he walks in, he knows everybody every week just because he’s on stage, he’s very outgoing, he’s very talkative, he works as a bartender, he loves music. So when he’s not working and not tending bar, he’s hanging out, watching his friends play and everybody there sees him as a ladies man and he just comes in. It’s like every week he’s got a different girl. He doesn’t have much of a connection with them, but he’s like literally living sex, drugs and rock and roll, and he’s always got somebody new because he’s always out. He’s always out and about. A lot of people know him, a lot of girls know him, and his reputation precedes him. This guy obviously is the complete opposite.

You know, it’s a good idea if you’re a very religious person to meet somebody at church, but if you just go to Sunday service, sit in the pews, and then as soon as service is over, you dip on out, it’s like how are you going to meet anybody? You’re just hoping by chance that you sit next to a cute girl. You got to develop your personality. You got to get to be an outgoing person. If you’re not a very outgoing person, then I would suggest waiting tables or tending bar just to get out of the house to get in the habit of practicing small talk. If you’re recluse and you don’t really socialize with many people, as you’ll see, he also works on a farm as a farmhand part-time, it’s like you gotta develop your social skills. You got to have a personality. You can’t just be mute and expect that everything’s going to fall into your lap.

Life requires your participation. You must participate in your own rescue. If you’re not willing to do that, then nothing I say or anybody else says is going to help you if you’re not willing to help yourself. Nobody’s going to do it for you because everybody’s got their own problems and they’ve got their own things they got to worry about. So if you’re not a very social person and you’re not good with small talk, then you got to practice it. Make it a habit that whenever you leave your house, whenever you walk out your front door, you’re going to say hello to everybody you meet. You’re going to start taking a sincere, authentic interest in other people. Be curious about other people. Ask lots of questions. Like this guy, if he’s at church and he meets a nice couple, ask him how they met and get to know them on a personal level, instead of just going to church, going to the service, and then hopping in your car and driving back home.

Maybe you join a Bible study group because usually most churches have things outside of the service. They have Bible study. They also have Bible studies for couples or single people in order to help them obviously study the Bible, but also potentially meet a mate. So you got to be a social person. Like I say all the time, if you love boating, join a yacht club. If you love golfing, join a country club. If you’re into hunting and fishing, join a hunting or a fishing club. If you love rock climbing, join a rock climbing club. Get out and lose yourself in your hobbies and your interests and the things that you love doing for fun. Especially this guy, he’s got to out of the house. If you live in the middle of nowhere, you might want to think about getting a part-time job so you can afford like an efficiency or something like that that’s close to where all the action is.

You got to think of it as like a you’re a fisherman. So if you go fishing a pond and there’s no fish in there, you can sit there all day and have the best bait in the world, but you’re not going to get any nibbles, but if you go fish in a pond, you got great bait and there’s lots of fish there, you’re going to catch lots of fish. So you got to think of yourself as a fisherman from that perspective.

I’ve been swiping on Hinge, Bumble and Facebook dating and only have had two dates out of probably 6,000 swipes.

He also sent a picture of himself, and he definitely needs to get in a gym and needs to work out because he looks pretty scrawny, skinny and like he’s a thin guy, but he doesn’t have any real any muscle at all. His shirt just kind of hangs on him. It’s pretty baggy.

So something like that will help build your confidence. I’ve noticed in my life, especially as I get older, if I’m pushing weights around, I get noticed by younger women all the time. If I stop for about a month or so, it’s like I become invisible. They don’t even look at me or look in my direction. So there’s something invisible that’s going on in our bodies when we push weights around and we do cardio on a regular basis. It’s something that you just have to do. I believe it’s just life’s way of, you as an organism, you’re putting time, you’re putting energy, you’re pushing weights around. In other words, you’re an organism that is growing and expanding in life, and what happens when things grow and expand in life? They continue to live. What happens when a tree stops growing? It fucking dies. So it makes a difference and it makes you feel better about yourself. That’s one thing you have control over, is how you look and your body.

The other thing I noticed in his picture is he’s got his hands kind of crossed like this, and they’re covering his navel, his belly button. Basically your belly button area is your willpower center. So when somebody covers their willpower center or where the rib cage comes together, the little V area here, this is your emotional center, you’ll notice like if you’re having conversations, you’re on a date, you’re maybe in a meeting and you’re trying to sell somebody on something, if they’re not open to you, what do they do? They cross their arms. They’re blocking their emotional center because they feel uncomfortable when somebody has their hands over their navel area. That’s somebody that’s disconnected from willpower and that’s lack of discipline, lack of working out, lack of focusing on your purpose and your mission, lack of being outgoing. In other words, there’s things you know you need to do in life, but you don’t do.

That’s something that I learned in network care. Then obviously this area up here, the little bony protrusions at the upper level of your rib cage, that’s your heart. So wherever you are, wherever there’s subluxation in your spine and there’s disconnection, that’s typically where disease shows up, cancer, things of that nature. People that have emotional problems, they typically have this area up here, they have health problems, kidney problems, things of that nature. When it’s like navel area, you get prostate issues, you get colon issues, colon cancer, things of that type of nature. When they’re disconnected up here, you’ll see in their back they’ll have like a hunch on their back. When they’re disconnected from their heart, they typically have heart problems or circulatory issues. So wherever you’re disconnected,l like in this case, that’s one of the first things I noticed in the picture he sent, is he’s covering his willpower center, so he feels uncomfortable there.

So there’s a lot of things in his life that he should do, he knows he needs to do, but he just doesn’t do it. So you got to lean into that. If you know you’re disconnected from that part of your life, if you talk about things, we all know people that need to lose weight, need to get in shape, they need to get a better job, they need to make changes in their life. They talk about it, but they don’t ever do it, it’s usually because they’re disconnected from their willpower center, and as they get older, they get sick and they get disease and illness, it shows up wherever they’re disconnected, which is something that was really fascinating when I really got into network care 20 years ago. You really you see that. Whether it’s cancer, disease, it shows up in the area where they’re most disconnected from in their body because your brain cannot talk to that area of the body. If they can’t talk to that area of the body, it doesn’t know what the organs are doing because the nerves are pinched.

That’s what’s so amazing about network care, is it completely frees your nervous system up. If this guy can afford it, if it was me, I’d book a plane ticket, I’d go to Orlando and go see Doctor Dominic D’Anna, BeSimplyWell.com. Obviously, I would call ahead and get worked on for two weeks. His office is usually open Monday, Wednesday, Friday. That’s mornings and afternoons, so you can get in treatments in the morning and treatments in the afternoon. Sometimes he’s open on Tuesdays and Thursdays. So I would call ahead and tell them that you’re one of my viewers, you want to come get work done and you want to get a lot of work in about a two-week period and get like an Airbnb or a hotel. It’s maybe 10 minutes from his office in Winter Park, Florida, and get worked on, because if you’re not an outgoing person and you’re disconnected from willpower, he can really help free up your nervous system, because the shape and tone of your spine is the shape and tone of your life. If you work on that and you get more flexibility, you’ll feel more open, you’ll feel more outgoing, you’ll feel more confident. I know if you haven’t done it, it kind of sounds ridiculous, but again, it was almost one of the most life changing healing modalities I’ve ever experienced in my life.

Tony Robbins said the same exact thing. He’s been getting worked on by Doctor Donald Epstein personally for, I think, 25 years at this point. That’s how I got turned on to network chiropractic care. I’ve had Donnie work on me a bunch of times, and that guy’s a mensch. He’s fucking absolutely amazing. It’s life changing stuff. So if you tend to be more inward focused, shy-going and getting worked on by Dominic for two weeks, it’s not cheap, but it’s worth it. Especially a guy like this that’s just kind of recluse and probably not very outgoing, not very talkative, even in the picture he said he’s not really smiling, he’s just got kind of a grin on his face.

So if your pictures kind of look like the picture that you sent me, if I were you, I’d get a professional person that’s really good with photography to take some professional pictures of you for your dating profiles. If you got some really pretty girls, you know, cousins, sisters, your buddies wives, get them to take some pictures of you as well, because women are usually really good with beauty and dress a little bit better and change your pictures out. If you’re not getting much traction on there, just getting pictures professionally done would be a much better way to go. It’s like the picture he sent. He looks like a dude that is on the farm. He’s got a hat, he’s got sunglasses on his hat, and that’s probably how he dresses all the time. That’s where he goes and that’s what he does. I’m sure he’s a nice guy and everything, but you got to open that big hole in your face and you got to participate with people. You got to get out there and enjoy life.

I am not an ugly guy. I am athletic, race Subarus and have my own house.

Well, like I said, you need to push some weights up because you’re pretty scrawny from the pictures you sent and the shirt you got on is just hanging on you. You don’t look like you have any muscle tone at all. So that would help you a lot just doing that.

I am a mechanic, a farm hand and the Subarus I build, nobody would mistake. I am probably too nice. I feel like I will die if I can’t have a family and want to meet someone who loves me.

Well, at the end of the day, we’re all going to die anyways. 100 years from now, nobody is going to give a fuck about you, me or anybody else, because we’re all going to be fucking dust in the wind by then, so it doesn’t matter. You should look at life and say, “What am I OK going to my grave having not experienced?” That should help motivate you.

One of the things that Steve Jobs always did was that every day he would get up and he’d look in the mirror in the morning as he’s getting ready, and he would think to himself, “If today was my last day on earth, would I want to do what I’m about to do today?” When the answer to that question was no too many days in a row, he knew he needed to change something in his life, his routine, things he was focusing on, because it’s important. You got to have an emotionally compelling reason why you want what you want, because it’s the emotion compelling WHY that makes you take action even when you don’t feel like it. That’s what makes you go to the gym, even when you don’t feel like it. So just working out, what is the purpose of working out? Number one, you want to be healthy. You want to look good. You want to attract a good woman because being disciplined is masculine and women like that. So if you work out and you take care of yourself, women are going to notice you more because most people will not do those things. The average person tends to major in minor things.

I wonder if women are too self-absorbed in the attention they crave.

Well see, that’s part of your story. That’s the excuse. That’s one of the excuses that you give yourself. “Oh, it’s not my fault. I don’t have to change anything about me. It’s women. The reason women don’t notice me is because they’re too self-absorbed and the attention they crave.” So when you think like that, guess what? You don’t have to open your mouth. You don’t have to talk to them because you’ve already given up before your mouth even opens. You’ve already convinced yourself nothing you can do is going to shape and change or affect your destiny. As Henry Ford said, “Whether you think you can or you can’t, either way, you’re right.”

Any older women I talk to say they would scoop me up in a second. I can’t imagine how many people like me feel this way.

Well again, if you’re checked out, you don’t have much of a social life, you’re on a farm and you’re in middle of nowhere, your reality is you’re not seeing much going on. You’re not really interacting with women. You’re not talking to them. So you come up with a story as to why there’s distance between you and the ladies that you want.

I was driving home from work today and felt like a zombie…

So does that sound like somebody who’s excited about their life? Somebody that’s fun to be around? Somebody that you’d like to hang out with and have a beer? For a girl, like if it’s your friend, if somebody knew you that’s going to set you up with their sister is like, would a guy really want to set his sister up with you when you’re driving around feeling like a zombie because you set your sister up with you, you take her out on a date, you’re fucking boring, you’re checked out and you feel like a zombie, she won’t have a good time, and she’s gonna be like, “Why did you set me up with that fucking guy?”

Thank you for all of your videos and books. I believe in what you preach and tell others. I gave my book away, but I feel like women aren’t available and this is my fate. Oh God, I hope I’m wrong.

Bob

Well, as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.

Again, your self-talk? You’ve already given up. You’ve already decided ahead of time that it’s not going to work out for you. You gave the book away. So what happens if you meet somebody by chance and you get set up with them, or you meet her at church and you really like her, she really likes you, you didn’t bother paying attention to the book, and this is the first date you’ve had in years? Do you think you’re going to be good on the date? You think you’re going to perform on the date? Or are you more likely to talk her out of liking you? Because again, if you don’t spend the time learning what’s attractive behavior, what’s unattractive behavior and correcting your own behavior, you’re going to keep making the same mistakes and your life is not going to change.

So it’s pretty obvious that you don’t take this seriously. You already gave your book away and you gave up on yourself. So I can’t do anything for you. You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make a drink. If you want to change your life, it requires you to take the effort. Women aren’t the problem, dude. You’re the problem, and your attitude is the problem. You’ve already given up on yourself, and that sucks. When you think like that, it’s like you got one foot in the grave, and at the end of the day, time’s going to pass, so you might as well pass it doing things you love and you enjoy. Now you’re into racing. You know, maybe a girl who is kind of a country girl, maybe she was raised on a farm, did some of the same kinds of things that you like to do, maybe her dad was into cars or is into cars. That’s why you should lean into your hobbies and your interests, because around those kinds of sports, I mean, you ever go to a NASCAR event? There’s always tons of beautiful women everywhere there. You go to a football game, a basketball game or a hockey game, there’s always beautiful women everywhere at those events. So you got to get out and you got to socialize. You got to go where the fish are.

Again, if you’re not having any luck with online dating, like I said, just seeing the one picture he sent in, it’s like you need to get somebody to take some good pictures of you. A professional photographer should only cost you a few hundred bucks to get some really good, high quality pictures made of you and any really beautiful women you know, whether they’re sisters, aunts, your buddies wives, your buddy’s sisters. Get them to take some pictures of you that they think you look handsome in. Have them tell you how to dress and take a bunch of pictures and add those to your dating profile, because if the picture that you sent me is what’s in your dating profile, it wouldn’t surprise me that you’re not getting much attention.

So again, you got to control the controllables. The things that you have control over, which is how you take care of your body and what you do when you’re not working. You got to get out and socialize. I’ve always found the women that I wrote about in my book. It’s like, all the great relationships I’ve had over the course of my life, they all came. Not a single long-term relationship that I ever meet online. It was always in person. It was always either through something I was doing socially or maybe I was traveling. It’s like, you can go out by yourself. Just getting out, you know, when I met Katie, my English girlfriend, I was at an event with 3,000 other people I knew, maybe eight, 10 people that were there, and they were mixed in with the crowd, but I was in a city I’d never been in before. I was staying at a resort. I didn’t know a lot of people. Yet I saw her, she saw me, we eye fucked each other, and I asked her out on a date right on the spot, because I could tell she liked me, because I knew what to look for. If you’ve already gotten rid of your book because you’ve given up, it’s like unless you’re going to take this seriously, there’s nothing anybody’s going to do that’s going to help you. You’re going to have to help yourself. It’s all on you.

I know it’s probably not what you want to hear, but if you do the things that I told you to do, you become social, you put yourself out there and you put yourself anytime you can go somewhere where there’s more women than men, something simple, things like a Pilates class. Again, if a gas station is the only place and church where you only meet somebody, again it just sounds like you’re in the middle of nowhere. So you got to get out of your comfort zone. Maybe you need to get an efficiency apartment or a studio apartment. Maybe it’s 45 minutes, an hour away, and then you go spend your weekends there. Again, you got to participate in your own rescue. Life happens when you move. Stagnation happens when you die. That’s something to think about.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly.

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