You Will Attract Women Who Align With Your Mindset & Vibe

Why you will attract women who align with your mindset & vibe.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who has read 3% Man 27 times and been following me for six years. He refuses to meet women in person and usually avoids them altogether. He only does online dating. His attitude sucks and his whole email focuses on his bitterness towards women and having to spend money on them. He’s only met two women in the past six years that he liked.

I explain why his vibe and mindset suck and are the reason why he attracts women that match it. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

In other words, you attract how you act.

This particular email is from a viewer who has read 3% Man 27 times. He’s been following me for six years. However, he only relies on online dating. He absolutely refuses to meet women in person. He will not do cold approaches, and even when he’s out with his friends in public, he just kind of avoids women altogether and won’t even talk to them. On top of that, as you see as I go through his email, he’s really bitter, really angry, really pissed off. I guess his CPA said, “Hey, you dropped $17,000 on dates this past year.” That is a ridiculous amount of money. You’ll notice as I go through the email, he’s just constantly bitching and talking about all the money he spends on these girls, and they don’t appreciate it. Like he’s being taken advantage of. Somebody that’s always talking about money and focused on money is going to tend to attract women who are focused on money, how much you make, your stuff, what kind of car you drive, what neighborhood you live in, how big your house is, and all the other bling and things that go along with doing well in life. So you should not be leading with your money.

You got to understand, if you’re an unhappy dude, you’re going to attract unhappy women. Why? Because like attracts like. Water seeks its own level. That’s just the way the universe works. So the best thing to do, before I even get into this guy’s email, is he needs to get to a happy place first where he really loves and enjoys his life. He enjoys his friends, his family, and he loves going out, hanging out and having fun with the people closest to him, because when you’re happy and you’re having a good time with other people that you love being around and who love being around you, you’ll attract women who are also happy and excited as well. If you’re miserable, angry, bitter and pissed off at women, guess what? You’ll continue to attract women that help you play that worldview, that mindset, and that vibe out in the real world.

Just like the people in the red pill community are really bitter, really pissed off, and got some serious mommy issues. They’re just angry, unhappy dudes, and they keep attracting the same kind of women because they just basically play out that pattern. It’s all based upon their belief system and the story that they tell themselves. The reason why people don’t have what they want in their life is the story that they tell themselves about why they can or they can’t have. As Henry Ford said, “Whether you think you can or you can’t, either way, you are right.”

Viewer Email:

What’s up, Coach?

You’ve answered a few emails of mine. I’ve read your book 27 times and have had plenty of practice. I’ve been single almost six years now and really only met one or two girls that really did it for me.

Well, as I say, on average, you get one to three of those a decade that just knock your socks off, who feel the same way, and you just click with. It’s just something that almost never happens. It takes years to happen, and it’s hard to hold out and wait for that if you’re single and searching. That’s why it’s so important to get to a happy place, because the happier you are, the more content you are with your life. You’re not really focused on meeting anybody, and then bang! It just happens.

I’m really getting fed up as last year alone my CPA said I dropped 17k on dates. So I’m getting tired of paying for everything and having more skin in the game. 

He sounds kind of like a horse trader because he’s focused on what his money is getting him.

I had a good amount of fun, but that’s really it. I don’t ever cold approach in person as I refuse to be on some girl’s TikTok being played for her to get likes and follows. 

What a shitty attitude, dude! Holy fuck! I just can’t imagine that. Nothing like that ever happened to me.

So again, this is your story. This is what keeps you from making any effort. You created this bullshit story to say, “Oh well, if I could approach a girl and it doesn’t go well, I’m going to end up on her TikTok.” I have seen some women go on dates and start filming a guy when the girls are upset that he started at Starbucks or something like that, or at a Chili’s or something. She’s expected to go to some really expensive restaurant and giving them an attitude and all. Quite frankly, all it really does is make the woman look like a ratchet. I’ve seen some of those cases where the guy’s like, “You know what? I’m just gonna take you back,” and they just take him home. Their girl’s like, “Oh, you’re not. I get all dressed up for nothing.”

So quite frankly, when I’ve seen those kinds of videos, the women always look horrible doing it. They’re just showing their ass on camera, and every single one I’ve ever seen, it was like, “Good for the dude, man.” The dude dropped her ass off and said, “See you later. Have a nice life.”

So I have not ever cold approached. Maybe I need to swallow my pride, but this being a meal ticket and what not is getting old.

You’re focused completely on money, what you’re spending and what you’re getting in return. So you’re a horse trader. Horse trading doesn’t really end well. In other words, “I’ll pay for dinner if you give me some pussy.”

I even put on my dating profile that I want a teammate and I don’t ever dress or act like I have money.

Well, just putting something stupid like that in your dating profile basically said you’re trying to make up for what you feel insecure about on the inside. It’s like, “Hey, look at me. I got money.” That’s like going to a titty bar and waving around a stack of hundreds to strippers. What do you think is gonna happen? You’re going to attract gold diggers and women that are after your money and a good time. They might not necessarily really give a shit about you. They’re thinking about your stuff and what you can do for them, and what kind of experiences. You’re focused on yourself and being selfish, and you tend to attract selfish women to help you play that belief out. That’s what really happens here.

The whole purpose of a relationship is you go there to give. Why not date women that can pay their bills on time? They make their car payment. Their car is clean. They have a nice apartment or maybe a nice house. They hold down a stable job. They have decent credit. They come from a good family. They’re family-oriented. Instead, you are absolutely leading with your money and your stuff. So you’re probably only attracting really shallow women because, quite frankly, that’s the bait that you’re putting on your hook and you’re fishing in ponds.

I mean, online dating, it’s just a dumpster fire. For the most part, most of the people on there are people that got issues. That’s why it’s so much better to meet women as a side effect of having a great social life and social circle, as opposed to basically going into the swamp and being shocked that you pulled out fucking Swamp Thing instead of Miss America.

I make good money…

Again, he’s focusing on money once again.

…But I refuse to be someone else’s provider.

Well, if you’re going to have a family and you want your girl to be a stay-at-home mom because you don’t want the fucking school system or some ratchet at a daycare center abusing your child, you’re going to be paying for it. When you think about how much it costs for daycare and all those things, then having other people that you don’t know, you don’t share their value system, basically teaching your kids. I would not want that.

That’s why like, Jade just had her baby, and she’s gonna be bringing her baby to work. I don’t want her putting her kid in daycare. It’s like, the baby’s part of the family. Bring em on over!

I really feel I get nothing out of that and get resentful and have stopped dating women where things were good, but I got tired of paying for everything.

Again it’s like, what kind of women are you attracting? Sounds like gold diggers because again, you’re leading with your money. You even put it in your profile.

We were doing a Live Stream a month or two ago, and some guy was constantly talking about his Ferrari and complaining that he always attracts shallow women. It’s like, because you let everybody know you got a Ferrari. People with real wealth and money, they don’t ever talk about those things. The billionaires, it’s like they’re just like me. Shorts, t-shirts, flip flops. They’re not wearing flashy gold in these things. They might have a nice car and stuff like that, but they’re not going around leading with their money. They’re just like regular people. If you didn’t know who they are, just think it’s some another fucking swinging dick on the street.

I have over 3k matches online in less than a year, so I get a lot of love online and a lot of them will reach out first. 

Well again, if you you got in your profile, you’re talking about money, if you put garbage out in the street, you’re going to attract flies. If you tell everybody how much money you got, well,of course, you’re going to have women that are focused on that. You’re going to get the strippers and the hookers and the OnlyFans girls that are shallow and come from broken homes hitting you up. So of course you’re going to have a miserable dating experience, but your attitude sucks, so you attract how you act.

So clearly I’ve done something right, but I cannot seem to attract something great and I spent a ton of money.

There he is talking about money again.

I vetted them pretty hard before meeting but the majority of the time I would just stop responding. Even if they were nice and easy to be with, I felt like I was being used. 

Well, that’s because you’re focused on yourself and what you’re getting out of it instead of what you can contribute. You’re never going to be with a nice, easygoing, easy to get along with woman when you got that fucking attitude. You’re just going to attract a bunch of gold diggers, maybe former sex workers or current sex workers, and you’re just going to continue to be miserable.

Again, if you’re a miserable man, you’ll attract miserable women, and you don’t sound like a very happy dude.

Something has to change here to get what I really want and I’m not sure what it is. My attitude recently has been a little bit bitter but overall my dates would say how funny I was and how much fun they had, but I got tired of it.

Well, the Ten Disciplines Of Love says, when you experience pain in a relationship, it’s usually because you’re focusing on yourself. What can you do? What can you bring to the table? What can you contribute? The whole goal should be to light her up on the inside.

I work 70 hours a week with my business as it’s slowly growing and my two partners work probably more than me. So my social life is very limited as we have big goals with our real estate lending business. It’s coming along now, which is great, but outside of the gym where I really don’t see anyone I like, but even if I did I refuse to approach whenever I saw attractive girls in the gym, that’s my place of peace. I get complimented a ton for my physique on dates too. 

Well, if you’re in the gym and you’re working out and a cute girl comes over and sits next to you or across from you on a piece of equipment and stares at you and smiles, it usually means she wants you to talk to her, but again, you’re fucking attitude? Probably nobody’s going to come over and talk to you because you look angry, mean and pissed off. So your the vibe is like, “Just stay the fuck away from me!” Women probably don’t feel safe around you.

The little free time I have I just go to local bars with my friends and we drink and have a good time. I don’t talk to any girls and just focus on my friends. I get rejected for a living so I’m not afraid of rejection, but it seems at this point I have to swallow my pride. 

So if you’re out and you won’t talk to anybody and girls come over, you’re probably just nasty to them, you give them dirty looks, or you’re short and you make them feel unwelcome, it’s like, any nice girl that was raised properly is just going to avoid you like the plague, dude. Girls that come from broken homes, are after money and stuff and are shallow people themselves, you’ll attract them like honey attracts flies.

So with the little free time I have, what do you suggest? 

Focus on going out and having a good time with your buddies and doing other things you know than going to the bar standing in a high traffic area.

There is an article I did that’s referenced in the book, How To Get Women To Approach You First. There’s three different ways to do it. Stand in a high traffic area. Again, it’s detailed in the article. I’m not going to go through it here, but go someplace that’s cool. Maybe someplace that’s upscale. A place that’s upscale and has other professionals there. Instead of going to a bar, go do something fun. If you love to golf, go to the country club. Maybe you’ll meet the hot single daughter of an industrialist who happens to be rich and is a trust fund baby, she’s high IQ and she makes really good money on her own, so she don’t need you or your cash, but her dad raised her right and she ain’t going to put up with your shitty fucking attitude.

The women I tend to like are in Manhattan. I don’t live too far from the city, but it’s not the most convenient. Jersey has a lot of good areas…

Well again, you talk about in this email how much money you have and how successful you are. Why don’t you get a little efficiency apartment somewhere that’s near where the action is? Again, you talk like you’re a big high roller, so that should be a very cheap expense for you. Maybe you can talk to your CPA and find a way that maybe it’s kind of like an office. Maybe you have a bedroom that you rent and the other part is for business, so you can deduct part of it. Again, talk to your CPA about that. Figure it out. You’re the big rich tycoon. At least that’s the way you kind of represent your email.

…But like I said, after following you since 2014, I’ve refused to cold approach once.

Well again, if you follow what’s in the article, How To Get Women To Approach You First, I wrote probably 15 years ago. That’ll work 100 years from now. It’s very simple. Go places and have a great time with your friends and women will come up to your group. If you’re scowling at women and you refuse to talk to them and you have like a “Get the fuck away from me” vibe, women are not gonna want anything to do with you. They’re going to avoid you. You’re going to scare them. You’re not going to make them feel safe, and that’s something that you’re proud of? You repulse women in public, and the women you meet online you’re disgusted with. You just don’t sound like a happy dude. It’s like you’re projecting your unhappiness onto the people that seems like they are interested in you and you’re just like, “Fuck off! Get away!“

So I’m at a point where I think I have to get over my attitude and do it, though I really don’t feel like it. What are your recommendations?

Well, I would recommend you do the Consciousness Exercises on the home page of my YouTube channel. Just scroll to the bottom and do stage one through 12 on your big screen TV before you go out with your friends. Takes about an hour, hour and a half. Depending on how quickly you go through those stages, you might have some of the stages where you’ll do them a couple of times because you like them so much that it’ll help you feel better, put you in a better attitude.

Again, you attract how you act. If you’re an angry, bitter, pissed off dude like you are in this email, yeah, you’re gonna attract garbage. You’re going to be fishing the mullet out of the canal.

I work six days a week and have little free time, so I don’t join clubs or have many hobbies. Just the gym and the bars with my friends. 

You got to think about where you’re fishing if you want to upscale successful woman there. Probably at the country club, the yacht club, the private club or what was it, the Soho House? I can’t remember the name of it. One of my friends belongs, and we go down there. I think it’s North Miami Beach. Sometimes you see celebrities there. You join stuff like that, you’re not going to have the riff-raff in there. You’re typically going to have people that can afford to be there.

So if you’re pissed off by how much money you spend, well date women that come from good families and they do well themselves, or they work for their family business or whatever, and they’re smart and they’re super high IQ, but you can’t be a miserable, unhappy dude and expect to attract a woman that comes from a good family, because she ain’t gonna put up with your bullshit or your shitty attitude.

My last relationship, I got resentful of paying for everything and simply stopped…

He’s talking about money.

…As I said I wanted a teammate, not a leech. 

Well, it sounds like you’re dating broke ass girls that don’t have a pot to piss in. Again, you’re leading with money on your dating profile. So that’s what you’re attracting. You’re attracting people because you’re basically saying, “Hey, I got money. Come date and fuck me.” I mean, you’re getting the bottom of the peanut butter jar. You’re getting the dregs of society. You’re fishing in the shitty ponds.

She was the only girl I really really liked and I got her thanks to your work. So I’m not sure as I refuse to be some soy-boy provider and get nothing in return. Being hot and sleeping with me is not enough for thousands and thousands of dollars for dates. What should I change here?

Which at the end of the day, you’re going to date women, take them out and invite people out. It’s going to cost you money. If you don’t like that, then maybe you should get hookers instead and just say, “Fuck it,” call it a day, give up and bitch out on being a man.

I am fine with a tongue lashing for my attitude, but I really would like a change as it’s not six years solo and really no serious good results.

Best Regards,

Bob

Well, you got lots of results. You just weren’t happy with the fish that you were catching. Again, you attract how you act. So you need to change your attitude and change your life.

One of the things that Wayne Dyer used to say, which I love, he said, “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” So instead of focusing on what you can get from a woman, focus on what you can contribute to a good woman who comes from a good family. Become a man of value. Go hang out in places with like-minded people who like to do the same things that you do. If you’re not, well again, you don’t talk to anybody at the bar scene, but you’re going to have to become a social person. If you don’t want to do that, you only want to rely on online dating and you’re going to lead with money in your profile, if you keep doing what you’ve always done, you will continue to get what you’ve always got.

You got to participate in your own rescue. You don’t really even have to do cold approaches. If you’re having a good time, you’re social and women walk by your group, you’re smiling and you’re like, “Hey ladies! What are you guys up to tonight?” That’s just such an easy opener that starts a conversation. They’re smiling, you’re smiling. Everybody’s out having a good time. They start talking. You start asking questions. Just take a sincere, authentic interest in other people. You just don’t sound like a very nice or very social person. It’s like, with your attitude, if we met in public, I wouldn’t want to fucking talk to you either. I wouldn’t even want to be around you.

So you need to think about that, dude. You need to change your attitude, change your life, change your story, and you will change your life.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.