How to determine if things are going anywhere romantically between you and someone you just met, or if it’s simply young lust, love or delusion.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who says he has been following my work since late last year and that he has read my book three times, but that he feels like he already knows enough of it and does not need to read it anymore. He is young, a virgin and obviously very inexperienced when it comes to women, dating and seduction. Four months ago he met a woman on Facebook, and they started chatting. Then they met in person a week later. They had their first kiss.
A week after that she called him, and he set a second date for three months in the future, which was also on his birthday. He says he made all kinds of elaborate plans, and it’s obvious he thought that he needed to make the type of “grand gesture” fantasy date you see in movies. He started professing his love for her and put too much pressure on her. She canceled the date on him at the last minute. A few days later, they ended up having a picnic together. He asks me if I think things are going anywhere. There are a lot of inconsistencies in his story, and it is apparent to me that he is embellishing the details of what’s really going on in order to puff himself up and inflate his ego. I give him a reality check and tell him what he really needs to focus on. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email.
I had been following your videos since late last year, and I even purchased your book. I read it 3 times, I know 15 times, but I feel I already know enough from it. My situation is that, I met this really beautiful girl late last February, and we met through a Facebook group. However, one week afterwards, we managed to meet in real life. We are both in our mid 20’s, virgins, and had not even had our first kiss yet. On the date, she leaned in to kiss me on the cheek. I playfully turned towards her and kissed her on the lips. (That was a good move there.) She blushed a little, but we kissed a few more times afterwards. We didn’t have sex, but that’s okay. We want to save it for the “right one.” (I used to think that way when I was younger. The idea of “the one” is a fantasy that is perpetuated by movies, TV and Hollywood.) A week after, she called me. I asked if she liked that last date, and she said yes, so I set another date; this one was three months away. I know, too long. This was supposed to be on my birthday, and I even spent two months planning everything, but as my birthday came, she put it off because she was feeling pressured by my planning. (You were planning this grand gesture date and getting wound up in the fantasy.)
Two weeks after my birthday, we had no contact, as I was still pretty mad at her for putting it off, and she sent me a message on Facebook asking if my birthday went okay. (You basically talked her out of it rather than hanging out out having fun and hooking up.) I said, “it would have been better if I was with you, but I made the best of the situation.” (You let her know you were emotionally torn up, but had only been on one date. You haven’t even spent enough time with this girl to even know if you like her.) A few hours later she called me again, and we started talking. The next day, I asked if she wanted to hang out with me on Monday, because I had business near her city. She agreed to go on another date with me, and we just had a picnic. (A man’s job is to create an opportunity for sex to happen, hang out, have fun and hook up. Women want to be in a love story. She wants a guy who knows what to do.)
Later that night after I got home, we had a fight. (You’ve only been on two dates and now you’re already fighting with her. She probably didn’t meet your unreasonable expectations. She was fucking up your fantasy.) She told me she’d put up a wall, and this time it is impossible to break through. Knowing that this is the end, I just said all that I had to say to her. She wants to know why I love her, and how long I can love her. I simply replied that “we stopped talking three months ago, and I still loved you the same as the day I met you. So, if this is not love, I don’t know what is.” (You need to hang out, have fun and hook up. You supposedly read the book, but you’re doing the exact opposite of what I teach.) She had been very confrontational with me every time we talked, so this time I went on the offensive. (Men who argue with women don’t understand them.) She said that even her closest friends don’t know her very well, and I made a BOLD move by saying I can read her like a book. She even tested me to see if I was being serious. Right afterwards, she opened the gate to her mighty wall, and I simply walked right inside without a battle. She started using emoticons in her texts again after four months. I feel she’s trying to open up to me again, because she’s at least talking to me and telling me about her personal life.
Oh, since our little chat the other night, she has been telling me every day about all the “quality” guys that try to get with her, but she has been rejecting every one. She posted on her Facebook that she wouldn’t consider dating a guy who flirts with girls; I know this was directed at me. (You’re assuming it’s directed at you.) I called her a little later after she posted that and said, “I don’t flirt, I tease…playfully.” She laughed. Is this going anywhere? What should I be doing right now? (Make a date. You’ve got to participate in your own rescue. Read the book 10-15 times and learn the fundamentals of what I teach. You should be meeting and going on dates with other women. You need to be practicing the things I teach, instead of making this one girl into the ultimate fantasy.)
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Life has an amazing way of giving us a reality check when we become too full of ourselves and our capabilities. It usually starts to happen when have become too enamored with our own success, importance or value. It’s always better to let other people sing your praises, instead of trying to tell or convince others of your own greatness. All we really have control over in life is how we show up in each moment and the action we choose or don’t choose to take. Success and getting from where you are right now to where you want to be is the result of continuous effort and action, not inflating your own ego or self-importance. If you become too full of your ego and self pride, life will inevitably serve you up a giant helping of humble pie.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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