Why your troubled past doesn’t have to equal your future, because you can always become the person you were meant to be.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email success story from a viewer who came from a dysfunctional family. He and the rest of his siblings experienced homelessness when very young, being split up and having drug and alcohol addictions. He discovered my work about ten months ago after a bad breakup left him brokenhearted.
Since then, he is now majoring in psychology to eventually help others, he stopped drinking and taking drugs and is casually dating a really beautiful woman and seeing what happens next. It’s a great email that illustrates that your past does not define your future. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
I’ve had several friends that could just never get their act together and have since passed away, just because they were troubled and they didn’t take care of themselves. If you don’t take care of your body and you treat it like you have no will to live, your body will match and mirror that. As a man thinketh in his heart, so shall he become. I know there’s somebody out there that will read this email and it’s going to inspire them. They’ll think, “If this guy can do it, I can do it.”
The word ‘lead’ means to go first. Your determination to make your life better will be inspiration for all the people who are around you and who watch this. We all need good examples. We all need people to look up to when we’re having those down days and things aren’t going well. Having somebody that just smiles, lets the calamities roll off their backs like water rolls off the back of a duck. People like that inspire us to keep moving forward. If they can do it, I can do it. Your success gives me hope for mine.
I know you’re fucking awesome, so I’ll cut to the chase. A very brief backstory of myself. I am a 25-year old Australian male who comes from a dysfunctional family. Both parents are disabled and don’t work. We became homeless when I was in 5th grade, so my siblings and I were split up and sent to other relatives. My older brother had a bad heroin addiction and took off early in life.
Both my sisters have extreme depression. My eldest tied a belt around her neck in 7th grade, and my mother found her completely unconscious in her room. My youngest sister overdosed on heroin at 20 and has very slight brain damage from lack of oxygen, and after splitting with her abusive boyfriend last year, tried to cut her throat and has ended up with life scarring. They’re now mature and living their life separately from one another. My eldest sister has 3 children with different fathers, and my elder brother has recently become married.
Kids are basically going to emulate what they see in their parents.
He didn’t invite any of the family to his wedding. I’ve always been mature and very self-reliant, so in 9th grade I left school and got my first job sweeping hair in a barber shop.
What introduced me to your work 10 months ago was when I ruined a 3-month dating relationship with a great woman. She was 20, petite (size 5), blonde, big blue eyes, wealthy happy family, studying while working in the law firm her father is a partner in. Basically, what every movie would depict the perfect family to be.
So, you can see right away, if he’s used to dysfunction and he dates a woman who’s normal, it doesn’t feel right to be with somebody who’s normal. Therefore, the likelihood that he’s going to self-sabotage is very likely, and obviously, that’s what happened.
I was dating other women at the time, as I’ve always been great with one-night stands, because I never needed to rely on the emotional side of things. Like they always do, she eventually found out. We had traveled a bit together and we were very sexually compatible. I had opened her up to a lot sexually. She brought out the best of me and I’m glad to say she always won gold at the indoor Olympics.
Everything I’ve shared is all very personal and private to me. I was always taught emotions are weak, however. I wanted to explain to you why and how your influence has helped me. In turn, she was the only person in my life I ever had feelings for, including my family, and without her I wouldn’t have discovered your help.
So, in other words, he basically ran right into the wall of life. And the way he was living life, obviously, was not very efficient and it wasn’t a good way to go about it. He came across a good woman who comes from a good family, has values, and he screwed around on her and fucked it up. But he didn’t know any better.
When things like this happen, people don’t change their belief systems until it no longer works for them. And so, he had an emotionally compelling reason to make changes. He really loved this girl and appreciated her, but he fucked it up. So that pain becomes the fuel for a lot of change in his life, which you’ll see.
Because we share the same interests, political views, humor, etc., it is the reason I stayed to learn more about myself long after my interests for the mentioned woman had diminished. I own your book 3% Man in paperback and audio, as well as your recommended ones, How to Gain Friends and Influence People and The Way of the Superior Man. I love them all. I’m currently on my 5th read of 3% Man and looking forward to where I’ll be in my life at the 15th read, or the 25th read.
Well, I also recommend that you read “Mastering Yourself,” because this an autobiography of all of my life, everything I’ve been through, all the things I’ve overcome, the mindset, the way I eat. Obviously, if you’ve been watching the 30-Day Challenge videos I’ve done with Chunky and Gracie, you can see how hard it is for them to stay committed to juicing and smoothies, eating healthy nuts, exercising and doing all of the things they admit really worked and really made them feel better and look better. But still, it’s hard for them, like most people, to stick with it. It takes a lot of discipline and a lot of internal fortitude and determination.
Like I mentioned, I first discovered you through the grieving anger of losing someone. A wise man once said, “Rejection breeds obsession.”
Well again, I look at people like this — they come along in your life, and you recognize that you screwed up, you experience pain. People do more to avoid pain than they do to gain pleasure. And if somebody had come to him and said, “I have this great book that will help you be more successful with women and have better relationships,” he would have been completely uninterested in it.
But after things go sideways, he’s like, “What’s the name of that book?” Now, he’s got an emotionally compelling reason to make changes, to learn, to read, to grow, to improve, because at the time, he’s hoping to get this girl back.
This is what it takes. For some people it’s bankruptcy, losing their business, somebody leaves them. They lose all their money in the stock market. They have a debilitating illness that happens out of the blue. Life brings you all kinds of calamities, and these bad times typically cause you to really pause and reflect. Which, quite frankly, over the last year and a half with all of these crazy lockdowns, a lot of people have changed and uprooted their lives because they had a lot of time to think and really examine where they were, and whether or not they were happy with the way they were living their lives.
However, I have stayed for the courage and confidence you’ve enlightened in me through years of very poor role models and life choices. I always knew I had all the pieces, though no one had helped or taught me how to assemble them until I hit my teen years and of course started following your work on self-help.
Skip to today, and I’ve recently arranged to move to the inner city where I am studying for my bachelor’s degree in psychology, so I can help others and especially young teenagers. I have also stopped wasting my valuable time and I’m completely sober of any alcohol or drugs.
Good job, dude.
I have recently developed multiple incomes, and I’m saving for a deposit for my first house. I’ll be the first person in my entire family to own my own home.
Well, remember what I was saying earlier, the word ‘lead’ means to go first. Hopefully, you’ll be an inspiration for the rest of your siblings. “If he can do it, I can do it.”
As well as that, I’ve stopped having one-night stands and I’m patiently waiting for my ideal little pussy cat that matches my list perfectly to stroll up to me one day purring.
I’ve attached a picture of me and one of my current casual dates.
She’s very beautiful, and he’s a handsome guy. You’ve got to give him that. And what’s interesting is when people send me their pictures of their wives, or their girlfriends or their significant other, we tend to be attracted to people who have the same facial structure as us. And when you look at their eyes, and especially their nose, it’s pretty identical. It’s pretty neat.
We are both looking for a partner, but when time affords us the luxury, the two of us hang out, have fun and hook up. She is a great woman and any guy will be lucky to have her.
You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free. When you give a woman total freedom to stay with you, or you dare her to find somebody better, they’ll pretty much always choose you, because most guys don’t have the ability to do that. It’s counter-intuitive, especially when you think about all of the movies and TV programs that tell you that “You’ve got to lock her down! You’ve got to put a ring on that finger. You’ve got to catch her before somebody else does.” She’ll be back.
It’s funny that sometimes through one small failure we try to avoid, it inevitably shows us a hidden path which then creates greater circumstances for which we live the rest of our lives by.
Well, pain is life’s way of showing us that what we’re doing, or how we’re living, or how we’re thinking is not working and it’s wrong. And it’s that pain that we want to avoid that moves us towards things that feel good, or potentially will feel good.
You’re more than welcome to use my story for any videos you wish to make, as I believe anyone out there can relate to feeling alone mentally in a world full of weak role models.
Especially last year, our supposed “leaders,” who have just revealed their inner totalitarian, and their solution to everything is locking people down and telling people what to do. And if you don’t do it, they send the police to beat the crap out of you. I mean, it’s just insane what I see in some of these other countries. The police are basically the mask police now.
Best of luck Corey with what life decides to reward you with next, and I do hope our paths one day cross.
Take care mate,
If you’ve got a question or a challenge or something you’d like to get my help with, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“It’s never too late to become the person you were meant to be. As long as you have breath in your lungs, love in your heart and light in your eyes, you can spend your days creating the life and lifestyle you’ve always dreamed of. No matter what has gone wrong in your past, it doesn’t have to define your future as long as you choose to shape and change your destiny with your daily actions. Having an emotionally compelling vision that stirs hope in your heart and determination in your mind is the fuel and emotional leverage that you will need to continually propel yourself forward, even when success seems hopeless or far off into the future. It’s easy to be lazy and give up on your dreams like most average people have done, but truly bright spirits who believe in the beauty of their dreams and make them happen can inspire millions to follow in their footsteps.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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