You’re Not Broken

Why you should never think of yourself or refer to yourself as if you are broken or as if something is wrong with you. What you should do instead, when you feel down on yourself and like life is hopeless.

In this video-coaching newsletter, I discuss a recent comment on my YouTube channel from a guy who says he is broken. He said that he used to be a criminal and a drug dealer. He is a former drug addict and has been sober for two and a half years. He says he currently is, and has been, a porn addict since he was six years old. He says that he tries to be positive, but sometimes he just can’t be. He also suffers from depression and feels a tremendous guilt for his past. I tell him what he should focus on, so he can eventually create a life and lifestyle he is proud of and excited about. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his comment.

YouTube Follower’s Comment:

Coach,

Do you have some advice for broken people? (You are not broken. There is nothing wrong with you. You simply need to spend your time and your energy and focus your actions in a constructive way, doing something that is exciting and compelling, even though you may be working at a job you hate, temporarily until eventually, you can get to a place where you can do something you love. As Denzel Washington said, “Anything you practice, you will get better at.”

Most of the people in this world get a job, they get good at that one particular job, and then they stop growing. They stop trying to grow their gifts, skills and talents, and they want to hold on to that job and that steady paycheck for the rest of their life, based on security, even though it’s slowly killing them, because eventually they get to the point where they hate getting up every day and going to work. When you don’t love what you’re doing, it has a negative effect on your self-esteem and your overall quality of life.)

I’ve got some issues, and you said in your previous video that sometimes we’ve got to give ourselves time to feel some shitty emotions, give ourselves permission to heal. (Exactly. If you look at how children experience emotions, they really get into the depth of their emotions without judgement, without fear, and without apology. But when we grow up and become adults, we no longer experience our emotions. When we feel bad, we drink, we eat chocolate, we do drugs, watch TV and we play music. We’re always busy doing something to distract ourselves from what we don’t want to feel.

Society says, especially if you’re a man, you can’t experience those icky, nasty emotions. Be a man, suck it up. But you have to feel it, because when you don’t feel emotions, especially ones that have a real strong emotional charge, it’s going to get stored as muscle tension in your nervous system. Over decades and life, that muscle tension causes your muscles to get so hard that it literally bends your spine forward. Eventually, your body adapts by turning the cartilage into bone, and it literally fuses the vertebrae together.

Once that happens, you’re pretty much screwed. It’s really fucking important to feel your emotions, embrace them without judgement and take some time alone to feel it and heal it, so it will move through you and dissolve, just like kids do. You have to do it, because over time, over the course of your life, that shit will build up and make you sick.

Wherever you are disconnected from, that’s typically where disease shows up in your body. Your navel area is your willpower center. If you have something you know you need to do, but you tend to not have the willpower to stick with it or discipline yourself to do it, as you age and become older, that’s typically where disease shows up in your body. In your emotional center, where your rib cage comes together in that V, where your pancreas and liver are, disease can show up for people who have emotional problems and aren’t comfortable experiencing emotion. Look at a perfect example, Steve Jobs. He died of pancreatic cancer. If you read his book, and you read the books of other people that knew him, you can tell he had a really difficult time interacting emotionally with other people.

People who are disconnected from their heart center typically end up having heart problems. It’s really fascinating, and I learned a lot of that stuff from my Network Chiropractic doctors. Our body really becomes a reflection of our thoughts about ourselves, and actually, that becomes our prison. As my good friend says, that is a Network Chiropractic doctor, your issues are in your tissues. It literally becomes locked into your tissues, and eventually it will shorten your life if you don’t do something to resolve it.

That’s why I’m a huge advocate of Network Chiropractic care and Network Spinal Analysis. Look at my article and video, “How To Become More Confident & Sure Of Your Actions,” where I explain my experiences with Network Care in further detail. I’ve referenced it in my audiobook as well.)

I am a drug addict. Sober for 2.5 years. It is done. I’m cured from this. (That’s awesome. The one thing you’ve got to consider is, the root cause of addiction is a failure to feel. When we don’t feel something, or we can’t experience something, we try to escape from it.)

I am a porn addict. I was watching porn since I was 6 years old, Internet porn when I was 10. It is in me, it will never go away. I don’t know what to do with this. I can be “sober” for about 30 days, but that is it. (At the end of the day, it’s an escape. If you were getting your brains fucked out by somebody who adores you and who you adored, you wouldn’t have the need to be watching porn. Becoming successful with members of the opposite sex is a direct result of having a great life that you’re proud of, you’re excited about and you want to tell everyone about.

When you love what you do, it shows. I really love what I do, and I love seeing the success stories. People find value in what I do. Being successful is just like Albert Einstein said, “Try not to become a man of success. Rather become a man of value.” Develop the skills, gifts and talents that are really exciting, compelling and interesting to you. That has to be the number one thing in all of our lives.)

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I was depressed and I still sometimes am. I’ve got scars on my arm. Was in a mental institution. I think I’m managing with this shit. (I’m not a doctor, I’m a coach. I basically teach success strategies, and you’ve got to have something exciting and compelling, because when you’re suffering from depression, you don’t have anything to be excited about. And so what, you were in a mental institution. You got out, and that’s something you should be proud of. Obviously, you got to the point where you were tired of being a drug dealer and a drug addict, and you said fuck that shit. I’m not doing it anymore. You overcame that. You shouldn’t look at it as something to be ashamed of. You should be like, this is who I was, and I overcame it.)

And I was a criminal. Drug dealer. I wasn’t doing it for money; I was doing it because I wanted to get revenge from people that laughed at me when I was a junkie. But revenge is not sweet. And those things will haunt me for the rest of my life, and I don’t know what to do. (The past is the past. You can’t do anything about it. You don’t have a time machine. The only choice you have is what these things mean to you, so give it a compelling meaning. How can you use your past to propel you forward? What can you learn from it? How can you become a better human being in the future, by learning from the mistakes you made in the past? Focus on the good you can gain from it.)

Photo by Jonathan Leibson/FilmMagic/Getty Images

I think women can feel it. They can feel the death I wear inside me, and I don’t know what to do. (The most important thing you can do is get up every day and practice developing your skills, your gifts and your talents. I’ve done a bunch of videos and articles over the years on discovering your purpose. Just Google, “Coach Corey Wayne Discovering Your Purpose,” and you’ll find a bunch of those.)

There are days that are great, but sometimes some small detail can fuck me up and I am that little depressed kid with a fucked up brain. (Again, you need to feel it to heal it. Every day is a process. As Eckhart Tolle says, “Be willing to be a beginner every single morning.” You have a choice and control over what you want to do and who you want to become. I would also highly recommend you watch the Steve Jobs Stanford commencement speech embedded below.)

I try to be positive, but sometimes I just cant. (That’s okay. You have to look at what you need to do right now, today, that will move you closer to your outcome and where you want to be.)

Cheers!

Bob

“Every human being needs a compelling vision and mission for their lives. An emotionally compelling reason to get up and take action every day towards being and becoming something that is exciting and exhilarating to them. Everyone has unique latent talents that are just waiting to be tapped, practiced and refined. Success is a process. Feeling successful and fulfilled is the result of making progress towards your grand vision for your life. Whatever you endeavor to become or create in life, becoming great at anything takes at a minimum, a decade or more to accomplish or make significant progress. Kids are always excited and relentless when they seek to become or create something. People start dying when they stop playing, lose hope or have nothing to look forward to. In nature, when something stops growing, it starts dying and is eliminated.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne

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