Creating Rapport: How To Prevent No Shows On 1st Dates

How to prevent no shows on 1st dates by making sure you have good rapport.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who is new to my work. He’s read 3% Man seven times so far. He’s in his late 20’s. He meets women exclusively online but they consistently are no shows on dates and ghost him. He shares a few examples of recent interactions and it’s clear he has no rapport with these women and is making dates with women who have low to no interest in him and he doesn’t have the self awareness to realize this.

I tell him how to change his approach to get better results. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

This particular email is from a guy, I think he’s in his late 20s, he’s probably kind of a late bloomer, doesn’t have much dating and relationship experience, just judging by what he’s doing. He’s trying to meet and date women exclusively from the dating apps. This is something that I see a problem with a lot of guys who are younger, the new generation, you guys grew up with iPhones. It’s like those things are like pacifiers to y’all. Something that you’re going to struggle with is that even though you’re meeting women online is like a lower risk way, in other words, you don’t have to really risk a lot of rejection versus approaching women in person, which is quite frankly, the way you should be doing it. A lot of you guys have underdeveloped social skills to where you just hide behind your digital device electronically, because even if you get a woman out on a date, if you don’t have any social skills in person, if you can’t even carry a regular conversation, then your dates are just not going to go well. I see a lot of guys doing things like this.

I had a conversation with a client the other night. He was in his mid 20s. Same thing. He’s getting girls that are flaky, they’re canceling or he gets their number, sets a date they’re canceling the day of or they’re being a no show, and when I talked to him, he had several interactions with women that he had dates planned for. He read me the text exchanges and things that he was saying. Judging by the responses that he’s getting back from these women, it’s pretty clear he doesn’t really have good rapport with them. Some of them he met online, some of them he met in person, but you can tell these guys think, “I got her number. Boom! I’m home free,” then they just want to flee from the conversation. They want to flee from the interaction. Or the guy makes a date online, and then he wants to flee, then hoping that he shows up and the date is just going to go amazing. If you’re going to lean on the dating apps as your only source of meeting women because you’re too afraid to approach them in person and develop your social life and your social skills, you’re going to struggle.

One thing that I did, I should say that my parents really helped me out a lot when I was in middle school is, I worked in their business, they had a couple of coin operated laundries and a drop off service. So when I was in seventh grade, my dad started taking me to work on Saturdays with him so I could interact with customers, I could practice giving change. When I first started, I couldn’t even count change, I didn’t know how to do that, so my dad taught me how to do that. It’s just the basics of, “Hi, how are you? Can I help you?” Asking people questions. It forced me to get outside my comfort zone because I’d always been a pretty shy child at that point.

So every weekend, I was forced to interact with people. I’m a kid, basically. I’m a kid in middle school, but I was learning the ropes of business. I was learning the ropes of customer service, watching my dad do it because he’d been in customer service his whole life. So that helped me out a lot. Then when I turned 18 and I got my first job working for somebody else other than my parents, I started working at service merchandise, which was strictly a customer service representative. So all day long, “Hey, can I help you? Can I help you find something?” Because you see people looking around like, “Where do I go? What do I do? Where’s this at?” So all day long, people are coming to you and you’re giving them advice, or like even back then, we would be selling shotguns. We would do the part where we get all the paperwork and then the manager would come over. Nowadays, when you buy a gun you got an app at the gun shop, but back then we’d show we sold rifles and we sold shotguns, so you had to be good at customer service or as fishing reels or fishing poles or different things for your bass fishing boat, whatever it happened to be, your life vests. So we got to know the products real well and we had to be able to answer questions. I’d be answering people’s questions about the treadmills that we sold because we would have to put them together. The exercise bike, same thing. We’re always answering questions and helping people fill out their orders. So just being in the habit of having customer service jobs, then later when I got to be 21, I started tending bar, “Hey, what are you guys up to? What are you girls doing tonight?” You’re in a position of authority. People are coming up to you. You got your friends coming in to see you. It forces you to interact with other human beings and to interact with a lot of other human beings.

So if you’re one of those guys that’s watching this and you really haven’t had a lot of customer service type of experience with other humans or your social skills are lacking, I would highly recommend you go get a part time job waiting tables or tending bar, some kind of customer service job where you’re forced to interact with other human beings because you have to get good at small talk. This is one of the things I was pressing upon my client the other night is that when you leave your house, if you’re not good with your social skills, you need to get in the habit of asking other people questions, get in the habit of practicing your small talk wherever you go because you can’t read 3% Man and then just think you’re going to walk outside and women’s panties are going to just fall around their ankles, or that you’re going to create an online dating profile and the girls are just going to start showing up at a queue outside your door. It doesn’t work that way. You have to create some kind of rapport with the women so they feel safe and they feel comfortable meeting you, but you also have to make sure that they’re genuinely, sincerely interested in you. This guy, the one that wrote the email, is clearly making dates with women that have low to no interest in him, and he can’t even tell. He has no idea. On top of that, he’s trying to make dates and just kind of hide through text and just figure he can get the girl from the app to meet up. Now, you can do that in some cases, but you’re going to have to have some texting. Most girls are going to want to see that you can send four or five texts back and forth and that you’re not some kind of weirdo.

If you’re going to set a date, especially if you’re not even going to talk to her on the phone, your date better be set within like 24 to 48 hours, because the lower the level of rapport, like back in the day when I used to online date, I always talked to every girl on the phone. If you can’t have a good conversation on the phone, then there’s no point in meeting in person. A lot of guys who are not good in their social skills try to hide behind their phones and figure that they’ll just show up and things will go great in person. Well, if you’re not good with creating small talk, I mean something simple like you go to put gas in your car and some dude pulls up in a nice pickup truck, it’s got cool rims on it, compliment him on his truck. Ask him about it. Get in the habit of being curious about other people and asking them questions, especially creating small talk with people when you really don’t feel like you want to, because when you do that enough and you’ve done that several hundred times, then you turn around in the line at the grocery store, and there’s a beautiful girl staring at you, smiling at you, right away you know to start asking her about some of the items that she’s put on the little conveyor belt at the cashier. “What are you making? Who are you cooking for?” Something simple. “Oh, what are you going to make with that?” So you practice those kinds of things with old ladies or whoever is behind you, or you’re talking to somebody in the elevator where you live or in the office.

You got to get in the habit of saying hello to people and practicing rapport building skills, because you never know when you’re going to turn around. There’s going to be a cute girl standing there, and if you haven’t practiced small talk and you haven’t rehearsed it, you’re going to choke. It’s not going to go well. Even if you are successful getting the number, the woman can tell you’re all in your head. You’re going to be coming off as kind of weird. You’re going to give off a weird vibe, and she’s not going to feel safe when you have a good interaction. When you go through the book 3% Man, especially if you watch the videos that we did with Katie, my English girlfriend from the book, even though it was like 17 years after we were last together, people could tell watching the videos, “Man, the chemistry that you guys have is still there. It’s off the charts.” It was like that from the moment we met, but by the time I met her in person, we were eye fucking each other the day before at the event. She ended up leaving early, so I didn’t get a chance to ask her out, but we were there for 10 days, so I knew I was going to see her again.

The very next night, I’m walking out with a female friend of mine after we just had dinner, one of my platinum partners. Then there was Katie, standing there with those beautiful big brown eyes smiling at me, eye fucking me again. I just walked right over there and started talking to her, and I was like, “Hey, you were at the event last night. You were sitting about two rows up in front of me,” and she says, “Yeah, you were behind me.” She even mentioned what kind of a shirt I was wearing. So when you’re getting eye fucked and you go up and you start talking to somebody and they remember you from the day before, that means they really like you. There’s a high level of interest. We only talked for maybe two or three minutes, and I made a date on the spot to meet at the same restaurant, because I was staying at that hotel and she was staying at the one next door. So we agreed to meet there the next night at the end of the event. I got there first and I saw her walk in. I wave to her. She excitedly smiled and came over and sat down, and the rest was history. We had real good rapport. We spent the whole week together. Then when I came back to the States, I told her that I was traveling for the next couple of weeks, but when I got back that I’ll send her an email and then let her know what dates I’m available, and then she can book her flight, and then I’ll just pick her up at the airport.

Two weeks later, after traveling, I come back. I send her an email. “Had a great time. I’m really looking forward to seeing you. Here’s the dates. Send me your itinerary and I’ll pick you up at the airport.” About 12 hours later, she sent me her itinerary through the email. She had purchased her ticket and I said, “Great, I can’t wait to see you. We’re going to have a blast.” I had spent the whole week with her before at Tony Robbins Date with Destiny, so we had a lot of rapport together. She had stayed with me in my hotel, so she wasn’t some stranger I met online. By the end of the week, we were walking around holding hands. Even like the next day, people were like, “How long have you guys been together?” Thinking that we’re going to say, “Oh, five years.” We’re like, “Oh, we just met. We had our first date yesterday,” and people were shocked.

When you understand the stuff that’s in the book, the rapport building happens naturally and everybody can see the rapport between the two of you. It takes time. It takes a lot of work to get to that point. I didn’t converse with Katie, we didn’t talk, we didn’t Skype or nothing. I had her information, I had her itinerary and I just showed up at the airport and then watched her come down out of the customs area. She jumped in my arms, we hugged and we had a blast together, and the rest is kind of part of our history together. For those of you that watch the videos, those are also in the paying Members Only area of the website. You can see the podcast that we did with her, the girls and Chunky.

Again, the chemistry is off the charts. That is what you want. You want somebody to have a high level of rapport with, a high level of chemistry with. So if you’re going to exclusively lean on online dating, you’re going to have to practice your small talk, because then if you do get a girl out on a date, you choke, you’re all up in your head, you’re trying to fumble over your words and try to carry a conversation, you’re going to come off as weird and awkward, and the woman’s not going to feel safe and she’s going to be looking around, “Oh wow, look at the time, I gotta go,” or “Hey, I’m supposed to meet my friends later. It’s been great meeting you. Have a nice night,” and she’s going to be looking to dip.

It would behoove you to at least spend 10 to 15 minutes on the phone with these girls number one, because you want to create rapport with them. Number two, you want to make sure that the conversation goes well, because if you can’t have a good conversation on the phone, the kind of conversation where you hang up, it kind of feels like somebody you’ve always known, like you really jive, you get along really well from the moment you start talking, you’re not going to have that kind of rapport with every single girl that you match with online. If you don’t really feel like you click in the phone call, you could say, “Hey, it was great chatting with you. Maybe next week we’ll chat again,” and then you just never call her, or you could. The point being is that you should only be making dates with girls that you like talking to and who seem to have a high level of enthusiasm for talking to you. You can tell from this guy’s email that he’s just hoping to get a girl in front of him and that it’s just going to go great, but the fact that he’s in his late 20s, what I found, take Katie for example, I met her in an event. I had a few friends there that I knew, but for the most part, I didn’t really know anybody there. I was on the other side of the country. I was in California at that particular time for the Date with Destiny event. That’s after years of creating rapport, having been married, having had lots of girlfriends, countless nights out when I was a teenager, when I was in my early 20s with my friends, on Friday night, on Saturday night, just every night we went out. All my friends were very outgoing and we would go out and it’s just every weekend, I was constantly meeting new people, joking around, laughing, having a good time, practicing my social skills. If you’re one of those guys that just hasn’t done that, you’re going to be kind of behind the eight ball a little bit and you’re going to need to practice that stuff.

Like I said, maybe get some kind of customer service job, waiting tables, tending bar or something like that on the weekends or weeknights, some place where you can get a lot of practice interacting with other human beings, because you have to do it enough to be able to recognize the difference when somebody really likes talking to you, also when someone’s just being nice and they don’t really want to talk to you, you got to be able to tell because it’s clear this guy does not have enough self-awareness to recognize that he’s making dates with women that really don’t have any intention on following through, and he has no idea what to look for. You have to interact. You have to do what scares you the most, which is interact with other human beings. If the conversation doesn’t flow and go real well in person, if it doesn’t feel like after talking to them for five, 10, 15, 20 minutes, like you’ve known them already and you just click, you got to think about it. How often do you meet a new best friend? It’s something that doesn’t happen very often. If you think about the level of rapport that you have with somebody that’s close to you, that is a good friend or a family member, things just kind of flow easily and effortlessly. If there’s ever a moment where neither one of you is speaking, maybe you’re driving in the car together, it feels normal, it feels natural, it’s OK, you don’t feel like you’ve got to talk because you can’t stand the silence.

This particular guy that wrote this email definitely needs to get out more, get out of his house, start interacting with other human beings and fill his weekends and his weeknights when he’s not working. Fill it full of fun activities, social activities, doing things that he loves, that he enjoys with other like minded people. That’s where you’re going to have your your best conversations, because the odds of me meeting a woman like Katie on the street versus a Date with Destiny type of seminar, when we’re both into self-help, we’re both into healthy eating, taking care of our bodies and studying, we had so many things in common. She had been into Tony Robbins for many years, I’d been into Tony Robbins for many years, but outside of an event like that, what are the odds that I’m going to run into some random girl on the street that has those same interests? It does happen. I’ve met a few girls in the building that I live in now that were actually platinum partners at different times, but one of them got in the elevator and she had a Tony Robbins event shirt on. So I started asking her about it and come to find out, she was a platinum partner. I was like, “Oh, when were you a platinum partner?” Right away. It was easy to talk to her because we had a lot in common already. That’s what you want to have. You want to have good rapport. You want to have a good conversation. The kind of conversation where when it ends, you’re kind of sad that it ended and you look forward to getting together again. Not the kind of conversation where it ends and you feel relieved that it’s over and, “Oh, whew! OK next week hopefully it’ll go better when I see her, I’m dressed nicer, and she’ll really like my clothes or my outfit.” You got to get to the point where you can have small talk with people, and it goes well, especially in this case, if you’re only going to try to meet girls through online dating.

So with that in mind, let’s go through his email.

Viewer Email:

Hi Corey,

I have listened to your audio-book over seven times and watched many of your videos. I’m not great at retaining info. So I regularly have to go back and listen to it again.

That’s why I say you got to read it at least 10 to 15 times, and that’s backwards and forwards. That’s the whole book. That’s not reading it once, highlighting it and then only rereading the stuff you highlight each time you go through it from back to front, especially if you listen to the audio-book on two-speed and follow along in a digital or physical copy. You can get through it in about four hours. You have to spend the time with the material so you get to know it backwards and forwards. If, like this guy says, he’s not real good at retaining information because we’re only going to retain maybe seven, maybe 8%, 6%, 9%, depending on the person each time we go through something, if he’s not good, maybe he should probably be reading it for 20 or more times start to finish. I’m talking about where he’s really concentrating on it. Not where he’s driving in the car doing other things or he’s doing something in his house and listening to it through a Sonos system while he’s intermittently cleaning and vacuuming and stuff like that. I’m talking about where you really spend the time trying to absorb the information and you’re focused on it because you have to get to know it so well that you don’t have to think about it anymore. If you just kind of half-ass it and cherry pick like a lot of guys do, you’re going to struggle, you’re going to miss things, you’re going to make mistakes and you’re going to unnecessarily talk girls out of liking you who are were predisposed to like you.

I’m in my late 20s and average looking. My first dates are consistently no showing and ghosting.

The only reason that’s happening is you don’t have rapport, and you’re making dates with girls that really aren’t that into you. Just because you got the phone number doesn’t mean she really wants to go out with you. Just because you made a date and got off the phone, doesn’t mean she actually plans on showing up for that particular date. If you’re not good or you’re not experienced and you can’t tell the difference between you having a high level of rapport with the girl and when she’s just being nice to get rid of you, you’re going to have this kind of experience. That’s why if you have really good rapport with a girl, you can tell when you want to end the conversation or move on and she wants to keep going.

They are all from dating apps. This is just the most recent examples. It’s happened many other times. I had a definite date scheduled for Saturday, Sunday, Monday and Wednesday. Of those only one woman showed up. (Which went well and she asked for a second date and we kissed at her car and she pulled me back in several times)

So that’s the difference. This is why you got to go out with enough different women, so you see these mistakes. You don’t make one or two online dates and they don’t show up, they go, “Oh well, this ain’t working. It sucks.” He made four dates, one showed up. Did he talk to her on the phone? Did he not? We don’t know. The bottom line is, why did she show up? Because she liked him. The other ones didn’t show up because they didn’t like him and he couldn’t tell. So he was making dates with girls that weren’t really that interested. That’s why if you’re going to do online dating, like I said, there was an article I did many, many years ago, The Ultimate Online Dating Profile. You should talk to somebody for at least 10 or 15 minutes, because if the conversation doesn’t flow on the phone, if you’re not excited to talk to her, if it’s not easy and effortless to talk to her, then there’s no reason to meet in person. Save your time. Save your money. Just because you talk to a girl on the phone, you’re not obligated to take her out and spend money on her. You’re trying to make sure you have quality dates, not just make a bunch of dates and mostly have no shows and feel like a schmuck. You want to have a good experience, so you got one out of four, so that was a 25% conversion rate.

However, with the other women, I can’t figure it out. On Sunday I had set the date days prior and then no communication. The date was a few hours away and hadn’t heard anything from her. I know you say don’t call or text to confirm.

Well that’s when you have rapport with somebody. Again, I mentioned the example with Katie for a reason. I had a lot of rapport with her, we were in an event, and I could tell by the way she looked at me, she was super into me. So when I asked her out, even years later, when we talked about it, it’s even in the book, she’s like, “I just couldn’t say no. It’s like you looked right through me.” I had a lot of experience by that point. I mean, when we met, I was 34 years old. I wasn’t some dude that was hoping to lose his virginity or hoping to get to first base at that point. I had a lot of experience under my belt, so I could tell when she was really into me and when she was not. It’s just like meeting girls in general. I can tell who’s really interested and I can tell who’s not interested and just being nice, and this guy is just not there yet because again, his path, his journey is his journey. It’s going to be different than mine.

(The last time I followed that advice, I ended up on a date with a no show).

You probably didn’t talk to her on the phone, and you didn’t have a high level of rapport.

You got to understand that women have all the leverage in these dating apps. What you see, because the other thing that’s interesting is that most women, I think it’s like 80% of them, if I remember right, they have their height filters set to six feet and above. So if you’re not six feet, you’re still going to see their profile even though they claim otherwise. You’re like, “Wow, there’s a lot of girls on here,” but most of them are never even going to see your profile. They don’t even know about you, but you feel like you’re doing a lot because you’re answering emails, you’re answering messages, you’re swiping, so you feel like you’re doing something. You feel like you’re making progress even though you’re just wasting a lot of your time.

So I was not feeling confident about doing that and asked if the date still worked.

Again, if you would have met this girl at, say a friend’s barbecue on the weekend and say she was a coworker of your best friend’s wife or girlfriend who knows you really well, and you spent three or four hours hanging out, watching the game, having a few drinks, shooting the shit, talking about where you grew up, talking about where she grew up and you got her phone number, you’re going to call her and you’re going to ask her out, then you’re going to go pick her up because you have a high level of rapport. If you’re just trying to make dates with a chick you haven’t even talked to on the phone, most of the time they’re not going to show up unless they really like you.

Women will make dates with you and then feel no remorse about not showing up. So you have to spend the time on the phone talking to these girls at least 10 to 15 minutes to see if you click. Again, if you can’t have a good, easygoing conversation that you enjoy and that she enjoys on the phone, there’s no reason to meet.

She never responded.

So this girl made a date, then he calls or texts to confirm the date and she completely ghosted him. He made a date with a girl that had zero interest in him, and he had no idea until he sent her a message I guess, confirming the date. He doesn’t put in here what he said, but the bottom line is she completely ignored him.

So I didn’t waste my time showing up to that one. On Monday I had another definite date set. I gave her the time, place and said to dress casual. The last thing that was said was Monday morning. She told me about her night and I said, “That sounds like a lot of fun!” An hour before the date, I still hadn’t heard from her. So I checked her profile and she had blocked me and my number.

She wasn’t interested in meeting you and you couldn’t tell. That’s why you got to talk to women on the phone. Doing this and just thinking you’re going to text a bunch of girls and line up 14 different dates for the next two weeks, it’s not going to work like that, man. If you talk to all 14 of those girls, even if you got the phone number, you might get half of them on the phone and then you might only end up setting one date, maybe two dates out of those, because the conversations went well and the rest of them were boring to talk to. So why would you want to waste your time driving there? That just tells me he’s just trying to put as little time and as little effort and take as little risk as possible and hide behind his phone.

This is why it’s so much better to meet women in person and develop your social skills in person, because again, if you can’t meet women in person, converse with them, get a number and make a date, then trying to meet women online and leaving out the pickup process and think things are going to go much better, the ones that do show up, a lot of times you’ll end up sitting there talking to a girl and you’re like, “Man, this girl is boring. Why the hell did I even make a date with her?”

Very confusing to me. (I’m still working on the only texting or calling to set dates.)

Again, if you’re meeting girls online, it’s just one way to meet women. When you look at AI and how far it’s advancing and the fact that it’s really easy, like when I look through Instagram these days, I see these beautiful women on there and I look and I go, “I can’t even tell if it’s AI or it’s a legit girl.” Same thing with the pictures, because there’s so many people making fake pictures and fake profiles that look legit. I mean, it’s going to get to the point where what you’re going to end up seeing is a lot of cat-fishing going on with online dating. So for the guys that just hide behind their digital devices because they never develop their social skills, they’re really going to struggle. They’re going to be talking to a girl and come to find out, it’s going to be some AI that they’re talking to, and then they’re going to waste a lot of time and who knows what else, or you may end up with a jackass like Andrew Tate on the other end of the line when you think you’re talking to a girl. Guys like that, they won’t lose a minute of sleep over screwing you over if it helps them get what they want, so you have to deal with those kinds of people out there.

The last time I was on online dating was probably five or six years ago. I just remember apps like Hinge or whatever, there were so many young, attractive girls on there. They were hookers, basically. So what would happen is you would exchange phone numbers and then you would notice that the match would go away. Then as you continue to talk, “Hey, what are you looking for?” Then they come right out and tell you what they’re really all about. They basically want you to pay them to go out on dates, and I’m like, “I’m on a dating app here. Yet here I am meeting hookers on here that are pretending that they’re on there for dating.” That’s why they block the profile after phone numbers are exchanged, is because a percentage of those guys get pissed off when they find out that they’re talking to a hooker and report the profile, so they don’t want their profile to get banned. That’s why they will unmatch you. So that may have happened here with the other girl that ignored him. Maybe it was a hooker, maybe she wasn’t. She could tell he was not the type of guy that was going to pay her to go out with him, but you know, there’s a lot of time wasters out there.

Again, if you meet people through your social network and your social life, you’re just going to have a much better experience, and your goals and values are much more likely to line up in something like that. You got to think of it in terms of like, where are you fishing? A really hot, beautiful girl that comes from a good family that’s got an active social life, she’s got lots of friends, lots of girlfriends, she’s not on a dating app, every time she goes out or goes to a friend’s party on the weekends, she’s always meeting new guys, new people through her social group, she doesn’t need to be on a dating app. That’s why it’s best to get out there and participate in society and fill your life up full of the kind of activities and things you love doing for fun instead of trying to lean on online dating because you’re going to get a high incidence of girls that are just messed up there on the dating app for a reason. Maybe they don’t have an active social life, or maybe they’re a bit of a fruit loop.

(I don’t respond fast and I try and say stuff like, “I can’t wait to hear all about it on our date.” Then they typically continue asking questions or wanting to talk).

Again, this is why you should spend 10 or 15 minutes on the phone, and I know that is referenced in the book. It tells you to go look at The Ultimate Online Dating Profile. It’s detailed in there. You should spend 10 to 15 minutes talking on the phone. If you’re going to do online dating, I would not recommend just strictly trying to text a girl a few times and then get her out on a date, because you’re going to have an experience like what this guy is having.

(I’m not sure how to handle that situation). Wednesday I also had a definite date set. Again I told her when, where and to dress casual. She agreed to it and said “Sounds good!! Are you up for any small talk between now and then?” (Context: I don’t waste time chatting).

Again, that is not what I teach. This tells me this is a guy who hides behind his electronic device. You can’t use your phone as a substitute for your personality. It’s not going to work. So if she says, “Hey, are you up for any small talk?” He’s like, “Yeah, when are you free?” I would spend 10, 15 minutes talking to her and try to get her out on a date as quickly as possible. If it goes well, the conversation goes well, she’s going to feel safe, she’s going to feel comfortable, but if she suggests talking on the phone first, then you laugh it off or brush it off and then you’re shocked that she stands you up, well then you shouldn’t be surprised.

(When I get a match, I say, “Hey, let’s skip the small talk. Let me know If you’re interested in going on a date and your availability”).

Yeah, I wouldn’t be doing that. Again, who’s going to say something like that? The only guy that’s going to say something like that is a guy that’s trying to avoid an interaction right away. Her spidey sense is going on, “Why wouldn’t he want to talk on the phone? What’s up with that?” Again, if it doesn’t flow well on the phone, it’s not going to go well in person. So some of these girls are wanting to talk to him and he’s avoiding it.

I definitely messed this one up. I had some drinks when I was out at dinner. Then I responded after, “It’s a date!” I suppose some is acceptable. “What are some of your good qualities?” I know this was very stupid and she was probably testing and I failed. 

I’m wondering are all the ghosting and no shows normal?

They’re normal if you have no rapport. Again, this girl is asking to talk to you first to see if you’re not a weirdo or a freak and you’re basically avoiding it, which confirms that you’re probably a weirdo and a freak.

Maybe I’m missing something I’m consistently doing wrong?

Again, you’re not taking the time, because if you’re selective, if you have plenty of choices, plenty of options and you’re going to go spend your hard earned money on a girl, you want to talk to her for at least 10 or 15 minutes and make sure that you can at least have a good conversation with her and that you like talking to her and she seems to like talking to you, because if you don’t, you’re wasting your time.

I get the no responses from matches and ghosting after a first date. I’ve gotten much better at seeing my mistakes and those usually make sense. However, the agreeing to a definite first date and saying they are really excited only to not show up is confusing.

Thanks!

Bob

Well, you got to look at what a woman does, not what she says. The big takeaway is you got to practice your small talk. You got to work on creating rapport. From now on, when you’re trying to make dates with girls online, you should only be making dates with girls you have good phone conversations with. If the conversation is weird, awkward, there’s weird pauses and it doesn’t seem like she’s really that excited, you could just say, “Hey, I’m sure you’re a nice girl, but I’m not really feeling the chemistry. So I think I’m going to pass and I wish you all the best on your search.” You might get some girls backing up when you do that. They might be like, “Oh, I’m sorry, I’m just a little nervous.” Then some of them would just go, “OK yeah, no problem.” Click.

Don’t waste your time. Your time is the greatest gift you can give anybody. So you should only be making dates with women you really want to meet and you’re excited to talk to, you enjoy talking to them when you first spoke and you can’t wait to see them again. If you have good rapport, you’re not going to get stood up, you’re not going to get jerked around. You’re just being lazy, you’re short-cutting things and you’re trying to hide behind your phone. Even when you meet women in person, you got to have good conversations.

I did a Members Only video the other day for a guy that met this girl on the way to a club, talked to her for like a minute or two, got the number and then made a date like seven days in advance I think through text. He did call her. She agreed to it. Then he realized he couldn’t make it. He called her back and changed the date to another seven days in the future. She agreed to it, but then he didn’t speak to her for the whole week. Then he texted her saying, “Hey, I’m going to be about 20 minutes late,” and she’s like, “Oh, I hadn’t heard from you. So I didn’t think we were on.” The reality is, she really wasn’t that into him. Think about it, he’s on his way to a nightclub, sees a girl, she’s probably been drinking. The next day or a couple days later, she probably barely even vaguely remembers talking to the guy, and even then, if he only talked to her for a minute or two long enough to get the phone number, he should have called her and talk to her for 10 or 15 minutes at least to make sure the conversation went well. The reason she blew him off is because she had low to no interest. So you just can’t do things like that. You can’t think, “Oh well, I got her information online, so this is easy. I don’t have to interact with her. I can just show up on a date and things will go great.” I mean, you can see when you you behave this way, it gives off a weird vibe. Girls are going to think there’s something weird or off about you.

So if you guys haven’t already signed up for our paying Members Only content, in the video description of this particular video, there is a link to join on YouTube, there is a link to join on Spotify and there is a link to join on our website UnderstandingRelationships.com. Just click the “plans” tab at the top of your screen on any page. When you arrive, on the website, you can do a 7-day free trial, so you can check out and see what content you get as a paying member. You can choose a monthly plan or an annual plan. If you choose an annual plan, at the end of the 7-day free trial, you get a 25% discount. What you get is six additional paid video coaching newsletters that are accessible only to paying members on a weekly basis, we have a weekly 3% Man Study Group podcast, a weekly Mastering Yourself Study Group podcast, we have the Full Viewer Questions podcast and any other special videos or reaction videos that we do from time to time as well will be in the Members Only area for you guys, or I should say, the paying members or the premium members on the website as it’s called.

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