Here’s why chasing women guarantees rejection, and the proper way to sexually attract women you like. The more attracted a woman is to a man and the more comfortable and safe she feels, the more she will want his attention. The closer and more intimate a relationship becomes with a woman, the more of your time she will require.
When you understand how women get love and support from their fathers when they are little girls, you realize that women are already preconditioned and trained to pursue the men they love and desire. The more safe and comfortable a woman feels with a man, the more comfortable she will feel pursuing him. The more things a guy does right with a woman, the higher her interest level will go and the more she will chase him. The less things a guy does right with a woman, the lower her interest level will go and the less she will chase him.
Why Chasing Women Guarantees Rejection
The very act of chasing a woman, calling her when she does not call you back and trying to force progress by initiating excessive calling and texting, communicates to women that you don’t understand how attraction works, or how to interact socially with women. Needy and insecure men who chase women trying to force things, are the guys who become stalkers and violent boyfriends. That is why women will purposely not call a guy back right away, or not respond to his text right away. It’s a defense mechanism, and a prequalification technique women use to screen out bad relationship/sex playmate candidates. Feminine women are attracted to masculine men. Women are supposed to be the weaker sex. However, it’s obvious from my work that men are actually the weaker sex. Men need the most help in relationships, unfortunately, since most men are so egocentric, they would rather continue to fail instead of learning the proper ways to handle their relationships and interactions with women.
All of the mistakes you can make with women, I used to make. I was so insecure and so afraid of getting rejected, that this irrational fear drove me to try and gain certainty of where I stood with women I was interested in. If they did not call me back right away, I assumed I had done something wrong or had blown it. I did not trust that a woman would love me the way I felt I deserved to be loved. Why? My mother was a cold block of ice. She never touched us, told us that she loved us, etc. Being raised by her was like being raised by an emotionless zombie. She never praised us, but instead was always quick to point out our flaws or faults. When I became an adult, I had no concept of how to interact with women. My father was just as bad. He was and still is an emotionless zombie. My parents did not get along with either side of the family, nor did they have any friends or spend time with other people outside of our home. I had no problem making friends, but when it came to communicating or expressing my emotions or feelings, I was clueless. I had to teach myself the skills you read about in my articles & book totally on my own. It’s like once I became an adult, the real work started on learning how to be comfortable in my own skin.
Because I came from such an emotionally messed up household, I did not feel that I was worthy of being loved. Every single interaction I had with women I was interested in, I was flying totally blind. I didn’t know what I didn’t know. I was always the male girlfriend because I was too nice. Because of my fear of not being loved and that I was unlovable, I was constantly seeking a woman’s approval that she still liked me. Even when I was reassured, I did not expect it to last. My mother, even though she did the best she could, conditioned my brother and I to constantly seek love and approval from women who were unwilling or unable to give it. This also caused me to get hung up on women who I had no chance with for months at a time. I wasted several years of my life holding out hope that certain women I wanted would eventually choose me, or become single so I could date them.
In sales, it is common knowledge that people buy based upon emotion, and they use logic and reason to justify their purchase. Women date you based upon the good emotions (hopefully) that you make them feel. They later use logic and reason to justify their choosing you. However, the emotions come first. Without the emotions being engaged in having fun with you, and feeling comfortable, you ain’t got a chance. Your pedigree and resume are of no concern. Only her emotions matter. If they are not engaged, its like trying to drive a car that has no gas. It ain’t going anywhere! The following is an e-mail I got from a reader. He’s does all of the things I used to do that got me rejected. My comments are (in bold brackets like this) in the body of his e-mail:
Dear Corey,
I need your help with a girl. Shes 18 and I am 30. I met her when she was 15. I’m an artist and so is she, but her brother chills in my studio all day everyday. I asked him if I can date her at first. He said, “na, its up to her.” The 3 of us went to an art gallery and her open mic poetry. He was always making sure not to leave us alone, and gave us a bad feeling like he was gonna watch us the whole time. (He was being protective of his sister so she did not feel uncomfortable.)
A month passes, me and her texting mostly trading poetry. I only called her twice in the 3 months cause he’s always around, or it wasn’t the right moment. (What an incredible waste of time! You should have asked her to dinner. If she liked you and was single, she would accept. If she did not, she would turn you down. Now months of your life have gone by with you obsessing over her.)
I texted Jan 4, 11:50pm: “I have been thinking of some things. I’m smart. I have a lot of things going for me. I’m destined to be somebody great. (You can’t use logic and reason to cause a girl to feel attraction for you. Its like giving your resume saying, “Here’s why I’m qualified to date you and why I think I am a catch. You act like you are seeking her approval. Very weak. You don’t help your case at all saying things like that.)
I want you and your influence in order to reach a higher artistic level. (Bullshit, you want to take her out on a date and you beat around the bush hoping she will get the hint. This is what women do. You are acting like a woman. You are acting feminine. Men who are successful with women get right to the point. They either make a date, or move on to find someone who is mutually attracted to them.)
You don’t have to hide your pretty face behind too much make up. Life is too short, open your heart. (Women open their heart when you make them feel safe and comfortable. All you are doing is making her feel awkward and uncomfortable, along with communicating that you are a needy insecure guy who acts like a woman and has no idea how to create attraction and interact with women.) I accept you like you are, and for however you will be. (You don’t know her well enough to say things like that yet. You are projecting your own high level of interest onto her, and paying no attention to whether or not she actually feels the same.) ps I will cook you dinner sometime :)” (That comes off like a bribe. “I will make dinner for you if you go out with me.” You invite a woman to dinner, not tell her that you want to be her butler.)
She replies Jan 5, 5:51pm: “What’s on your mind?” I reply same day 6:35pm: “How is a rabbit like a plum?” and again at 8:44pm “Whats on my mind is you.” She never replies, (You have communicated over the past few months that you don’t have the guts to be a man and ask her out properly. You also are doing things that guys who become stalkers do. This behavior scares women and causes them to ignore you.) so at 2:25am which is the 7th, I text: “Whats up gangsta? How’s the thug life?” 4 days go by she never replies, the longest we haven’t texted. (She obviously wants to be left alone. That is why she does not contact you.)
So I text this poem style thing Jan 12, 8:53pm: “I’ve been insanely busy… I want to see-know more of you.. (Obviously she does not feel the same way.) not because you have a nice ass, and I mean that as a compliment..light ALWAYS illuminates dark..if you weren’t producing light no one would see what you create..freedom from concern..through honesty absurdity expression..follow your dreams with extreme determination.” (Dude, when you text a woman, you must wait for her to reply. Some women will purposefully not call/text/email/etc. you back right away to see how you handle yourself. Needy and insecure guys will chase when they don’t hear from her. Their multiple attempts to initiate contact tell her they don’t get it. So they don’t get her. They only get her voicemail, and make their fingers tired from one-sided texting.)
No reply still. I want to call her on Sunday, and if she doesn’t answer I’ll text: “the silent treatment has me confused. What’s the matter? Whats going on? Talk to me. Tell me whats in your heart, why are you so upset? I like hearing from you.”
(This girl is not interested in you. Even if she was, you blew it. You need to download the Amazon Kindle version of my book to your Smartphone, PC, Mac or iPad in under 60 seconds for only $9.99 by CLICKING HERE to learn the basics of approaching, dating & understanding what women really want in a man. I would also recommend you book a phone coaching session so I can help you cut out the behaviors you are exhibiting that are blowing your chances with women by CLICKING HERE.)
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Corey Wayne
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“Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.”-Eleanor Roosevelt
You are here: Home/Attraction/ Why Chasing Women Guarantees Rejection
Published on January 16, 2012
About Coach Corey Wayne
Corey Wayne is Life and Peak Performance Coach. He helps men and women to achieve their dreams, discover their purpose, improve their relationships, start a business, improve personal health & fitness, maximize time management, become a superstar in sales, set & achieve their most audacious goals, become a leader, be better team builders, break through their deepest fears and limiting beliefs, overcome difficult life challenges, lose weight and regain balance in all areas of their lives, including personal finances and wealth building.
Reader Interactions
Comments
Marksays
I am absolutely not chasing women, that is not happening. Women love to play the “real men do this” card whenever it’s convenient, but as soon as “real men” start leading the household and setting expectations, then the woman is independent and can do anything a man can do.
most of the women today are so very sad and pathetic to begin with, which makes it very hard for many of us men looking for a good woman to settle down with. just too many Very High Maintenance Women out there that are certainly the problem today.
I might be old fashioned…but I would never go up to a guy to “hit things off”. If a guy isn’t a gentlemen I can’t interact. If I do, it is to be polite, and I have no intention of seeing him later.
Maybe that is my hang up and I have missed out because of it. :/
I have heard East Coast vs West Coast Women/Men do things differently.
hi corey.i would like to get some tips to get this girl to like me.im 34 and she is 25.i got her no. and chat a bit but not too mutch,she is a bit cold.what can I do ?
Sorry this is a touch belated, but you have to establish and maintain conversations or she won’t be interested. Find out what her interests are, friends, etc. If you find that talking with her is an uncomfortable chore, she’s not the one for you.
I have never even made it to the friend zone. I’m 6’1″, 35, white male. I am not successful with women I am attracted to EVER. Sure, I can get a date with a nice girl, never one I would actually want to sleep with though. I don’t go for the 1-10 scale because I think it’s dishonest. Nearly every female celebrity is a 10, if you were to sample random women from the breeding population. So my scale is no (60-80% of women between the ages of 20-35 are fat, ugly and just don’t try, with make up and exercise they could all be pretty), yes, and HELL YES!
Three times in 20 years, I have had ONE date with girls I wanted. Three. That’s it. Never a second date, never friend zone. I have had girlfriends, and had sex, but never with women i physically wanted. Friends set me up n dates with kind and fun women that i enjoy and see as good human beings, but never with hot women. Its like there is this force field around them.
I have a degree, worked in amazing fields and been involved with lots of interesting experiences. I struggle to effectively tell stories but I have worked as Alaskan river raft guide, navy sailor, dolphin trainer, diver, etc. right now I am an EMT trying to get into med school. I work nights as a bouncer in San Diego. Lots of pretty girls, even more not so pretty, and LOADS of dudes everywhere!
You’re too focused on pretty women. You make make this obvious. Don’t worry about other dudes. Work on your game to attract those pretty girls. Use all your life experiences to tell stories.
Show more confidence in yourself. You can’t tell a story about being a Navy sailor. It should be a given that you can talk about your Navy travel experiences. During Fleet Week, women dig sailors.
Read more. Talk to people. Make more friends. Go out to social events. Don’t think too hard. It shouldn’t be hard to go out with a girl you believe is attractive. If you have to, go out to interesting places. Go dancing. If you can’t dance, learn!
Corey’s parents sound exactly like mine. I didn’t get laid until I was 28, only after having enough time to get out on my own, heal from their dysfunctional abuse, and be prepared for such an encounter. I didn’t find my first (and current) ladyfriend until I was 32.
However, I don’t entirely agree with waiting for women to call back, especially in the early stages of dating. Ofttimes, women will call back only when they feel like it. I’ve gotten dates by being reasonably persistent; the key is being able to ascertain when a woman is playing hard-to-get (of which many are programmed to) and when she’s flat-out not interested. The current age of caller ID unfortunately has taken most of the fun out of pursuing women, but on the other hand, texting offers an additional dimension in communication. Aside, a compatible ladyfriend will be one that you don’t have to play games with, unless you’re into that yourself.
I cannot ever IMAGINE asking a woman out, with all the allegations of “creep” and “stalker” out there. If she is SO interested, she can ask ME out, and I pay for the date. At least then, I can know that she wants to go.
I never ask women out because rejection is always guaranteed. I’m not afraid of rejection – since its 100% going to happen with no matter which woman I might ask, there is no point, and I’m certainly not going to delude myself into thinking that any woman could ever be interested in me – it’s just not going to happen.
From what i have experienced no woman is interested or agreed to go out on a date. Over the years i found out that you need to make your inentions clear at a certain point and dont waste time asking someone out. Unfortunately nothing has worked out for me while i see my friends use the same methods as i do and are more successful. Rejections and not being responded to/called back has happened too many times to me that i dont feel hurt. Despite the work ive done to improve my apperance, social skills, going out more, and finding more women to ask out (and getting rejected), i figured that im not meant for relationships. Im at the point now where im trying to find out that thing about me that has always kept me from being with someone. And no its not self doubt or lack of confidence. Its something else…
For those of us extreme introverts who aren’t used to approaching women and hooking up all the time, it takes a lot of courage to approach women at all – even just to say hi. From the time we’re teenagers, we see overzealous girls who will call it sexual harassment and try to ruin a guy’s reputation if he so much as says hello. No, that’s not an exaggeration.
I remember being 18, standing around for a bus, asking a woman who was probably 23 for the time because my phone was dead. She went off on a rant, apparently perceiving this as a pickup line, and judging me of course unworthy, even though I just wanted to figure out when the next bus was. And every time I said “sorry to bother you” she’d go off again. “what kind of man says I’m sorry!!” It’s women like that we remember, when we think about saying hello, and it just shuts us down completely. There are many more stories I can recall right now of that sort. The fact is, I’m now 31 have never so much as held hands or kissed a woman – and of course I’ve never been asked out by a woman either.
So my question is – why would I, or any other guy – take a 50/50 risk of being screamed at and called a creep in public, and / or accused of sexual harassment with all the ensuing destruction to all areas of my life?
Bunch of bleeding heart victim mentalities in this comment section! You guys get rejected because your aura of desperation and scarcity mentality is so powerful that I can feel it through your words. Brutal! Man up.
If a girl gets asked out or gets a compliment, if they are trash, they will abuse the compliment. Any decent girl knows she will get attention or asked out from guys she fancies and guys she doesnt fancy. She cannot change that. If she is normal she will appreciate the compliment, either deflect it with thanks if not interested or give you further opportunity to make a converstion, if she does like you.
Ignore the trash, they arent normal.
If they take the compliment but do not take it further, move on to another opportunity. Woman have to learn from an early age to filter out and react appropriately to men who like them but they do not feel attracted to.
Most women keep the teplies curt and short to avoid further converstion if they are not attracted to you.
If you respond with respect, they remember that. They might not be in a position to date you. But when they sare. they can remember your playful respect.
Just act cool.
This post really resonates with me! It’s so true that chasing often comes off as desperation, and it’s refreshing to see a perspective that emphasizes self-respect and authenticity. Focusing on building genuine connections rather than pursuing someone can lead to better outcomes. Thanks for sharing these insights!
Mark says
I am absolutely not chasing women, that is not happening. Women love to play the “real men do this” card whenever it’s convenient, but as soon as “real men” start leading the household and setting expectations, then the woman is independent and can do anything a man can do.
Can’t have it both ways!
Certainly The Truth says
most of the women today are so very sad and pathetic to begin with, which makes it very hard for many of us men looking for a good woman to settle down with. just too many Very High Maintenance Women out there that are certainly the problem today.
The Very Truth says
most of the women play very hard to get nowadays and really need to Grow Up.
ennis says
Let women do the approaching, if they are so interested, let them come to you. At least then, you know that she is , at least interested.
J says
Or just a gold digger…
I might be old fashioned…but I would never go up to a guy to “hit things off”. If a guy isn’t a gentlemen I can’t interact. If I do, it is to be polite, and I have no intention of seeing him later.
Maybe that is my hang up and I have missed out because of it. :/
I have heard East Coast vs West Coast Women/Men do things differently.
philip says
hi corey.i would like to get some tips to get this girl to like me.im 34 and she is 25.i got her no. and chat a bit but not too mutch,she is a bit cold.what can I do ?
jimbo says
Sorry this is a touch belated, but you have to establish and maintain conversations or she won’t be interested. Find out what her interests are, friends, etc. If you find that talking with her is an uncomfortable chore, she’s not the one for you.
Jack says
I have never even made it to the friend zone. I’m 6’1″, 35, white male. I am not successful with women I am attracted to EVER. Sure, I can get a date with a nice girl, never one I would actually want to sleep with though. I don’t go for the 1-10 scale because I think it’s dishonest. Nearly every female celebrity is a 10, if you were to sample random women from the breeding population. So my scale is no (60-80% of women between the ages of 20-35 are fat, ugly and just don’t try, with make up and exercise they could all be pretty), yes, and HELL YES!
Three times in 20 years, I have had ONE date with girls I wanted. Three. That’s it. Never a second date, never friend zone. I have had girlfriends, and had sex, but never with women i physically wanted. Friends set me up n dates with kind and fun women that i enjoy and see as good human beings, but never with hot women. Its like there is this force field around them.
I have a degree, worked in amazing fields and been involved with lots of interesting experiences. I struggle to effectively tell stories but I have worked as Alaskan river raft guide, navy sailor, dolphin trainer, diver, etc. right now I am an EMT trying to get into med school. I work nights as a bouncer in San Diego. Lots of pretty girls, even more not so pretty, and LOADS of dudes everywhere!
Please advise,
Jack
J says
You’re too focused on pretty women. You make make this obvious. Don’t worry about other dudes. Work on your game to attract those pretty girls. Use all your life experiences to tell stories.
Show more confidence in yourself. You can’t tell a story about being a Navy sailor. It should be a given that you can talk about your Navy travel experiences. During Fleet Week, women dig sailors.
Read more. Talk to people. Make more friends. Go out to social events. Don’t think too hard. It shouldn’t be hard to go out with a girl you believe is attractive. If you have to, go out to interesting places. Go dancing. If you can’t dance, learn!
jjimbo says
Corey’s parents sound exactly like mine. I didn’t get laid until I was 28, only after having enough time to get out on my own, heal from their dysfunctional abuse, and be prepared for such an encounter. I didn’t find my first (and current) ladyfriend until I was 32.
However, I don’t entirely agree with waiting for women to call back, especially in the early stages of dating. Ofttimes, women will call back only when they feel like it. I’ve gotten dates by being reasonably persistent; the key is being able to ascertain when a woman is playing hard-to-get (of which many are programmed to) and when she’s flat-out not interested. The current age of caller ID unfortunately has taken most of the fun out of pursuing women, but on the other hand, texting offers an additional dimension in communication. Aside, a compatible ladyfriend will be one that you don’t have to play games with, unless you’re into that yourself.
dave says
I cannot ever IMAGINE asking a woman out, with all the allegations of “creep” and “stalker” out there. If she is SO interested, she can ask ME out, and I pay for the date. At least then, I can know that she wants to go.
Paul says
I never ask women out because rejection is always guaranteed. I’m not afraid of rejection – since its 100% going to happen with no matter which woman I might ask, there is no point, and I’m certainly not going to delude myself into thinking that any woman could ever be interested in me – it’s just not going to happen.
Adam says
From what i have experienced no woman is interested or agreed to go out on a date. Over the years i found out that you need to make your inentions clear at a certain point and dont waste time asking someone out. Unfortunately nothing has worked out for me while i see my friends use the same methods as i do and are more successful. Rejections and not being responded to/called back has happened too many times to me that i dont feel hurt. Despite the work ive done to improve my apperance, social skills, going out more, and finding more women to ask out (and getting rejected), i figured that im not meant for relationships. Im at the point now where im trying to find out that thing about me that has always kept me from being with someone. And no its not self doubt or lack of confidence. Its something else…
??? says
Indeed it is. It’s called American society brother.
Allen says
For those of us extreme introverts who aren’t used to approaching women and hooking up all the time, it takes a lot of courage to approach women at all – even just to say hi. From the time we’re teenagers, we see overzealous girls who will call it sexual harassment and try to ruin a guy’s reputation if he so much as says hello. No, that’s not an exaggeration.
I remember being 18, standing around for a bus, asking a woman who was probably 23 for the time because my phone was dead. She went off on a rant, apparently perceiving this as a pickup line, and judging me of course unworthy, even though I just wanted to figure out when the next bus was. And every time I said “sorry to bother you” she’d go off again. “what kind of man says I’m sorry!!” It’s women like that we remember, when we think about saying hello, and it just shuts us down completely. There are many more stories I can recall right now of that sort. The fact is, I’m now 31 have never so much as held hands or kissed a woman – and of course I’ve never been asked out by a woman either.
So my question is – why would I, or any other guy – take a 50/50 risk of being screamed at and called a creep in public, and / or accused of sexual harassment with all the ensuing destruction to all areas of my life?
James says
Bunch of bleeding heart victim mentalities in this comment section! You guys get rejected because your aura of desperation and scarcity mentality is so powerful that I can feel it through your words. Brutal! Man up.
Chris Longley says
If a girl gets asked out or gets a compliment, if they are trash, they will abuse the compliment. Any decent girl knows she will get attention or asked out from guys she fancies and guys she doesnt fancy. She cannot change that. If she is normal she will appreciate the compliment, either deflect it with thanks if not interested or give you further opportunity to make a converstion, if she does like you.
Ignore the trash, they arent normal.
If they take the compliment but do not take it further, move on to another opportunity. Woman have to learn from an early age to filter out and react appropriately to men who like them but they do not feel attracted to.
Most women keep the teplies curt and short to avoid further converstion if they are not attracted to you.
If you respond with respect, they remember that. They might not be in a position to date you. But when they sare. they can remember your playful respect.
Just act cool.
Q Ortiz says
Wow! That was a bit sad, but there’s always hope. (In improving yourself)
baldi’s basics says
This post really resonates with me! It’s so true that chasing often comes off as desperation, and it’s refreshing to see a perspective that emphasizes self-respect and authenticity. Focusing on building genuine connections rather than pursuing someone can lead to better outcomes. Thanks for sharing these insights!