In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a female viewer who has been following my work for over a year and has bought my book. She says she agrees with almost everything I teach, except with what I teach about women chasing men more in dating and relationships. She says she does not like it when men over-pursue and act too beta-male-like. She says she has noticed that in some countries in Europe, men tend to be more passive at home and let the women lead, which she finds is a turn-off. She brings up some interesting points and thinks men should be more the way she says she wants, but in the same email she talks about how guys that actually behave that way are a turn-off and act like babies. I discuss ten reasons why women naturally will chase more than men over time as they become more attracted and interested. You can definitely see the unhealthy influence of over-dominant feminism, and how it’s confused and made gender roles blurred and unbalanced between men and women. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of her email:
Hi Coach Corey,I stumbled across your videos over a year ago and have also purchased your book How To Be A 3% Man, or woman, which is great information. I agree with almost everything you’ve talked about, except the part where you said, “women should do most of the chasing.” I find that it is not true in my case, as I think I always reciprocate the actions and efforts of my man. (There are things you believe should be a certain way, but look at what you find attractive in men and what turns you off. You say you want guys to be a certain way, but you don’t want anything to do with guys who exhibit those behaviors.) I know I also don’t like it when men over-pursues but I have always sort of maintained a healthy balance there.I find that most men who don’t make the effort, either by calling or keeping in touch, shouldn’t expect the same in return from me. I feel I am a great catch and of great value to any man and vice versa. (The bottom line is, if somebody cares, they’ll make an effort. If they don’t care, they won’t make any effort at all. As a man or a woman, you have to look at how much effort the other person is putting into the relationship. If they’re not, you have to be able to ask them in a loving way, what you would like them to do more of — what you appreciate and value, as opposed to making them feel like they’re wrong by saying you didn’t do this, or you didn’t do that.) There are a lot of angles I’d like to talk with you about and have a conversation of which I’ll book a coaching session.
Here are ten reasons why women naturally and instinctively will chase more over time than men:
1) Feminine energy is about bonding, connecting, opening up to receive love, relationships, commitments, etc. — That is part of the natural feminine essence. If you’re focused on locking a woman down before she’s emotionally ready, she’s going to give you the “Let’s just be friends” speech, “I need space,” I’m unsure,” “I’m confused” or “I’m not ready for a relationship yet.” Those are the typical responses you’re going to get. As I teach in my book, a man’s job in the courtship is to create an opportunity for sex to happen. Hang out, have fun and hook up. when guys get focused on locking a girl down to a commitment, it’s going to cause a woman to back off, because 97% of guys act this way, and it scares women. It doesn’t make them feel safe and comfortable. The guys end up coming off as needy, desperate, controlling and insecure.
2) Women typically say about 8,000 words per day and men about 2,000 words.
3) Men who struggle in long-term relationships typically are all guilty of no longer courting their women properly and take them for granted. — I’d say with 99.9% of guys in long term relationships, that’s what happens. They get more focused on being a provider, and become less focused on dating and courting. Without a goal or objective, they will naturally gravitate back to their mission and purpose. This causes women to feel like they don’t love or care about them anymore. However, as I state in my book, the courtship never ends.
4) Women end relationships 75% of the time. Women are less inclined to tolerate a poor quality relationship vs. men. — That’s just more evidence that women are more focused on the quality of a relationship. If things don’t change, eventually she’s going to pull the rip cord and get out.
5) Women solve their problems by talking about them. They are naturally driven to reach out more so they can talk with the person who they love and trust the most. Usually their dads as little girls, and their male lovers when they become adults. Look at my my article “Why Women Prefer To Chase Men.”
6) Women tend to be more affectionate and touch more than men.
7) Women are natural nurturers, and usually are more active in raising a baby, breastfeeding, changing diapers, etc., than men are.
8) Men are naturally and instinctively driven to achieve and accomplish, since this embodies masculine energy. — Guys are naturally focused on this, which is why a lot of guys make the mistake over time of getting lazy and complacent, especially when you’re living together or have kids together. The dating eventually comes to a halt, and you basically become roommates.
9) Women dress sexy, wear makeup, shave legs and armpits, get nails done, etc., to attract men who are more visual. — It’s mostly women who are focused on making themselves visually appealing, which makes guys interested to go over and approach women.
10) Men, who try too hard to get attention, over-pursue or who are focused on proving themselves to women, are expressing a lack of confidence and unbalanced masculine energy. This ruins sexual polarity and turns women off.
I like the way you think. I was wondering if you ever considered the social environmental conditioning of men and women with regards to relationship on a general scale. For example in Europe, places like France, the men tend to be very weak and behave like babies, while the women are the fore-runners of everything. This is a generalization based on my observation. (Again, you can see a part of the feminist movement in influencing men. The pendulum of feminism has swung too far to the right. A lot of kids learn from what they see on TV and in movies. Remember, whatever you observe you’re going to participate in. You may just think it’s a TV show, but the bottom line is, when you watch that kind of shit over and over again, it changes the way you think, and it changes your expectations.) This I find a total turn off. Also, from your perspective, I see that men are trying extra hard to get women, whereas in my part of the world, it seems to be the women trying extra hard. Somehow it is perceived to be a “great thing” if a woman can catch a man, any man as long as he has a dick, keep him and get the ring. I think differently and believe that the man should be just as pleased to have you in his life as the woman. (I totally agree with that.) The man is not doing the woman a favor by marrying the woman, is he? (You shouldn’t be looking for somebody else to complete you. You should be looking for somebody to share your completeness with.) Who wants to be trapped by a beta male anyway? Geez!I am from Britain and currently about to complete my PhD. Most people find me intimidating when they realize I am getting my doctorate. I usually don’t lead with that statement, and I consider myself a feminine woman and an alpha female, or is it a contradiction?; (Masculine energy is purpose, drive, accomplishing, succeeding, breaking through barriers, and as a woman, you have to be able to be comfortable being in your masculine energy, achieving, getting a PhD, being a leader, being a manager or starting your own business. Some women do a really good job of moving back and forth between their masculine and feminine energy), however I am always forced to go into my masculine when dealing with the rest of the population, which falls in your 97% category.
I’d probably be the pretty blond girl in the office you’d bypass when you walk and ask to speak with the mechanical engineer, only to find that it was me. In my family, my mother is more ambitious, has foresight and is a go-getter, which my sister and I adopted; while the men in our family are pretty much go-getters when they are “out and about in the world,” but not at home, (You come from a home where the women are in their masculine energy, which is great for your career, but you grew up in an environment where you’re around beta males. That’s going to cause you to be attracted to guys who exhibit that kind of energy, because that’s what you’re emotionally conditioned to expect, and it’s what you’re used to), they seem to leave the responsibilities of getting things done for the women, us. I have contended with this for years, which is evident through my frustrations.
My past relationships have been very different from each other, because I change and make adjustments and correct mistakes from previous relationships. Most times, my exes seem to want to keep in touch with me even after years of us not being together. One thing they always say is how I have helped made their lives better, being go-getters and business conscious, and regret letting me go or treating me the way they did. I had an ex call out of the blue to apologize to me after 8 years of our break up for the way he treated me, which made me break up with him in the first place. (It sounds like you were dating more beta males than alpha males. That tells me you tend to date guys that are more beta, which is similar to what you grew up with at home.)I have just turned 31 years and am looking to meet an alpha male, as I find that beta men do not hold my attention for long, and neither am I attracted to them. Most of the alpha males I meet are either married or in their 40’s. I also find most men my age to be very childish and not manly enough for me. (Women are typically about 5-8 years ahead of where guys are maturity-wise. That’s why a lot of younger women prefer to date older guys, and they don’t like to date guys their own age, because they don’t want to wait on them to grow up when they haven’t figured it out yet. You also should look at where you’re meeting these guys. If you’re a high achieving female, where do the alpha males hang out? It’s not so much about chasing or finding what you’re looking for. It’s about becoming a person of value — becoming the kind of person you want to attract. Your life should be filled with activities that you personally love doing, because it’s in doing those things that you’re going to meet other like-minded people. My book will help you, because when you start to see that beta-male behavior, instead of sticking around, hoping it’s going to get better, you will be able to recognize which guys get it and which guys don’t. If you tend to keep attracting the same kind of people, you have to recognize that you have to get better at pre-qualifying them.)
I do not lead with the PhD card. I have always practiced the art of letting go and I am also a spiritual person. Friends and family can testify to me being a gentle, warm and very friendly person, sometimes too flirty. I am also one of the most humble people you’ll ever know. I love to have fun and have a great time, and when its time to work, I give it my best. I do not want to apologize for being me, PhD and all, but I want a man that can stand up to me and with whom I can relax and know he is LEADING us somewhere good. (It sounds like you start dating guys who do the right thing in the beginning, but once they feel they’ve got you, they no longer do those things. If you’re constantly dating and ending up with guys that are beta and passive, that tells me you’re letting guys stick around longer than you should. You have to get quicker at getting rid of them. Think about the time and the emotional energy you invest in somebody when dating them, and then you realize you don’t want to stay in the relationship long term).My question is, am I doing something wrong in terms of my sexual polarity and how to maintain my femininity against the rest of the 97%? (For you, it would be helpful to understand how you had a passive, more beta-male father at home, you’re naturally going to feel more comfortable with guys like that, versus if you had grown up with in an environment where your dad was the alpha male and he was king of the household. You’re not attracted to those beta-males because the sexual polarity is lacking. Going forward, you need to recognize which guys exhibit alpha behavior and which guys don’t.) I find comfort knowing there are powerful couples all around: Beyonce & Jay Z, Michelle & Barack Obama… so I can’t be wrong, or can I? Or do you think the men act like jelly with their women in the privacy of their bedrooms, and it’s all a facade?
Any insights and thoughts you have will shed more light into my frustrations.
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Feminism was originally a great idea and movement to make sure women got voting rights and were treated as equals and teammates. However, over the last fifty-plus years, feminism has become unbalanced, too aggressive and focused on tearing men down, neutering and emasculating them. Way too many TV shows and movies portray men as bumbling, weak, stupid, dishonest, feminine and girly, while the women are increasingly portrayed as being confident, aloof, smart, masculine and manly. This has blurred the natural and innate masculine and feminine gender roles and caused unbalanced sexual polarity, as men and women struggle to be who they really are, have healthy relationships and adapt to women being in positions of power and leadership in their careers and home lives. The solution is for men and women to understand the difference between masculine and feminine energy, how this creates sexual polarity and attraction, and act according to their own dominant natural essence.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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