In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss the 7 most important principles of how to get an ex back. The majority of men and women who first find out about my work are usually trying to get an ex back. What I discuss in this video and article is who should contact who and when, when you should and shouldn’t try to set dates, why you shouldn’t focus on a relationship commitment, etc. I also discuss scenarios for people who got dumped, but did not want to be dumped, and for people who did the dumping, but now have changed their mind or felt like they made a mistake, and want their ex back.
These are the most common principles and responses that I discuss in my book, website articles, and countless videos. In addition to applying these seven principles, you must also read my book 10-15 times until you get to know it so well, you could teach a class on it. If you were the one who got dumped, then it’s essential that you learn, by reading my book 10-15 times, how to properly clean up your pick, dating, attraction, and relationship game. Otherwise, you’ll simply get dumped again.
7 PRINCIPLES TO GET AN EX BACK:
1) IF YOU WERE THE ONE WHO GOT DUMPED – You must communicate that you do not accept being friend-zoned or no longer being together, but instead want to continue seeing them. If they are unwilling to continue seeing you or give you another chance, you tell them to get in touch with you if they ever change their mind. You must let them go forever, and never contact them again for any reason. You must never, under any circumstances, agree to being friends only. It’s romance, or you’re simply not interested.
2) WALK AND NEVER LOOK BACK – This is the strongest negotiating position in any professional or personal human interaction. Once you have stated what you want, but they are unwilling to give it to you, you tell them to contact you if they ever change their mind, but you are not interested in anything platonic, and to please not contact you unless they are interested in something romantic ever again. Walking and never looking back means that you will never ever contact them again for any reason. No birthday messages, holiday messages, death of family members, etc. As far as you are concerned, you will never speak to them again as long as you live. If you have children with this person, make your arrangements ahead of time, so there is absolutely no reason for them to contact you. There must be space, distance, and time between you in order for an ex or someone you turned off to rethink and regret pushing you out of their life. It must be their idea to reach out to you first, once they realize they are never going to hear from you again.
3) WHEN THEY CONTACT YOU AGAIN – If an ex or someone you were dating got turned off by your behavior, contacts you through text messages, email, Facebook Messenger, or phone calls, then you must assume they want to see you, and this should be your first response. (Their liking your Facebook posts or commenting on your social media posts does not count as them contacting you. They must contact and message you directly and engage you in a conversation.) Do not engage in any BS conversation or nonsensical chit chat. Be direct, decisive, and go for what you want by saying this, “Hey, it’s great to hear from you. I’d love to see you. When are you free to get together?” Invite them to bring a bottle of wine, coffee, tea, etc., whatever you drink, to your place to make dinner together. Make a definite date. Hang out, have fun, and hook up like I talk about in my book. It’s like a first date. You get no credit for your past history together or any past relationship. Do not talk about getting back together, being exclusive, or locking them down to a commitment. It must be their idea to become exclusive again. You simply need to focus on creating a fun filled romantic opportunity for sex to happen, i.e., a date.
4) WHEN THEY WON’T COME TO YOUR PLACE FOR A DATE – If they have contacted you again, and you try to make a date at your place, but they won’t accept, or they counter by trying to get you to pick them up or meet them out somewhere, you must give them this response, “It’s been a long week and I’m just in the mood to hang at my place. If you don’t want to come over and make dinner together, then give me a call in 2-3 weeks and maybe I will be up for something more formal then.” They’ll either agree to dinner or they won’t. If they won’t agree to dinner, then say this, “I’ve got to run, but get in touch with me if you change your mind.” And then walk and never look back.
5) WHEN THEY WON’T MAKE A DATE – Since you are always going to wait to hear from them first, and on two consecutive different times when they have reached out to you first, you try to set a date, but they won’t, then you must stop asking. Never ask them out again unless they bring it up first. From that point forward, if they continue to reach out to you, you’re not going to bring up getting together. If they have contacted you by text, email, Facebook messenger or other chat services, you will keep your message responses to 2-3 max. If they contact you by phone, and you’re having a phone conversation, Facetime conversation, or Skype video or audio conversation, you will keep the conversation to 2-3 minutes max. This is very important: When they’ve contacted you via digital messaging, or voice or video means, you will always give them this response when you end the conversation, “Hey, it was great hearing from you, but I’ve got to run. Keep in touch.” From that point forward, they will either bring up getting together first, and then you can try and set a date, or they will stop contacting you for good.
6) LET THEM CONTACT YOU EXCLUSIVELY – When someone is unwilling to see you, go on dates with you, or give you a chance to start to rekindle your romance, and they have pushed you away, you must always let them contact you 100% of the time from that point forward. This is different from what I teach in my book and how a man should properly start off a courtship, so this only applies when you got dumped or blown off and did not agree to it. So when they do reach out, you make a definite date, and then you get off the phone. Be direct, decisive, and get right to the point, no idle chit-chat or unnecessary BS conversation.
7) IF YOU DUMPED THEM – The only time you’re going to contact an ex when you are trying to get them back, is if you dump them, but regret that decision and want to rekindle things. You will only contact them one time when you are trying to get them back. You will contact them once, apologize for being a jackass, tell them you would like to see them again, and make a definite date. In this situation, it’s okay to go pick them up or go meet them for dinner if they won’t come to your place. This is because you pushed them away. Therefore, if you try to make a date when you contact them, but they are unwilling to, tell them that you’d love to see them again and have another chance. Then tell them to contact you if they ever change their mind. If they reach out after that, try to make a definite date. But after you’ve contacted them once, and they were unwilling to make a date, then you must walk and never look back. If they contact you, and you make a date, and you hang out, have fun, hook up and things go well, then you can treat this situation like a normal courtship by contacting them once per week to set a date. But once they feel safe and comfortable to start contacting you after your last date, then you shouldn’t have to contact them anymore. Then, you can simply back off, wait to hear from them, and when you do, make the next date. Under this circumstance only, when you did the dumping, it’s okay to contact them once per week if they agreed to go out on a date with you the first time you contacted them after dumping them, just like I discuss in my book.
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“The strongest negotiating position in any personal or professional human interaction is being able to walk away and mean it. If you got dumped by a lover whom you wanted to keep in your life, you must state what you want, and then walk away and never look back. If they care or still have any romantic feelings for you, they will reach out in the future. If that happens, simply focus on creating a great date. Hang out, have fun, and hook up. Do not focus on a relationship commitment or dating labels. It must be their idea to become exclusive when you are the one who got dumped. If you dump them, but now want them back, contact them, apologize for being an ass, and tell them you would like to see them. Make a date. If they won’t make a date, tell them to call you if they change their mind, and walk and never look back. You always must give an ex-lover the freedom, choice, space, and time to decide to see you romantically again. That is why continually contacting them to change their mind, is the weak position, and will never work.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne