Why you never pursue women who blow you off and what to do instead.
In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a 33 year old viewer who has read 3% Man, 10 times. He has been seeing a hot 25 year old woman off and on for about 6 years. This woman is like kryptonite to him. He can’t help but act dopey and weak which always leads to her blowing him off and then dating another guy. Eventually after a year or more, she gets back in touch and the process starts all over again. Then he chases her away and acts too weak and unworthy. She is back for the 4th time now, but he still is not following what the book teaches and he is paying the price. It’s a good email that shows how difficult it is for the average guy to date what he considers to be his dream woman without totally falling apart. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my video coaching newsletter. And the topic of today’s newsletter is going to be, Why You Never Pursue Women Who Blow You Off.
So I’ve got an email. This particular guy, he’s 33 years old and he says he’s read 3% Man ten times and he’s been following me for about six years. So, he’s got a woman that kind of that he’s been off and on with. And I guess that this particular woman, I think if I remember right, he mentioned his email, the whole reason why he came across my work was this particular girl.
And he you can tell he gets dopey over her; he’s pedestalizing her. And so, over the last six years, there have been three times, including the very first time they dated for a bit. He got a little dopey and like, you know, as Doc Love used to say, it’s the average guy, “a beautiful woman to the average guy is like Kryptonite.” In other words, they totally have the power to make a dude just fall apart.
How many of you know men in your life, whether they’re friends of yours or dads or uncles, got male coworkers or whatever. When a hot girl walks in the room, they just fall all over themselves trying to turn into a manservant or their butler and wait on him hand and foot and dote on them and coo like a dove and purr like a kitty cat and basically act like a girl.
It’s, you know, we all know guys that are like that. It’s like as soon as the hot girl comes in and they just, they go from being masculine and confident to just totally stumbling and tripping all over themselves. And unfortunately, this is the way most men are. Most men just cannot handle being with a super hot woman. And beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And it’s they’re the ones psyching themselves out.
The reality is, attraction is not a choice. Mother nature is already handled that. And so, if you think a girl is absolutely smoking hot and she’s also attracted to you, then you got a chance to make her, or I should say allow her, because love is allowing to fall in love with you and convince you why you should agree to be her boyfriend. That is just the reality of things. But for most guys, they never really get that far.
And so, there’s been two other times since the initial time where she would, in other words, blow him off, start dating somebody else, get serious with that guy. And then six months, a year or so later, she’d be popping. Plus, I think she doesn’t live near him, so she’s kind of out of the area, and then she’ll pop back up, they’ll hang out, they’ll date for a little bit, and he does the exact same thing.
He makes the same exact mistakes because he just can’t help himself because again, this woman is like Kryptonite to him. He just cannot handle it. He just turns into a dopey guy that pedestalizes her and kisses her ass. And she wants a man that will stand up to her and put her in her place. And he’s just not able to do that on a consistent basis to where she continues to respect him and admire him.
And so now she’s come back for the fourth time recently after I think they didn’t talk for over a year or so. But he’s hung out with her a couple of times. And even though he’s been through my book ten times, the way he’s interacting with her and behaving her is like the opposite of what I teach in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back.
The article and video that I did several years ago for exactly this kind of situation. It’s like you can read the book a thousand times, but if you do the opposite of what it teaches or you don’t really practice it, because more than likely because this has been going on for six years now, there is not any other girl that he’s met in the last six years that has the effect on him emotionally that this woman does.
And so other women that he dates, he’s just not that into. So, it’s much easier for him to do the right things with them. But you can understand, it’s like, because I wrote about this in my book because I went through the same process.
It’s all a mind fuck. It’s all in your head. And I remember my girlfriend that I wrote about in the book, the one that had the daughter, and I was like probably 3 or 4 months after she finally fell head over heels in love with me and wanted to be exclusive. And she was dopey over me.
I remember I was sitting at home one time thinking about this, and I was just like, man, this whole thing all these decades of my life because I was like 31, 32 at the time. That I was just thinking all that, that emotional and the mental energy and the suffering that I went through and always feeling like I never really got the girl that I felt I deserved.
And then to finally have one that I was like, when I walked down the street, I wasn’t looking around. I didn’t feel like I had missed out. I was proud to have her on my arm. I finally felt like, I don’t feel, at the time I didn’t feel there was anybody better out there for me.
I thought in my heart and the way I felt was like, “Pfft” this is the hottest woman on the planet to me. And that’s an amazing thing to go from not getting to experience that or only experience it for a few weeks then “Poof” you chase the girl right out of your life.
And so, this guy is like coming right up against his barrier of fear. And so, part of his problem is he’s not able to exercise the most emotional self control, and he’s not able to back off enough when he really needs to. And he doesn’t have the self control that he continues to pursue, continues to act dopey.
And then she just gets a realization that nothing’s changed with this guy. And even though intellectually she might be like, this dude’s just such a great dude, he’s perfect on paper, but “Ehh” something’s missing. There’s no chemistry, there’s no spark. I feel like something’s missing.
As much time as we spent together, I should feel different, but I don’t. And most women don’t understand why they feel the way they feel. They just know that they’re not feeling it. They’re not that into it. So let’s go through his email.
I’ve read your book 10 times now and currently reading it again as I believe I am missing something. I’m a 33-year-old attractive man that’s never had issues getting women.
Well, a lot of guys have that problem. They’re good at getting women, but they just they don’t last but a few weeks and poof, they’re gone.
She’s 25 and to me she is a stunning 10 (attached picture.)
And she’s beautiful. She’s got a great figure. It’s like, I see why he likes her. But drooling all over her is not going to help you, bro.
I found your work about 6 years ago after messing up with this same woman the first time. Immediately we hit it off all of those years ago despite my concerns about her age back then. She was 19.
So that was six years ago. He’s 33, so he was 27 and she was 19.
She lived about 4 hours away from me.
So they were long distance too. So he’s got that wrinkle there.
But we still see each other semi regularly. I tended to act dopey and turn her off prior to your work and she would end up choosing another guy.
Well, after six years and the fact he’s writing me about this and this has happened three times total, and now it’s the fourth time, he’s still acting dopey. He’s still got her on a pedestal. Because what’s going on is deep down, he doesn’t feel like he deserves to be there.
And so, all of his actions are trying to do or try to prevent what he fears, which is losing her. So he literally chases and talks her right out of liking him. Chases her out of his life, and talks her out of liking him every single time it’s happened.
This happened I want to say 3 times in the span of 6 years. My response always left the door open. Every time those relationships ended, she would get in touch with the classic, “Heyyy.”
Girls don’t really need a better pickup line then, hey, hey. You haven’t heard from her in a year or two? Hey. What’s up? She’s back! Oh, my God, I can’t handle it!
Each time she would notice improvements, but something would always turn her off and she would end up with another guy.
Well, it’s the same issue. It’s being dopey. And if you’ve been following me for six years, but yet you’ve only read the book ten times, then that tells me you were haphazardly reading it. And when she finally did come back, you just weren’t prepared. Guys that do really well, they read the book ten, 15, 20 times in a short period of time, not intermittently over six years or so. I mean, I talk to guys who have been following me for ten years, and they just picked up the book for the first time.
And when they go through their history of everything that’s happened over the last decade and all the girls that they screwed up with, it’s like. You know, eventually they have enough pain of rejection. I mean, every guy hits the wall, so to speak, where he’s just like, “pfft” this is it. I can’t take it anymore. I’ve got to do something.
I have to change my approach. Because every time this happens, it’s like it just does not go the way I want it to. So obviously I’m doing something wrong, which this guy is recognizing. And I would say part of it, he doesn’t know the material well enough, but the big part of it, he just hasn’t applied it enough with enough other women.
So when she does come back, as he says, she’s noticed some improvements, but they’re not dramatic enough and they’re not consistent enough. And probably as the weeks go by and he spends more time with her, he thinks, “Oh, I’m getting further with her.” And then he just deludes himself into the illusion of action. And then, like you said, same thing happens all over.
The last time this happened I said the same call me if you change your mind speech and expected to never hear from her again. I was just over it.
I know that feeling. The girls that I wrote about in my book. It’s like, man, that shit went on for years, dude. Like, you got to. You got to remember I was 31, 32 when just the light bulbs finally clicked for me, and I really got it. But prior to that, there was a lot of suffering.
There was a lot of missing out. There was always, feeling like, God damn, every time I met a girl that I really liked, it’s just, I couldn’t put two and two together. I couldn’t connect the dots. I couldn’t figure out what I was doing because I knew these girls were into me.
I could tell they were all over me at first. And then as the weeks went by, they were just like, not returning my calls, taking longer to return them. They’d be difficult to make appointments with them. Whereas before, oh, my schedule’s wide open, they’re like, oh, you know, things are crazy. Work’s crazy right now. I’m not sure. Maybe next week I’ll have to let you know. And that’s for man frustrating as hell.
And that’s why most guys just give up and settle for a girl that is, that they can get along with, but she doesn’t really knock their socks off. And so, they just have kind of a mediocre relationship and a mediocre life. And they never, ever reach their full potential.
I moved on and about a year later I got a happy birthday text, we sent a text or 2 back and forth and I told her it was nice hearing from her, but I had to get back to what I was doing.
Well, if she reaches out and you haven’t spoken to her in a year as 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back, you’re going to say, well, “We should get together and catch up, make some dinner together. What’s your schedule like?” And then make a date in the evening at your place to make dinner together, hang out, have fun, hook up. It’s all laid out in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back.
And yet you’re not following that script at all. You don’t hear from her for a year. She reaches out and you’re like, hey, it was nice hearing from you, but I got to get back to what I was doing.
About 8 months went by and I got a guess what text randomly one day from her. She told me she might be moving to my city for work and wanted to see if I wanted to help her find a place and “joked” about just moving in with me.
So. Yeah, well, you snore too much, babe, but maybe you can sleep on my couch.
She ultimately moved here so we started hanging out again.
What is 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. Your job. As the book says, is to create an opportunity for sex to happen, to hang out, to have fun while you’re hanging out, and to hook up. But he’s like, oh, we started hanging out again. So, what does that mean?
He probably met her for coffee, for lunch, went shopping with her, helped her pick out drapes for her new place, you know, was the typical nice guy thing. And dude’s been following for six years. Says he’s read 3% Man ten times. And yet this girl comes back into the picture, and he just starts hanging out with her again. You don’t hang out with her again. You invite her over to your house to make dinner together.
The only way you’re ever going to do anything other than hang out and make dinner at your house together is if three dates in a row when she comes over and these are all consecutive dates, you hang out, you have fun, and you hook up all three times. If that happens, then you can meet her out and pick her up and do those things.
But she has to do 100% of the pursuing. But normally what these guys do is they go right back to calling and texting and pursuing, and they chase her away again because she blew you off. She dumped you multiple times and blew you off for other men. And yet she gets back in touch with you, and you go right back to pursuing her.
Instead of letting her come to you and do all the pursuing. Because, again, this is laid out in the book and this is laid out in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. But again, you’re dealing with a woman who is totally Kryptonite to this guy, and he just cannot help himself. He’s falling all over himself to spend time with her.
And so more than likely, when he tried to make a dinner date, if he did at all, he got some push back and instead he met her for coffee. He went to lunch. He was hanging out, helping her pick drapes out for a new place or whatever. Mowing her lawn for her, I don’t know. But the bottom line is he’s not doing what he’s been taught.
Everything was going pretty well, she would reach out to me multiple times through the day and she overall seemed pretty excited about us rekindling.
He’s all focused on locking her down in a relationship instead of just creating an opportunity for sex to happen.
She made it a point to tell me how she noticed I am different I just seem more calm and mature.
So, she’s noticed a difference. However, your interactions, you’re still not being direct and decisive in getting to the point and making a date in the evening and make dinner at your place. Instead, you’re hanging out and you’re being her buddy. You’re being her butler, her gay male girlfriend.
She would say things like “if we date” a lot.
It’s like, yeah, this is what happens. You go and hang out and you went right back to acting like your friend. You told her, “Hey, I’m not interested in being a friend, but get back in touch with me. And if I’m single, we’ll do something.” And then she gets back in touch, and he’s going to lunch.
He’s going to coffee. He’s going to where’s it, Home Goods, which is a really cool store. Home goods, Home Depot. He’s probably hanging her drapes for her. Mowing her lawn, fixing her sprinklers or whatever it happens to be, unclogging her toilet.
And then meanwhile, Chad ThunderCock comes over later and, you know, bangs her up against the wall under the new drapes that you just hung that afternoon.
And I would sort of deflect that by saying something silly. I know I should have asked her what she meant by that, but I was in my head about her just getting out of a relationship and wasn’t sure if those feelings were genuine or if they were due to the fresh breakup.
Again, she’s dangling a carrot. If we date, ooh, we might date sometime. He’s like, oh, mommy, I get another chance. Oh my God, can I buy you a coffee? Can I hang your drapes? Whoa whoa whoa whoa. Women don’t want that dude.
They don’t want a butler. And it’s like you’re literally metamorphosizing into the exact opposite of what the book teaches. When you interact with her and you can’t see it. Because again, she’s like Kryptonite to you.
This is where things started going a little sideways.
Dude. They were going sideways the moment she came back into your life and you didn’t make a dinner date at your house.
I noticed she was becoming less eager and the frequency of us hanging out started slowing down.
Again. What your job in the courtship is to create an opportunity for sex to happen. Instead, you became her pal, so she came back into your life. Says, if we date and you’re like, ooh, I may get another chance. And then so you hang out with her as her gay male girlfriend and her butler and her manservant.
While she looked. This is like. No wonder she. Every time she’s come into your life, she leaves you. She wants a man, to take her and ravish her. Not some dude that wants to be her butler and wait on her hand and foot.
I never chased after her and always let her come to me after some time she would always reach out.
But again, your job is to create an opportunity for sex to happen. Instead, you told her you weren’t interested in friendship, and yet you just. The only way you interact with her is in a platonic way.
We had plans to do something for her birthday, and she went ghost for a couple weeks.
That’s because she doesn’t respect you.
And a week before her birthday she reached out and asked if we were still doing something. I said of course proceeded with the plan and we had a great night together.
Meaning he probably drove her all over town and took her to lunch and bought her things.
After a few drinks she admitted she moved here because distance was always our problem and the position, she took was the same position she was already in.
So again she dangles the carrot. Oh we may date. And he’s like.
I told her that I was glad the distance is no longer an issue and we continued having fun. After the night was over, I noticed a few things that were off, she didn’t invite me in for intimacy or kiss me goodbye like she normally did.
You act like a friend, dude, what do you expect? Act like a lover, not a friend.
Two weeks went by, and she reached out again that night we went out for ramen had good conversation she explained that she’s just been so busy with work.
So busy. Things are crazy.
She does work about 70-80 hours a week and it’s been stressful.
Yeah, right. I find that hard to 80 hours a week. Come on. Probably what she’s telling you.
I knew this was just a cop out.
Yep. That’s what Doc Love would call a whopper, and not the good kind that you can eat.
But I brushed it off as it’s not a big deal and made a joke about her stress relief only being one call away I know it was corny.
You’re like, “Oh, Your Highness, you can call me and I’ll be there for you.”
But she laughed and said she did miss my back tickling.
Sure she did.
That night the same thing happened no kiss no intimacy.
Because again, you’re just like, bro, this is not what 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back teaches. This is you being a gay male girlfriend and not doing anything even remotely close to what I teach. This is the exact opposite. You do this with every girl you like. You’re not going to get anywhere.
She laughed at me when I tried to kiss her goodnight and said you always try to kiss me.
You’re trying to kiss her and she rejects you. And yet you keep going and driving her places and picking her up and take it around town and spending money and spending time with her. It’s like, come on, man. Have some self respect.
I joked back and said something along the lines of friends hug goodbye lovers don’t. She replied, “well you know we’re more than friends.”
Sure. See, that’s all she has to do. A little promise, dangle the carrot a little bit and you’re like, oh, you’re like the horny dog. Let me hump your leg. Let me hump your leg, mommy, I wanna hump your leg.
She lingered for a minute thinking about it before leaving. I didn’t text her afterwards and It’s been about a month in a half since I’ve seen her in person.
Yeah, because she’s completely turned off and she realized that nothing has changed about you. Well, actually, it looks like she’s lost even more interest in respecting you, because I assume at least the other. Well, maybe you guys never actually had sex. Maybe this is exactly the way it’s gone.
And 3 weeks since I’ve received a text from her where I tried to make a date, she took 2 days to reply and said she was too busy with work right now.
She’s just too busy for you. She’s not making time for you. Because, you know, being with you makes your pussy drier than a haunted house in the fucking desert.
Should I reach out to her?
Come on, man. Did you really ask me that? Should I reach out to her? Really? Really? You said you read my book ten times and you’ve been following for six years, and you’ve obviously, I assume, been through 7 Principals To Get An Ex Back and you’re going, hey, should I chase her?
What happened the last time you chased her? She took two days to reply. And then she’s like, I’m just busy. Works crazy, eighty hours a week. Oh my God. I seriously doubt that girl is working 80 hours a week. That’s absurd. She sold you a Whopper.
Or did I mess things up when I didn’t pick up on the relationship hints?
It’s like, dude, your job is just to create an opportunity for sex to happen, not have a relationship with her. It’s like, are you really sure you read the book ten times? Because like, usually when a guy tells me he’s read the book ten times, he doesn’t write an email like this. It sounds like a dude that hasn’t even cracked it once.
Am I just a rebound guy to her?
No, you’re just a pussy that has no balls. Your balls go. They get sucked up into your abdomen when she comes around and you start acting like, “Ah, I’m a little girl. I’m a little girl. Mommy, will you please date me?”
This woman pushes all the right buttons for me, always has.
Yeah. She just makes you totally fall apart. Your game goes right out the fucking window. All she has to do is say “Heyyy.”
I still date other women very regularly, but I’d like to know if there’s a way I can recover from this.
Well, you have to let her come to you. And you also have to apply what’s in the book. And that’s something that you are just simply not doing. You’re doing literally the opposite of what the book teaches, even though you’re going, oh, I read it ten times. So either your reading comprehension sucks or maybe you just kind of thumb through it.
But when I read this, there’s like, there’s no indication anywhere in here that you’ve applied anything from my book. You look like a guy that never had any game. You were just like I used to be when I was in high school, and in most of my 20s.
It’s like you got stuck in friend zone a lot with the girls you really liked, and you got blue balls, and you watched them continue to go out and hook up with Chad ThunderCock all the time. And meanwhile you’re sitting at home waiting for that phone call so you can go over there and unclog the toilet from Chad ThunderCocks morning dump from his beer and wings that he left in her toilet and clogged up.
So, I would suggest you actually read the book and actually apply it. Reread and watch the video. Seven Principles To Get An Ex Back and the article and actually apply what’s in there instead of chasing after this girl. And it’s important that you read what’s in the book and go apply it with other women. Women that you actually like.
I know you say, oh, I meet women all the time, and I never had a problem with women. I was like, yeah, probably not really that successful and not very active with women. Because again, you’ve been following me for six years. And when I read this email, it looks like you haven’t. You’re like brand new. You’ve been following me for a couple of weeks, and you haven’t even got around to reading the book yet. That’s what it looks like. So you got some work to do, dude.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.
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