A High Body Count Usually Means No Self Love or Self Respect

Why people who have a high body count of sexual partners usually means a lack of self love and self respect.

In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who has been following my work for about 2 years. Seven months ago, he met a woman after many dead end dating encounters who he really clicked with and who he initially thought was a good match. Then he finds out she went through a hoe phase and has a high body count.

Things went south shortly after and her lack of self love and self respect reared its ugly head. Now he is stuck in friend zone while she continues being promiscuous and saying she is not worthy. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

This is what happens when you don’t listen to what I teach. I say you’ve got to read 3% Man 10 to 15 times. There are many things in here that help you screen out good people from bad people. And for those of you that consume content in the red pill community, that’s something that’s sorely lacking there. And if you don’t have discernment, if you can’t judge somebody’s character accurately, you’re going to be spending time with people that you shouldn’t be. You’re going to allow people into your inner circle that you shouldn’t. And this can set you back for years.

This email brings up a good reason why, whether it’s a guy or a girl that’s got a huge body count – somebody that just sleeps around with people they don’t feel anything for and they don’t care anything for – that’s kind of psychopathic behavior. That’s somebody that’s giving themselves away because they don’t value themselves. I think it was Donny Epstein, who I first heard say, “You should only share your body with somebody after you have shared your soul.”

Just hanging out, having fun and hooking up with random girls you don’t feel anything for, every guy that’s done this, that’s experienced this – and quite frankly, when you’re young, it’s kind of a rite of passage anyway – you don’t know what you don’t know. You need to have some additional partners, more than just one or two people, so you can know what you don’t know, know what you like and what you don’t like. But the reality is, if you’re just constantly sleeping around with people you don’t feel anything for, it’s like glorified masturbation, basically.

The whole focus of my work is finding the “woman of your dreams,” somebody that knocks your socks off, somebody that you connect with emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically. Because there are lots of beautiful women out there you can have sex with, but how many are you going to really connect with on a deep soul level? It’s very rare. I always use the analogy, how often do you meet a new best friend? It doesn’t happen every day. As a matter of fact, it hardly ever happens. Because if it was like that, if we were constantly meeting amazing people every day, we’d make a new best friend every day and nobody would be in your life for any period of time.

And so, to me, the reason why this happens is we value scarcity, and something that’s scarce tends to be valuable. Something that’s really abundant, we all tend to take for granted. So, you’ll see in the email, just the consequences of sharing yourself and sharing your body with somebody, you don’t mean anything. Your body doesn’t mean anything. Your presence doesn’t mean anything. Your time doesn’t mean anything. And if you don’t value your time, you’re not going to do anything with it that’s going to be valuable. If you don’t value your time, guess what? Nobody else will either.

And you’ll see the effect of that, because this woman has also obviously got some serious self esteem issues and a low quality mindset and self perception. People act consistent with how they view themselves to be, and it doesn’t matter whether the view is accurate or not. Your job is to find somebody that’s ready, willing, able and open to dating you. Somebody that has their head screwed on right. Somebody that’s healthy, happy, whole, complete. They love their lives. They love being alone. They’re looking for somebody to share their completeness with. They’re not trying to fix anybody. They’re not looking for a fixer upper or a project. And this particular woman is obviously a project. And as of this email coming in to me, it doesn’t look like she has any intention of doing anything to help herself.

So, you have to be able to recognize these things, because these kinds of women are out there in the market. And if you’re going to get involved with them, you need to be able to recognize somebody that’s a good candidate and somebody that you should avoid. And this woman is somebody this guy should have avoided. He spent seven months and now he’s he’s talking to her again, but there are so many red flags here that he’s just kind of ignoring. I think he’s kind of come to the conclusion that he’s going to walk away, but at the end of the day, if he doesn’t fill in his knowledge gap, he’s just going to continue to attract the same kind of woman into his life.

Viewer’s Email:

Hi Coach, 

I hope you’re doing great as usual. I just want to thank you once again for your efforts in making the world a better place. Ever since reading your book a few years ago, my life has been going in a very good direction. I was recently coming out of a breakup, and reading your book has made me realize so many of my mistakes.

I mean, it says right in the beginning of the book, “Read it 10 to 15 times.” I say it constantly in my videos, “Read it 10 to 15 times,” and you didn’t listen. So, you weren’t a very good student from that perspective. You got burned, so now you finally come back and you’ve just read the book for the second time in two years. This is why you’re struggling. There are no shortcuts to success. You gave this woman almost a year of your life, and yet you should have maybe gone out with her a few times, maybe hooked up once or twice and moved on, especially once you started hearing the things this woman shares.

I got into active dating and managed to build a relationship I was happy in. It ended when we needed to grow apart, but I still love and respect her in a non-physical manner. This was 2 years ago. Ever since then, I have been randomly dating women who mostly end up being into me, and I hang out, have fun, and hook up with them. I was always hoping that one of them may turn up to be someone I can build something deeper with.

The reality is, you know right away, you feel it right away. It’s either there or it’s not. There’s no, “Well, maybe I could develop something deeper.” You knew when you got together, but then again, you only read the book once. So, you were like, “Hey, at least I’m getting laid.” But, obviously, it wasn’t very satisfying.

But it just wasn’t clicking that way. Until about 7 months ago. I had met someone cool with whom I felt I could have conversations for hours and talk about anything, have fun and enjoy life being easy. By the 3rd date we were making out in my apartment. By this time, she did tell me about her first relationship of 5 years that ended 4 years ago, and that after that she had a phase of “just sleeping around with whoever.”

Hey, “let’s sleep with whoever,” whatever. Does that sound like somebody who loves and values and respects herself and wants a connection, or somebody that gives her body away to anybody that wants it? Is that somebody, as a man, that you would respect, who just sleeps with anybody, whomever?

However, since it was “a phase” I didn’t take it as red flag.

Come on, man. That’s what happens when you read the book once, dude. There should have been alarm bells going off and you’re like, “Oh, this is great. We connect so well.” This is what happens. We use our emotions to make our decisions, and then we use our logic and reason to justify those decisions. This is why I say read it 10 to 15 times, but you didn’t listen.

I felt like she grew out of it, and since I was looking for a high-quality woman who was easy going, her lover vibes, saying things like “I wanna see and hug you before I go home,” “can we talk on the phone? I miss your voice,” “you’re like the sun for me.” I loved that she doesn’t hold back on her feelings and just goes with her guts and enjoys the moment,  or so I thought.

People can hide who they are for about the first 90 days of a relationship. And so, what happened was he got into la-la land, and he started acting dopey, and his discernment and his pre-qualification radar just completely turned it off. “She’s good. This is good.”

During the crazy talks we had, she did express that “she would love to try it with a girl one day” and maybe a “threesome with a guy and a girl.”

So, she wants one dude and another girl.

I don’t know why I loved all of this. She was wild, and I reciprocated because I’m also a wild person and I felt like we can do great adventures together. But after a while, as her attraction level went up and more emotions got involved, after 2 months of indoor Olympic events, which would always end up with her orgasming multiple times, things got exclusive.

I’d say, more than likely, he brought up exclusivity.

But I felt her panicking more and more and being an overthinker about her feelings.

Yeah, that tells me he didn’t learn the book. And so, what happened, because he liked her and he was in la-la land, he probably pushed for a commitment.

She would tell me things like “but I’m not good,” “you’re a much better person than I am,” “you’re amazing, and I’m just not.” She even told me that “she finds herself reaching out to her ex every time things are shaky.”

Yeah, it’s so good that you decided to lock her down.

And after a few weeks of that, she wanted to take some time off because she’s confused.

She got confused because you overpursued her, and you didn’t even realize it. You put her on a pedestal and became all dopey and thought you’d met the perfect woman, and she’s telling you that she’s not. And you’re like, “This is good. This is all good.”

She might be “into girls,” and this may have worked if we weren’t called “girlfriend and boyfriend.”

So, again, that tells me that he was probably the one that pushed for the commitment.

I respected her decision, although I got confused myself and a hurt quite a bit, but I let her go and wished her the best in her adventures.

So, more than likely, he went right back to behaving exactly the way he did before he ever came across my work, because he didn’t know it. He knew enough to get into her pants, but other than that, he never really bothered to learn the material. So, here he is, getting all hung up on a girl who really should have just been a casual hookup. But he’s got her on a pedestal. He’s Mr. White Knight. He’s going to save her. He’s going to fix her. He’s going to solve her problems.

I focused on getting my life together, started exercising more and got myself a place and two high ticket jobs in the meantime.

We started texting again after 3 months…

He probably reached out to her.

…during which I asked her to come over, but she didn’t because it would imply that she’s into me and she would do that. We were just friends.

It sounds like she friend zoned him and he went along with it.

I told her that I don’t have specific expectations if you come over, but I don’t perceive you as just a friend and I never will.

Yet he continues to act like a friend.

One afternoon, two weeks later, she reached out saying what am I doing in the evening. I was free in two hours, so I asked her to drop by where I was.

What does “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back” say? It says you have them come to your house. You don’t meet them out, you don’t pick them up, you don’t go for coffee, because you’re only interested in romance. That’s why you invite them over in the evening to make dinner together. That’s why women who aren’t interested in sex and romance will try to squirm out of that kind of appointment and won’t try to commit to it. And that’s why you stick to your guns on this.

I had an email from a guy who I answered in a video newsletter a couple of weeks ago. I told him specifically what to do, and he says, “She wants to got to meet for coffee. Should I just go ahead and do it?” I’m not even going to bother replying to it. It’s like, dude, I did a whole video and you’re asking me to do the opposite of what I said in the video? No, you’re wasting my time.

We had coffee…

Another guy not following the instructions in “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back.” And so, this is how, whether you realize it or not, you are agreeing to friend zone. You told her you weren’t anything platonic, yet you go and you do exactly that. You meet for something platonic in a neutral area instead of inviting her to your place to make dinner together, because you didn’t have the balls to stick to your guns.

…and then wine, and then I walked her home, keeping it cool and positive.

Mr. Nice Guy. Mr. gay male girlfriend.

I went home afterwards, received a message from her that she had “missed me.” I reciprocated and reached out to invite her over 3 days later.

So, what does he do? He goes back to pursuing this girl who dumped him to go have sex in threesomes with other people. And he’s like, “Oh, well, she reached out, so now I’ll just go back to pursuing.” The over pursuing is what got him friendzoned in the first place. Again, he’s still not following what I teach.

She came over, and she initiated all the moves, held my hands and kissed them, and was biting my neck gently from time to time. She went on saying she did a lot things during the break time she had, like sleeping with a girl and understanding that she likes guys more, she also said she did the threesome. When I asked in which combination, she said all of them.

So, I guess one girl, two guys, two girls, one guy, she did it all. She did the works. She belongs to the streets!

So, she went on telling me about these two guys who came to her apartment, and she didn’t even like one of them that much.

But she still let them play “Hide the Salami.”

But they turned the casual thing into a threesome.

She really seems like she loves and values and respects herself.

I told her that I don’t care what happened during your break, and she said that “but she does,” “that she regrets the meaningless shit she did,” “that the threesome with two guys was not good. They ended up making fun of her too much during the act that they couldn’t even properly do it because they were laughing too hard.”

Oh, that sounds humiliating. So, so nice.

I felt that she felt disrespected and empty because of this and felt like she only reached out because I gave her emotional comfort, respect, warmth, and care in the past.

“Because I was a nice guy.” This is why you should have had her come over for dinner. Because if she wasn’t down with that, she wouldn’t have come over. But instead, you met her for coffee. You did the opposite of what “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back” says.

When I went in for the kiss, she seemed passionate about it, but she stopped herself from it saying she should call a cab, and went on further explaining that if we kiss, she’s going to start being emotional again and drag me through her existential bullshit with her, that she’s not good for me and I don’t deserve the hardship, failing to mention that she’s working on any of her toxic traits. I felt disrespected because she would let random people go in, one after the other.

And laugh at her while they were doing it.

But she can’t even properly kiss someone who she’s clearly into…

Oh, clearly she’s into you, dude.

…and whom she actually respects.

She respects you, alright. You’re her gay male girlfriend. Congratulations.

A few days later, I just stopped texting her back, was disgusted with myself and decisions I made, and felt emotionally abused, gathered my dignity and decided to give her the gift to miss me permanently.

Well, at least you finally picked your balls up and went on your way. Better late than never.

Who was once a beautiful, easy going, no holding back type of a person, came out to be someone struggling with her past, with low self esteem, looking for validation from meaningless sex encounters, and escapes emotions at any cost. Can you please tell me how I could have handled this better?

Well, number one, you should have followed instructions the first time, two years ago, three years ago, whenever it was you came across my work, and read “3% Man” 10 to 15 times like I instructed. You should be doing it now, 10 to 15 times, because you have no idea what the hell you’re doing, and you’re not paying any attention.

You wasted all this time and all this emotional energy getting hung up on somebody that, quite frankly, maybe you should have hooked up once or twice. Or, once you found out what she was really about, you should have ghosted her and just said, “Hey, I don’t think we’re a match,” and moved on. But you didn’t learn the material. You got dopey. You put this girl on a pedestal, when it’s obvious she did not deserve to be on the pedestal.

What was my biggest mistake here?

Well, I kind of detailed them all throughout this.

Should I be blaming myself for any of this?

Yeah, because you didn’t follow instructions. You should have never gotten this far down the road with this girl.

Or does she just belong to the streets?

Best regards to you, Coach. 

Bob

She definitely belongs to the streets, bro. But just think, you could have sent her back to the streets eight or nine months ago, and just think of all the other encounters you could have had and all the emotional energy that you wasted on this girl, it would have never happened. All I can do is gently lead and suggest. If you don’t want to follow the instructions, hey, that’s on you.

But the good news is “Quotes, Ruminations & Contemplations – Volume II” is out. It’s available everywhere. And on top of that, if you’ve got a weird situation, maybe you did something like this and you’re too far down the road, you’re in that emotional rabbit hole and you’re like, “What the hell do I do? Did I make a good decision? A bad decision? Do I need Coach Corey to roast me?” I’m happy to roast you, if you’re so inclined. But I’ll always tell you straight like it is. I’m never going to blow sunshine up your ass.

So, if you want to book a coaching session, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.