A Man’s Purpose

How a man focusing on his purpose and mission in life makes him attractive to women.

In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email testimonial from a woman whose previous email I discussed in a video coaching newsletter titled, “Centered Driven Masculine Man.” In her latest email update, she describes what she finds sexy about her boyfriend who is driven and focused on his mission and purpose in life. She shares some of the masculine and feminine dynamics between them, and why she still has stars in her eyes and an intense attraction to him.

She describes why she respects him as a man and is comfortable being feminine and submissive. What’s also really great about her email is how proud she is of him and how she delights in his success in his career. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of her email.

Dear Corey,

Last year you featured a testimonial I wrote in a video called “Centered Driven Masculine Man,” and I wanted to follow up with some thoughts on how this stuff has worked so well in my relationship.  I said that after I got my house in order, I wanted to meet a man of quality and purpose, and that understanding myself and what I want in a man allowed this to happen. Since I met my partner, I have delighted in watching his career flourish. 

That’s what you’re looking for, a woman, friends and an inner circle that talks about you that way, who celebrates your success with you. Not somebody who’s trying to fucking sandbag you behind your back.

His ambition, work ethic, confidence, and assertiveness, all in the pursuit of his life’s purpose, are so attractive to me. 

Why is that? What is masculine energy? As I talk about in my first book, “How To Be A 3% Man,” masculine energy is purpose, drive, mission, succeeding, accomplishing, breaking through barriers and overcoming challenges. That’s everything that a man is. So when a man embodies that, it’s very sexy and attractive. Feminine energy is about opening up to receive love, to receive your strength. It’s about being soft, it’s about bonding, connecting, dating labels, relationship labels, family and nurturing. That’s all feminine energy.

We balance each other out. Obviously, men are different than women. We’re not the same. We weren’t designed the same. We each have gifts, we have skills, we have talent that are natural and innate to us. As men, we like a woman’s softness and her femininity, her tenderness. Whereas, women like guys because we’re hard, metaphorically and physically, because we penetrate the world with our strength.

It takes a lot of effort, energy and time to bring our dream and our life’s purpose to fruition. That’s what a man is all about. And that’s why women find it so sexy and so attractive. That’s why, as a man, you’ve got to have this shit in order. It doesn’t mean you’ve succeeded already at your purpose, but you’ve got to know what you want, why you want it, and you’ve got to be taking action to make that happen. And here, you have a woman validating that. That’s what really appeals to her about her boyfriend.

I even help him out in areas where he is weaker, and because of his humility and openness to change, there are marked improvements there as well.   

So it doesn’t mean you’re a fucking asshole. You could be hard an a hardass, but you can also be humble. Like Jocko Willink says, “Be humble, or you will be humbled.” And humility is letting other people sing your praises. It’s also saying, you know what, I might not know everything about this particular subject. Any man who is focused on his purpose wants to get better. And he’s happy to take criticism from a woman he respects, because it’s good, constructive criticism, not because she’s tearing him down, because she’s a fucking loser and wants to make him feel bad and gaslight his ass.

Because I trust him and his credibility,

You obviously look at his actions and how he lives his life. He demonstrates that he acts like a man in his masculine energy. You trust him, and you feel safe and comfortable. Why? Because he acts like a fucking man who is decisive, who is sure of himself and because he’s taking action,

I now allow him to give me guidance in my own work.

Remember, if a woman doesn’t respect you, she could never love you. And because you respect him, you love him, you care about him, and you seek out his advice and counsel as well. You’re teammates. You’re both helping each other become better.

The mutual respect is the key to our partnership, and we both see benefits in our individual life goals.

There was an article I did several years ago where I mentioned there are qualities when they did statistical studies on people that stayed together long-term, and one thing that was consistent in the data was that when there’s mutual respect and mutual admiration for each other, the relationship continued to flourish. If one or both of the people are constantly threatening the other person with the end of the relationship in order to manipulate the other person, it never fucking works out. It’s just a matter of time before it ends. So it’s really super important that the woman you’re going to be with, especially if you’re choosing a long-term type of relationship, has the same goals and values and she’s got some drive, some energy and wants to create something awesome for herself, whether that’s being a hairdresser or just being the best mother she can be to your children.

After a year together, I still have stars in my eyes and intense attraction to him. 

Because he hasn’t lost himself in the relationship. He’s still acting like a man. Whether you’re in his life or not, he’s still focused on his purpose and mission in life. And he sees you as a complement, and vice versa, so you complement each others lives.

I’ve thought about why that is. I suppose that, in addition to mutual respect, there is a sense of earning each other’s commitment. He knows his worth, but he doesn’t lord it over me to make me feel I couldn’t do better. 

Exactly. He’s not seeking to puff himself up by belittling you and tearing you down.

Though it may be difficult to meet quality women, I don’t feel he is desperate and wouldn’t tolerate emotional manipulation by me, either. 

He’s setting healthy boundaries. As I talk about in my book, you’re never going to really and truly own a woman’s heart unless she knows if she pushes you too far, you’ll walk and never look back. The strongest negotiating position is being able to walk away and mean it. That’s what that’s all about. In other words, you’re constantly trying to earn his respect, and vice versa. He’s not going to tolerate bullshit from you, and you aren’t going to tolerate bullshit from him. That’s where the respect comes in. When you both love and value yourselves, you won’t tolerate toxic people or people who are constantly trying to sandbag you.

This sort of quiet dignity and pride between us feels mature and stable.  And because we feel stable and safe, there’s contentment, because there’s no confusion of masculine and feminine energy. 

You’ve got to have the sexual polarity there. He’s in his masculine, and you stay in your feminine. And as long as you stay in your respective energies, the attraction is still going to be there.

It’s an amazing and natural harmony.  And I’ll be real: that harmony has translated to happy, on-demand sex.  Often, I’m the one demanding!

When you really master what’s in my book, you’ll see that. More often than not, the woman is going to be the one wanting more sex and intimacy. Lots of times I get emails from guys going, “How do I make my girlfriend want to have sex more?” By focusing on your purpose and mission in life, being a man embodying masculine energy, because that’s what makes a woman feel safe and comfortable to be feminine, to be submissive, to let you be the leader in the relationship.

A good, high-value, high-quality alpha female is not going to just give that to any fucking dude. She’s going to give that to a guy who has earned it through his actions, because he acts like a man consistently. She wants to make him happy. She wants to be together more. It’s an incredible aphrodisiac and turn on for her. Like she said, she wants the sex more than he does. Most men don’t know what that feels like. It’s pretty liberating when you have a woman who always wants to touch you, always wants to be close to you and be naked all the time. That is going to give you a feeling of contentment.

It’s so damn important for men to understand what you are talking about when it comes to a man’s purpose.  I think men might feel resentment in being told that they have to DO things to attract women, while women just have to be available. 

Remember what I’ve said many times, you have to be ready, willing, able and open to having a relationship, because there’s a lot of people out there that have got shit they’ve got to take care of in their own lives first before they become good partners.

But if they have purpose outside of attracting women, (ANY available women), then quality women will work to be with them and bring more to the table. 

In other words, women will chase you if you act like a fucking man. Even though on TV and in movies, and the feminists tell you, “Nah! That’s not the way it’s supposed to be,” it’s completely natural.

Being angry at what masculinity entails is pointless, just like I shouldn’t feel angry at my sweet and submissive feminine energy, even though I’m an accomplished woman myself. 

All this shit about toxic masculinity that you hear about, most of those women who are bitching and complaining about that have fucking daddy issues. And they ain’t the kind of women you want anyway. All those guys who are trying to say they’re a male feminist are just trying to fly under the radar so they can get a little closer to the chocha.

Anyway, I thought I’d share these thoughts.  And by the way, he is pretty quiet about the depths of his feelings and understanding of attraction. 

He’s not a little sappy girl sitting there talking about his feelings all the time, which is another thing that’s pounded into our heads as guys. “You’re supposed to be sensitive and emotional.” That’s just not naturally how men are. We are strong and stoic, the rock, the mountain. Feeling emotions are more a part of feminine energy. It doesn’t mean you don’t have any emotions or you suppress them. It just means, that’s not where you live all the time. You’re focused on your mission and your purpose in life. You’re strong. You’re not weak.

I have concluded that he just does his thing and is happy with me being part of his life. 

Thanks again,

Jessica

What you’ve realized is you’re a complement to his life, because he’s taking care of what he needs to take care of, and therefore you’re a complement. And you want to be that complement, that teammate, that cheerleader. You make the effort, and like you said, offer “on-demand sex.” Think about that. If you’re a guy that’s had a hard time getting sex or who’s not used to getting sex, and you then you apply the things I talk about in my book, “How To Be A 3% Man,” on-demand sex will be part of your world. That will really make you feel content and really make you feel alpha.

Thanks for writing in and sending us an update after a year with your man. It’s a great email.

“It’s essential in all healthy relationships that your inner circle and your romantic partners cheerlead for you and delight in your success. Good people who are good to you and good for you are excited to see your dreams come to pass, and they celebrate your victories with you and support you when things are not going well. Toxic people seek to tear you down, demoralize you and make you question yourself and your dreams. Unhappy people seek to make you miserable in a dysfunctional attempt to feel better by tearing you down. Winners build you up, always have a kind word and rejoice in your success. Good people add value to your life while losers are time wasting energy vampires.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne

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