Acting Needy, Neurotic, Clingy & Desperate Gets You Dumped At Any Age

Why acting needy, neurotic, clingy & desperate at any age leads to getting dumped.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a 67 year old guy who got dumped by his ex-girlfriend after valentines day. He over pursued, over texted, didn’t exercise emotional self control and acted needy, neurotic, clingy and desperate to the point she lost all respect and attraction for him. It’s a good email that perfectly illustrates how women loathe and are repulsed by men who behave this way at any age. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne, and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “Acting Needy, Neurotic, Clingy & Desperate Gets You Dumped At Any Age.”

Well, this particular email is from a viewer. He looks like he’s new to my work. He’s 67 years old, and he had been dating a woman who was 57. And they were dating for about eight months, and then they broke up right after Valentine’s Day. And I mean, this guy is new to my work, but you can see whether it’s a 18 year old kid or a 67 year old man. When you act needy and neurotic like this guy did, and you over pursue and you’re constantly trying to lock the woman down, just like what you see on TV all the time, you’re gonna ruin attraction.

She’s going to lose respect for you, and she’s going to dump you. Exactly what happened to this particular guy. So it’s a good email to learn from and what not to do because again, age doesn’t really matter here. What matters is your behavior and whether you act masculine and attractive and alpha or you act beta and cowardly and soft and squishy and needy and neurotic and constantly needing reassurance from your girl of where you stand with her.

So a big part of his problem is he just acted like a woman, and most of their time together, and towards the end, she just really got sick of it and just couldn’t do it anymore. And so the Members Area Video that I’m going to do right after this one for you guys that are Premium Members, if you haven’t already signed up, is an email with a guy who just broke up with his girl because she was needy and neurotic, constantly questioning his integrity, constantly questioning if he was doing something that he shouldn’t be doing or that he may potentially have been acting disloyal.

So you get both sides. The first one you get what happens when a guy behaves this way. And then the Members Only one is what happens and how it makes a guy feel when a woman acts that way. So they’re two good emails today to learn from. And if you’re not a already a paying Premium Member in the video description is Video. There are links to join on YouTube, or you can join in Spotify or our Website UnderstandingRelationships.com.

And on the Website you can do a seven day free trial and check out the content that you get for your money as a Premium Member. Plus, if you choose an annual plan on the Website, you’ll get a 25% discount at the end of the seven day free trial.

So with that said, let’s go through his email.

Viewer Email:

Hi Corey,

My girlfriend and I broke up the day after Valentine’s Day. We had been dating for 8 months prior with her breaking up with me 3 times stating she couldn’t give me what I want.

So when a woman says that she could be in Saudi Arabia, Pakistan, China, Russia, New Zealand, Australia, the UK. Women all say the exact same thing, no matter where they are on the planet. And when a woman says, “I can’t give you what you want”, that means you’re too focused on a relationship. You care more about her than she does about you. You’re more into her than she’s into you. And she feels smothered. You’re pursuing too much. You’re calling too much. You’re texting too much. You’re basically acting like a girl. And you’re more into her than she’s into you. And so that’s basically when a woman says she needs space and kind of needs to back away.

I had made the mistake of bringing up relationships several times.

Well, he’s new to my work despite the fact he’s 67. So age really is not the issue here. It’s the behavior that’s the problem. This could be a kid in high school, and if he behaves this way with the girl he likes in high school, he’s going to get dumped for exactly the same reasons. So it’s the difference between being masculine and attractive, and too effeminate and girly and basically acting too much like a woman, which is what this guy did. But if you watch and see what’s on TV all the time, this is normal. This is the behavior that you basically get brainwashed into behaving like. It looks cute on TV, in the movies, but in real life you’re going to repulse women.

She was all over me for the first 3 months. It was fun. 

So in the beginning, she was doing most of the pursuing. It was her idea. She was chasing him. And then at some point, predictably, the power flipped. He started caring more about her than she did about him.

She always came back and did over 90% of the texting and calling. She is 57 and I am 67.

So I’ve got two of the puppies. Just so you guys. I don’t know if you guys have met him yet. This is Momo. We call her Barkoff. Barkoff. Because she likes to bark a lot. And then this is Lyla. I think you guys have seen Lyla before. They’re just at two months now, and they like to wrestle. And then we got Ocean down here, mama bear. Come on, mama. Come on up. Come on. Come on. Come on. Nope. She doesn’t want to come up. But. So they’re kind of a handful. Lots of poop, lots of piss. Trying to get them to potty train, use the pee pads and all that stuff.

A lot of fun. A lot of messiness. What are you whining about? And so part of the reason she wants she likes this Ocean likes to sit up here and film with me. But now the puppies are up here because they got their baby teeth in and she’s no longer nursing them. They want to nurse still, and they’ve got these little sharp teeth. She doesn’t like that too much. So it’s kind of funny to watch, especially when we got all five of them. They chase her around the house. So let’s put you over here. Come on, let’s go. Come on, come on. There you go. There we go. All right. You guys got to behave.

Don’t try to suck mommy’s titties like, “mama. Give me the titty. I want some milk, mama.” It’s probably what they’re saying. You can hear she doesn’t like it. Anyways, back to our regularly scheduled email. So he was doing things right in the beginning because probably he didn’t care too much. And then when his feelings and his emotions got engaged, the power flipped. He started doing more of the pursuing. She started backing off as she backed off, he pursued more. And that’s predictably what typically happens.

She always came back and did over 90% of the texting and calling. She is 57 and I am 67. A few months prior her son’s wedding invitation arrived. She crossed my name out and told her son I was temporary, and she need a table with her friends instead. 

Ouch.

She said later that it was because she needed the comfort f from her friends because of her ex-husband. I wasn’t happy about getting crossed out and the card was hung on the refrigerator.

It’s like, yeah, that’s like a big hairy middle finger on your refrigerator. Oh, by the way, this guy’s just temporary. So if you’re dating a woman and, you know, again, he’s 67, she’s 57. She’s like, “yeah. He’s just that’s a temporary. He’s just a temporary booty call until I find somebody better.” That’s not what you want to hear. That just shows you that again, she’s got all the power, because he gave it to her.

I wasn’t happy about getting crossed out and the card was hung on the refrigerator. We had a lot of good times, but she has her own house about a quarter of a mile from mine and said often said she is fine being alone. She had a couple of bad breakups. She loves attention from guys especially.

Well, the other thing is, you know, from a vetting perspective, if she’s got lots of male orbiters and lots of attention. These are things that you’ve got to pay attention to, especially because this guy’s only focused on his interest in her. He’s kind of ignoring these things. And typically guys see this and they get really angry. They get really pissed off about it. And all it does is cause her to keep doing more of that behavior. And she may just not be a very loyal person. You just don’t you don’t know. But that’s not a good sign if you’re in a relationship with a girl and she’s always inviting attention from other men. It shows she thinks you’re a bitch and you’re a punk and she doesn’t care. And she rubs other men in your face. She doesn’t care. If you act like a bitch. Women will treat you like a bitch.

She goes with her girlfriends to bars I have been invited a few times. Guys she knows come up to her to massage her shoulders.

So she’s a barfly, definitely.

Drove former boyfriends nuts I heard. We had gone camping and boating with 4 dogs and 6 people and partied like Woodstock in Maine.

Well, if so, you’ve learned enough about her to know that this is a pattern that when she’s been supposedly exclusive, whether with a boyfriend, she allows other men to come up and massage her and touch her and act like she’s a single free agent. And that’s just not kind of loyal behavior. This is the kind of thing if you spot this and she’s asking you to be exclusive, that’s one of the things you got to say, “I’m willing to entertain being exclusive with you. But when we go out and you’re allowing all these men to come up and put their hands on you and touch you and massage your shoulders, it’s like, if I’m going to be committed to you and exclusive with you, that shit’s not going to happen. But if that’s how you operate, then we’re really just kind of friends with benefits. Fuck buddies, sex playmates. And I wouldn’t consider you as a girlfriend if that’s how you’re going to behave.”

“Because that’s not loyal behavior. You’re not going to like me going up and putting my hands all over pretty girls and massaging their shoulders and having them hop in my lap and sit in my lap and things of that nature and cuddling. You’re not going to like that. So you can’t expect me as a man if you want me to be your boyfriend, that this shit’s going to continue like that.” And if she says, “oh, you’re controlling”, he’s like, “I’m not controlling at all. It’s just it’s called respect. And you clearly are not that. That’s not one of your values. And that’s okay. We can have a lot of fun, but I’ll never become exclusive with you because that doesn’t work. It’s like you want to lock me down and be exclusive, while you basically act like you’re a free agent to other men. And you know, I’m not into that. No. Thank you.”

I am retired so I know I was over her house a lot did dishes stated the wood stove walked her dog for her.

Sounds like a hairy Honda.

I know but she wanted that the said I was over there to much.

So that tells me he’s calling her. He’s texting her, and he’s basically trying to shoehorn himself into her life. And these are all things I did when I didn’t know any better when I was younger. But, I mean, this guy is 67. So as the old saying goes, “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.” It’s like, well, he’s 67 and he’s got to learn some things because this is really unattractive behavior. And if you want a woman to want to be with you and be in love with you and want to be loyal and faithful to you and be proud to have you as her boyfriend and her man, you just cannot behave this way. And so even though he says she was supposedly doing 90% of the pursuing, if he’s constantly going over to her house because she’s only a quarter mile down the road, well, it’s pretty clear from the actions and the behavior here that’s in his email, it wasn’t really her doing all the pursuing like he claimed.

But maybe she did do all the reaching out. But if he’s always stopping by unannounced or uninvited and doing things for working on her house for her, uninvited. She didn’t ask him to be there. That’s when a guy is needy and neurotic. He just comes up with reasons to get in touch with her, to hang around. Because it’s always better if a woman thinks that she likes you more than you like her. And it’s pretty clear this guy liked her way more than she liked him, and he had no clue. He didn’t know what was going on.

In January she said she needed space. I watched your videos and things went well. She started calling and texting to meet.

So it sounds like he came across the videos and started taking some corrective action, but doesn’t sound like he bothered to read The Book. He’s just like most guys. Even at 67, he’s lazy and he’s half-assing it just looking for a quick fix, a pickup line, a magic phrase or magic combination of words or a word salad to just fix all this. When in reality he’s got to fix his behavior if he doesn’t fix his unattractive behavior. Every woman he dates is going to get turned off for the same reason, and I would suspect this has been a constant problem of his throughout his life, is that he’s always basically chasing women out of his life and talking and texting them out of liking him.

About 2 weeks before Valentine’s the wedding topic came up again she is constantly stressed over it as she doesn’t have a good relationship with the future in-law. We had been drinking tequila. She said that she thought that I was on the spectrum and if I went to the wedding her ex would say I thought your father was dead referring to me.

So she’s insulting him by saying, “you’re too old. You look old. People are going to think you’re my father.” I mean, they’re only ten years apart. But, you know, he seems to think he looks younger than he does. But if she’s saying that she’s either trolling him or she really does think he looks older than he is.

I got up pissed and said I have had enough and left.

Yeah, that is pretty rude. But why is she doing this? Because she doesn’t really respect him. Because he acts like a bitch too much. He acts like a little boy that didn’t get enough strokes or mommy and daddy as a kid.

She texted a short apology blaming the tequila. I went over her house in the morning for coffee and she said we both didn’t treat each other well. I tried to forgive and forget. However, we had a good time Valentine’s night hooked up to. I had bought her blue roses that she posted to Facebook saying how beautiful they were, but no hearts and she hadn’t sent a heart in a text in 2 months.

Well, that the reason she doesn’t send hearts anymore is because she doesn’t feel it. So she’s just kind of going along. So he may have backed off a little bit, but not enough.

There were gifts from each of us. Some coming in 2 days running shoes etc.

It’s way too many gifts. He’s buying our presents. It’s a bribe for sex in a relationship. He’s treating her like he’s super serious about her, but in her eyes, he’s kind of an afterthought. Come on baby, come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. All right. Ah, she’s gonna sit there and whine if I don’t pick her up. All right, sit down, mama. So I got the puppies trying to eat my fingers. That’s a lot of fun.

So besides no heart her card to me said Love you not I love you. I know it sounds not a big deal. but she tells everyone she loves them even if she hasn’t talked in years on the phone.

She said “Love you” not, “I love you”, so that sounds like she’s basically trying to say, “I care about you, I love you as a person, but I’m not in love with you. Don’t read too much into it.” That’s basically what she’s saying because she knows, again, she accused him of being on the spectrum. And why would she do that? Because he’s needy, he’s neurotic. He’s just constantly showing up, coming over to our house, buying our gifts when she’s kind of cold and bitchy towards him or distant. He just keeps pursuing and pursuing and pursuing, putting himself into her orbit, trying to shoehorn himself into her life. This is not attractive behavior. This is not the behavior of a guy who has choices and options.

This is a behavior of a guy who’s needy and who’s desperate and is constantly worried where he stands with her. Again, at 67, you would think he would have gotten over it. But I mean, better late than never. At least he’s watching videos. Hopefully at some point he’ll get serious about this and pick up The Book. Because if he again, if he doesn’t correct his behavior, he’s going to keep having the same problem over and over. And I assume this is probably pretty much how all of his relationships have gone throughout his life is that women get tired of his needy and neurotic act, and then they push him away or they friend zone him.

So, the day after Valentine’s I bought some alcohol to make mud slides. She like to drink to. Big snowstorm was coming, I knew the danger of having a problem, but we drank, and it was fun for a while until she picked up the phone to talk to her son and mother-in-law about the wedding. I heard her say he is new that’s why I want my friends. I jumped up headed downstairs and should have left but there was an ice storm I called her “the c word”.

He said, You fucking cunt.

10 time while she was upstairs.

I’m wondering if this guy’s from the Land Down Under, because that’s a favorite word of the Australian guys. You fucking cunt. It’s kind of like calling her a bitch. It’s just used all the time.

She came down after she was done talking on the phone an told me to get out.

Oh. That’s nice. I wonder if the future in-laws heard him yelling cunt at her. But if it’s Australia, they’re used to hearing that word.

I went to her house the next morning an apologized profusely and gave her expensive boots for valentines which she took. She said give me some time to forgive me. Her friend who my girlfriend said wanted her all to herself. One month and many posts I watched on Facebook about her not getting hurt again. Then one about not responding and time to move on. I had told her a week earlier I would call her after she had called me about picking up my stuff.

So again, this woman’s pushing him away, saying, “give me time, I need space.” And he’s still calling, still chasing, still pursuing, trying to fix things, instead of just, when a woman says, “I need space or to leave me alone, or I need some time”, you don’t call or text anymore. After that, you got to wait to hear from her. And if you don’t hear from her for 30 days, you should assume it’s over and move on with your life.

So, I called her and let her talk for 30 minutes. I bought up I could use her advice on my bathroom remodel.

So he’s trying to come up with reasons to interact with her and spend time with her again, all because he’s trying to find out where he stands with her.

She said friends, but she knows I dent want to be friends and her voice got shaky about the relationship She said that I called her vile names. I did apologize again, and I never treated bad or said bad names to her.

Well, except maybe that one time.

I spoiled her. I hadn’t drank like that in 40 years. Next day she was in the ER for a car accident we had texted a few timed previous, She called and said to come over to her house to get my stuff and hangout. She has returned my Valentine’s gifts but kept her expensive boots I gave her.

Well, she must have liked the boots. Sounds like hooker boots.

She said she didn’t want to discuss the relationship.

Yeah, because it’s just not going to end well.

We talked about the dogs etc. She is on tinder. I saw her on it before she hid it from me. She opened the account recently she must have saw me on it to. She was busy while sitting with me on the coach clicking once on her phone, I am assuming she gets at least 50 likes a day. She looks like she is in her forties.

So he’s kind of pedestalized her, kissing her ass, treating her like a celebrity. His whole mindset is like, “please pay attention to me. Stella. Stella. Uh, Mommy! It’s not a good look, dude. You’re 67. It’s like, come on, you’ve got to grow up at some point.

I also look good and am in great shape running every day. She hugged me a lot but wouldn’t let me kiss her.

So his whole mindset is seeking her approval. Bro, you got to read the fucking book. Seriously, your game sucks. It’s non-existent. And the only reason you got this far with her is because it sounds like you didn’t really even like her that much in the beginning. And so you did everything right. And then as soon as you started caring, you basically turned into a woman, and then you ruin the sexual polarity. And then you’d be chasing her and pursuing her ever since.

If a woman’s always chasing you, she’s not getting rid of you. You don’t have to worry about getting dumped. But when you’re always a chaser and the pursuer like you are, you got no leverage and you’re always behind the eight ball. I tickled her in leaving, and she laughed when she avoided the kiss in the lips. She said. She just wants things to be cool. In other words, “you dried me up and I only have platonic feelings towards you.”

I tickled her when leaving and she laughed when she avoided the kiss on the lips. She said she just wants things to be cool.

In other words, “you dried me up and I only have platonic feelings towards you.”

Now for the last couple of days we have spoken on the phone and texts but when I asked her to go the next day for a ride to a lake.

He’s still pursuing trying to spend time with her.

She said with her voice shaking I don’t going back especially with all the things going on. She said she wasn’t able to talk to me before recently. So, I told her to let me know about getting together.

Thank you Corey for your advice

Bob

Well, again, you got to read The Book. You have no idea what you’re fucking doing. Your game is, like, nonexistent. I get kids that are in high school that act more attractive than you do, so I know that stings as a 67 year old retired man. But at some point, you got to grow the fuck up. I mean, you look at Bill Belichick, he’s 72 and his girlfriend’s 24. He wouldn’t have landed her if he behaved the way you do. That girl pursued him. They met on a plane. They exchanged numbers and she pursued him. I think he was still in a relationship or on the downslope of a relationship. They were friends for like a year or two. She probably called him. They talked. They got to know each other.

She loved philosophy. He loved philosophy. That was one thing they had in common. And she probably came on to him at some point. And then here they are years later, because he’s the greatest of all time. So be more like Bill Belichick, this guy that you’re behaving with. It’s again, I got dudes in high school sending me success stories on how they’re fucking the prom queen. And you know, it’s the way you act you act like this is like the first time you ever dated a woman. I know it’s harsh, but you’ve got to grow up, dude. Again, The Book is free to read the Members Area the Website.

Just subscribe to the email newsletter and you got to fill in your knowledge gap, because there’s so many things that you’re doing and saying when you’re interacting with women that are unattractive that you just have no idea that you’re even doing it. You’ve got to learn to exercise self-control. So what I would do if I were you. Is never call or text her again for any reason and just wait to hear from her. And then when you do make a date at your place in the evening to make dinner together, hang out and have fun, hook up, I would follow what’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. It’s an article and video that I did many years ago, that you can look up and just follow that.

Let her do all the pursuing, let her do all the reaching out and you make dates. Stop calling her, stop stopping by her house. Quit being hairy Honda, constantly trying to be her fucking butler, dude. It’s very unattractive and you can’t behave this way. And the other thing you got to consider is she might not be a very loyal person, because if she was in relationships with other guys and she constantly let when she was supposedly in a committed relationship, other men that weren’t her boyfriend come up and put their hands on her and massage her shoulders and touch her and rub on her like that. No man is going to want to see that crap.

That’s disloyal behavior. So you just can’t behave that way. And so she might not be a good person to be in a relationship with anyways. But at least this way, if you start actually following what I teach, instead of trying to cherry pick a few things, you let her do all the pursuing and you just make dates that can lead to sex, at least for the next three dates. Then you know, once she reaches out after that, then you can go pick her up and meet her out and do those things. But you got to let her do all the pursuing. And then you make dates when you hear from her and then get off the phone. Stop trying to be your butler.

Quit going over to her house all the time, showing up unannounced and trying to shoehorn yourself into her life. It’s just it’s needy, it’s desperate. And it’s like, at 67 years old, it’s like, come on, bro. It’s like you got a man to fuck up. Seriously, because you’re behind the curve again. I got dudes in high school that follow me, that act more masculine and attractive than you do. I know it’s harsh, but it’s like, maybe that’s enough to wake you the fuck up.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.

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