Am I Cursed? The Girls I Like Never Stay. Why?

The reasons why women you really like never stay & what to do instead.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who wonders if he’s cursed. He says that the girls he really likes never stick around. He shares a detailed email of his dates and interactions with a girl he met on a dating app who was really into him. However, over the next few weeks she started backing away and then dipped. He’s confused as to what happened. I tell him what to do to prevent this from ever happening again. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “Am I Cursed? The Girls I Like Never Stay. Why?”.

Well, this particular email, I think pretty much most guys watching this video can relate to what this guy’s going through. He’s obviously, he says he’s been familiar with my work for a year now, but it certainly doesn’t look like he’s even picked up the book, because he basically makes pretty much every mistake that you can make with a girl. And so he met somebody he really liked, knocked his socks off, and things started off hot and heavy. He’s involving his friends.

He basically starts treating her like a girlfriend right away, being way too serious, too soon, rushing things. And so after a few weeks, she basically lost interest and dipped told him he was a great guy and she couldn’t keep up with him, basically. And so it’s unfortunate for this guy. He says he’s been aware of my work for a year, but he hasn’t taken it seriously. And now he gets to experience the pain of rejection. And in this case, it was totally avoidable, because again, he’s been following me for a year.

But when I look at how he’s behaved, he’s clearly not read the book and he’s probably just trying to cherry pick some things. And it’s a bummer because when you meet somebody and you click like this, it really is a rare event. It doesn’t happen. You maybe get 1 to 3 of those a decade, and so they really sting. And it’s usually the pain from the rejection and realizing that you totally screwed up and chased this girl out of your life. That’s usually when guys are most open to reading the book.

So let’s go through his email, maybe give you guys some flashbacks. Because again, when I read this, it’s like, man, I did this so many times in my teenage years, in my 20s, and I had no idea. But obviously you live and you learn. And so these are good emails to learn from because we’ve always got lots of new people coming in. And so the idea is you want to learn from the mistakes of other people and go, “Wow, that guy, really? I thought I was bad. That guy really screwed up.” And so the goal is to avoid making the same mistakes in your own life.

Viewer Email:

Hi Coach,

I’ve been familiar with your work for about a year now, and I’m hoping you can give me some guidance. I’m in my late twenties, reasonably successful, and have been with a number of women, but every time I like someone, it seems to fall apart.

Well the simple solution, and as I discussed in the book, is the women that you really like, you treat completely different than the ones that you’re just not that into. And I’m sure you’ve had the experience where girls you’re not really that into are nuts about you. But the girls that you’re really into and who initially start out feeling the same way, within 2 to 3 weeks, they’re gone. And we’ve discussed this many times with The Girls in the Podcast, just in their dating experience with guys, and it’s the same thing.

They see you know guys start out great. The first couple of dates, they’re like, “Oh it’s a great guy.” But as soon as the guys interest starts to go up, his behavior changes. He calls too much, he texts too much, he pursues too much. He comes off as a little needy, a little clingy, then he starts to be controlling, and she starts to back off. And most guys get about three weeks before the girls, as they say, their stomach starts turning because they start acting really unattractive, and then quickly after that it’s over.

Recently, I met a girl on a dating app who completely knocked me out. We were texting constantly.

Well, first mistake right there. The phone is for setting dates, dude. It’s for nailing down logistics. And so if you’re going to meet a girl online, you can send a few texts back and forth. And then the goal is to exchange phone numbers, either you call her or you give out your phone number. She calls you. Get on the phone to see if you click in a conversation. Because if you don’t click on the phone, you’re not going to click any better in person. And then if that goes well, you talk for about 10, 15 minutes.

If you really like talking to her, and she seems to like talking to you, then make a date and then get off the phone. Because the more you talk and the more you text, especially if you start trying to crack jokes and she doesn’t know you, doesn’t understand your sense of humor. 99% of the time your jokes are not going to land and you’re not going to realize it, and you’re going to talk and text her out of liking you. So that’s obviously the first mistake that jumps right out at me.

And although our first date was scheduled for Thursday, we ended up meeting a couple of days earlier because we couldn’t stop talking.

Well, that’s called lack of self control. It’s great that she’s enthusiastic, but you’ve got to take measured steps. As the book says, one date per week. That’s where you call. You reach out, you text, you initiate it. But these guys are constantly texting back and forth. He’s probably telling her his whole life story, everything about him before they’ve even met.

The date went incredibly well, and we ended up back at her place.

So does that mean you hooked up, or you didn’t? Maybe they just fooled around.

We then saw each other again a few days later and joked about going out for her birthday dinner and my birthday the next day, and she asked me to book it.

Well, if you had one date and you’re already planning to spend her birthday with her, [Corey shakes his head “no” in disapproval.]. Even though it’s kind of her idea, you’ve got to make definite plans. Because if you’re just kind of talking about it but not really making definite plans, you’ll see why that’s important in a little bit.

We even bought tickets for my brothers show.

So now he’s taking her to introduce his brother. One of the things the book says no group dates until she’s head over heels in love with you. That means group dates with your friends or group dates with her friends are out. Because you don’t want to take the chance on somebody in her peer group not liking you, or somebody in your peer group cockblocking you either on purpose or by accident because they’re stupid; they don’t have any game. So it’s best to just get to know somebody, take measured steps, take it slow, because if you’re going slightly slower than the woman, she’s going to become more turned on and become more aggressive and chase and pursue you harder.

And if it’s her idea, if she’s the one chasing and pursuing and calling and texting you most of the time, if she’s the one doing pretty much almost all the calling, texting and pursuing, you don’t have to worry about getting dumped. But when you act like this guy, you act like you’re in a relationship, you’re in a Disney movie and you’re just going to live happily ever after like it looks like in the movies, what you’re going to see happen is her high interest is just going to go in one direction. And so she clearly started off really high interest, probably a seven on a scale of 1 to 10 at least. But that’s it never really gets any higher than that. And the more he interacts with her, the more it tends to go down, as you’ll see in a second.

We also joked about her joining me for a week when I go traveling after Christmas.

So he’s talking about multiple dates, Birthdays, Christmas Holidays, after Christmas Holidays. He’s traveling. And remember, they’ve had been on one date and they’re like talking about their whole life together. And again, you’ve got to take this stuff in measured steps because you’re basically saying, “Hey, you won The Championship. Here’s the Stanley Cup Trophy. Hey, here’s the Super Bowl Trophy. Congratulations, I picked you. You’ve already won.” And yet you had one date. And I don’t know if you, maybe you said you ended up back at her place, but you didn’t say anything about sleeping together, so maybe they just kissed or they fooled around or whatever, but it’s just too much, too soon, way too fast.

And usually the reason the guy wants to go so fast is he’s afraid. Because every time he met somebody that he liked like this in the past, they just disappeared. I mean, as the title says, “The Girls I Like Never Stay.” And this is “why”. Because he does the same thing with every single one of them. And I know because I used to do exactly this. Again, it’s all laid out in the book, which unfortunately, he’s been aware of my work for a year, but doesn’t look like he ever bothered to read it because if he’d been following me for a year and had been a good student, this would have never happened. He would have been sending me a success story. But instead he talked, texted, and chased her right out of his life.

By this point, we’d only officially had three proper dates, but things felt more like a relationship.

Well, that’s the problem. You’re focused on your feelings and your interests in her, and you’re not paying attention to her interest and feelings in you. It’s better if she thinks she likes you more than you like her. But what’s happening at this point is she’s starting to realize that you’re way more into her than she is into you. And when she realized that, she has all the leverage and all the power, then she’s going to typically back away. So here’s where it starts to show up.

After bumping into her one Saturday night while we were both out.

Probably because they were talking and texting on the phone. Hey, where are you at?

She started acting inconsistently, now saying she couldn’t go for dinner on her birthday as her family was now coming down.

I mean, that’s kind of obvious. At that time, you had one date and he’s talking about doing things for her birthday. Doing things together for his birthday. Again, you just basically said you got nothing else going on in your life, and she’s the only one woman in your life, and you’re treating her like a girlfriend already. You’re not a challenge at all. Women like a guy they can’t figure out, that’s mysterious. They’ve got to work to earn. And you’re making it way too easy. You’re wearing your heart on your sleeve and you’re basically acting like a chick. He’s kind of acting dopey over this girl.

I messaged her Happy Birthday the next day and she replied warmly but briefly, mentioning a hectic workday.

I asked about her family, but her responses were neutral.

So when you start hearing, “Oh, work is hectic. Work is crazy. It’s just so busy.” When women start telling you those things, what they’re basically trying to say is say, “stay away. I’m busy. I don’t have time for you. You’re smothering me. This is overwhelming. I don’t feel free.” As Thích Nhất Hạnh said, “You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.”

And when he’s coming on strong like this, as he said, he’s thinking, hey, this is like a relationship. And she’s already pulling back on. Wow, this is pretty overwhelming. And so as her responses are kind of neutral, then I wouldn’t do anything. You should back off and not do nothing. But again, they’re constantly texting but not seeing each other that much. The phone is for arranging get togethers. You sell her in person, not over the phone or through text or FaceTime or Snapchat or WhatsApp or whatever.

On my birthday, she messaged me wishing me a Happy Birthday, and I responded warmly. Later that evening, I mentioned to her my plans to subtly remind her she’d agreed to come join me at a bar after my birthday dinner, but she didn’t respond.

Again, you made a maybe date. You kind of talked about it a few weeks earlier, and now you’re trying to guilt her into hanging out because you could feel she wasn’t really excited about hanging out with you. So again, the way you should have acted was, I wouldn’t even have brought that up. It’s something you talked about, but you didn’t make definite plans, so you had no plans. It’d be better for you to say, “Thanks for the birthday wishes”, than spend time with your friends and family and let her wonder what you did on your birthday. But instead, you make it sound like you’re sitting at home waiting to hear from her or see her.

The next morning, she messaged apologizing for being busy with work.

Yeah, sure. “Oh, sorry. I’m just so crazy with work.”

I replied in detail.

So this, he’s going to complain.

Expressing that I was a bit embarrassed.

Hey, you embarrassed me.

As I told my friends she was coming but wanted to ensure everything was okay.

Well, everything’s clearly not okay because you’re coming on too strong. You’re treating her like a girlfriend. You’re ready to introduce her to your whole family. And you ignore the fact that on her birthday, she didn’t want to see you. And on your birthday, you’re trying to guilt trip her in the coming to see you. And then after she didn’t come to see you, your guilt tripping her for not coming to see you because you’re embarrassed to your friends and family. So this shows that she’s got all the leverage. You’re way more into her than she’s into you. And at the end of the day, it’s a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. It’s too much, too soon, too much talking and texting. And here’s where she confirms that.

She said that the pace was moving too quickly and that she wasn’t sure she could keep up.

So what she’s really saying is like, “Wow, you’re way more into me than I’m into you. And I don’t know that my feelings are going to go beyond what they are right now.” That’s basically what she’s saying. Because you’re like in a mad dash to the finish line, to put a ring on her finger and live happily ever after, and you’re completely ignoring the fact that she’s not in the same place. And on top of that, she’s backing away and you’re still full speed ahead. Again, we’ve all been there. We’ve all done this. Pretty much every guy watching this video has done this with some girl that he liked at some point, and they all ended up exactly the same way. But it doesn’t have to be this way. If you’re new and you haven’t read the book, it’s free to read in the Members Area of the Website.

Just put your Name, your Email Address in, create a password and it’ll open up right in your web browser. It’s totally free to read. You can try it before you buy it. And when you go through the book, all the light bulbs are going to be going off in your head and going, “Damn, this has happened to me. Damn. I went out with a girl and she said exactly that.” Because again, women do and say the same things when you understand why being in a mad dash, and in a rush to get serious with somebody, it repels them. Because if she’s chasing you and pursuing you and trying to get you to spend more time with her and commit to her, it’s her idea. You don’t have to worry about getting rejected.

But when you’re doing it, it’s too much, too soon, it’s too fast. And here she is telling him that. She’s not pulling the plug on it right now, but she’s saying, “I don’t know if my feelings are going to go anywhere beyond what they are” because she doesn’t think they will. Because again, you’re not the first guy that’s done this with her. This happens probably with the majority of dudes. And again, we’ve discussed this many, many times with The Girls on the Podcast and they all confirm the same thing. Most guys last about 2 or 3 weeks, and then they blow it because they come on just like this guy.

I replied honestly, acknowledging my over-excitement, apologizing if I’d made her feel pressured, and saying I’d love to see her when she’s back.

So in that case, she just said, “Hey, hit me up when you’re back in town.” But he doesn’t wait because again, the back of his mind, he doesn’t think she’s going to reach out because that’s what’s always happened. Again, the title of the email, it was actually the headline, his email subject line.

The following week, I reached out to her asking if she fancied a midweek drink.

“Hey, do you fancy a mid-week drink?” You should say, “Hey, we should get together for a drink.” Completely different way of asking.

She apologized for not getting.

The girl’s, doing a lot of apologizing. So she’s basically leaving him hanging because she’s like, “Oh, man, this guys just. He’s too much. He’s like a bright light. He just doesn’t stop.”

She apologized for not getting back to me and just wanted to think about what I said whilst.

He must be from the UK.

Saying she couldn’t really understand the rushing as I was going traveling for a couple of months after Christmas.

In other words she’s like, “what is the fucking rush? Why is this guy like he’s so desperate to see me?”

She then asked about my weekend and said she had a tennis lesson today, but she might be free tomorrow, and she’d have a look.

“I might be free tomorrow.” When you hear that, just say, “Well, give me a day, maybe next week. Tell me when you’re free and let’s plan it.” But he didn’t do that because he’s super impatient. So he hits the ball over the net. Again dating is like tennis. If a girl says she’s going to get back to you, you’ve got to give her the time and space to follow through on those commitments and those plans, or to flake out and disappear forever. And part of his problem is this is what’s always happened when he met somebody that started off like this. And so he tries to force things he calls too much. He texts too much. He doesn’t wait to hear back from her, even though he told her he would. So that shows you have no self control and you can’t handle it.

I didn’t hear back from her, so followed up a few days later asking if she still wanted to come to brothers show that Friday, saying it’s ok if she didn’t want to come and we should catch up at some point to talk about how she’s feeling.

Now he’s like, “We need to be serious. We need to have a talk. We’ve got to talk about your feelings and how you’re feeling about us.” That’s not going to do anything to make her like you more. All it’s going to do is cause her to go, “eh, it’s going to be a weird, awkward conversation.” And so when you say something like that to a woman, she’s going to do everything she can to avoid seeing you because she doesn’t want to have that conversation because she’s had it before, and it never ends well, because you’re not the first guy that’s done this to her. This is how kind of most guys are.

At this point I knew her interest had dropped but thought I’d ask anyway.

Again, you’re making a bunch of plans that are maybe and up in the air and they’re not definite. You’re basically creating the conditions where it’s okay for her to waste your time, because you don’t really value it. And if you don’t value it, nobody else will either.

She got back saying, apologies for not getting back and cited she had bad family news which she needs to prioritize.

You know, shucks, “I’ve got some bad family news.” It’s always things that like, sound like really serious, but women speak in hyperbole. And what she’s really saying is, I don’t want to see you. When women like you, they make it easy to get together. And when their interest is low, they do this. “Oh, my parakeet got sick. You know, my goldfish has been swimming a little funny in his bowl. I don’t know, I’ve got to take him to the goldfish Doctor. You know, my girlfriend’s going through a rough time. I’ve got to be there for her.”

Just weird things that sound logical and makes sense. But at the end of the day, she’s avoiding getting together with you because her interest is low, and she’s hoping the time and space away from you will cause her feelings to creep back up. But you don’t ever give her any space because you’re constantly interface, trying to pull her along and force yourself and shoehorn yourself into her life.

She then apologized saying she couldn’t give me or our relationship enough of her that I’d want and deserve, saying she’s really enjoyed getting to know me and spending time with me but it’s not the right time especially with me going traveling too.

Which all sounds logical, but at the end of the day, what she’s really saying is, “You drive my pussy up and I just have platonic feelings towards you now because you have no self-control. You’re too needy, you’re too clingy, and you’re smothered the shit out of me. And you treated me like a girlfriend when I barely knew you.” Pretty simple. I mean, you made pretty much all mistakes the book says don’t do.

But again, he followed me for a year, and it doesn’t look like he ever bothered to read the book. He was just going to be a cherry picker, despite the fact I warned almost in every video, don’t do it. It doesn’t work. You may get some attainable success. I mean, you did get a few days over there, but he wasn’t able to sustain it. Everything went right out the window.

I responded respectfully, saying I was sorry to hear about her dad, that I enjoyed spending time with her and for her to take care. She hasn’t responded since, that was two weeks ago.

I’d greatly appreciate any insights you can provide. Your advice has been invaluable to so many guys like me, and I hope to one day write back with a success story.

Thanks so much,

Bob

Well, you’ve got to spend the time with the book, because everything you did, and all of your interactions is exactly what I warned you not to do. And I tell you, this is exactly what will happen if you do what you actually did with this girl. So you’ve got to participate in your own rescue dude, you’ve got to take the time with the book. So my recommendation is to get yourself an audiobook at Audible or iTunes and then put the Audiobook on 2X, and then you can follow along with a digital or a physical copy of the book.

So if you do that, you can get through it in about four hours. And this way your eyes are looking at the words as your ears are hearing them being spoken. Because if you’re just driving around in your car, or you’re working out, or you’re doing errands and you’re kind of listening to the audiobook as background noise, you’re checked out. Most of the time, you’re distracted, you’re not really paying attention. And so you have to listen to the audiobook a lot more to really absorb things versus sitting down in your office or your bedroom or your living room somewhere you’ve got peace and quiet.

Maybe even your car on a lunch break or something. And look at the words as they’re being spoken with the audiobook on 2X, and you’ll get through it in four hours. It’s the best way to concentrate on the words to get them into your brain, so you can start to retrain it and learn what you should be doing. Because these things are so glaringly obvious that I can tell you’ve never read the book, and you were just watching videos. You learned some things from the videos, but your game is atrocious and pretty much nonexistent, and you violated pretty much every principle that the book has to protect you from making these mistakes.

But at the end of the day, you talked her out of liking you, so it’s like a 50/50 shot. You should be following what’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back now, that’s an Article and Video I did about ten years ago, and that’ll work a hundred years from now. Because it’s going to give you the best possible chances to create the conditions where she comes back, she’s going to find a completely different version of you. So spend the time with the book, date other women, practice with other women, take in women through the process that’s outlined in the book, instead of trying to do it your way.

Because if you do it your way, you’re going to chase 100% of the girls out of your life and you’ve already noticed it. Because again, you asked, are you cursed? The girls you like never stay. And this is because if I talk to every girl that you dated that never stuck around, they would all say the same thing that this girl would say about you. So it’s very predictable what you’re doing, and it’s very predictable why you get rejected and it’s avoidable. It’s totally unnecessary. You followed me for the better part of the last year, and you never bothered to read the book because you thought you knew better. You were too smart. Whatever happened. Or you were just lazy? I’ll get around to that. But now you got burned.

And it doesn’t happen when you meet somebody or you click like this very often. So get your shit together unless you want to do this again. I know for me, when I was in my 20s, I got sick of this shit happening. I was like, why does the same thing keep happening with the girls I’m really into, and the girls I’m really not that into are nuts about me? And it’s because you’re completely a different person with the girls that you like. You’re too nice, you’re too soft, you’re too compliant. You jump through your butt, you make maybe dates. You just started treating her like you were a you’ve been together ten years and it’s great when a girl has high interest.

But when you keep doing that, her high interest, instead of going even higher, drops off a cliff like a rock, exactly like this woman did. And so if you keep doing this, you’re going to continue to get what you’ve always got. So the book has the answers. You’ve got to spend the time with it. Practice with other girls that you’re meeting on the dating apps. And who knows, maybe in a few weeks or a month or two, she goes out on a few bad dates and thinks, “What happened to that Bob guy? He was a little clingy and came on a little too strong, but I had a lot of fun with him and I haven’t heard from him.”

She might reach back out, and if she does invite her over to make dinner at your place. Again, everything’s laid out in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. Don’t meet her out. Don’t go for coffee. Don’t do group dates. Don’t do any of that bullshit. She’s got to come to you or withdraw the offer. Again, it’s laid out. Just Google Corey Wayne 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back or UnderstandingRelationships.com 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. It’s a very well known Article and Video, that’s got lots and lots of views. And it’s going to give you the best possible chances to re-attract her and undo all the mistakes you made in the past. Because this is totally avoidable and should not be happening.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly.

If you haven’t already signed up for our Premium Membership Content on our Website or YouTube or Spotify, in the video descriptions video, there are links to join on any of those platforms. And if you choose to join on our Website, you can do a seven day free trial to check out what content you get for your money with a Premium Membership. And if you choose an annual plan, you can get a 25% discount at the end of the seven day free trial. So go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the “plans” tab. Sign up for a Premium Membership trial today. And until next time, I will talk to you soon.