How to identify and avoid bad dating advice, how to know who really knows what they’re talking about and who you should listen to instead.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who realized he got bad dating advice from a dating coach he found on the Internet. This coach instructed him to do the weakest and most beta male actions he could possibly do to ruin any chance of getting his ex back and cause her to lose all respect for him as a man.
I go through his email in which he details every wrong and weak-minded tip he got that pretty much made him look totally weak and pathetic. This is a great email to help you understand who knows what they’re talking about and who to avoid and tune out, so you can achieve your outcomes. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email.
Hey Coach Wayne,
I hope you are doing well! I have recently found your videos and wish I had sooner. I appreciate you reading this and wanted to make sure my question below in bold is understood, maybe you can make a video for us suckers who took some bad ex-back advice.
Just to give you some background, my situation is this: I was dating a girl for a little over two years, I broke up with her before Christmas of last year, (dick move I know), and reunited with her when she called me in March of this year. We were together again for another 3-4 months, when at the end of June she ended things with me. A month and a half later, (I was in complete no contact during this time), she has a new boyfriend. Odd, but I do remember checking her phone maybe a week before the break up and seeing a message from a guy with a similar name from a dating website. When asked, she said she had just forgotten to delete the account, and she was on it before we reunited. I being the gullible fool believed her. Well shit… should have seen it coming, as this girl had more red flags than a Chinese military parade.
Anyway, as you know there is a TON of bad advice out on YouTube. When I found out she was dating another man, I booked a coaching session with an expert that suggested I write a handwritten letter, not stating that I want her back, but how I recognized how she felt neglected by me, (I hadn’t been spending time with her), and what I was doing to make myself a better man.
(If I was doing a phone session with you, what I would be reminding you of is, you dumped her back in December for whatever reason, during the holidays or not, and you didn’t even consider getting back together with her until she got in touch with you in March. The real reason why you went back after is because you hadn’t found anybody better yet. And the only reason you care now is because she blew you off for another guy.
Remember, rejection breeds obsession. The reality is, if you think back to how you were thinking and feeling about her back when you dumped her, you obviously weren’t that into her. The only reason you got back together, if you’re being honest with yourself, was because you hadn’t found anybody better. You settled. Then when she rejected you, now you feel like you’ve really got to get her back.
This is why most of the time when guys get the ex back, they don’t stay with her long term, especially after they come across my work and read my first book, “How To Be A 3% Man.” When you read the book and you apply it, not only do you see the mistakes you made in the past, but as you start to implement it, you start to recognize that you can actually get better quality women than you’ve ever had in your life. The kind of women who will set your soul on fire and that you actually love hanging out with and have a great fucking time with. And you’re not walking around feeling like you’re having to settle, and you’re just kind of playing a role, which a lot of us tend to do, myself included when I was younger.
When you don’t think you deserve better, you’re going to tolerate mediocrity. And if you tolerate mediocrity in your personal life, you’ll tolerate it in your career, your business, your family, your peer group, your body, your lifestyle, and that’s the kind of thing that eventually causes you to lose hope and give up on your dreams. And when you give up on your dreams, and when you lose hope, you’ve basically got one foot in the grave.
Think about it, the strongest negotiating position is being able to walk away and mean it. So you take this girl back, she’s basically cheating on you behind your back, lining up a new dude, and then she blows you off, lies to your face and says, “Oh I just forgot to delete that app.” Then she dumps you a few weeks later and ends up with this guy, who just happens to be somebody she was talking to when you were together. She was obviously lining up your fucking replacement. That’s not the kind of women that’s great girlfriend material.
Women with a healthy self esteem, when they recognize the relationship is over and they’re not feeling anything anymore, they have the confidence, the inner strength and the high self esteem that they look forward to being single and getting back to being who they were, hanging out with girlfriends and taking some time to be single. Then when they’re ready, they’ll start dating again. Women that are insecure have to always have a guy in their life. They get their validation from having a man in their life.
When you look at it from that perspective, she totally dicked you over. So for you to reach out and pursue somebody after they dicked you over, you’re communicating that that’s an acceptable way to treat you, and you’re inviting them to do more of that. Remember, no one will ever do or say anything to you that you don’t invite them to do. So you don’t validate their bad choices. If I was doing a phone session with you, I would say, she’s a great fuck buddy, a friends with benefits, maybe somebody to have an open relationship with, but she ain’t girlfriend or wife material, because obviously she doesn’t value loyalty. She doesn’t value commitment. And she’s probably not that great of a communicator either, because if you weren’t spending enough time with her, and she wasn’t able to communicate with you in a way that was getting through, it’s not going to work in the long run anyway.)
So I send the letter to her, and she texts me a few days later asking if she would mind if she called me.
(So not only does the letter basically say it’s all your fault, you also validate her bad choices. You’re saying, it’s totally okay to line up another guy behind my back, and it’s all my fault because I didn’t treat you right. She totally fucking betrayed you dude. The way you need to look at it is, she needs to earn another chance with you, not the other way around. After that kind of disrespect, I would say, “Hey I don’t appreciate the fact you started lining up another dude behind my back, but give me a call if it doesn’t work out, and we can talk, but I can’t guarantee I can get back together with you.”)
I was like sure, (great! this is what I wanted!), so I of course said yes, and on the advice of my ex-back coach, he said that if she is firm in trying out the new guy, that I should ask her to be friends,
(Come on man. Friends? Who is this fucking beta male that’s saying it’s okay to be her fucking friend, in backup position and giving all of your power away? I mean, where’s the self respect in that move? Where’s the move that says, “I’m the catch. I’m valuable. You’re going to cheat on me and blow me off for another guy, and I’m going to be celibate and not date until you find out whether or not you want to be with this guy, and tell me whether or not I can move on with my life?” I can’t believe somebody would say something so fucking weak),
and convince her that friendship is okay between exes just to get into her circle and disrupt her relationship covertly. Sounds good right?
(What a weak-ass fucking move. Whoever this coach is is a fucking bitch, and absolute bitch of a man. That is the fucking weakest, supplicating bull-fucking-shit that I’ve heard in a long time. If you’re the catch and you’re the prize, and she dicks you over, she’s got to call you and apologize. She has to earn you back, not the other way around. Being stuck in friendzone is absolute fucking torture.)
So she calls, tells me she has a boyfriend, and that he is listening, so that he doesn’t think that she’s trying to get back with me or cheat on him with me, (LOL irony).
(Yeah, because guess what, the new boyfriend doesn’t feel secure in the relationship, because he knew that she was cheating on her boyfriend with him.)
So I proceed to ask her to be friends, (ugh), and she says sure, but with the understanding that if I text/call/email/etc. with her, she probably won’t respond out of respect for her new boyfriend. I ask to talk to her privately, just to get some closure as some things were on my heart, (dumb advice again), she refused, and I called her and her boyfriend insecure, and clearly having trust issues, (LOL, but not good). I ended the call and texted her that I was shocked she didn’t grant me at least 5 minutes,
(You’re putting this girl on a pedestal and you’re fucking begging her. Oh man, this is one of the most emasculating things that you can fucking do. Women can never love a guy they can’t respect, and you’re not doing anything that warrants respect here),
and that what she did was very rude, especially as it was a private conversation, and she asked to call me.
(Well, at this point, she didn’t have any respect for you because you basically wrote her a letter that it was all your fault. It is good she involved her new boyfriend in the conversation, which is more respect than she did for you when you were in the same position.)
She called me back, and we spoke for about 5 minutes, where on the bad advice I was given, I again asked for friendship, told her that exes can be friends, as I was on friendly terms with the ex before her, and that it wasn’t romantic.
(So you’re really saying, “I’m going to be okay with being in friendzone.” Fuckin-A.)
(It really isn’t, and I am actual friends now with that ex.) She gasped at that, and I also told her that we didn’t work, not because of lack of love, but because we didn’t sort out past issues when we reconciled the first time. Maybe a little too mushy, and while I never asked her for a second chance,
(Well, everything you’re doing is asking for a second chance. You’re just begging to be in her life and not to be blown off or relegated to her past permanently),
I did say a few other things of a similar nature regarding our past relationship. I ended the phone call, and it’s been about 1.5 months of solid no contact.
(I wouldn’t expect to hear from her.)
She is still with her boyfriend I hear, and I’ve only ran into her once in the grocery store when her kid wanted to say hi. She looked happy to see me, and acknowledged me first. I have been working out and losing weight,
(Those are good things you should be doing regardless, whether you’re with somebody or not. Whether you’re single or in a relationship, you’ve got to take care of your fucking body. You can’t just let yourself go when you get into a relationship),
as well as growing a beard and getting a new haircut.
(Everything you’re doing is seeking her approval. This is not masculine. This is submissive, feminine behavior. You’re acting like a fucking woman here. That’s definitely not going to create attraction.)
She had a smile on her face, which I’d like to believe was happiness and excitement to see me, but I noticed it when her kid started to talk about her new “friend” and promptly urged him to move along as they were next to check out… so hard to say if it was happiness, or maybe stifled laughter of the conversation. I’m probably overthinking it.
(Yeah, she might have been internally laughing at what a bitch you had become, and she’s probably thinking, “I’m really glad that I broke up with you.” This coach you talked to really fucked your shit up dude.)
So anyway, my question and potential idea for a video is “what, if anything, is the best thing to do when ALOT of us viewers have taken bad advice like this, gone through with it, and ended up in a similar situation, of no results and being on the backburner?”
(Never ever fucking agree to be a woman’s friend. All this chick has done since she got back together with you and then broke up with you is just one continuous episode of disrespect, and all you’ve done is validate that disrespect as being an acceptable way to treat you. The strongest negotiating position is being able to walk away and mean it. She obviously knows now that you really want her back. She’s not fucking stupid. What you’re really trying to do is fly under the radar and hope you can fuck her new relationship up, which obviously she’s cluing in her new boyfriend on what’s really going on. And by acting feminine, instead of masculine, you’re ruining any kind of attraction that would have potentially been there.
So to answer your question, it’s to read my book 10-15 times, and get out there and start applying it. Start meeting and dating new women, and learning the fundamentals and you’re going to see, in a few months, especially when you start succeeding again dating women that are hotter, have a better attitude and keep you interested more than the other one did, you’re going to be like, “Why do I want to go back to the other one? Why do I want to fucking heat up leftovers?”
The reality dude is, you weren’t into this girl when you dumped her at the end of last year. That’s the reality. Even when you got back together with her the second time, you stopped putting your best foot forward. Why? Because you weren’t that into her. And you only started to care when she dumped you for another guy. Rejection breeds obsession.
Even if she breaks up with the new guy and tries to get in touch with you, I would highly recommend you review “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back.” She a fuck buddy or friends with benefits material, maybe an open relationship, but that’s it. She ain’t wife or girlfriend material, because being exclusive and monogamous doesn’t mean shit to her. If she ain’t happy, she has no problem lying to your fucking face and lining up a new guy behind your back.
Make her come to you and if she does reach out or if she’s single and things are going sideways, invite her to make dinner together at your place and hang out, have fun and hook up. Don’t meet her out, don’t pick her up. The farthest distance you should travel to see her is the distance it takes to go from wherever you are in your house to your front door to let her in. If she comes over three dates in a row, and you hang out, you have fun and you hook up all three times, then you can pick her up and go out and date like normal, but she’s got to do 100% of the calling, texting and pursuing from now on.
And whatever you learned from this other coach, you just need to burn the fucking material, because that fucking bitch doesn’t have a clue about what he’s talking about. He’s teaching men to be a bunch of goddamned fucking supplicating pussies. That is fucking reality. You don’t want to be a fucking bitch of a man. You want to have some fucking self respect, and you don’t get any when you behave this way.)
I wish I had found your videos sooner, and made a high value offer of a relationship and walked away.
(Well, once you found out she was leaving, I would have said, “That’s really not fucking cool. Obviously you weren’t on the dating app because you forgot to delete it from your phone. You were doing it because you were looking to date somebody else behind my back. You have violated my trust. I never did anything like that to you, and I don’t fucking appreciate it. If it doesn’t work out with that other dude, you can give me a call, but I may or may not be open to seeing you. Right now, I really don’t want anything to do with you, because of the way you behave. You don’t have any fucking integrity at all, and I don’t appreciate that shit. But if someday you realize the err of your ways, and you want to apologize and try to make things right, I’ll be open to listen. And that’s all I can promise. I’m not interested in dating you as long as you’re with this guy or any other dude, and I’m going to assume this is the end of the road for you and I. I wish you all the best.” Then I would have walked away, deleted her number and moved on with my fucking life.)
But I only realize now that the advice I got was BAD, and that asking to be friends made me look weak.
(Well, that’s the important thing. You learned from this experience. But on the flip side, the good thing about this other coach that you talked to was that he pretty much fucked things up so bad, that you’re probably not going to hear from her again. And what that really does is eliminate her as a romantic possibility from your life permanently, and that forces you to look for somebody new. If I look at your actions, when you were together last year and when you got back together the second time, you weren’t that fucking into this girl at all. If you got back together with her a third time, eventually you’re not going to be into her again. The same shit’s going to happen all over again.
Now you’ve got a space in your life to meet somebody new, so if you read and apply what’s in the book, eventually you’re going to attract somebody that’s way hotter, way better, has more integrity, is more fun to be around than this girl ever was, and you’re going to look back and laugh at it. We can all laugh at our mistakes and recognize what works and what doesn’t work.)
I haven’t heard from her at all since that phone call a month and a half ago, and nothing since the run in a few days ago, and feel as though I’ve killed my chances.
(You should assume that it’s over and you’re never going to hear from her again.)
Thanks for taking the time to read this, I know it was a little long, but hopefully hasn’t inconvenienced you too much, just wanted to share enough to where you understood what I am trying to ask!
(Like I said, read the book dude, 10-15 fucking times. You’ve got to learn the baseline fundamentals. You can’t just watch a few videos and cherry-pick. If you don’t learn the fundamentals, you can’t possibly expect to be successful.)
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Masculinity is seeing your own value, speaking your truth without fear, going for what you want without apology and striving to continually improve, so you can perpetually be the best version of yourself. Alphas know their own worth and won’t tolerate disrespect or drama in their inner circle. Your peer group and their expectations have more influence on your self-perception and potential than you realize. Only spend your time with people who are good for you, good to you and who nurture, encourage and support your grandest goals and dreams.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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