Bad Marriage. Toxic Wife. Miserable Life!

How to avoid a bad marriage, toxic wife and miserable life, so you can reach your full potential.

In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss a success story of redemption, taking your power back and finally admitting your mistakes so you can avoid a miserable life. This email is from a 39-year-old viewer who is finally in the process of divorcing his toxic, lying, cheating and mentally ill wife who has made his life a living hell for the past 17 years.

He’s now lost 110 pounds and is attracting attention from hotter, younger and mentally sane women as he goes through the process of a contentious divorce, so he can be a great dad to his 11-year-old daughter and finally live the life he’s always dreamed of, instead of a life of quiet desperation. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

This is a good email, because he shares a lot about what he learned. And what I really like about it is he takes complete ownership for his mistakes. He says, “This is all on me. I’m not blaming anybody. I’m not blaming her. I made the choice. I made the choice to stay in it.” It’s like the Don Shula quote that I often like to repeat, usually when I’m trolling the red pill guys. What Don Shula said is, “Strong men blame themselves, and weak men blame others.”

That’s what a lot of the guys in the red pill community do, is they blame the woman, but they ignore the fact that they didn’t vet her properly. They got into a relationship like in this case, this guy went ahead and married this woman, even though all those red flags were there in the beginning. So, with that said, let’s go through his email because there’s a lot we can learn. And especially those guys that maybe just got divorced last year, and they’re already thinking about getting married again and going through that whole process. This is a this is a good email to wake some of you guys that are half asleep or delusional up.

Viewer’s Email:

Hey Coach,

I just wanted to say thank you. Your work has helped me completely turn my life around. I still have a lot of work to do, but I believe finding your work helped to lead me to make the changes I needed to make in order to literally save my life. I think some of your other readers and viewers can benefit from my story. I was a disgustingly weak beta male and fully expect you to have fun at my expense.

So, he encourages it. I appreciate it, because once you accept your flaws and your faults, nobody can use them against you. And when you look can look back at them and laugh at yourself, then it loses the emotional charge. Then you can really move on without the ghosts of the past holding you back, so to speak.

My name is Bob. I am a 39-year-old male with an 11-year-old daughter and have been married for nearly 17 years. I met my wife when I was 20 years old and she was 18, and we were married when I was 22. At this time, I was extremely confident, in shape and had just joined the US Air Force.

Thank you for your service.

Within the first year of our marriage, I realized I did not vet this woman properly, as she was extremely emotional with extreme highs and lows, to go along with fits of depression, anxiety, and threats of suicide.

That sounds like fun.

So, what does any man do? I tried to be the white knight, the dependable nice guy.

Because he’s a good dude.

Big mistake. During this time, she discovered she is bisexual and cheated on me with a woman. This was 16 years ago and we were young, so I shrugged it off as experimentation and jokingly said, “Hey, I am okay with this, but I need to be invited, no lying or sneaking around.”

I mean, it is a good comeback if you’re going to stay married. But, hey, “If you’ve got a hot girl and you’re hooking up with her, bring her into the bedroom for both of us. Don’t keep her all to yourself.” So, he’s trying to make things work.

After this, due to her impulsivity, she ran up thousands of dollars in credit card debt, not once, but 3 separate times over 6 years that inevitably put us into bankruptcy.

Yeah, iif you’re with a woman that can’t manage her finances, the worst thing you can do is put her on your bank account and add her to your credit cards. Bad way to go. If she wants to spend like a drunken sailor, let her get her own bank account and have her own credit cards. But if you’re married filing jointly, that could be a problem.

So, maybe it’d be better to be married and file separately. You should talk to your tax adviser about these things. But the bottom line is, if you’re with a girl and she can’t control her spending, whatever you do, don’t give her access to your bank account, or your credit cards, or your debit card, because she’ll blow through your money. That’s just asking for trouble. But guys say, “We’re married. We’re supposed to share everything 50/50.” Well, when the shit hits the fan, they always go after whoever has the deepest pockets. Like, in this case, she was mostly a stay-at-home mom, so obviously she ain’t going to pay this stuff off.

The money was a setback, but what was more damaging was I noticed how easily she could lie to my face and deceive me without so much as a second thought.

This is why you’ve got to vet properly. Do they keep their word? Is she honest? This is why you should date for several years before getting married, especially when you’re living in a blue state, because all of the laws are slanted against you. You have little to no leverage at all.

When I exited the Air Force, I was 28 years old. We moved into a house, I started a new job as a retail manager, and she also had a job as a retail manager. For us, a couple of 20-year-olds with decent jobs and a house, we thought, let’s start a family.

Seems logical.

Literally 10 months later, we had our daughter. This is where the train really comes off the track.

Seven months after my daughter was born, I was getting my wife’s license plates renewed. I looked in her center console for her proof of insurance and found a Valentine’s Day card and notes from the woman she cheated on me with previously.

Huh? Imagine that, she lied and continued to lie, and didn’t break off the affair after all. And years later, he finds out about it.

That’s right, it never stopped. She had been having an affair with a woman and hiding it, lying to me about it for our entire marriage, and even agreed to have a child with me. I was sick. At that moment, I told her I wanted a divorce and moved out 1 month later to our home state in Missouri.

Three months later, she moved back in with her parents, also in Missouri. We were separated for nearly 2 years and ultimately have years of begging and pleading that she would be different. I took her back because I NEEDED her to be there for my daughter, but I never trusted her again.

Well, that’s obviously smart because she’s not trustworthy. Remember when Maya Angelou said, “When somebody shows you or tells you who they are, believe them the first time.”

My wife’s depression was at an all-time high, and she attempted suicide being hospitalized for a week. The doctors thought she might be bipolar and instructed her that she needed to go to regular therapy and put her on medication. When she got out of the hospital, she stopped taking the medication and never continued therapy.

That’s the big problem. If you’re going to get involved with women that have mental health issues and they’re medicated, it’s like, my mother was a psychotic schizophrenic, and I wrote about that in “Mastering Yourself.” And schizophrenics think there’s nothing wrong with them. They don’t want to take their medication. They think everybody else are the screwy ones. And when she would be off her meds, like about three or four weeks afterwards, oh man, what a mess it was.

But women who understand their issues, and take their meds, and they go to therapy, if they’re willing to be disciplined about it, then you can give them the benefit of the doubt. Unlike somebody like this, who’s just like, “Hey, I’m not taking my meds, I’m not going to therapy. Screw those doctors.” So, notice what he says next…

The emotional highs and lows never stopped. The self-harm and emotional abuse never stopped. Three years after we got back together, I walked in the bedroom one day and found her bent over the bed naked taking pictures. She tried to play it off as she was trying to find a threesome partner for us, but I always knew it was a lie. I just refused to accept reality for what it is.

Well, you can ignore reality, but you can’t ignore the consequences of ignoring reality.

I knew I couldn’t leave the marriage, because I needed to protect my daughter from my wife’s outrageous behavior. Three or four years later, I found out she had accumulated another $15,000 in credit card debt that she had been hiding from me. At this point, I had been doing very well in my business and was able to pay this off easily, but again, the lying and deceiving continued.

She quit her job and insisted on being a stay-at-home mom, because she could no longer mentally handle a full-time job, but still refused to seek treatment for her diagnosis or take medication, because she believed the medical system is a scam, now hates the patriarchy, and believes meditation and crystals is all she needs to regulate her emotional state.

Obviously, that didn’t work out too well for her.

In August of 2022, I suffered 2 strokes at age 38.

Now, keep in mind, he was overweight and really unhealthy, because he was miserable. He was absolutely miserable. Why go to the gym? Why eat healthy when you’re miserable like this? It’s like you have no hope. It’s like, why take care of your body? And then he has two strokes. That’s typically a wake-up call.

It was at this point she went through my phone and found out I had been watching porn.

Oh, my God. Imagine that.

While in the hospital bed, she threw my phone at me and said, “You lost me before this.”

Well, that sounds fun.

She took my daughter and left me in the hospital alone for a week until I was released. Thirty days later, she told me she wanted a divorce. I thought, “You picked the wrong guy at the wrong time. You got it. I am gone.” But my daughter and I are so close, and unfortunately, I cannot get sole custody.

Well, you should talk to your attorney. It depends on the laws in the state, but if you’ve got a mentally ill wife who’s bipolar, or whatever it happens to be, and she refuses to take her meds, refuses to see her doctors, maybe you can get her declared medically incompetent. I don’t know how that works. Again, you’ve got to talk to your attorney, but that’s just such a messy process. Can you imagine being this guy? It’s like, oh, God.

A couple months later, I stumbled across your “7 Principles to Get an Ex Back” and purchased your audio book, and at this point have listened to it at least 20 times. Along with Mastering Yourself twice…

And by the way, you can read this and at UnderstandingRelationships.com. Put your name and your email in the subscribe box and subscribe to the email newsletter, and it’ll open up right in your web browser.

…The Way of the Superior Man 3 times, (which really made everything click for me)…

Which is a “must read” for all men.

…and How to Win Friends and Influence People twice. Taking the advice of “7 Principles to Get an Ex Back,” I was able to attract her back, but I felt nothing for her and was unhappy.

After reading all of the other material, I finally decided I want better for myself and want to set a better example for my daughter. I focused on 3 things: my purpose, my health, and being the best dad I could be.

Good job, dude.

I told her I wanted the divorce, and there would be no reconciliation. Two weeks later, she had me served asking for primary custody, child support, and alimony.

Well, before you dropped the bomb, so to speak, on your marriage, you should have definitely talked to an attorney and got all your ducks in a row, instead of letting her blindside you by serving you.

I am currently going through all the divorce proceedings now.

So, now that I have told you all I have been through, let me tell you what I have learned. All of it is on me.

He takes 100% ownership, because at the end of the day, he said yes to her. He kept saying yes to her. He’s the one that took her back and asked her back.

Here are my mistakes:

1. I did not vet her properly we were too young and got married too fast.

Well, that’s the beauty of “3% Man.” If you apply what’s in the book, it’ll bring out the best in the best really fast. And the fruit loops and the lunatics, it’ll turn them off and piss them off really fast, so you can get them the hell out of your life as quickly and as effortlessly as possible. Because when one door closes, another one opens. And then, when the new door opens, you’re like, “Wow, she’s cuter and even hotter than the last one and more mentally sane.”

2. I was a weak beta male and let her get away with anything by trying to be understanding and being the nice guy. I was a complete doormat, and it is gross.

Yeah, women can’t love a man they don’t respect. And if you act like a doormat, no woman is going to respect you. That’s why they treat you like dirt and they keep getting worse, because they’re hoping deep down that you stand up to them and put them in their place.

3. I stopped focusing on my mission and purpose.

Well, that’s what makes a man. A man is a mission and a purpose.

4. I let myself go and gained weight and had zero fitness.

Yeah, when you lose hope, it’s like, what’s the point?

5. I refused to accept reality for what it was, constantly projecting the fantasy of what I wanted it to be.

Well as Aristotle said, “People do more to avoid pain than they do to gain pleasure.” That was 2,000 something years ago, and it still holds true today.

6. I used my daughter as an excuse to stay, when in reality, I knew it was not going to get better; 50% of the time with her father who is 100% himself and not beat down is better than 100% of the time with a father who is a shitty example.

Amen to that, brother. Because especially when your daughter gets to be about 12, 13, 14 years old, she’s going to recognize that mom’s a fruit loop. And if you’ve been a great dad, she’s going to listen to you and tune the freaky ex-wife, her mother, out and not really listen to much of what she says.

My advice to any of your followers would be read the damn book and own who you are.

And that means read it 10 to 15 times. Don’t cherry pick. Guys will do it anyway, but I keep saying it. And, you know, some of the betas get pissed, “I don’t want to read your book 10 to 15 times. Why you’re always saying that?” And it’s like, well, the guys that read it, like this guy’s over 20 times, and you see he’s completely turning his life around. It took him a long time, but you’ll see, he’s having some great results.

You CANNOT ignore the red flags. If you do, you are only hurting your future self and possibly your future children. If you encounter a fruit loop, bipolar, narcissist, BPD, etc., especially if they are not being treated or not taking their medication, RUN AND NEVER LOOK BACK.

Yeah, if that person that you’re dating refuses their meds, refuses therapy, refuses to get any help – in other words, they’re not doing anything to participate in their own rescue – it’s like, get the hell away. You can’t help somebody that won’t help themselves. It sucks, but, I mean, this guy gave this woman 17 years, and look what he got for his trouble. He got served first in the divorce.

You can and will destroy your life and waste your very precious time. I almost died at 38, due to stress and not looking after my health, because I hated my life.

Yeah, why go work out? Why eat healthy when you hate your life? You get up every day, and you’re just fucking miserable.

Since August, I have lost 110lbs…

Good job, dude.

…and gotten myself into very good shape, almost back to the level of my military days. I have been more focused and diligent at work, increasing my income as I am commission based, and started approaching and talking to woman again, scoring several numbers. But I am not dating yet, as I want to wait until my divorce is finalized, so I can turn the page and start the second half of my story with a clean slate.

Well, honestly, dude, a little strange would do you good.

But I wanted to start getting some practice in and working on my confidence. I even have a 23-year-old girl who is easily a 9 out of 10 pursuing me as I type this email, asking me to go out with her…

You should.

…and that she doesn’t care about my ex and understands, Lol.

Yeah, I’d be be spending time with her doing the horizontal bop.

Yes, my soon to be ex is a fruit loop, did terrible things to me, and belongs to the streets, but I was clueless about woman and made several mistakes, as far as reading her attraction and understanding her communication style. Which is why, after learning those things, I was able to attract her back. But after nearly dying and finding your work, I began to realize my own self-worth again and the fact my time is my most valuable commodity. I cannot waste my life hating my life.

Now, I am attracting younger, hotter, and most importantly, better quality women…

Which is your birthright.

…who hopefully have their head screwed on straight, as I will not be making that mistake again. Lesson learned. Easy going, easy to get along with, yes please. If I had not found your work, I may have ended up back with her and would have died a slow miserable death, being a doormat and hating my life, and probably would have had more related health problems leading to a premature death.

It’s super important to vet the people that you’re going to spend your life with, especially your intimate partners, because it literally will shorten your life. Because if you stay with somebody that makes you miserable, you lose hope and then you give up.

You literally helped me to save my life, Coach. Thank you. I hope this story helps someone else. I appreciate all you do for everyone. You are truly making a great impact in the lives of many.

Bob

Well, the most important impact is guys like you doing this, because I’m one dude in a sea of 7 1/2 billion people. And the more men and women that understand this stuff, the more you have the power to influence your communities, your kids, the people around you, and get to the point where this stuff that we talk about all the time here is just common knowledge. And if it’s common knowledge, as Thomas Jefferson said, “Enlighten the people generally, and tyranny and oppressions of body and mind will vanish like evil spirits at the dawn of day.” That’s definitely something to think about.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.