Being Her Rebound Relationship

Mar 27, 2012 by Coach Corey Wayne

Here’s the best way to handle your interactions with a woman when you are her rebound relationship after her breakup. It’s always tricky when you are dating a woman who recently broke up with her boyfriend. It’s never the ideal situation to be her rebound relationship after a breakup with someone she was really deeply in love with. Why? The guy may be trying to come back into the picture which can mess with her emotions and cause her to be really hot for you one moment, and the next moment she seems cold, distant and not really enthusiastic to see you. The most important thing to understand if you are dating a woman and you are her rebound relationship, is that it is absolutely essential that you let her come and go as she pleases. When a woman has two guys she likes and has feelings for, she will often say she is confused about how she feels. As she backs off, the weaker of the two men (the unprepared guy who has not read my book yet) will usually try to compensate for this by chasing her and trying to force things. When he does this, he makes it easy for her to choose the guy who is hanging back and not chasing her. The other thing to consider when you are her rebound relationship is the amount of time she and her ex were together. If they were together for several months or more, and you’ve only been dating her for a short time, 9 times out of 10 she will choose him over you simply because she is more emotionally familiar with him. Plus, she’s had time for her feelings for him to grow. You simply have not been dating her long enough after a few weeks to make up for several months or longer that she was with the other guy. The following is an e-mail from a reader. He was dating a girl he was really starting to like, but she just went back to her ex-boyfriend. On top of that she has asked him to be her friend only. He told her he was not interested in that, and walked away. She’s still contacting him, testing him and trying to get him to go along with her “friend’s agenda.” He’s unsure of what to do to help her choose him over her ex-boyfriend. My comments are (in bold brackets like this) in the body of his e-mail:

Hi Corey,

I’ve been seeing a girl for two months. It was great, she was the one that chased me. I didn’t want anything from her. But she finally got me. However, just two days ago, she tells me she still loves her ex. I told her it’s fine that she wants to get back with her ex, but I won’t stick around just as a friend, so I cut contact with her. (Good for you. When a woman wants to change the terms of your relationship that are not to your liking, you ALWAYS have the option/choice to walk away to find what you want. As a matter of fact, an Alpha Male will always do just that. He sees himself as a catch. When a woman appreciates and loves him in the way he likes, he rewards her with more of his time. When she does not, he spends less time with her, so he can spend more time with women who do treat him the way he wants to be treated. It’s not being a jerk, it’s simply standing up for yourself and what you want. Life is too short to spend it dancing with chicks who are unwilling or unable to give you what you want. Any man who goes along with something he really does not want in hopes that his “being nice” will cause her to dump the other guy and return to him is deluding himself.) After one day however, she texts me asking if it’s okay to call me. I told her that she can and she called me. During the phone conversation, she was very interested and was holding most of the conversation. The first thing she asked was if I had time. I told her no, I’m going for a drive but she has fifteen minutes. I didn’t act as if her wanting to get back with her ex bothered me. (Why should it? It’s her loss in your mind. She will test you and chase you to see if you will go along with her “friends only” agenda. What she really wants is for you to stick around as backup in case things don’t work out with her ex, which they won’t, but she needs to explore her feelings and see if she can make it work. Don’t be a sucker! Stick to what you want. She’ll more than likely be back soon enough. Why? He was her ex for a reason, but he still has more time in with her than you. Therefore, she will chose him because he is more emotionally familiar. Tell her to call you if it does not work out every time she contacts you. Keep the conversations short, let her calls go to voicemail. Be busy. If she calls you after 7 pm, call her back the next day. If she asks, tell her you were out with a friend. If she presses you, tell her you don’t kiss and tell. Then say, “are you calling to tell me that you are coming to town to seduce me again?” If she says no, then say, “well, give me a call when you are going to. I gotta run, talk later.” and get off the phone. Try to keep it to texting only. Return her phone calls with texts at YOUR CONVENIENCE. It’s mysterious and makes you more of a challenge. It causes her to wonder what you are up to and makes her worry she may lose you to another woman because you are not waiting around on her. You’re acting like a catch so she can’t help but try to keep you in her life. The more the ex does things wrong, the sooner she’ll dump him and try to return to you… if… you’re still available.) She also told me that she told her ex the other day about how she feels. She said he didn’t care so she decided it was time to move on. So the conversation was pleasant and I could sense her interest. After that, I went for a drive and about five hours later, she told me that her ex came back. I told her I’m happy for her, but this is where we have to say goodbye. (Nice job! So many guys struggle to do this. You got big balls bro!) She then texts me how she wishes it wasn’t like this. She said she wishes that we didn’t have to say goodbye because she wants me as a friend. (You could have texted back, “it was your choice to get back with your ex, not mine. You made it this way. I’m not interested in being your male girlfriend. I want you, but I’m not interested in waiting on things to play out with you and your ex. I’ve got too much to offer. It’s selfish of you to ask or expect me to take a back seat to some other guy. Call me if you change you mind, I’d love to see you again.”) She thanks me for all the good times I gave her and hopes that we can be friends again one day. I replied saying that there’s no hard feelings and we left it off at that. Should I have handled it a different way? (You handled it like a pro. Good job! The bottom line is, you stood up for what you want. You’re not taking any of her crap. Treat me right or get lost, basically, but in a sweet way that leaves the door open. Be ready, because I don’t think she’s going to stop calling you. The more things go better with the ex, the less you will hear from her. The worse they are going, the more you will hear from her. I gave you some good responses you can use if she contacts you again with the same “lets be friends” BS.) You tell people to leave doors open, but I feel as if I burned that bridge. Is there a better way to handle this? Should I text her saying to give me a call if she ever wants to work things out? (Nah, only repeat that if she contacts you again. You don’t need to do anything else other than get busy with some other hot women!) Or should I stick to my words and not expect anything from her. Whatever comes is a surprise? (Nothing for you to do but move on now and improve your skills so you continue to lessen the odds another woman does this kind of thing to you again.) I know that I was the rebound. (So, you both had a good time. There’s also a good chance she’ll be back in the future. So relax, it’s in the bag. Find a suitable replacement ASAP!)

Is there a chance for me? I just bought your book, but I just wanted to hear from you about this situation. (You’re doing pretty damn good for a guy who just got my book. You can download the Amazon Kindle version of my book to your Smartphone, PC, Mac or iPad in under 60 seconds for only $9.99 by CLICKING HERE to learn how to meet and date the type of women you’ve always wanted and have effortless relationships.) Honestly, I feel like complete shit knowing that I can’t compete with the ex and his previous relationship with her being an advantage. (You feel like shit and suffer because you have not let go of what is. She’s with him now. When we want reality to be other than it is, we suffer. The only thing you can do is accept it, be ready if she comes back and bust your ass applying what I teach with other women. Then things like this will never happen to you again!) He also has the distance advantage, as I live about five hours away where he lives fairly close to her. (So what. High interest cuts thru everything. Women will leave their kids, family, religion, country, etc. for a man they have super high romantic interest in.) Is there an easy way to get over this? (“Inaction breeds fear and doubt, action breeds confidence and courage.” ~ Dale Carnegie. Get busy talking to and dating other women. You can curl up in a ball and cry at night in your bed if you feel the need to. You got to FEEL YOUR PAIN in order to HEAL IT. Be 100% present with your dark feelings and they will slowly dissolve and no longer have an effect on you. Resist the urge to feel them, and the pain and suffering will persist.) I would meet other women, but I feel it won’t be fair with me moping about when I could’ve been with this girl. (She’s just one girl. There are 6 1/2 billion people on this planet, approximately half are women! Your odds are pretty fucking good you will meet a hotter, sweeter, smarter, more fun, etc. chick than her in the future who you have even more fun with. It’s in the bag, get busy!)

Photo by The Bettmann Collection/Getty Images Photo by The Bettmann Collection/Getty Images

Another question, if she does re-initiate contact, how should I handle it? (I addressed this above. Think of yourself like you’re a broken record. She gets the same response today, tomorrow, next week, six months from now, etc. You want what you want… her naked in your bed again.) There are times when I feel like I would accept her back in a heartbeat. Other times however, I tell myself that if she did this to me, what’s to stop her from doing it again? (You obviously need to clean your pickup, dating and courtship game up. My book will fill in those knowledge gaps. My coaching can help you master it in the shortest time possible. You can book a paid phone coaching session with me personally by CLICKING HERE.) Is she worth the heartbreak all over again? (Women like this help you build emotional muscle and strength. You’re going to need it when you start dating a supermodel or other ultra high status and successful women.) Sometimes, I hope their relationship doesn’t work out again and she comes crawling back. (If I was a betting man, there’s a good chance she’ll be back. However, you never know. That is why you must move forward with OTHER WOMEN.) Other times, I just want to completely forget about her and never know what is going on in her life. (You simply want the pain to go away. “Pain is just weakness leaving the body!” ~ Thousands of Drill Instructors. She taught you that your pickup/dating/relationship game needs some work. The good news is you are filling in those knowledge gaps now.)

Thank you, Jayden

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Published on March 27, 2012

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. My name is Sebastian and im 18 in so hurting day and night crying my eyes out for the loss of my 17 year old girlfriend . A girl i so happily have been in so in love with for over nine months now Even tho we were long distance we both fell in love with each other and was even planning to marry . i know she loved me she was crazy about me and introduced me to all her family that in time took me in so well into their lives. She and i spent countless hours on the phone day and night so happily together. I was even so used to sleeping on the phone with her every night that i now cry so much for not having her. She use to tell everyone how she’s never loved no one else before as much as she loved me and that i was the love of her life. So i felt it in my heart that she truly loved me. Some how down the line we started having a few relationship problems. The relationship ship slowed down a bit because i messed up and she was always asking me when we was getting married. I honestly took her for granted not knowing how much id suffer knowing one day id loose her for not marking her heart feel complete by me manning up and making plans for the happy wedding she always said she dreamed of her and i havibg. Some how she very slowly started to loose interest in me for me not stepping up to the plate. In time u caught her talking and messaging other guys on her facebook. I started becoming possessive and started loosing my cool and that wonderful tender sweetness i had in me for her. I got mad easily with her and called her names like cheater and things like that when before for the longest time i treated her with so much love and sweetness just like a princess. I use to make her the happiest girl of all for the most part of them beautiful loving moments we was together. Then to top it off her ex boyfriend of long ago kept time after time trying to get with her. She use to tell me baby honestly i love you jake and i are simply just friends. I caught her even several times messaging this boy jake several times telling him look i love my boyfriend jake and if you dont understand that that is your problem. Luckly this boy jake also lives far away but sill that infuriated me made me so mad knowing they secretly talked behind my back. Well in time insteaded of me being more loving my jealousy started me to push her more towards hes direction. I started being more and more jealous into we came into a stage of us the last two months of our beautiful happy relationship we did nothing but argue so much. One day she poses as her cousin texting of her phone to me and tells me Sebastian she loves you so much ok your the love of her life understand that but all your doing is pushing her more and more towards Jake please stop what your doing or your going to loose her one day. I should of listened to her then instead i was stupid and called her a cheater and a million and one names. I so regret that now because i lost her to Jake Moore eventually and now he happily has her as her girlfriend again. Its been three weeks now they have been together..and one the first week of her breaking uo with me ive done nothing but cry to her asking her for forgivness telling her how sorry iam for everything i did and say the the point i gave up for a while cause she would block my calls and stopped responding to me. All during that time ive suffered and cried for her loss day and night secretely sometimes even thinking i don’t even wish to live anymore for her leaving me for him. For two weeks i was all silent crying to myself like a little boy for her asking god to please put it in her heart to come back to me. Ive been watching her silently in secret post things oh her facebook images of a sad girl having her heart broken by a boy she so much once loved not understanding what exactly she did so wrong to have her heart so broken. Images that said sometimes is better to let go than to keep holding on to that someone or something that still hurts your heart. When i read this i immediately triggered in my mind this was all for me so i again starting texting telling her how much i loved her and really sorry i was for hurting her. Even in tears made this poem up for her hoping to touch her heart.
    Poem to my loving beautiful Karalena,
    She made my day everyday
    She was my sunshine
    She was the one for me
    But she does not feel like that
    and now she’s gone…
    All I feel now is sadness, pain…
    Broken.
    My sunshine no longer exist anymore
    My sunshine is darkness…
    And all I see in the day is clouds of rain pouring down.
    My eyes creating their own rain drops
    I wake up every morning with her still on my mind… I love her… I still love her.
    And I have to put on this act that I’m ok for everyone when really…
    I’m not I’m crushed
    I want her back so badly
    but I want her to be happy and i know i don’t deserve her..
    But she’s wasn’t happy with me anymore. So even tho she’s not with me no more i just wish to see her happy now.
    Have a blessed day karalena meme and family❤
    End to the poem.
    Instead of the loving reaction i expected from her i starting seeing exaggerated posts one after the other saying I love my boyfriend Jake Moore so much and image after image posting and dedicating love images to him for me to see how happy she was with him now and break my heart to pieces even posted this comical image that said ” when your ex is trying to get back into your life and shows a picture of a girl answering the phone to her ex and the ex saying baby im sorry i still love you 🙁 and her not caring to hang up on him like not even caring to listen to him and immediately right after going back to her cozy sleep like everyone was ok. All this is breaking my heart please i dont know what to do i love her so much and i would do anything in my life for her to come back to me and this time i would learn from my dumb mistakes and i promise to love Karalena for ever ??? i feel so sad without her because for me my life is so empty if i dont have her with me in my life. Like when she loved me and was so good to me all them months of being so happy with her. Im dying please help and i ask you kindly what can i do to have her come back to me again??
    Thank you so much,
    Sincerely Sebastian

  2. Hi Corey,

    I’m slightly confused.
    You say “she wants you to hang around, what she really wants is to keep you as backup for when things don’t work out with her ex.”
    Is that a bad thing? Because when you tell an ex “call me when things don’t work out”, isn’t that the same as serving yourself up as backup on a silver platter?
    I understand that the hanging around part, as friends, should not be done. But isn’t one still seen as backup if you constantly tell her to call if things end?

    I’m in a very similar situation and it feels like I’m missing something, please help me out here!

    Cheers!

  3. I went through a bit of the same situation, girl is kind of shady with me but she has property at my place that I know she wants back. She hasn’t brought it up though so neither have I hoping it’s a reason to reconnect. Feel like maybe I should just drop it off on her door step as I’m generally pretty alpha and don’t want her acting like that’s the only reason she’s coming back around if she does and then she also knows that I’m not sitting sobbing over her memory when I see her posetions. Before I read this article though I did text that I miss her a couple times and I’d get generic responses. Her ex was a millionaire and I rent a toom in a friends basement probably doesn’t work in my favor either. Haha
    Any thoughts would be appreciated.

  4. Bought your book, this is a copy of what i sent to mine after rereading it again and being the male girlfriend for only a week, honest mistake lol.

    Ok heres the deal, its pretty evident we cant be true friends, friends invite each other to do things, not make sure they wont be there, not avoid seeing things in their lives because they cant handle it and are jealous, if they are jealous then they obviously arent where they should be. What is obvious and always has been is there is something waaay more between us, like once in a lifetime chemistry more, like people notice and have said they can tell as soon as we walk into the same room. The problem is there is nothing we can do about it right now, and talking all the time is just keeping the spark alive, i have way more to offer than just that, plus its not fair to me and definitely not to Jeff, and its risking permanently damaging whatever we have. You have no idea what i would give to be the one with a family with you, im head over heels for you April, always have and always will. When it doesnt work out with Jeff and when you are ready for something amazing we glimpsed that first week let me know, or if you ever need me  i am always here, but for now i have to stop this, its doing more harm than good. Until we meet again, and i know we will, goodbye my love.

    It has worked perfectly.

  5. I read many of your letters and comments to the writer. This was a particularly good one.
    Every date every girl is a learning experience. Always look at what my part in it is. It’s always a two way street.
    Relationships are about timing.

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