Why being in a peaceful, relaxed state is a superior and essential place to be emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically, in order to do your best work and reach your full potential in every area of your life that is important to you.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss two emails from two different viewers and a short testimonial from a guy who made a donation to show his appreciation for my work and how much it has helped him so far. The first email is from a guy who over-pursued a woman he had been dating. She gave him the BS excuse that she simply did not have time to be a good date. The second email is from a viewer who is a professional couples therapist who has had several emails I have answered in previous video newsletters. After spending most of his life in an unhappy, unfulfilling and mediocre relationship, he left his wife so he could finally experience true love. I discussed many of his experiences with the first girlfriend he finally had after leaving his unhappy marriage. He was head over heals in love with this new girlfriend, and she felt the same way about him. He broke up with her last spring. In his latest email update, he talks about his new girlfriend, who is only the second woman he has ever dated and loved that he considers spectacular. However, even though he says this relationship is 200% better than the relationship he had with his first girlfriend after he left his wife, he has come to the conclusion that she is only a 9 on a scale of 1 to 10. He asks my opinion. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email:
1st Viewer’s Email:
Hello Coach Corey,
Thank you for all your help. I know you’re busy so I’ll cut right to the question. When a woman says, “I’m so busy with the kids and school that I just don’t have time to be a good date,” (A woman’s only going to say that when she feels like she is being smothered, she feels like things are moving too fast, or a guy is trying to rush a relationship), what is the proper James Bond response? Obviously, I over pursed this woman. (You over pursued this woman because you were not in a relaxed and peaceful state. You were in a fearful state and worried about losing her, so your actions were congruent with trying to force and rush things. Because you took actions while you were in a stressed state, they took you further away from your goal. I would say, “Thanks for the honest feedback. When things settle down and you want to get together and have some fun, get in touch with me,” and then let it go.)
I, and I’m sure a lot of other guys, are trying to find the balance between staying a priority, (That’s the problem. You’re focused on being a priority, which is trying to force things. You won’t be successful with that mindset dude), letting her chase us and letting her do important things in her life, like raising her kids and going back to college. (This is another reason why you need to read my book 10-15 times. You don’t know the fundamentals, and you tried to force things. My book is very clear in that, you should have one date per week, and use the opportunity of her reaching out to make the next date. What happens is, as time goes by, she will make you a priority. It’s about giving her the space to choose to make you a priority in her life.) I know you’re going to say, tell her to contact you when her schedule clears up, and wait for a response, if any. However, for other similar scenarios where she is making the right choices, but they don’t include you, when and under what circumstances would James Bond play the “I am a priority” card? (James Bond would never have to play the “I am a priority” card dude. People will act consistently with who they view themselves to be, whether that view is accurate or not. Deep down, it’s obvious you don’t feel you deserve to have what you want, you’re in a fearful state, and you’re trying to force things.)
Feel free to respond any way you prefer, if at all.
Thank you for time,
Testimonial From a Donation:
For months I have been paying attention to your material. It has brought me closer to my internal pain structure, and I feel I am getting closer to my core. My psychological issues have been brought to light, I have opened up to the pain, and I went through it. (Like I say all of the time, you’ve got to feel it to heal it. The key is to be totally present with your emotions. When you stop avoiding those icky feelings, embrace them and feel them, they dissolve.) I’m a 31 year old virgin, but now it’s by choice, and I no longer feel doomed for the rest of my life, as I have long done. (It’s who you are. Maybe you were selective. You may want to get some experience first.) My process might take some time, but at least there is inspiration and comfort I have drawn from reading your work to focus on what is right. (At the end of the day, it’s like a game of golf. It’s just you against yourself. Be proud of the fact you waited.)
“The real battle is won in the mind. It’s won by guys who understand their area of weakness. Who sit and think about it. Plotting and planning to improve. Attending to the detail, they work on their weaknesses and overcome them. Because they can.” ~ Marcus Luttrell, Retired US Navy SEAL and author of “Lone Survivor”
2nd Viewer’s Email:
I do not know if you remember my case. I am the couple therapist, out of a long term relationship with kids and a bitchy wife, and lately had the relationship with “Shefreakqua” with a lot of intimacy issues. I ended this relationship 6 months ago. (This was the first girl he fell head over heels with, and she felt the same way about him. To read more about his story and see the progression of events, look at my article and video, “Getting Your Needs Met.”) I immediately met Hanna, a beautiful bright successful woman, through friends. (That’s just how it works. Like attracts like. If you’re looking to meet somebody great, there’s a really good chance you’ll come across them when the timing is right.) The dating process was ridiculously easy. I kissed her on the first date, the second date we hooked up, and we have been dating since then. (If she likes you, she’ll kiss you on the first date. If she won’t, it’s because she’s structured, she has rules, she’s not being authentic and she’s holding back.) She loves the shit out of me. Always open for sex, always kind, always supportive, super loyal. (Like Adam Carolla said, when a girl starts liking you, the doors start opening and all you have to do is walk through them. Remember, attraction is not a choice.)
My relationship is finally a 100% drama free zone. (There was quite a bit of drama in his previous relationship.) The only thing is, I consider her a 9, but not a 10. She is fulfilling every wish I have, but she is not pushing ALL of my buttons in a sexual way. She is not fucking bad to the bone. I am not crazy, reckless, head over heals in love. I cannot find my peace, (You should listen to that. You make your best decisions when you’re in a peaceful and relaxed state. When your life does not support that, you will attract people into your life that are vibrationally aligned with that), especially as she wants more, living together, a kid and marriage. She does not say this, but I can feel it. I find myself still looking right and left. A week ago, I was out with friends, and a friend of a friend, 15 years younger than me, offered me directly a sleepover in her bed, and I thought, “Wow, there a many more adventures out there.” (You should have as many adventures as you need in order to get to a peaceful and relaxed state.) At the same time, I see much better the flaws of so many girls out there, and character-wise, my girlfriend is flawless. (Dating is like test driving a car, but most people skip the test drive.) As this relationship is 200% better than everything I had before, it feels a bit weird to simply move on, (It’s not easy to break someone’s heart, but as Bob Marley said, “The biggest coward of a man is to awaken the love of a woman without the intention of loving her”), just because she is missing out a bit. Can I really expect to have it all? Is this possible? (Absolutely, but when you climb to the top of the mountain, you may realize there’s another mountain over there. If after six months of being with this girl you already know she doesn’t do it for you in every way shape or form, why stick around? Since this is only the second woman since your wife, you may need some more experience.) A girl that is dangerous, pushing all my buttons, and at the same time drama free and easy to live with? (You said this girl was 200% better than the last one, so it got better. Your discernment in making romantic choices is getting better, therefore the quality of the women you are dating is getting better.) Maybe I am just so used to drama relationships that a fucking normal, easy relationship is something I am just not used to. (That’s definitely a true statement. You are emotionally conditioned to expect and seek out drama. Now you’re changing all of that programming by dating a woman like this.) And I really love Hannah. I am so fed up with these crazy, bitchy, self centered girls out there, my heart is still recovering from the bad relationships I had. What is your advice? (Do what feels right. If you already know she’s not the right girl for you, you’ve already made up your mind that you need to find somebody else.)
Job-wise, I am in a way modeling your approach. I can use a lot of your stuff, and it integrates fine with the things I know, so I started a YouTube Channel about relationships. I just have some 100 subscribers, but it grows by 15-20% a month. (Awesome dude. Keep doing what you’re doing. You now have high standards for yourself. This is a win either way. You went from an unhappy, loveless marriage, to a spectacularly passionate and sexually amazing relationship with a girl. And now the second girlfriend is even better. Focus on the right things, and the next one should be even better than this one.)
All the best… you rock!
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“You will always do your best work and be most efficient when you are in a peaceful and relaxed state. When you are fearful, uncertain or in a stressed state, you will tend to rush things and force solutions that are not well thought out, balanced or efficient. Why? This is because you are being motivated by pain and unpleasant emotions. You, in essence, are consciously and unconsciously focused on ending pain and unpleasantness, instead of being outcome focused. When you are in a peaceful and relaxed state, you are motivated and driven by passion, love and desire. Therefore, you will take your time to get everything just right, so you can achieve your outcomes in the most effortless, easy and efficient manner. The emotional and mental state you are in when you are taking action will determine how close or how far your actions will take you towards, or away from your outcomes, goals and dreams.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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