Being Who I Am Without Trying

Why it is essential for you to be who you are, without trying to be something you are not, to be authentic, and to be willing to unapologetically stand up for yourself and what you want, in order to attract and keep the women you want in your life, on your terms.

In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who says he is having a problem juggling multiple women. He says, because of my work, he has more choice with women than he expected. He appears to have only read my book once and is telling himself he does not need to read it anymore, because things come so easily without trying, and what I teach resonates so strongly with him.

However, since he really has not taken the time to learn the basic fundamentals of what I teach, he’s making incorrect assumptions, he’s making unnecessary mistakes and he’s actually starting to lie to women about how many other women he is dating. Therefore, he is focusing on trying to game, outsmart, deceive and manipulate women, since he is too afraid speaking his truth will drive women away and lead to unwanted rejection. He wants to know how to avoid creating drama without lying to women. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email.

What’s up Coach,

I won’t write too many lines about you being the man, because you already know that. I’m thinking that I have a subject you’ve never addressed: how to handle the overload from following your advice. (In my book, I reference articles on how to handle dating multiple women, such as, “How To Keep A Relationship Casual When She Wants To Be Serious.” You shouldn’t feel guilty about having choice with women. When you go from having a scarcity mindset to having abundance with women, and it’s a new thing for you, many guys feel guilty about that. However, it boils down to the root issue of not being able to speak your truth and stand up for yourself and what you want. Women who are okay with you dating multiple women will stick around, and women who aren’t will disappear. You’ve got to be okay with that. Also keep in mind, women like competition, and they will like you more if they have to work for you.) I’ve read your book and viewed countless videos, so I’m quite familiar with your work. I can’t say I’ve read the book 10 to 15 times, because it resonated so strongly with my general personality. What I appreciated the most about your book is that it allowed me to be who I am without trying. I never was a phone, text, be your buddy, needy type of man. The principles that you teach seem so natural to me. The only reason I ever strayed away from it, even if temporarily, is when I made the mistake of thinking that’s what some women want. (That’s one of the reasons you should read my book 10-15 times. You don’t have a grasp of the fundamentals, so you’re making unnecessary mistakes and making it harder on yourself.) To make a long story short you set me free to be who I really am.

On to my question. How do you handle the success of dating multiple women? (Bob Marley once said, “The biggest coward of a man is to awaken the love of a woman without the intention of loving her.” Be honest about it and make each of them feel special. Really attractive woman have tons of guys to go out with, and have lots of choice. The only way for them to make up their minds is for you to take them out several times and make them feel like the most special girl in the world, so they feel like they’re getting the best guy.) Once it gets past a few women, I have trouble managing them. What is the key to keeping them happy, when I know I can’t really give them what they want – all of me? (If you’re looking for a girlfriend, but it’s just not there, you have to let her go. The idea is to be congruent with who you are.) In your work, you say to keep the answers to their questions light, especially when they ask about other women. (Gentlemen don’t kiss and tell. When you’re getting to know somebody, you don’t want to talk about past relationships. You want to get to know what she’s all about. You can mention something in passing and say something positive about it, but it’s better to not talk about that stuff. However, if you’re being evasive and dishonest, women will sense that, start to get curious and dig for answers.) That works the first couple of times she asks, but once you really start bonding with a woman, she’s going to expect some real answers. (Just tell her you’re not looking to settle down and jump back into another relationship.) How do you handle answering those questions that you’d rather avoid: questions about your current relationships, questions about your past and personal things you’re not ready to share? (Just say you’re not interested in talking about that. Tell her you want to spend your time getting to know her instead.) I’m finding myself having to lie in order to avoid drama. (The problem is, you don’t know the book yet.) I’m not sure if you still are, but when you were playing the field and dating multiple women, how did you handle it all? (I’m very specific with the kind of women I want, and I get an internal feeling when the right one comes around. However, sometimes they all show up at once, and you have to let the chips fall where they may. If the topic comes up, just say, “Yeah, I’m dating other women, but I’m not looking for anything serious right now.” If they won’t put up with it, you’re just going to have to let them go. You may lose some really great girls, but if you really felt a strong connection, you’d be dating them. Just review my article, “How To Keep A Relationship Casual When She Wants To Be Serious,” and speak up for yourself. You have to be willing to lose somebody if they’re not down with you dating other women.)

Thanks for all your work coach, keep it up.

Bob

“Most people are too afraid, timid or shy to be themselves and stand up for what they really want out of fear they don’t deserve what they want, can’t have it or won’t have it for very long. When you consciously and unconsciously do not feel worthy of your desires, your words, voice tonality and actions will literally drive people away and cause them to treat you the opposite way of what you want. When you believe you are worthy, you will feel bold and courageous enough to stand up for yourself, speak the truth of your desires and have inner peace and total acceptance of any and all outcomes. Why? Even if you don’t get what you want right away, when you lose your attachments to the way you think things should be, you will create the space and vibe that allows people and circumstances beyond your wildest dreams and expectations to effortlessly manifest slowly over time.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne

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