Why breakups cause men to withdraw from life, neglect their bodies, careers, friends, families, businesses, etc., and what you should focus on so you can recover and turn things around if you’ve had a recent breakup, in order to get back to being happy and enjoying your life again.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who is nineteen years old, great with talking to girls, the life of the party, good-looking and very sentimental. His girlfriend of three years broke up with him about two months ago, and it literally changed his life so much more than he ever thought it could. He stopped working out, stopped busting his ass in school and has withdrawn from his family. He says he is now failing school, hasn’t been to the gym in three weeks and hardly talks to his family. He says he has become a total bitch.
She tried friend zoning him, but he refused. When they broke up, she started immediately dating another guy. In the past week, after the other guy she was dating blew her off, she started contacting him again. They have been hanging out, having fun and hooking up the past few days, but she again referred to him as her friend only. He told her no way. He’s much happier now, but is uncertain of whether or not he will get back together with her since she keeps referring to him as her friend, even though they are still hooking up when she reaches out.
I don’t know if you are reading this or not, but first off, I just want to tell you how fucking awesome of a person you are. I’m just going to get straight to the point. I am 19-years old, great with talking to girls, life of the party, a good-looking guy, and am very sentimental as well. My girlfriend, after three years of dating, broke up with me about two months ago, and it literally changed my life so much more than I thought anything ever could. (That’s pretty traumatic.) I used to go to the gym six days out of the week, bust my ass in school, and had a great relationship with my family. Now, I am failing my classes, haven’t been the gym in about three weeks, and hardly talk to my family. (Go hang out with your family, and get your ass in the gym.) I have become a bitch. I have just recently started watching your videos, and luckily I have realized that I have become the needy bitch that my girlfriend does not want to be with. That is just my background of the situation.
She broke up with me, told me she was tired of being in a relationship and, “just wanted to be friends.” My cocky attitude made me think, “Yeah, you’ll see how long we’ll be ‘just friends’ for,” so I was like, okay whatever. A few days later, I found out she had already been hanging out with another guy, whom she had just met after breaking up with me, and kissed him the first time they hung out, which is huge because she is not that type of girl. (Women know instinctively that the best way to get over a breakup is to go out and meet somebody new.) So that began my bitch phase. I begged for her back, and she ignored me. Long story short, I visited my friends in college towns each weekend, she apologized and told me how much she missed me, she ended up driving to where I was, and we had sex and slept together both weekends I went.
Once we got back into our hometown after the weekend, she blew me off. However, for the past week, we have had sex regularly, and I have slept over at her house each night, but she started referring to me as her friend, and told me she still had feelings for that other guy, who stopped talking to her completely. I finally had enough, but was too big of a pussy to tell her, until I was told about your videos. Then a few days ago, I told her, “Listen, I can’t keep doing this. I’m not going to just be your friend, so this is ending now. I only want to be with you in a romantic way. Nothing more, nothing less.” She started crying, and then got pissed and said, “Okay, that’s fine with me.” After ONE day of no communication, she is begging me to hang out with her again. (The strongest negotiating position is being able to walk away and mean it. Move on and take care of yourself. Also, therapy is great because talking through things is beneficial.) I told her no, because I’m not going to be friends with her, and she said maybe she wants to be more than friends, but that is exactly what she did both weekends when I was away, so I know she is just trying to use me. (Don’t look at it that way. You want to hang out, have fun, and hook up, but it has to be her idea. Never call or text her again. Let her come to you. She has to make the effort to win you back. It was her idea to end it, so it has to be her idea to rekindle it.)
I know by the time you are reading this, either I’m going to be completely done with her, or we are going to be back together, (You’ve got to stop focusing on locking her down to a relationship. You’re going to fuck it up), but I feel like this is still such a good topic to talk about. Once again, you do not understand how much stronger you have made me. God bless you man. (You need to read my book 10-15 times, and learn the fundamentals of what I teach so it becomes instinctive.)
“When human beings are in a relationship, their identity becomes completely associated with being with that person, what they do together and the relationship status. For most people, it is very traumatic and emotionally difficult to deal with a sudden breakup. It’s incredibly hard to go from being part of a team where you eat together, sleep together, talk constantly and spend most of your free time together, to not talking at all or never speaking again. Fear of the future and fear that you will never find anyone else like them, or that the next one will be worse, becomes dramatically amplified. It’s healthy to take time to heal, but the best medicine for a recent breakup is looking into the eyes of someone who completely takes your breath away and makes you forget all about your ex. So get out there, participate in life and become open to and excited about meeting the next great love of your life. The sooner you do, the sooner you will feel better, and the sooner it will happen.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne