Breakups: Will She Come Back? Should I Want Her Back?

Some things you should consider before, during and after a breakup if you still want her back.

In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss 3 different emails from 3 different viewers. The 1st email is from a viewer who got dumped by his girlfriend that he wants back. However, she started dating another guy only 7 days after their breakup. The 2nd email is from a guy who is struggling with his purpose, and his girl has lost attraction. He wonders if he should break off his relationship in order to save it.

The 3rd email is a success story from a guy who went from being devastated 6 months ago after getting dumped to completely changing his life and purpose, and now he’s happier than ever before. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the bodies of their emails.

First Viewer’s Email:

Corey,

My name is Bob. I’m not your usual follower/listener, but I recently found your book and decided to buy it and have been following up with your YouTube newsletters.

Here’s the situation: I’m 35, she’s 22. We just broke up after being together for almost 8 months. I met this girl around October, we fell in love literally the day we met each other, and she never left my side since the day we met. We had a few (2) fights where she left and stayed at her mom’s for a week, but always came back, except this last time she left due to our fighting, (not being able to have kids and different everyday stressors). It’s been a month today since she left. This girl is the absolute love of my life.

Well, rejection always breeds obsession – something to definitely keep in mind about that. Because when I’m doing phone sessions with guys like this and they’re like, “I’ve got to get the love of my life back,” especially when they’re the ones that did the dumping, what you see is they really weren’t that into her, and they didn’t care until she dumped them. And they really started to care once they found out she was already dating somebody else.

How do I know this? Well, because before her, I wouldn’t give a woman the time of day, I’m too busy, and a lot of girls just aren’t on my level. But this girl wouldn’t let me brush her off, stood by me every day, moved in with me, and we planned a life together.

It’s obvious she had super high interest in him, which he liked.

I’m a mess. I can’t eat or sleep, let alone fuck another chick. Meanwhile, she found a new boyfriend 7 days after leaving me. She came by the other day to get the rest of her belongings, and I made the absolute beta mistake and begged her to make the right decision, that “I know she misses me,” but she said, “I’m happy, please let me figure it out for myself.” So, I took the high road and agreed and haven’t spoken to her since.

Here’s the harsh reality, dude. I know you think she’s the love of your life and everything, and that’s what your emotions are convincing you of, and you’re using logic and your reason to justify that position. But the reality is, if you were together, eight months, or whatever it was, she was the love of your life, it was love at first sight, and then seven whole days after you break up, she’s already with a new guy, guess what? That’s the guy she was lining up, probably a month or two at least, before you broke up. So, this has been a long time in the works.

What you basically have is, your girl was monkey branching to another guy behind your back. I know this is not what you want to hear, but that’s not a good sign. I know you said you’ve got “3% Man,” but it would really help you out if you actually read it and would stop trying to cherry pick things in videos. Because I say constantly, don’t cherry pick the videos. You’ve got to learn the book. You got to read the book. You can even read it for free on my website. All you’ve got to do is subscribe to the email newsletter, and you can read it right in your web browser on any device on my website, UnderstandingRelationships.com. You would be able to see, what would help you, is the light bulbs would go off, and you’d be able to start seeing where you were going wrong.

And you’ll also recognize the fact that this was long in coming. This was not like you had a breakup because of a fight, and seven days later, she just met some guy that knocked her socks off. She met this guy long before you guys broke up and was talking to him and establishing a relationship. He, in essence, was her backup plan. And then when things looked good with him, she picked a fight with you and broke it off, and she moved on with a new guy, because she’d already planned that. It’s like, once her interest was gone, she was already looking for the exits. You just had no idea, because you were flying blind. Like most guys, you had no idea what was going on.

I know it sucks. It’s a rude awakening for you, but you’ve got to fill in your knowledge gap. Because until you fall in your fill in your knowledge gap, you’re going to have a hard time attracting her and attracting other women, and keeping them in general, because you’re doing and saying a lot of unattractive things. Like, number one, arguing with women. Men who understand women don’t argue with them. If you’re trying to argue, typically what’s happening, she doesn’t feel heard and understood, and you’re using logic and reason to try to win your point. And even if you win, you’re still going to lose.

Just like when a woman says “it’s fine,” it’s not really fine, and you better get to the bottom of it. But at this point it doesn’t matter, because she’s with another guy, so she’s no longer a prospect. So, the only thing you can be doing right now that’s going to make you feel better is reading the book 10 to 15 times, and applying it, and trying to find a woman who will be loyal and faithful and won’t go dating or lining up a dude behind your back when you still think everything is fine and hunky dory in your relationship. Like I said, that last fight probably wasn’t that big a deal, but she made it a big deal, because she needed a big deal breakup event to end the relationship, so she could monkey branch and go sleep with this other guy.

What’s the likelihood this girl will come to her senses and give this relationship another shot?

Well, you could flip a coin, it’ll go either way. But the fact that you even asked that question tells me that you don’t understand the mindset of what I teach. And you’re in the wrong mindset, not only to re-attract her, but also to attract good quality replacements in general. I would encourage you to read “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back” and get familiar with it, and you should assume it’s over and you’ll never hear from her again. She’s already brought her stuff over. You never call or text this girl for any reason. She messed the relationship up, she monkey branched to another guy, she betrayed you. She obviously probably was cheating on you as well, and you have to acknowledge that.

So, in that case, is this the kind of girl you should want back? I would say, probably not. She burned her bridge. She could be a friends with benefits, fuck buddy, sex playmate. But when a woman has a new boyfriend seven days after she picks a fight with you and breaks up, she was already done. The fight was the thing, most guys think, “Oh, if I could just go back in time and not have that argument.” No, she picked a fight on purpose, and that became her excuse to break it off. But she she had already left the building at that point. She was already on to the new guy and just looking for a way to blow your relationship up, so she could be free to give whoever this other guy was all of her undivided attention, including her attention to her secret little worlds, which you no longer have access to.

Or is all hope lost, and should I just move on?

Well, you should move on regardless because, again, she screwed it up. And so, if you would be reading the book, you would obviously see what you did wrong and hopefully correct the behavior. This is why you want to read it 10 to 15 times, so you really learn it backwards and forwards, to the point you get to know it so well, you could teach a class on it. And then, if you’re like most guys, you end up attracting a hotter, better quality woman anyway.

And more than likely at some point in the future, you probably will hear from her if this relationship with the new guy goes sideways. Hopefully, by then you’ll have somebody of a better quality, and you won’t really want to get back together with her. But if you’re dating other women, and hooking up with them, and having a good time, and then this girl gets back in touch, you’ll be cockier, you’ll have more swagger. You’ll be much more inclined to do the things you need to do in order to attract her. But like I said, more than likely, you’re not even going to want her back if you’re like most guys that are new to my work that came here after a breakup.

I know the alpha thing to do is to walk away and not look back, but dude, it’s a little different when the person is ACTUALLY the love of your life.

Well, she may be the love of your life to you, but you’re not the love of her life. I mean, she ditched you after seven days. Seven days later, and she’s with a new guy? No, she was cheating on you, more than likely, with this other guy. She had him all lined up, and all she had to do was pick a fight with you, and boom, she was a free agent again. And then, “Oh, there’s this new guy. He just came out of nowhere.” No, he didn’t. That’s why it was so easy for her to move on, because she stayed until her feelings were totally gone for you. And like most guys, you had no idea. You probably didn’t see it coming. And you were probably shocked, like most guys are.

As much as I walk away and forget, 3 days later I’ll be right back, like it’s day one missing her. Your help would be appreciated. I watch your channel every day.

Thanks,

Bob

Well, it takes time. And in your case, because you were the one that got dumped and you probably didn’t see it coming, it’s going to take a long time, typically, to get over her. But I’ll tell you what, the one thing that will completely change your attitude is an absolute smoking hot new girl that you just met who just thinks you’re the shit.

And so, what you want to be doing is displaying attractive behavior, your most attractive self. Because it’s obvious there are a lot of things that you’re doing and saying, and the vibe you’re giving off is unattractive to women. And the reason why it was so easy for your now ex-girlfriend to leave you and seven days later be in a relationship with somebody new is because she was obviously cheating on you and lining this guy up several months before she dipped out. And now you’re just becoming aware of it.

So, I wouldn’t feel too bad for yourself. The good news is you’re following my work, you’ve got the book, now you’ve got to participate in your own rescue. The goal is get to the point where you’re fit, and you’re in great shape, and you’re taking better care of yourself than you ever have in your entire life. And then, when she wants to come back, you’ve got 2 or 3 other girls that are hotter and better quality. And man, it would be very satisfying to just say, “Well, it’s obvious, honey, you were cheating on me, because you don’t go from being in a relationship for almost a year to seven days later you’re in a relationship with somebody new.”

“What was going on is you were cheating on me, and you were lying to me, and you were deceiving me. So, why would I ever, in my right mind, want to give you another chance? Because if I do, it enables your behavior and you’ll just do it again. So, hopefully you can work things out with your new boyfriend that you monkey branched to. But I found some better quality girls that treat me way better than you did, and I’m just simply not interested in taking a trip down memory lane once again.”

“I wish you all the best, got nothing but love for you. Have a nice life. Peace. Hopefully you learned not to be a lying, cheating hoe behind your boyfriend’s back and lining up a replacement. And then, when the replacement doesn’t work out, you want to come back, and me drop everything and jump through my butt to give you another chance. For what, to dick me over again? I don’t think so.” That’s the mindset I would have in this particular case. But you do you, boo boo.

Second Viewer’s Email:

Hello Mister Wayne,


Bob from Belgium, here. I’ve been following your work for a several years now. After cherry picking in the videos and watching you roast people doing exactly that, (which is pretty fun to watch I have to say), I’ve read your book with great attention.

Well, I’m glad you’re entertained. Doesn’t sound like you read at 10 to 15 times.

It led me to several great successes, and I thank you for that!

Two years ago, at age 30, I started dating this super cool girl, Jessica. At that time, I was feeling very confident, having just dated several girls, and was being well centered, which was new to me since I was such a nice guy before. (That lead to a divorce at age 29 – not pretty, but it taught me a lot.)

When Jessica asked to be exclusive after 4-5 weeks, we went our separate ways, since I wanted to be able to keep dating. It was done with much love and no hard feelings. Three months later, however, I felt I did something stupid…

Probably because you didn’t find anybody better, and you got into a fearful state, and then you went back. And when I’m doing a phone session with a guy like that, I’m going to point that out. If this girl was really so great, you wouldn’t have just dipped out after almost two months of dating. You let her go because, quite frankly, you weren’t that into it. And typically when you get back together with somebody like this, those feelings of not really being that into it, they come back.

…and came back to her and agreed to being exclusive. It felt right, and we had an amazing time for a year. Then things started to slow, less sex, then no sex, less “I love you” too. I thought it was just a bad moment to pass, because her job was taking a toll on her.

Well, the big problem is you didn’t actually read the book 10 to 15 times. You read it once, you got some attainable success, and like a lot of guys, you didn’t listen, because you were a shitty student and you didn’t learn the material. And so, what happened is, after a year together, you pretty much reverted mostly back to the way you used to be, your mostly unattractive self, and you started exhibiting those qualities. Therefore, your girlfriend’s pussy dried up, and it became like the Sahara Desert, because you were not acting masculine enough consistently anymore. And that’s on you.

You’ve got to read the book 10 to 15 times, dude. There are no shortcuts to success. You’re not going to have sustainable success with women unless you know this material backwards and forwards. It’s a fact of life. I say it all the time. You like to laugh about me roasting other people, and now, here I am roasting you, because you probably, more than likely, only went through it one time and thought that was all you needed, that you’re different, you’re special. You don’t need to listen to this shaved headed dude on YouTube. What the hell does he know anyway?

Well, well, well, seems like I was looking for excuses and blaming it on her. After three months, it didn’t pass, so we had a long talk to understand what wasn’t going right. It opened her up, and there were some positive improvements, sex came back from time to time, but her attraction level was still low in general.

The courtship never ends. More than likely, you weren’t courting her, and it’s obvious. You definitely were not making her feel heard and understood. And when a woman doesn’t feel heard and understood, the legs close. Pretty simple.

Now, it’s been a year. We had other very good discussions, there is much love, but the hardcore, very-cool, stratospheric desire hasn’t come back.

In other words, the honeymoon period has worn off. You’re not going to feel infatuation for the rest of your life and live in la-la land like you see in the movies. It typically lasts 6 to 12 months, and then you are left with what you’re dealing with at that point. Then, if you’ve made a good choice and you picked a good woman, because love is an act, love is about giving. You’re there to help each other grow and become more, meet each other’s needs. You go to a relationship to give, after all. And after all the infatuation wore off, if the person is still awesome, if she’s easygoing, easy to get along with. She communicates well, she’s submissive, she’s feminine. She’s full of joy, she’s got a good attitude. She’s mostly always in a decent, happy mood, and bubbly, and playful. And she’s good to you, she’s loyal. She roots for you, she’s your biggest cheerleader and fan, builds you up behind your back when you’re not around and people talk shit about you, then you’re going to want to continue to give to her, just because she is awesome.

Recently, Katie came by, my English girlfriend from my book “3% Man,” and over the course of 2 or 3 days, we filmed a lot of videos, answered a lot of viewer questions, and this is 16, 17 years after we were last together. She still thinks highly enough of me to come in and talk and answer a lot of very intimate questions, because you guys wanted to know, and that’s what you want. You want a woman that’s easygoing, easy to get along with, has got a good attitude, always happy, always bubbly – a woman that you admire and respect, as well as her admiring and respecting you. It’s very rare. And women like that, of course, you’re going to want to keep them in your life. And so, most of those videos are posted to my Instagram. A few of them are on my YouTube channel, but I highly encourage you guys to check them out and see what she had to say.

I would say, she’s at a 4, 5 max.

Well, typically, if it’s that, she’s looking for the exits. Once it goes below a five, typically, it doesn’t come back.

We’re still intimate, we kiss a lot, walk arm in arm, sleep in each other’s arms. I let her initiate contact, (we don’t live together), and she wants to make it work, even proposing a therapy together. But, Coach, your honest opinion here, are we kidding ourselves? Is it too late?

Well, again, you’re you haven’t read the book, and it’s like you have no idea what the hell you’re doing. You’re cuddling and you’re hanging out. Your roommates, basically. There’s no passion there. So, that tells me at some point you stopped dating her and courting her. And she still doesn’t feel heard and understood, and she doesn’t trust your masculine core, because you’re no longer the leader in the relationship. You’re just platonic friends, at this point, who live together, and there’s no sex happening in the relationship, like you said. You’re not being the man, you’re not being the leader, therefore, that forces her into her masculine, which ruins the sexual polarity.

Clearly, I lost my balance, my center. I don’t know what my purpose in life is anymore.

You’ve got to read “Mastering Yourself.” You’ve got to participate in your own rescue. You dude, you can’t just half ass it, read my first book once, and think just your life is going to be all sunshine and roses the rest of your life. It doesn’t work that way. There are no shortcuts to success. And because you half-assed it in your own life, as far as your mission and your purpose, it’s having a really negative effect on your relationship, in addition to the fact that you don’t know what you’re doing to turn her off, and you don’t know what to do to turn her back on again, because you read the book “very carefully” a couple of years ago.

But if you go through the book one time, you’re going to retain maybe 8% of it, and that’s just not enough to sustain it. You’ve got attainable success, and then you went through a rough patch, you didn’t really know the material. So ,what happened was you fell back on old patterns, and you’re probably 90-92% back to the guy that you were before you came across my work and before you started dating her. So, that’s all on you, because you didn’t listen. You’ve got to participate in your own rescue.

Yup, you don’t need to say it. I will read your second book. I don’t love myself enough, and I clearly became dependent and needy.

Yeah, you’re probably making your girlfriend the center of your life and you’ve, in essence, probably turned her into your mommy and your therapist. And she’s there because she probably feels sorry for you. But if you start acting like a man again, I mean, just starting to read this book and get into it and do something productive. As Dale Carnegie said, “Inaction breeds fear and doubt. Taking action breeds confidence and courage.”

The reason you feel so lost is you’re not doing anything to shape and change your destiny, so you’re inactive. You’re suffering from inaction, so fear and doubt are breeding in your mind. You’re not breeding confidence and courage, because you’re not taking any action. You’re making excuses, and you’re putting it off, and your girl is waiting for you to step up and be the man you were when you first came into the relationship. So, you’ve got to get busy, dude. If you want to save your relationship and keep it together, you’ve got to move your ass.

It sucks to admit it after all the efforts made to heal myself.

Well, it’s just like going to the gym. You don’t go to the gym one time and that’s it. You don’t eat one healthy meal and then you’re set for life. It requires discipline.

The big question is, I’m still in love with her, but should I end the relationship to focus on myself, and maybe then her attraction level will rise again?

No, that’s an asinine, stupid question, to be honest with you. Break up with her to work on yourself, and then hope she’ll stick around and wait? It’s like, no, you do this together. If you’re still together and she’s still supporting you, number one, read “3% Man.” Start dating and courting her properly, or making her feel heard and understood.

And number two, you should also be reading “Mastering Yourself “ concurrently and prove to yourself and to her that you’re serious about your success, you’re serious about turning your life around. Because if you’re not willing to do anything to help yourself to turn your life around, eventually, she’s going to lose all respect and interest in you and leave you, like the first emailer’s girlfriend left him.

Or do you think it is possible to bring back her desire while staying in the relationship.

It’s much easier to do it while you’re still together, than to try to do it after you’ve broken up. Because it may take you six months or a year to “work on yourself” or focus on yourself. And by then, especially if she’s a pretty girl, she probably will have met some other dude that is dating and courting her properly. So, you better get your shit together, or else you’re going to lose her too.

How can she/I change the way she sees me?

Again, you’ve got to participate in your own rescue and read the book. But if you’re not, I can’t help you. You might as well unsubscribe from the channel and ride off into the sunset. Because if you’re not willing to participate in your own rescue, there’s nothing I can do for you. You have to do it yourself. Nobody’s coming to save you. You’ve got to fix yourself.

Quite lost here. If you don’t have time to answer my email, I would totally understand, and I’m anyways very thankful for all that you’ve shared with us all. It spreads love and positive vibes!

You rock, Coach. 

Bob

Well, again, you have the answers, you have the information, but you’re not committing it to memory as of yet. So, I would encourage you to do that. If you’re serious about your life, if you’re serious about your success, if you’re serious about reaching your full potential, and if you’re serious about getting this part of your life handled once and for all.

At some point, you’re going to have to fix this. You’re going to have to face these things, and you’re going to have to do these things. And if you let your relationship go by the wayside, and six months, a year from now, you decide to get into these things, you’ll have the same problems dating other women. Because you’ve got to have your mission and purpose. You’ve got to at least know what you want, where you’re going, and why you want it. And be happy about yourself, be happy about your life.

Third Viewer’s Email:

Corey,

You changed my fucking life. Six months ago, I was completely broken after getting dumped. I sat around feeling like shit, came across your work, and decided I’d make a change. I saw your video about going for what you want in life, and I always wanted to be a pilot. I’m 26 and have an incredible sales job in the medical field making close to $200k, but I still felt unfulfilled.

Well, that’s great, dude. It’s great that you got a job. The pilot thing can become the side hustle.

One day, about 2 months after the breakup, I said fuck it and started flight lessons. Well, today I just finished all my hours and checkride, and am officially a private pilot.

Congratulations.

One of your videos mentioned finding something you’re so passionate about it keeps you up at night, almost in tears because of what it means to you. Well, flying was it for me, and I am damn good at it.

I am pursuing the rest of my ratings. I have found my passion and purpose in life. On top of that, I am a die-hard Atlanta Falcons fan and have recently started dating a beautiful cheerleader on the team that is incredibly successful in the medical field as well.

I now could give no less than a shit about what my ex is doing, and I have changed my life in ways I never thought possible. Six months ago, I was broken, and today I have never been so happy and am in a better place.

Thank you for changing my life.

Bob

Well, congratulations. Hopefully the Atlanta Falcons will have a better season this year than they had last year. And same thing for the Miami Dolphins. I hope the Miami Dolphins kick the Atlanta Falcons’ ass. I think they play them in pre-season typically. But if they do play, I hope we kick your asses, just because it’s sports. No hard feelings. It’s just the way it is.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.