Can You Ever Trust A Girlfriend Again Who Became Infatuated With Another Man?

How to know if you can ever trust a girlfriend again who became infatuated with another man.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email update from the viewer whose previous email I answered in my video newsletter titled, “I Caught My Girlfriend Lying About A Guy From Work She Likes.” He shares what has happened since he confronted her about the fact, she allowed herself to become infatuated with and encouraged a male coworker of hers to try to seduce her, and either cheat on her boyfriend who she lives with or leave her boyfriend for him. It’s only been two weeks and she is really saying lots of sweet things to convince him it won’t happen again, but he simply does not trust her. He verifies everything she tells him. She looked him right in the eye and lied to his face multiple times about this coworker until he revealed that he already had proof of her lies. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my video coaching newsletter. And the topic of today’s newsletter is going to be, Can You Ever Trust A Girlfriend Again Who Became Infatuated With Another Man?

Well, this is an email update to the video newsletter I published in the past week called, “I Caught My Girlfriend Lying About A Guy From Work That She Likes.” So which you know, that was a really good email. And a good video newsletter. You guys seem to like it, so we’re about two weeks from, those moments. And just to kind of give you a brief synopsis.

So, this guy, he’s been with his girlfriend I think three years. They were together for a year, then they both moved to another country, and he admittedly stopped dating and courting her and got lazy, got complacent, and to repay him for the fact that he was no longer dating and courting his girlfriend that he lived with.

She started inviting attention from a male co-worker to the point where she got totally infatuated with this guy and was reaching out to one of her girlfriends gushing about her feelings. And how can she turn these off, because she feels like she’s in middle school all over again. And on top of that, she lied to him multiple times when he confronted her about this.

He was actually watching his video cameras, which also have audio. And this coworker Facetimes her when she’s at his house that they live together at and she’s FaceTiming him and then he’s like afterwards he’s like, “Hey, who are you talking to?” “Oh, I was talking to one of my girlfriends and her boyfriend.” And he was like, “Really?” Because he saw her on video, and he heard the conversation. So, he already knows she’s lying.

And so, he presses her on it and then she tries to fake the call log. He’s like, “Let me see your phone.” And he looks at the phone and he can tell she’s lying. He knows she was lying because he heard the whole thing on camera. And then finally she comes clean and admits it, but only once he knew, and presented to her the evidence that she was lying to his face.

And so, she did that on a couple of occasions; “Just, oh, no, there’s nothing going on. Oh, no.” And then he confronts her with the evidence, because he’s already seen her phone, and then she admits the lie. So, we’re dealing with severe character issues here.

And the fact that, granted, he stopped dating and courting her and that’s on him. But instead of working on the relationship, and trying to make things better, her solution is to become infatuated with one of her coworkers. In other words, she gave this guy the green light to try to seduce her basically, so she can have an affair and cheat on her boyfriend, or potentially so she can monkey branch from her boyfriend that she lives, with to this guy from work.

And so, we have the update here of everything that’s happened since he sat down and confronted her with it. And so, because he still doesn’t trust her, and now she’s saying all the right things, and she’s done some of the things that she claims she was going to do. And he’s like, I don’t trust anything she says because she literally looked him right in the eye and lied to his face, totally lied to his face, and he knew what the truth was, and she lied anyways. Love cannot exist where there is no trust.

And the number one, number one most important thing to man in a relationship, is loyalty. And she basically communicated through her actions that she’s not loyal. And on top of that, she’s a liar and was willing to lie to his face about some other guy from work, so she could keep it going with the other guy. That’s why she didn’t tell the truth and wasn’t willing to come clean.

And it’s like women are not light switches. She didn’t just flip a switch, and her feelings get turned off for this guy in two weeks. She’s definitely obviously afraid of losing her boyfriend at this point, which is understandable. But everything she says, it’s like, as Ronald Reagan said, “Trust but verify.” And that’s what he’s doing, now he’s sleeping with one eye open. He already knows that she’s willing to lie to his face. So, it’s like, that’s pretty hard to come back from.

Viewer’s Email:

Hey Corey,

Thank you for reviewing my email on the video “I Caught My Girlfriend Lying About A Guy From Work She Likes.”

To follow up, it has been almost a month since the two instances when I caught her lying. She has deleted the guy from Snapchat and her phone on everything and I have verified this when I look through her phone when she sleeps. Ever since this happened, I have not trusted her.

And you shouldn’t. Good on you for that.

And have verified everything.

Yes. Trust but verify. Trust but verify. You have to.

She seems to be being faithful, but I agree with you it is only a matter of time before she does something like this again. 

Yeah. If you slack off and you stop dating and courting her again, in a few months, this will happen again. Because she’s already shown you what happens when she’s not happy. She just goes and gives another guy the green light to try to fuck her basically, that’s what she was doing. She was telling him it was okay to try to seduce her. She shared she had a boyfriend, full disclosure to this guy, and he was undeterred.

And the fact that she’s taking FaceTime calls when she’s at her boyfriend’s house. And then he sees her and hears her on the cameras at the house. And then he confronts her about it, and she lies to his face. “Oh, no. It was one of my girlfriends and her boyfriend.” And then he gets her phone, and then she admits the lies. Like, that’s almost impossible to come back from because she’s used to doing that. She’s used to lying like that when she gets confronted with uncomfortable truths. That’s what she learned from her family.

Is this woman going to become a saint overnight? Is she all of a sudden going to become an honest woman and never happen again? I doubt it. I don’t have any faith in her.

She recently texted me this today after she read some of my notes I had wrote about the situation on my phone. I had written down my thoughts about how if she’s not loyal I’m going to kick her to the curb.

Good.

She only had a few glimpses, and she was noticeably shook.

Good.

Before I left for work, we talked, and I told her that they were a few weeks old from when the situation just happened. 

Yeah, you shouldn’t have to justify anything. If she’s upset, you’re like, “Hey, this is on you. You’re the one that cheated and what you did was cheating. It wasn’t just an emotional affair. You were given some other guy the green light to try to fuck you. And you were okay with receiving FaceTime calls for this dude, when you’re in our house together. That’s not okay.” Those are not the actions of a woman that’s trustworthy or loyal.

Got one of those damn fruit flies flying around here again. We got traps, caught a bunch of them, but some of them just don’t go into the trap. And they’re annoying as hell.

She only had a few glimpses, and she was noticeably shook. Before I left for work, we talked, and I told her that they were a few weeks old from when the situation just happened. 

You shouldn’t be trying to soothe that or go, “It’s not a big deal.” It’s like she screwed up and she’s the one that’s got to earn your trust back. But, if she slips up again, it’s obvious that she’s just has no self-control and is not a good person. And at some point, when you slack off, she’s going to fuck another guy behind your back, if she hasn’t already. We just don’t know. We don’t know. This is part of the vetting process.

And here’s what she sent him:

She sent me this text:

“It’s okay baby I feel a lot better now just from asking if it was recent or not. I just don’t want you not loving me anymore or feeling any type of way. I love u so much and love us so much, so I don’t want u not loving me because you are all I ever wanted and needed. 

Don’t worry about me ❤️ I can’t wait to hear your voice again.”

Well, she laid it on thick there. Do you guys believe her? She may want to believe that herself, but we know what she did. And we know when confronted with the truth, if she thinks she can lie her way out of it, she’s going to try.

But when she sees the evidence, then she came clean. And the only reason she came clean, is you showed her the evidence, that you knew she was lying. That’s not good. As Quintus Curtis was saying, “She might be a bum bitch. It looks like she’s a bum bitch.” And if you look at the comments from the last one, everybody’s like, “Yeah, kick her to the curb.” I mean, he’s got three, three years in.

We’re just trying to see if she slips up one more time, because she slips up one more time after you confront her about it then. Then, yeah, you can’t fix it. There’s no hope for her. She’s just not somebody that’s going to be loyal and faithful, when she’s not happy she’s too selfish and narcissistic to work on her relationship. She’d just go invite attention from other men.

Throughout our relationship she has told me everything and always been honest up until this situation we had.

Well, that’s as far as you know. You don’t really know, what you don’t know. Everything is suspect. You had three years with this girl. Do you think these are the only lies she’s ever told you over three years? I would say these are the only lies that you caught her in.

It’s really hard knowing that I can’t change or give her integrity. We have sex about two times a week and the sex is always amazing. I make her orgasm over and over again. She always raves about it after saying she can’t believe we had sex and is all giddy. Our relationship has always had a ton of love and it was shocking to me that she could love me like this while being interested in another guy. 

Well, you believed the bullshit that she was telling you. And at the end of the day, as I said in My Book, you could be the best dude in the world, the most honest guy, the best dater, the best quarterback. Again, he slacked off in the courtship. But if you’re with a ratchet chick, when she’s not happy, she’s going to behave exactly the way your girlfriend behaved. Whereas she gave another guy a green light to try to seduce her and rip her off, and basically potentially monkey branch from you to the office coworker. Because remember the other lies. She said, “Oh, it’s just one of our customers.” But it turns out somebody she actually works with.

I’m just hoping that she realizes that she will lose everything if she lies to me again or is unfaithful in anyway.

Yeah, well, like I said, I don’t have any confidence in her at all. But it’s your life. You do what you want.

So, I am just focusing on what I can control and what I can do to make our relationship last. I think she is in a state now where she is scared of losing me.

Well, character is destiny, and if she’s a liar and a cheater and she’ll just again, when she’s not happy, she’ll do it again, and you’ll catch her. And then you’re going to have to have the balls to kick her to the curb for good.

She was shook when I told her I was going to leave if she wasn’t honest when she was trying to lie her way out of the situation. How do I keep the magic alive when you live with someone?

Read The Book again. Obviously, you need to go back. You got to apply. What’s in there. Dude, you got to be the best boyfriend that you can be.

I’m having trouble thinking of date ideas.

Well use Google Maps. Google is your friend. “Fun things to do in my city.” I mean, be creative. Use your brain, dude.

I’m having trouble thinking of date ideas that are more than just going out to eat. How do I make our date nights special?

Go do something: fun that you guys both enjoy doing. Do something different. Go on a hike. Go rock climbing. Go on a trip together. Go to a museum together. Go to an art fair. Go do something that you go to a trade show or some kind of function that is involving the things that you guys both have interest in.

Or what are some fun things a guy who’s 28 and a 23 year old girl can do? 

Bob

Again, what do you guys like doing for fun? What is she like doing for fun? Figure it out, man. It’s like Google Maps is your friend. It’s like, that’s on you, man. You got to you got to be creative again. It depends on what you guys like to do. If you’re into boating, go boating. If you’re in a golfing, go golfing. If you’re both into rock climbing, go rock climbing together. If you guys like mountain biking, go do some mountain biking.

If you’re into camping in the outdoors, we’ll go camp together, if you like going on picnics. “Well, Hey, Boo Boo, get some Bud Lights and a picnic basket.” I don’t know about Bud lights anymore. I’ve seen, “ha,” they seem to have a problem. I think they’ve wrecked about 30% of their business, but. It’s funny though, if you guys have seen Yogi Bear, the old cartoon. “Hey, Boo Boo, let’s get some Bud Lights and a picnic basket.”

But figure it out, dude. But like I said, I just don’t see this girl changing at all. I think she’ll be on our best behavior as long as she worries about losing you. But as soon as she feels comfortable and the next time you slip up in the courtship, she’ll just do it again. Probably with this same guy. Something to think about, but trust but verify.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.