How to balance and walk the fine line between coming on too strong, which turns women off, being too distant and cold, which also turns women off, and finding the sweet spot, so women pursue you and are always open to your sexual advances.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss two different emails from two different viewers. The first email is from a viewer who really loves his girlfriend, but they fight and argue a lot. He also is constantly getting rejected when he wants to have sex. She says sex is a low priority to her. He asks what he can do to turn things around. The second email is from a guy who is struggling to balance coming on too strong and turning the woman he is dating off, to backing away too much and coming off as cold and distant to the point she stops reaching out to him.
He is making several mistakes that are unknowingly sabotaging his success. I tell him how to find the sweet spot, so she pursues him more and more, and how to create the conditions to where she can eventually become his girlfriend. He has always been good at dating and hooking up, but he has been unable to turn casual affairs into boyfriend/girlfriend relationships. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of their emails.
First Viewer’s Email:
My girlfriend is a beautiful, wonderful girl, but we argue a lot. (It doesn’t sound like you’ve read my book or you would know, men who understand women never argue with them. You have to take the time to listen to her, talk to her and get her to open up, instead of just trying to get sex on a regular basis. Women are not robots. You have to make them feel heard and understood, as I discuss in my article and video, “How To Communicate With Women Effectively.” I highly suggest you watch that video, as well as read my book.) We are complete opposites on the personality scale. I like to get to the point and be brutally honest, even if I know the truth will hurt her. (A big mistake a lot of guys make is trying to argue and win their point, but she may be trying to communicate to you that she doesn’t feel heard and understood.) I genuinely couldn’t give a shit about what other people think of me/us, but she’s all in to ‘keeping up appearances’ and worries about what others think far too much. (If she was head over heels in love with you and you were making her feel heard and understood, that wouldn’t be an issue with her.)
Our arguments often revolve around sex, or her rejection of it. When it happens, our sex is mind blowing. I’m pretty good in the sack, not bad-looking, charming and normally have lots of girls after me. Confidence is not my issue… or it wasn’t until I met my current girlfriend. (That’s the beauty of relationships. When you have a weakness, something you need to work on, the universe will bring somebody into your life to help you work on that flaw or weakness. This girlfriend in your life is helping you with the weakness you need to fix. However, if she doesn’t feel heard or understood, she will break up with you.) She puts sex way down on her list of priorities. (If she doesn’t feel heard and understood, she won’t be interested in sex. It doesn’t matter how great a lover you are.) Everything else has to be in its place or clean and tidy before she’ll even consider getting down to it. To give you an example, she’s getting ready for work. It’s 90 minutes before she needs to leave the house, I go in and try to start kissing her, and let her know directly, I want more. (You’re focused on yourself. You should be asking her questions and getting her to talk about herself and open up. Right now, she doesn’t feel close to you.) She bats me away with, “I’m doing my hair.” The crazy thing is, she’s an operating-theater nurse, and has to put her hair up as soon as she goes in to work, yet she’s telling me 90 minutes before she has to leave, we ‘haven’t time’ to have sex. Bullshit. (That’s the excuse she gives you, but the bottom line is, she doesn’t feel heard and understood. You need to date and court her properly by getting her to open up and talk.)
I’m a logical, rational, straight shooter, so when she feeds me bullshit like this and I call her out on it, she gets anxious and we end up arguing. (She doesn’t feel heard and understood, and you’re making it worse by arguing with her.) I can argue without shouting, but with her, she always ends up in tears, screaming and shouting and going off topic every time. (She feels hurt and doesn’t feel like you care about her needs and wants. If you follow the seduction process in my book, you’ll see sex comes at the end of a fun date. It doesn’t come at the beginning.) It wrecks my head! It’s like we’re inhabiting different planets sometimes, she can’t seem to understand me, or me her. What to do? (Read my book asap, and watch the video, “How To Communicate With Women Effectively.” You’ve got to learn the basics and learn the courtship process.)
Thanks in advance,
Second Viewer’s Email:
My name is Bob, I’m 26 and Ill get to the point. I’ve always done well with women when it comes to one-night stands, and achieve those all the time. I just can’t transition into a relationship. This is where I stumbled across your videos, and I have now read your book 3 times. (That’s a good start, but 10-15 times is the amount of times I suggest you read my book.) Before that all happened, I had already made crucial mistakes with this current girl. From the start, I told her how much I liked her and how much I cared, and how I’d be good for her, etc. (It sounds like you were pleading, begging and trying to prove yourself to this girl. A guy does this when he doesn’t value himself or feel he brings enough to the table.) All ‘what the hell are you doing’ moments. Naturally, she thought I came on too strong. (You were coming off as needy and desperate, and you tried to force things. Remember, you must love in such a way that the person you love feels free. Women fall in love slowly over time.)
I backed away, she came back, we had sex several times, and things seemed to be going well. WRONG. We have a mutual friend (That is part of the problem. You’re involving friends in the relationship in an effort to prove yourself. That’s incredibly weak), that is equally friends to us both and cramped my game by pressuring her to consider getting into a relationship with me. (You’re pressuring her, and she doesn’t feel free to make her own decision. This will always blow up in your face. If you were an awesome catch, you would be self-evident in your behavior.) I later found out through this girl’s roommate that this caused her to feel turned off and pressured. I did not even know this had happened. So the next time we hung out, and I didn’t know this had occurred, I could feel something was off. I had her over; we watched a movie and joked around. At one point, she looked at me and said, “Oh, I know how much you like me. Don’t you worry.” (Women help you when they like you. She’s telling you to slow your roll. At the end of the day, women decide who they want a relationship with.) She didn’t want to stay over, and when I kissed her, she didn’t kiss back enthusiastically, which threw me off and let me know I was in trouble.
That’s when I stumbled on your material, the book and your videos. I watched what to do when she backs away, pull back to build attraction, etc., so I took your advice, I only let her contact me and then set definite dates. We did that, I took her out on 4 separate dates, and they were successful. Now here’s the kicker. I have left the phone to just set dates, and nothing more. I don’t contact her, and we only meet up. Keep in mind, at this time, I am still sleeping with and seeing other women… yet she’s really the only one I actually care about. (That’s part of the problem. You’re treating her differently than the other ones.) The problem is, she has abruptly stopped trying to reach out to me. I suspect it’s because we hung out one Thursday, and I never texted her the following weekend, as I wait for her to text me. She knew I was partying that weekend, and on Sunday she sent me a text asking how my hangover was? I replied, “I’m in so much pain,” blah, blah, blah, and then I fell asleep. (She was reaching out to you. That was your opportunity to make the next date, but you didn’t do that.) It’s now Wednesday, and I still haven’t heard from her since. Did I pull away too much? (Just wait it out and see what happens.) Has she grown weary of always being the one to reach out to me? (The last time she reached out, you didn’t make the next date.) Does she think I was hooking up with other people and got turned off? (It’s possible. You have to assume anything you said to this friend got back to her. Gentlemen don’t kiss and tell.) What should my strategy be now? (First of all you need to stop telling your mutual friend about all the other women you’re dating and sleeping with. Wait two weeks, then ask her to get together.)
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Everyone has flaws. Nobody is perfect. Everyone you love is going to do or say things to you that hurt you. The fundamental decision you have to make in all of your relationships is how much you are willing to suffer for someone you love before you leave that relationship forever. Everything human beings do can be broken down into two primary objectives: 1) trying to get love, or 2) trying to give love. People, who constantly violate your self and your dignity, even after you have lovingly told them how you expect to be treated, must be deleted from your life. Otherwise, you enable their behavior and invite them and others to continue violating your self-respect and dignity.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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