Constantly Arguing, Fighting & Causing Drama Leads To Getting Dumped

The importance of being calm & talking things out instead of causing drama & getting dumped.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who was in a long distance relationship with his now ex-girlfriend for several years. He originally listened to 3% Man, 10 times many years ago, but says he got lazy and complacent and started violating its principles. He was constantly causing arguments, drama and fights and eventually she had enough and dumped him. He asked women for advice, listened to them, and drove her away even more and now his ex is dating someone new. He’s still trying to come up with reasons to keep chasing her and asks my opinion. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne, and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “Constantly Arguing, Fighting & Causing Drama Leads To Getting Dumped.”

Well, this particular email is from a viewer. He is not exercising any self-control at all. Masculinity is calm, and he has become the complete opposite of being calm, to the point where his girlfriend just dumped him. They have an additional wrinkle, where their long distance. And so he says he listened to 3% Man ten times, 10 to 15 times. But that was probably many years ago. And as he says in his email, he got lazy. He got complacent.

He got a little arrogant and a little full of himself. Thought he was a shit. Because at one time his girlfriend was completely in love with him, and he just assumed that she still felt the same way. And so when she was distant, he would cause arguments and fights with her. And this just went on and on and on. He would apologize and then appeared, a short time later he’d be getting angry and upset and butthurt again. And eventually she just had enough, and tapped out.

And then he kept pursuing her and pursuing. And she’s like, “it’s over, dude.” And then he goes and talks to a bunch of female friends of his that he knows, because, again, he’s looking for reasons to continue pursuing because he’s trying to do something. It’s what I refer to as, “The Illusion Of Action” in My Book. And if you’re new, you can read it at UnderstandingRelationships.com. Just subscribe to the free email newsletter.

And so he doesn’t see that what he’s doing is driving her away. And then he goes, No Contact for a few weeks, talks to a bunch of girl friends that he knows. “Oh, you should tell her how much you love her.” And how many women all say the same fucking stupid things? They don’t understand how attraction works at all, 99% of them. And if you ask a bunch of women when a girl is distant, what you should do, they’re like, “tell her how you feel. Tell her how much you care about her, how important she is to you.”

Drool all over her, basically, and that’ll solve it. And then the guy drools all over her and keeps pursuing her, and all a woman does is get repulsed. And so, despite the fact now, he reached out again recently and she’s like, “hey man, you need to move on. I’m seeing somebody else.” But he thinks she’s bluffing. And so now I think he’s in the United States going to school, she’s in Asia going to school. And so when he goes back home, he’s thinking, “hey, I’m gonna get in touch with her. Do you think I should contact her when I’m back home and try to get together in person?”

It’s like, bro, she already told you she’s dating somebody else and you need to move on. And so this guy kept making mistakes. He kept arguing. He kept complaining. He kept creating drama. And since he was so arrogant and full of himself, instead of being cocky and charming, He was arrogant and he was a dickhead, and his girlfriend eventually got to the point where she just had enough because his behavior never changed. He had no self-control, he wasn’t calm, he was always butthurt and getting upset and getting mad at her and causing arguments that eventually she just had enough.

It just wore her out and she tapped out. And now she’s dating somebody else. And yet this guy still looking for reasons to keep chasing her. So as the saying goes, rejection breeds obsession. And so since he got dumped, he’s really become obsessed over her, and he completely ignores the fact that she doesn’t want anything to do with him at this point. So it’s a bad way to go. And if you’re in a situation like this and you get dumped, you should be following what’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back.

It’s an Article and Video I did several years ago, but again, he’s just unable to exercise self-control. Even when they were together, he couldn’t control his emotions. Or I should say, it’s not that he couldn’t. He chose not to. He assumed he could get away with it and eventually he just blew his top at her one too many times and she was like, I’m out.

Viewer Email:

Dear Corey,

First of All, I want to say thank you. Your work has improved my life immensely and helped me land the beautiful relationship that I am going to talk about now.

You mean the beautiful relationship you used to have. So in his mind, he’s still together with her, despite the fact that she’s with somebody else now.

We dated casually for 3 to 4 years and those years were some of the most beautiful memories of my life.  We are both 23 and I am currently studying in the US, but planning on returning to Germany to continue my career. I listened to your book about 10-15 times, but I got complacent in the end thinking she wouldn’t leave me no matter what, since she was so in love with me.

And so the other thing you got to understand about that is when a woman says she’s “in love”, it only applies in the moment. It’s got about a 24 hour time limit, it’s about as valid for as long as the weather report is valid, which is not very long. Because usually the weather reports are wrong. And so it’s open to change at any moment. And a lot of guys make the mistake of looking at the way she used to be and assuming that it still applies today, despite the fact she doesn’t say anymore and she certainly doesn’t show it anymore.

My Ex-Girlfriend who is currently living in Asia broke things off with me, since we had multiple fights in the time that we were apart. It was mostly over stupid stuff where I got my ego hurt or demanded to much off her even though she gave me everything that she had.

So it just sounds like he was constantly getting upset and mad, probably because she had low interest. And so he would pick a fight and argue, which is basically, “Mommy, show me attention. Mommy, tell me that you love me. Mommy. Tell me that I’m a good boy.” And of course, she didn’t give the love that he wanted. And so he would cause a fight. She gets sick of it, and eventually every woman’s going to get tired of it.

I think I hurt her a lot with my actions and things that I said, and she just reached a point where she couldn’t take it anymore.

Every woman has got a limit where they’re going to get to, and they’re just like, that’s it, I’m out. And usually when you’re behaving like this and they tap out, usually they’re going to be gone for good. Because they usually leave and they don’t feel anything for you anymore.

She never did anything to hurt me. We broke up on New Years, where she said she wanted a break. I said that I wanted to fix it or end it for good. She thought about it for a few days and told me that she thinks it’s over. I called her casually. Two weeks later and she said that she still doesn’t know if she wants to get back together and I told her that that’s fine but give me a call if she changes her mind.

So when you tell a woman that, “well, you know, if you change your mind, get in touch.” You have to be congruent with that. You can’t say, “hey, get in touch if you if you change your mind.” And a week or two later call her up and go, “hey, did you change your mind yet?” Which is basically what he did. So this is the big part of your problem. You’re not together. Masculinity is calm, and if you continually blow your top and go against your word, in other words you would say one thing and you do another, like in this case, “you tell her to reach out if she changes her mind”, and then you hold out for a week or two, and then you blow her phone back up again, you’re not congruent with your word.

You’re saying one thing and you’re doing another. You have no self-control as a man. Women love confidence and guys that have self-control and you’ve displayed none. You displayed none when you were together, it got you dumped. And even since you’ve gotten dumped, you still are showing her constantly, every time you interact with her that you have no self-control and you’re not calm and you don’t have your shit together, and women are not going to feel safe around you. And your girlfriend got to the point where she just got sick of it and she tapped out.

Then there was radio silence for about a month. I talked with some girlfriends.

Because he’s freaking out because he hadn’t heard from her. And women are all going to tell you the same fucking thing. You can get a group of women together, tell them, “yeah, I broke up my girlfriend a month ago. I really miss her and I want to get back with her.” And they’re all going to say the same stupid shit. Doesn’t matter what continent of the globe that they’re on. They’ll all tell you to do the same fucking thing.

And they told me to send her flowers on Valentines Day and beg her to get back together, so she knows I loved her.

Tell her how much you feel. Vomit your feelings all over her, and that’ll fix it. Okay.

Big mistake. So I did that.

Despite the fact that’s not what’s in The Book. Because you have no self-control and that’s why you got dumped.

And she basically told me thank you for the gift, but I made my decision. She said that we are different people, and she is not in that place anymore and doesn’t want to try and fix things.

You wore her out, bro. You wore her out to the point she had no feelings for you. And on top of that, you were long distance, so you weren’t together in person very often. So she’s thinking, “why am I staying celibate basically, for a guy that’s on another continent, and every time he calls, he’s just a dickhead to me. He’s always getting upset about something.” How is that adding value to either one of your lives? It’s just not. You can’t do that in perpetuity and think that everything is going to be fine.

In the past she would always forgive me and there were times where she had to beg me to stay, so I thought she would never leave. I begged her to give me one more chance and apologized by listing all of things that I said.

Well, again, you already tried this approach. And so a couple months have gone by. You talked to some chicks because you’re looking for an excuse to turn The Book into a Frisbee and not do what it says and keep pursuing. You found some women that validated the pursuing, so you went and pursued, and all you do is chase her further away because you got no self-control.

Every time you reach out, you remind her about the fact that you are not a centered man. You have no self-control. You’re not calm. You’re constantly butthurt. You’re constantly upset, you’re needy, you’re neurotic, you’re extremely unattractive, and you’re just not adding any peace and value to her life. You’re disturbing her peace constantly. You’re acting like a psycho chick.

At the end she just told me that she’s had enough, and she made her decision and that she met someone else.

You never try to keep somebody who doesn’t want to keep you. This is why you haven’t heard from her. So what had happened more than likely is before she dumped you, she probably met somebody else who was in her city. They started talking, probably just as friends. And you blew your top once again and she’s just like, “Ah!” She’s probably even going to this new guy and telling him all about it, and think he was a good listener. He spent time with her. He was calm. Unlike you.

He acted masculine, unlike you. And she’s just like, this guy’s in another country. I haven’t even seen him and who knows how long. And yet there’s another guy here that’s treating her good. So she’s obviously going to bounce from you to him. So by the time she dumped you, she already had somebody new lined up, obviously. And you still are not seeing what’s really going on. You’re living in a world of delusion.

I believe that she is bluffing.

I don’t think she’s bluffing. You just don’t want to accept reality. And when you want reality to be other than it is, and you don’t accept reality as it is, you’re going to suffer.

I believe that she is bluffing so I don’t keep trying (which is just as bad).

I use this reference the other day in a video. It’s like this week, like a lot of the the emails I’m getting are guys that are just over pursuing to the point where it’s like they can’t even see it. So if you ever saw the Dumb and Dumber movie where Jim Carrey is talking, I can’t remember the name of real attractive woman that was in the movie that he ended up dating. I think he married her for a few years. And, uh, she just basically tells him this long diatribe like, I wouldn’t date you if you’re the last person on Earth.

No way in hell. And he looked at her and he goes, so you’re saying I have a chance, huh? And that’s kind of the way this guy is. Oh, I think she’s not really dating somebody else. He just doesn’t want to accept reality. Because that would mean he has to accept the consequences of his own actions, which are extremely unattractive. And he didn’t follow The Book.

I left her on “read” and have not replied to her since.

She doesn’t want you. She’s with somebody else. She’s with Chad Thunder Cock. And you are yesterday’s news. And the best thing you can do is move on and find somebody else. And be congruent with what you originally told her, “Hey, if you change your mind, get in touch.” If she breaks up with the other guy, she’ll probably get back in touch. But if you keep barraging her every few weeks or every few months and act in the same way, she’s just eventually going to probably block your number.

Now I am heartbroken and coping by keeping busy with my studies and going to the gym. I learned my lesson.

No you didn’t. You know how I know you didn’t learn your lesson? Wait till we get to the end of this paragraph.

I learned my lesson and know I can attract someone else but in truth I still love her very much.

You’re obsessed because you got dumped and she blew you off for another guy. Just like Giselle started fucking the Jiu-Jitsu instructor and cheating on Tom.

I am planning to go back to my home Country in Asia after my graduation this June to meet my Family there. Do you think I should text her to meet when I am there?

Bro, what did you just say in the beginning of this paragraph? “I learned my lesson.” Two sentences later. “Do you think I should text her to meet?” She has a boyfriend now, obviously. That’s why you haven’t heard from her. Because she moved on, bro. Elvis left the fucking building. Your girlfriend is somebody else’s girlfriend obviously.

Do you think I should text her to meet when I am there?

No, you should not. You should be a fucking man. Maybe you should jump up and down really hard, and maybe your balls will finally drop. You got to be a man and be congruent with your words. You told her to get in touch with. She changes her mind. And I would assume if I were you, you’ll probably never, ever hear from her again. You kept chasing her and barraging her with contact and then telling her to call you if she changed her mind.

And then two weeks later, three weeks later, a month later, you’re reaching out again. It’s like you have no self-control. And if you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’ll continue to get what you’ve always gotten. So for you to keep pursuing, she’s going to be like, “dude, I’ve told you several times, you need to move on. I’m with somebody else.” “I think she’s bluffing. So I think there’s a chance, Coach.”

Do you think I should text her to meet when I am there? Since I was the one who hurt her, or should I go completely silent?

No Contact means No Contact. You should be following what’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. You’ve tried to keep pursuing, and you pursued and pursued and pursued until you basically drove her into the arms of another guy. And now she doesn’t want anything to do with you. You tried sending her flowers on Valentine’s Day. Meanwhile, she’s getting fucked by somebody else. It’s like, get a clue, it’s over. It’s over. I know you don’t want to hear it, but I’m not going to blow sunshine up your ass or act like a bunch of women and go, “oh, just send her more chocolates and tell her how much you love her and how much you miss her. And you’re so sorry. That’ll work for sure. The 10th time you try it.” Doesn’t work, dude.

There is a chance that we won’t see each other in a long time if we don’t meet this summer, since I am returning to Germany.

Well. So what? She’s out. She doesn’t want you anymore.

Before she was willing to move to Germany with me.

Well, yeah. That was a long time ago. That was years ago when she actually cared about you. Now she cares about somebody else because you drove her away.

But I think with us fighting so much during long distance she has too many doubts about that.

Best,

I mean, bro, I mean, how many times are you going to ignore her saying, “it’s over”? I mean, it’s like 3 or 4 times you’ve reached out since you got dumped and she’s, like, adamant that it’s over. And on top of that, she’s like, “I’m dating somebody else.” Well, “I think she’s bluffing, so there’s probably a chance.” Gotta have some self-respect and you gotta move on. The only way this is salvageable and fixable, because you tried pursuing, you tried chasing, which is the exact opposite of what The Book teaches. So this is as predictable as the Sun coming up in the East and setting in the West.

It’s like you keep chasing this girl and she’s eventually just going to block you, block your number, block you on social media, and you won’t be able to contact her at all. If you were living in the same city and you kept doing this, this is how you get a restraining order. You got to be able to back off and exercise self-control. You never try to keep somebody that doesn’t want to keep you. So what you need to do is actually read The Book and learn it and apply it. And then once you’ve gone through it the 10 to, I don’t know how many years it’s been since you went through it, but probably should go through it several more times.

And then at least once or twice a year you should go through it again, even when you’re in a relationship, because you have a tendency to be needy, neurotic, you cause fights. And again, another cardinal principle in The Book men who understand women do not argue with them. And you kept arguing over the same shit. And it went on for years. And eventually she got sick of it and tapped out. So that’s a problem that you’re going to have to fix within yourself. Because if you don’t, the next girl that you attract eventually is going to get sick of that shit, and she’s going to leave you for exactly the same reasons that your long distance girlfriend left you.

This is part of life. This is part of evolution. The goal is to get better. The goal is to resolve to never, ever behave this way with a woman again as long as you live. That’s how I learned this stuff. I got stung enough, I got dumped enough. I got broken hearted enough to recognize that the way I was showing up and the way I was behaving did not work. It was not attractive to women. And so I changed that permanently. And if you want to get to a place like where I’m at 55, I don’t have these kinds of problems anymore, it’s been a long time since I had issues. Almost 20 years ago, actually, over 20 years ago.

And it’s like, man, it’s such a much better place to be as a man where you don’t worry about stuff like this. If the woman is always calling, texting and chasing you, she’s not getting rid of you. If you’re constantly arguing with her and fighting and causing drama and not being calm, no woman is going to want to be with you. You cannot behave that way. You act like a fucking lunatic. You act like one of those crazy monkeys in the zoo that’s in his cage, freaking out, throwing his jizz and his feces at the people walking by. It’s like you just can’t behave that way. Especially with a feminine girly woman.

You’re going to scare the shit out of her, and she’s not going to want anything to do with you because you basically act like a lunatic. So you got to calm the fuck down. Get present with yourself, read The Book and start dating again and actually apply and practice what’s in The Book. Just because you get into a relationship doesn’t mean the work is over. What you do to get her is what you do to keep her. You’ve still got a date and court her properly. You’ve still got to make her feel heard and understood. And if you’re constantly arguing with her and causing problems, it’s 100% inevitable that you’re going to get dumped if you don’t stop.

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