Why it’s never a good idea to think that dating a married woman will ever lead to the kind of love and relationship you want and deserve.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email success story from a twenty-nine year old man who completely changed his life for the better after finding my work. He let go of a toxic relationship with a married woman who always had an excuse for why she could not leave her husband, so they could be together and live happily ever after. He shares several pieces of wisdom he learned while dating a married woman and deluding himself into believing it would lead to a real relationship. He quit his crappy job and got a job he loved, and he got himself off of blood pressure medication, anxiety medication and sleep medication. He’s now happier than he has ever been in his life and looks forward to what the future holds. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email.
First, I would like to say you changed my life. I’m 29 years old, and before I found your work, I was on blood pressure medication, anxiety medication and sleep medication due to the job I was working. I followed you for 3 months and finally said “fuck this job,” it’s not worth my health and left.
(If you hate your fucking job and you want to find something better, look at my articles and videos, “How To Get Any Job You Want,” “How To Ensure Your Resume Gets You Hired,” and also “How To Get A Job In A Bad Economy.” It gives you a system I’ve always used, which is how I got every single job I had when I worked for other people. If you follow that system, you eventually will get a great job. Most of your time will be spent in your career, your job or your business, so you should be enjoying what you’re doing.)
So I would love to thank you for that, because it lead me to a job I love! (When you love what you’re doing and you get up every day excited about it, you’re happier, you smile more, you tend to take better care of yourself, you tend to hang out with other people who are like-minded and happy, and meeting other like-minded people, especially those of the opposite sex, becomes a natural side effect of that. It’s not about running around chasing somebody. The universe just sort of magically drops exactly the right people into your life at exactly the right time. That’s why you’ve got to become the kind of person you want to attract.)
Now onto the situation I was in… I was in a relationship with a woman who is married!!! I know, I know… reach out and choke myself, right?
(Yeah, right. We all think, we’re going to be different. If you have a history of dating people you’re always trying to fix, or if you’re a very responsible, successful person and you’re dating somebody that can’t pay their bills consistently, is always losing their job or getting fired, you should definitely google codependency. Especially if you had a family member that had a drug or alcohol problem, or everyone was constantly making excuses for them. When you come from a family where you’re used to covering for people, when you meet somebody you like, you tend to project your fantasy of the way you think they should be onto them, and you ignore the reality. The idea is to get somebody who’s an equal, a teammate, that is on a level playing field with you, not somebody where you feel like dating them is like having another child to take care of.)
It started with a simple phrase, me saying “you’re too much of a pussy to even kiss me,” then she did! It led me down a road to experience so much more joy than I have ever experienced. I spent time with her kids and with her. It made me feel complete.
(With the exception of the fact she’s married to some other dude. This is why it’s so important to ask questions when you’re dating, especially when the person you’re dating starts talking about their exes, because at some point, it’s always going to come up. And that’s a great time to shut your mouth and listen.
If you hear a history of cheating, especially if they tell you their mom cheated on their dad, you can say, well, that person has become emotionally conditioned to think and believe that’s just how everybody is. If the outcome you want is a happy, healthy relationship based on adult communication and trust, it’s just not going to happen with somebody that has that kind of a background, because it’s just not their values. If they’re a liar and a cheater, it’s not your job to fix them. Your responsibility is to run like hell when you hear those things.)
However, I started drinking to deal with the rejection of her not leaving her husband, and I know you can imagine to where that took me. (You were projecting your fantasy onto her and you were ignoring reality. You were thinking, I’m going to be the best guy she’s ever been with. I’m going to be so awesome, that of course she’s going to leave her husband.)
After I reviewed your work and read your book multiple times among others, I realized how much of a dick I became and how much I could improve. From a man’s perspective, these are the following things I have found when dating a married woman:
1. She will ride your ass like no tomorrow and drain you dry.
2. She will never leave him, no matter how great you are, especially if they have kids. (Maybe 1 out of 100 does, but women who behave this way are just getting their needs met somewhere else, and they don’t feel any remorse for cheating on their husbands.)
3. She will make you feel guilty because YOU are the reason she is taking the kids away from their father. (She’s playing the victim, but it kind of is your fault for sticking around and thinking things are going to change.)
4. She will rationalize “why” she can’t leave, using the kids as a reason “why.”
5. No amount of you being at your best will make her leave. She will always give you excuses as to “why” she can’t. Basically, she is too weak to. (A man who values, loves and respects himself is not going to get himself into these situations, because he’s going to want a woman who can give him her undivided attention. He’s not going to wait around on a relationship that may or may not end, before he can have what he really wants. He’s just going to focus on his outcome and keep meeting and dating until he finds somebody that has the same goals and values. If she had any kind of honor, integrity or inner strength she’d be like, fuck this, I’m not happy, and I’m leaving. I’ve given him every chance to fix things, to communicate and to meet my needs, and he won’t. Women who have their shit together will leave an unhappy relationship. Women that are weak will stay in them, and they’ll have a boyfriend or 2, or 3 on the side.)
You have changed my life for the better. (At the end of the day, you did the work my friend. But kudos to you for finally recognizing, you know what, this shit ain’t going anywhere. In order for someone to come into your life, you have to create a space for them. And when you’re hanging out with a married woman, there’s no space for someone to come in and meet the outcome that you’re seeking to achieve in your personal life.)
I share this message with you as a man to share with other men and women the way we fool ourselves into believing we could be different, as you always say, but the situation remains the same. Men seriously, if your dating a married woman, take it from me, get the fuck out when you can, because you will never change her mind!
Coach Corey, I appreciate the gift you have given me as a complete man with confidence and reassurance that I only could have learned from your work. I wish you prosperity, love and joy that life can bring! Feel free if you wish to share the message in a video to help others!
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“People who love and value themselves do not interact for very long with people who do not reciprocate love and treat them properly. They treat others as they want to be treated, and won’t tolerate not being treated the way they want. When it comes to dating, there are people in this world who will cheat on their spouses, cheat on you and give you false hope of a real relationship once their situation changes. Never delude yourself into thinking you will change someone or cause a dishonorable person to somehow become honorable and faithful. Look at what people do, not what they say. If they cheat with you on their current partner, given the right circumstances, they will eventually cheat on you also and they will feel zero remorse for behaving this way. They truly believe everyone is a liar and a cheater also. It’s simply who they are. Believe people when they show you who they are through their actions, or you will suffer unnecessarily.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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