The reality of dating unicorns and getting over a breakup, after dating the most amazing woman you’ve ever been with, to attract someone better.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email success story from a guy who recently broke up with the most amazing woman he’s ever dated in his life. He was obviously dating a unicorn, or the type of woman who does not come along very often in a man’s life, and now that he got used to being with a spectacular woman, he’s having a hard time finding a woman of equal or better value.
He’s young and still in college, but says it was the best year and a half of his life. He has read my book twelve times and tried doing long distance dating after she moved away, but she decided to end it. He obviously still misses her and told her to get in touch if she changed her mind, but he asks how to move on from such a spectacular woman. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email.
I love you, but hate you at the same time. I read the book 12 times. I used your methods to find the perfect match for me, wrote down my ideal women like you taught, and 5 weeks later bam, she appeared in my life just like that. She had a 10/10 body, super fun, fitness enthusiast, great communicator, super successful in her career, but also a bit nerdy like me. We never fought once and everything was perfect, even after the infatuation period wore off.
(No matter how great things are in the beginning, once the honeymoon period and infatuation period has run its course, that’s when you’re able to look at somebody and see them for what they are. When people first get together, they focus on all of the things they like about each other, but towards the end of the relationship, they tend to be focusing on all of the things they don’t like about one another. And it’s tough to move on after you’ve gotten spoiled and used to getting what you think is the best, but sometimes relationships just run their course. You either grow together, or you grow apart.
For the average person that doesn’t know the things that I teach, most people are in a scarcity mindset. They feel trapped, they feel too fearful of leaving the person they’re with or leaving the shitty job they’re at, and they never really stretch beyond their comfort zone. When they get older or on their deathbed, all they have is one regret after another, because they never really went for it. When you learn the things I teach, you learn you actually have choice. As much as it hurts, you know that eventually, you will find somebody better. As you grow, you will continue to attract better quality people down the road.)
After 1 1/2 years of what I consider the best time of my life, she found out she was moving, due to family reasons. I am currently unable to move, being I still am a junior in college, and she lives 2 hours away now. We tried the long distance thing, followed your teachings to a T, Skype dates, etc., but having to travel 2 hours to see each other was rough. We met halfway a few times, but when I wanted to bring her back to my place after, it just wasn’t ideal. (Going on a date where she’s two hours away and then saying, ‘let’s go back to my place’ is kind of silly. Either you’re going to see her, or she should be coming to see you and spending time together. After being together for a year and a half, you should have her come for the weekend.)
She decided it’s best to call it quits, and we ended it on loving terms. (Obviously, women don’t break up with guys they’re head over heels in love with. What that tells me is that more than likely, by the time a year and a half had gone by, maybe things had just kind of run their course. Quite frankly dude, this is a hell of a fucking victory. What you experienced with this woman, 99% of the guys out there will never know what it’s like to experience that, and to me, that’s a fucking tragedy.)
I replied just how you taught, “I find you amazing, but I understand. If you change your mind down the road, you know where to reach me,” etc. (That’s all you can really say, but you should always be doing some introspection. If she was head-over-heels in love with you, she would have found a way to make it work, but sometimes a relationship just runs its course. The key is, when you start feeling those feelings, you’ve got to listen to your heart. When you trust what you feel inside, you’ll always do well.)
So thank you coach for helping me experience the best 1 1/2 years of my life, but dammit you ruined future relationships for me, because all the girls back here are shitty compared to her, ha-ha. (You just haven’t met somebody yet that is of equal or greater value in your eyes. What you want is somebody that shares the same goals and shares the same values. As life progresses, different opportunities present themselves.)
I’ve been casually dating right now, but still nothing has come close. Even if she’s 10/10 in the looks department, she’s lacking in another. It’s like I went from a $100 steak, to dating multiple $3 steaks, with the occasional $20 one. I used to be able to at least enjoy the cheap ones, but after having such high quality for so long, I usually just don’t call again and just can’t enjoy myself with these new women. (That’s awesome because you know you have choices now. You know how good it can really be. The bar has been raised. The reality is you were dating a fucking unicorn. When you screw it up with a unicorn, those really sting, and they take a while to get over.)
I’ll never meet another $100 steak out here it feels like. (I’ve been there. No matter how old you get or how many relationships you have over the course of your life, there’s always going to be a little bit of fear and doubt. That’s just fear — false evidence appearing real. The only thing you have control over is what you do and how you show up in life. And now that you’ve had it so good, hopefully you won’t ever settle for anything less than what you experienced with her. The idea is to get better. But keep in mind, looks can be deceiving. It’s important that, instead of projecting your fantasy onto a person, you question them and see them for who they are. If they tell you they’re horrible at relationships, they’re not a good communicator and they have a horrible relationship with their family, as Maya Angelou said, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them.”)
I love what I do for a living and what I am majoring in, but still knowing I was going home to that $100 steak every night was the highlight of my day. I’ve gone no contact, and I’m following “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back,” exactly as you said, but even a month later, it still feels like a punch in the gut knowing that chapter is over. (Typically, it takes a year and a half for those really strong feelings to start to dissipate. And you still miss them from time to time, but they no longer have their hooks in you. It doesn’t have the same negative emotional charge that it once had.)
I know in the book you mentioned how that British chick you dated was amazing too. (We shared a great relationship, and when it had run its course, we remained friends. It’s not like I got dumped. I decided to end the relationship. The only time you go no contact with somebody is when they unilaterally change the terms of your relationship, and you don’t agree with that, because the strongest negotiating position is being able to walk away and mean it.)
How did you move on to other women after having such high quality like you mentioned? (By not settling. Once you’ve had one unicorn, now you’ve done it. It’s kind of like riding a bike. You’ll still have doubts, but you’ve experienced it. It’s no longer just a concept. Breakups are always hard and difficult, but the more you go through it, it does get easier with time.)
I find myself comparing every girl I date to her, and it’s really ruining it for me. (The only thing I see that is a problem is how you’re looking at it. You’re young dude. You’ve got to be patient. Your whole fucking life is ahead of you. Enjoy it.
Continue focusing on yourself, and you want to reflect on what happened. I would be looking back through the book, because if she was head over heels in love with you, she wouldn’t have broken it off. I would say, probably towards the end there, things weren’t as great as you thought they were. When you’re no longer really into it, you stop putting your best foot forward. And when you’re dating other people that have high self esteem, and they know it’s kind of run its course, they’re not going to just sit and hang around. When you’re the one who has been dumped, and you don’t want to be dumped, then you have to walk away, because to continue to be friends with somebody like that is just fucking torture. And in order to create a space for somebody new, so you can attract a better person, you can’t be hanging on and talking to or interacting with somebody you hope is going to come back, when they firmly stuck you in friends zone.
If she does reach out, make her come to see you. As long as she comes to see you three times in a row and you hang out, hook up and have fun the whole time she’s there, then go visit her. She needs to earn another chance with you, not the other way around. If she’s not willing to do that, then it’s going to get in the way of you moving on.
When you meet somebody, and your souls are aligned, but maybe your life paths are going in different directions, as long as both of you want the same thing, and you’re both kind of in the same place, it’s okay to stay friends with them. But if you got dumped or stuck in friends zone, you have to walk away, because the strongest negotiating position is being able to walk away and mean it.)
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Time heals all wounds. The reality is that after a breakup, it takes the average person a year and a half to get over losing a really spectacular lover. Not every lover, friend, acquaintance, client or employer is going to stay in your life forever. People are constantly coming and going in our lives. Very few people will be with you for your entire life journey. Life is change, and growing and improving as a person, after unexpected endings, is optional. The more you become comfortable with the changes life brings, the less you will suffer from the pain that comes with being attached to the way things were.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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