How to know when you should keep dating a woman and give her the benefit of the doubt that things may get better, or when you need to hit the eject button and move on to find someone else.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss two different emails from two different viewers. The first email is from a viewer who met a woman who started pursuing him from the moment they met. Everything seemed to be going well, and he naturally set a date. The date went great. The following week he called her to set the second date, but she was angry it took him so long to call and tried to give him a “maybe” date. He did not fall for it and set a date for the following week. Things went well on the second date, until the end of the date when her behavior became squirrelly. She called him a few days later, and he tried to set the third date. Her attitude and response confused him, and afterward she blocked him on social media and ghosted him. He asks what went wrong, since he feels he did everything textbook. The second email is a series of small success stories and victories a guy has had over the last two years since discovering my work. He talks about how the quality of women he dates has dramatically improved, and how he now regularly dates and hooks up with women he once thought were out of his league. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his/her email:
First Viewer’s Email:
Hi Coach Corey,
At school, I met a girl who did it for me in March. She played hard to get, so I would chase. I didn’t. Naturally, she began the pursuit, so I made a date happen. (Good job.) She was in her feminine, and talked her heart out. She’s old school, and her parents weigh heavy on her opinion, (Obviously, she’s young and hasn’t had enough life experience yet to understand her mom and dad don’t really know all they think they do. She’s following a set of rules that are completely against what she feels inside), but on our date she ditched them for me. She even wrote me a letter praising me for taking her on a “thrilling adventure.” (So far so good.) Afterward, I waited a week to call. (In my book, I discuss two reasons why you want to wait until the following week after a date to call to set up the second date. The first reason is, if she likes you, you want her attraction level to go up. However if she is insecure, structured, controlling or has a bunch of unreasonable expectations, she’s going to be pissed.) She was angry I took this long, so she tried to punish me with a “maybe” date. (That’s the way these kind of women are. They think they can mold a guy into what they want by punishing him. They will do this by changing plans or giving you the silent treatment. However, you want a woman who is flexible and easy to get along with, not somebody who is constantly creating drama and getting pissed off at you.) I declined and set a definite date the following week. On the second date, she tried to change the plans to see me on her terms. It was a special circumstance, so I changed it, since she wanted to see me badly. On the date, she was feminine again, and there were sparks. (Obviously, this girl really likes you, but she has a belief system that is in conflict with what her heart feels. That’s where the real problem comes into play. She’s just not grown up yet, and she’s not comfortable in her own skin. A lot of guys think they can fix a girl like this, but it’s not your job to be her therapist. You should be looking for a happy, healthy, normal person who is going to complement your life.) I did 80-90% of the listening. However, she cut the date short, and when I walked her to her train, she said “don’t waste your time on me.” (This is a sign to get out of this relationship.) It left me confused, because I followed textbook. (Good for you dude. You should feel proud of yourself. On some level, she saw you had your shit together, and she knows she’s doing you a favor. As Maya Angelou said, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them.”) I chalked it up to experience and forgot about it. However, 3 days later she reached out to me. (What her heart is telling her to do is in conflict with her beliefs.)
I assumed she wanted to see me, so I tried to set a definite date, but after some bantering she said, “But seriously… thank you for the invitation, but I can’t,” (She wants to go out with you, but you’re not following her rules, and that’s confusing her. She wants you, but she can’t be with you because of her rules), to which I responded, “When you figure out your schedule, give me a call.” (That was a perfect response.) After this take away, she was pissed off and blocked me on some social media. (That’s typically what happens. Trying to date somebody like this will drive you up a wall. Don’t do it dude. Save yourself the hassle. The more you interact with this girl, the more you’ll fall for her and the more it will sting when you realize it shouldn’t have gotten past the second date.) I didn’t let that hinder me, so at school I was still charming and sweet. (That’s the way you should always be. Treat all women the same.) I bantered with her, as if nothing had happened — think from the end. (You’re doing exactly what you’re supposed to do. You’re being very discerning, because you’ve taken the time to develop your radar from the things in my book.) She had her eyes and hands all over me, and so did I, but I walked away and went about my business. However, what gives with these mixed signals? (Simple, she’s a fucking nut.) Where did I go wrong? (You didn’t really go wrong. You’re simply ignoring the fact she’s a nut.) Did I act weak? (No, you did awesome.) Or is she structured? (Oh hell yeah.) I’m rereading the manual 10-15 times again coach. How should I go from here? (When you see her at school, wave to her then go about your business, but if I were you, I’d be chatting up other women. I wouldn’t give her the time of day.) We’ll interact again at events, so should I seduce her from there? (No.) Or walk away definitely? (I highly recommend you walk away.) She’s said, “Guys who like me show me by pursuing me and trying.” (She tried to get you to pursue and when you didn’t, she pursued you. This is a woman who thinks she wants one thing, but emotionally responds to another, and on top of that, she’s a nut.) I said, “Oh yeah, if that’s true, then why am I here and not them?” (Nice comeback dude. The girl obviously likes you, but she’s got all kinds of rules.)
My response to him:
It sounds like you did everything right. The problem is not you, but her. She sounds structured, insecure, weak, punitive and controlling. The whole reason why you apply my book is to reveal a woman’s great character, flexibility and good attitude, or to see her flaws as quickly as possible, so you can weed her out. Notice how she got so pissed off when you hardly even knew her. Her attitude sucks, and she is not very flexible. Those are deal breakers. You should have ditched her when she behaved that way. Never call or contact her again. She must do 100% of the calling, texting and pursuing from now on. Make a date at your place to make dinner together if she contacts you again. Hang out, have fun and hook up like I talk about in my book. She must come to you for at least the first three dates. Use my article and video, “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back,” as a guide on how to interact with her going forward.
This woman should be a low priority for you. I personally would not waste my time with her, but it’s your life. When you see her, wave and then go about your business. Don’t go out of your way to talk to her. It would be awesome if she saw you with other women. Keep your options open. She really isn’t worth your time. Focus on your outcome, the kind of woman you really want, and move towards that.
Second Viewer’s Email:
I am in my mid 40s, I have always been a student of achieving a higher quality of life and learning new skills my entire adulthood, I have studied many of the same coaches you mention and refer to in the area of dating, and I can also relate to many of your early challenges you speak of as well. (Awesome. It sounds like you are a growth-oriented person. You are in the top 3% of human beings, because, quite frankly, most people won’t do these things. The reason why most people don’t have the things or lifestyle they want is the story they tell themselves about why they can’t or won’t have it or aren’t good enough.) I have been following your work for over two years now, watch your videos daily and read your book many times. At this point, I have been dating the highest quality women of my life — sexy, talented, independent and successful. (It’s your birthright to be with women who turn you on.) It has not been easy remaining emotionally centered and working on myself. I have made mistakes. (You learn from your mistakes, you grow and you become better. The idea is to learn from them and not keep repeating them over and over.) I have managed to identify and seize many grand opportunities due to your information, also avoiding landmines the unstudied would have jumped right on top of. I have been dating and having fun with girls that I have moderate interest in as part of my success strategy. (Repetition is the mother of skill. If you’re going to have a long-term relationship, you have to be with someone who’s really exciting and compelling and someone you’re really attracted to. Otherwise, you won’t put your best effort into it.) This letter is a testimonial to your work. I have some great success stories. I will share a couple examples.
The hottest one night stand and morning session of my life was with a girl 20 years my junior, visiting for business and flying out the next day, never to be heard from again. There is something so fucking hot about that. (To each his own. It’s all about what makes you happy.) That would not have been possible or a success without following a key piece of your information at the critical point of last minute resistance. (I assume you’re talking about “Two Steps Forward and One Step Back” that I talk about in my book.) I also had two of the hottest and successful women I have ever dated as casual playmates by doing very little at this point. (When women really like you and you follow the progression in the book, they will do 100% of the calling, texting and pursuing after the first two to three weeks of dating, on average.) It was a testing, emotional and challenging process. This is the greatest feeling, like no other, to have a high caliber woman on your arm as you walk in a place, and feel that power you have worked so hard for. (Most people don’t know what it’s like.) Am I crazy or is it not the biggest high to have a gorgeous woman transition and submit to you into her full feminine role when the two of you are alone. (It’s an honor and a gift.) These are high achieving women that travel the world, appear on TV and run businesses. I am an average guy of average means, and I get away with some crazy shit with these girls. I’m very open, make them laugh and share mini odd little adventures with them. I know you understand these experiences, but it has been a long journey for me. Thank You Corey. (Thanks for sharing, and thanks for applying these things, because not only are you having a good time, all of these women get the honor and the gift of dating and experiencing you, and you really do restore their faith in men.)
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Some people are just passing through our lives. Not everyone is meant to stay. Some people show up just to teach us a lesson or to help us to grow, and then they are gone, while those who truly value and care about us will make the effort and find reasons to stay. Pain and difficult experiences give us reason to pause and turn inward to contemplate why, and find deeper meaning to help us grow and lose attachments to beliefs and concepts that no longer serve us. Experience teaches us wisdom. This wisdom helps us to make better choices and smooth out our rough edges, so we can become all we are capable of being.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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