How a woman perceives her days of being super hot are gone forever, and how this influences her self-perception of beauty and desirability as she ages.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a woman who recently got out of a nine-year relationship, and before that, she was with her ex-husband for twenty years. She is fifty-two and now a single mom. She questions why I put so much emphasis on looks and hot girls. Why? She obviously has an emotional charge or feels insecure about her physical appearance. She seems upset and has noticed guys pay more attention to really fit and in shape, beautiful women than women who are out of shape, slightly or extremely overweight.
I talk about focusing on taking actions that are consistent with someone who eats with a focus on optimal health, physical fitness and vitality, how this effects your beauty on the inside, as well as on the outside, and your ability to attract the kind of lover you really want. How limiting beliefs about your physical body can hold you back from attracting what you want and deserve, so you can overcome them and succeed like never before. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of her email.
Hi Corey Wayne,
Can you PLEASE do more videos for women? I ended a 9 year relationship recently, because I felt he was basically a JERK.
(Good for you for having the strength to leave a relationship that just wasn’t fulfilling all of your needs, wants and desires, instead of sitting around and hoping the guy is going to change or that things are going to somehow get better. After nine years, you know what you’ve got at that point. You either accept it, or say “I can do better.”
Most people in the world don’t have the guts to leave something that sucks, but they’re afraid of that in-between period before you meet someone better. Sometimes it’s many years before somebody comes along who’s really spectacular.)
And before that, I was with my husband for close to 20 years. I am 52, healthy and look pretty good for my age. I am dating a couple of guys around my age, all of them super successful, one ex-professional NHL hockey player, a millionaire cattle farmer, a cop, etc.
I feel so lost. I’m three months single after a LIFETIME of being in relationship.
(It’s only been three months. For the average person, it usually takes about a year and a half or so to really get over a bad breakup.)
I am watching you non-stop, but you put SO MUCH EMPHASIS ON LOOKS and hot girls, and I guess I am hot for the SENIOR SET, but the days of being super hot of course are gone forever.
(I’m not here to blow sunshine up your ass. I’m going to give you the unvarnished truth. The reality is, you’ve got to focus on what’s important. You’ve got to focus on taking care of yourself.
If you’re upset about your looks, then that tells me you’re not happy with the way you look and your body. The reality is, the way you look on the outside is a reflection of how you feel about yourself on the inside. If you love yourself, you’re going to take care of yourself.
Being healthy with diet and exercise is sustained discipline over many months and many years. It’s a lifestyle change. It’s not something you do temporarily to shed some fat, and then once it’s gone you go right back to eating the way you were before. The older you get, your metabolism isn’t as fast as it was when you were younger, so it’s harder to burn off those calories.
Guys are visual creatures. What gets our attention about a particular woman is her looks and her body shape. That’s reality. It is what it is. You can get upset about that, or you can get in the best fucking shape of your life.
What really makes people look older is the weight we put on ourselves. But it takes a lot of conscious effort and a lot of self love to take care of ourselves perpetually and consistently, decade in and decade out. Unfortunately, most people are not willing to do that, and they make excuses that get in the way of doing what’s really necessary.
If you don’t like the way you look in the mirror, then you’re going to have to do something about it. It means you’ve got to move more and you’ve got to eat less. It’s sustained diet discipline.
I can tell by your picture that you’re overweight. The only thing you need to change is, you need to be more disciplined in your diet and you need to make sure you’re going to the gym on a regular basis. But if you don’t have an emotionally compelling reason to do something, you won’t stick with it.)
Is it always about looks?
(Well, if you want a guy’s attention, yeah. That’s just the way we are. We’re wired that way.)
I mean I am super fit, and a super health freak, etc., but let’s face it… people get old!
(So in other words, you work out a lot, but you’re not as disciplined as you could be, and therefore you don’t look as good as you could. So the excuse is, “Well, people get old.”)
My daughter and I a couple of weekends ago below.
(You and your daughter are beautiful, but I can tell from your picture that you’re overweight. I can see it in your face, and anybody looking at the picture would say the same thing.)
Can you please just give me some goddamn hope that I can still be desirable to guys that don’t always have to have the ass that you can crack a egg on?
(Well, it’s up to you. How important is it to you to have a really hot guy? I mean, like attracts like. A guy that’s in really great shape and looks like the way you want him to look is going to want a woman that’s in really great shape. You attract how you act. If you want a more in shape, good looking, physical guy, you’ve got to become an in shape woman.
If you’ve been following me for awhile, you know the things that make the difference are exercise with weights, cardio and green juice. Look at my article and video, “How To Make Corey’s Green Juice.” That is a paradigm shift. Also check out “Corey’s Alkaline Smoothie.”
If you’ve ever read anything about an alkaline-based diet, your body needs 80% dark, leafy, green vegetables. If I ever eat a bunch of crap or drink around the holidays, I can literally feel it in my body within hours, and that’s why I do something about it right away. I change my diet, I get back to juicing, eating healthy and running, because I like the way it makes me feel, and I like the way it makes me look.)
I used to be that girl, but I am 52 and single. I feel bummed about my age.
(The reality is, we all get older, but you can still look good and you can still look hot. You can look hotter than you do now. The only thing getting in the way of that is your dedication and your discipline to it. It’s a lifestyle change. It’s not optional. You’ve got to be more disciplined in your diet, and you’ve got to make sure you work out. Move more and eat less. It’ a simple formula.)
I just want to hear you talk to some of us girls that are NOT 22 anymore.
(Again, it doesn’t really matter what age you are. It’s how you take care of your body and what foods you put in your body. We’re not meant to wear out after 40, 50, 60 years.
Even the people in your life contribute. You’re going to become like the five people you spend the most time with. If you’re surrounded by a bunch of unhealthy people that eat all the time, they’ll get you to be just like them. It’s important you pay attention to who you associate with and how that influences how you take care of yourself. It really is up to you. You’ve got to have an emotionally compelling reason why you want to work out and take care of your self.)
Thanks Corey! I hope someday I can detach more and more from this dating power struggle shit.
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“How we perceive ourselves determines how we treat our bodies. Happy people tend to take better care of their bodies than the average person. High achievers tend to be in better shape, eat better quality food and therefore, simply look better and be more sexually attractive to members of the opposite sex. Our internal happiness increases our sexual attractiveness. Cultivating a life of inner peace and success comes from having a life and lifestyle you love with the kinds of people you love spending it with. Having a healthy body means you will physically feel better about your self and your life, in addition to looking physically better and therefore more sexually attractive. When your heart, lifestyle and life’s work are totally aligned, you’ll naturally radiate success, inner peace and well being to everyone you encounter. You attract how you act. Find a way to make it easy to be awesome and love your life, and you will draw an endless flow of like-minded people to you.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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