In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email success story from a guy who always felt like he was unable to get and keep the kind of woman he really wanted. When his present soulmate started asking if he really wanted a girlfriend, when she was contemplating breaking up with him shortly after falling in love with him after two months of dating, he realized he had a knowledge gap. That is when he came across my work. He shares what he realized he needed to do differently to turn things around and cause her to start asking him when he was going to put a ring on her finger and tell him how much he had raised the bar of what to expect from a man in a relationship. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email.
Greetings from Wales, hope you’re well. I wanted to share with you my success story. I’m a 35-yr old male and have been working on self-improvement for the last 5 years. Up until that point, I have had numerous relationships that always went sideways, often due to apathy on my part.(There was obviously a point in those relationships where you realized things weren’t going well, you had a knowledge gap, and you didn’t know what to do to fix things. The most important thing in a relationship to us guys is, we’ve got to feel successful in making our woman happy. If she’s happy, we take credit for it. It doesn’t matter whether we had anything to do with it or not, but if she’s not happy, we also take that shit personally. Eventually, at some point you give up, and you start to withdraw. The more you withdraw, the more you communicate to the person you’re dating that you really don’t care. You’re not really into them, and you’re not really into the relationship. Women know, if you cared you would find a way. If you don’t, you find a way out. Us guys tend to withdraw when we feel we can’t make her happy. Then it’s just a matter of time. About 75% of the time it’s the woman who ends the relationship.)
The best lasted, at most, a couple of years. After a particularly bad breakup, with quite frankly a woman I should never have given the time of day to, I decided enough was enough. (In other words, you hit the wall and realized you were seeing a pattern over and over again.) I set about learning to get the girls that I dreamt about. Over the past 5 years I have read, and largely dismissed, stacks of relationship and pick-up ‘advice’ trying to improve. Common sense and first hand experience has shown most of this to be utter dogturd.
(If you’ve got the time and the ability, you can learn this stuff eventually, but if you have a full-time career, or maybe you’re married with kids, maybe you’ve got an ex-wife and kids, and you’re working just to make ends meet, you don’t have the time to go out all of the time or meet and date lots of new women. That’s where my book can come in and help you fill in your knowledge gap, because I’ve been through all of these things.)So I decided, I have to work it out myself and improved slowly, becoming pretty good at picking up pretty hot girls for casual relationships. I was having a blast, but was ultimately unfulfilled. I wanted an exclusive relationship. (That’s what happens with a lot of guys who are strictly focused on pickup.)
Last summer I met a beautiful, petite blonde. We shared a soul connection. (Those don’t happen often. It’s like, how often do you meet a best friend? It doesn’t happen every day.) We began dating, and it was perfect. She said I love you week 7, and she asked to be exclusive soon after. I thought I had it nailed. (A lot of guys that read my book, that are in that place, they learn the dating and pickup stuff. Then once things are going well, and the woman is saying ‘I love you,’ they feel they don’t need to read the rest of the book. They think, “I don’t need to read about that relationships stuff. She’s in love with me.”)
However, things began to slowly turn sour after this. (That’s what happens when all guys do is learn pickup skills. They’re so focused on the transaction of hanging out, having fun and hooking up, they never really learn much beyond that. They’re not interacting with people in a way that has substance. At some point you’re going to have to talk, have similar goals, similar values and similar experiences.)
She began saying I was inattentive. (When a woman feels heard and understood, the legs open. When she doesn’t, the legs close, as I discuss in my audiobook.) I wasn’t spending much time with her, etc. I reasoned “I’m trying to run a business in peak fucking season here lady, and I’m still taking you out places.” I know better now – face palm. (In her way, she was trying to communicate you weren’t dating and courting her properly or opening her up. If you spend a lot of time on pickup skills and hooking up, eventually, that is not enough to maintain the relationship.) But she was still losing interest and attraction. Clearly, I was still missing a large piece of the puzzle.Then I came across your video “What Women Really Want” and have never looked back. I could immediately tell, this cocky Coach Wayne guy gets it. I purchased your book and read it twice that day. The first section on dating correlated so closely with my own painfully gained knowledge, it further confirmed that the rest of your advice was solid and could be followed without fear.
(Every guy knows a certain percentage of what they need to know, in order to be successful with women. If you know 60% of what you need to know, you’re going to be able to maintain about a 6 out of 10 on the attraction scale that I talk about in my book. If you know 80% of what you need to know, women will see you as an 8 out of 10, but they’ll never get to the point where they fall deeply, head over heels in love with you. They know they should feel in love, but something is missing, and most women just can’t put their finger on it. Then eventually, it just goes downhill from there.)
It turns out that my huge knowledge gap was the latter half of the book – maintaining healthy relationships and opening my woman up emotionally. (That’s why the beginning of the book talks about pickup and dating. That comes first, because if you don’t get that right, you’re never going to get to the point where you’re actually in the relationship phase. If you don’t know the relationship skills, once you get to the relationship phase if you only know pickup and dating skills, eventually it’s going to fizzle out.)
I have since watched many of your videos and keep re-reading your book – always finding a new tidbit of info I hadn’t fully committed to memory. Applying the knowledge learned, I was able to turn around the relationship and the effects were immediate. I continue to apply what I’ve learned, and I’m improving every day.I can’t thank you enough Coach. My woman has gone from saying things like:
“Our relationship is going okay” (That’s a fucking buzzkill. In other words she’s saying, It’s not that great. It’s not what I had hoped it would be. To us guys, that’s a huge blow to your ego. And if you don’t know what to do to make it better, and it continues to get worse, it ain’t pleasant when it blows up on you), and “Do you really want a girlfriend?” (She’s trying to communicate, if you really loved me, you would be treating me differently. Because women are more emotional and feelings based, they’re going to avoid saying things that will hurt your feelings in hopes you’ll figure it out. They don’t want to teach us how to be men. They want us to know that shit on our own), to “When are you going to put a ring on it?” and my personal favorite, “I used to know how high the bar was set – now I know better.”
(What she just told you is, you’re the best boyfriend I’ve ever had, you’re meeting all of my needs, I’m happy, and I’m ready to get fucking married. She brought it up without any prodding, because you were dating and courting her properly, opening her up properly and communicating with her in the ways I talk about in the book.)
Thank you Coach from the bottom of my heart. As we say in Wales – Good health! (Congratulations on getting your lady to fall in love and want to get married. It’s up to you how long you stay with her, if you get married to her or if you’re not.)
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“If you are not in the kind of relationship that you want or are single and tell yourself that you want a relationship, but don’t have one, either you have a knowledge gap that inhibits attracting the kind of person you want, or deep down there are things you know you need to work on first before you are ready. Your feelings are your truth. If you tell yourself and others that you want a relationship, but have been single for a while, the reality is that if you’re really honest with yourself, you either don’t FEEL that you are ready, or know because of a flawed approach that you are sabotaging your success. When you are truly ready, willing, able and open to a relationship, you can FEEL it in your heart and crave it. Only then are you willing to do what’s necessary to attract someone or change your flawed approach, so you stop pushing people away. When you really truly want something to happen, you will find a way, when you don’t, you’ll find a way out. As a wise person once said, “it’s better to be alone than in bad company.” You will attract the best quality people when you are in a peak state, not a weak state. Do what’s necessary to get yourself into a peak state emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically, and the right person will show up in the most unexpected way and being together will be effortless.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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