Dumped Unexpectedly By My Selfish Masculine Boss Girl

What it means when you get dumped unexpectedly by your selfish masculine boss girl type ex-girlfriend.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who has been following my work for a while and says he read 3% Man eight times. He recently got dumped unexpectedly by his selfish masculine boss girl ex. He shares what led to his getting dumped, but it is clear she didn’t lookup to, admire or respect him as a man.

It’s also clear she really wasn’t that into him as women don’t dump men they are in love with. Only men they do not respect or feel much romantic attraction for. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Nobody wants to date a boss girl, but plenty of guys do. So we have a guy that was dating a boss girl. Kind of masculine, kind of selfish, not very giving, not very sweet, which you’ll see.

By the way, he’s read 3% Man eight times and he’s watched a lot of videos, he says. He started dating this woman I guess sometime during the summer or end of the summer, I think it was. He met her over the summer, hit it off, and it wasn’t until about four or five months down the road that she asked him to be exclusive. So right off the bat, she should have been in love after week six or seven.

If you were really following the book and the fact that it took almost six months for her to ask you to be exclusive shows me that she wasn’t as into you as you thought. Maybe she’s just going along with it. So that tells me already something is not right. The story here, he’s probably not applying things in the book as he thought he was. So what ends up happening is, they’re sitting in the couch and since she’s closer to the fridge, he says, “Hey, can you get me some ice cream?” She’s like, “Get it yourself.” It’s like, “Honey, can you give me some ice cream?” “Sure, baby. Sure, whatever you want.” She’s like, “Get it yourself.” So she doesn’t get him any ice cream.

The next night, he’s over there and she asks him to get some ice cream because he’s in the kitchen getting himself some, and he does it, and he goes and sits down next to her, and it leads to a series of events where she just like, callously just dumps him, like the next day. He’s like, “Was I too harsh with her?”

The other thing you had to keep in mind is women do not dump men they’re in love with. They dump men that they are not in love with, they don’t respect, they don’t admire and they don’t look up to. If a woman could just blow you off like, like this one did to this guy, she really wasn’t that into him. I don’t think he really realized that. So let’s go through his email because he’s gone, “What do I do?”

Viewer’s Email:

Hey Corey,

I’ve followed your work for a while and love what you do. I’ve read your book probably eight times or so and seen plenty of videos. 

I hit it off with a girl over the summer. I courted her exactly right and she once said I was doing literally everything so perfect and it made her uneasy. She was really into me.

Or so he believed.

Remember, he meets her over the summer. What do you got? June, July, August, kind of summer. July, August. July is usually the hottest month of the year, technically. I’m just trying to figure out when this was, but he says it wasn’t until winter, so it seems like four or five months they were dating before she asked to be exclusive. So remember he just said, “She was really into me.” No she wasn’t, and how do I know? I just looked at the fact that they dated for about five months before she even brought up exclusivity.

Fast forward, it’s winter and we had recently become exclusive (Her idea).

I’m assuming around the holidays, cuffing season. So maybe around Christmas time. From his email, it looks like it’s pretty recent that she asked him to be exclusive. Remember they were dating since the summer. Could have been beginning, so he could have been dating for six months, maybe before she brought it up.

This guy says, “She was really into me,” and he was following the book. At least that’s what he’s trying to convince us of. If we look at her actions, her actions are not the actions of a woman who’s dating a 3% guy. Sounds like she just locked up her fuck buddy for cuffing season. Then once the holidays are over, she’s like, “You’re out.”

She’s a professional woman and has a flair about her of being sometimes bratty, stubborn, and even a little defiant.

What do I always say? Easy going, easy to get along with, somebody who’s nice to you, who’s flexible, who’s a giver, does sweet things for you.

I usually enjoy this challenge but we ran into a brick wall the other day. 

We were at my place and I asked her to get some ice cream while we were on the sofa since it was closer to her and she refused. She’s very sweet but not helping out has been a small pattern…

Doesn’t sound like she’s much of a giver. That doesn’t sound very sweet.

…And it seemed a little rude/indignant to me at the time.

Yeah, she didn’t give a fuck. She’s like, “Get your own fucking ice cream.” You just feel the contempt she has for him.

The next night after a nice day together we were watching a movie at her place. I thought I’d get some ice cream and remembered the experience the night before. When I got up and she asked if I could get some for her I mentioned she refused the night before.

He didn’t say, but let’s do the Karen voice.

She responded, “And you learned your lesson didn’t you?” As a joke she says, but still weird to say. I said, “I sure did,” and went to get ice cream for just myself and came back and ate it in front of her. This didn’t go over well as you probably imagine. 

Well, you should have been laughing like, “Babe, this is what you want. You want to get me ice cream? OK, whatever. Why should I get you ice cream? You’re going to be it being asked to me. Why? Why should I be nice to you? I mean, you just said learned my lesson. It sounds like you’re doing it on purpose just to be mean.”

Does that sound like easy going, easy to get along with? Or does that sound like a woman just stirring shit up because she’s masculine and she feels like she has all the power in the relationship. That’s what that sounds like to me. It sounds like his girlfriend was the one wearing the pants and running the show and being the man in the relationship.

She was pretty annoyed and we talked. THEN she drops a bomb that she didn’t get her period and was worried she might be pregnant. We talk a while about this and I explained how important it is to me to keep a family together and I had concerns whether I could trust her commitment to me. 

So remember, everything was great in the beginning of the email. He’s just become exclusive after six months of dating, and he doesn’t feel like he can trust her commitment because deep down he knows she’s not that into him. That’s what’s really going on here. He can tell something is off.

I stay over and she takes a pregnancy test first thing – negative. But this is the beginning of the end. I got a text the next day that she didn’t like my response and also felt I was too critical towards her (This is about her dog which is sweet but bad mannered).

Don’t get along with her dog.

I responded saying I’ll be more thoughtful moving forward and want to talk about how to share feedback constructively. The next day she texted me saying we should stop seeing each other. That’s that. 

She didn’t care. It sounds like cuffing season. It sounds like she picked a fight, because this is another thing. This is how women break up with guys. They pick a fight on purpose and you’re like, “We broke up over ice cream. What? That doesn’t make any sense.” It’s like, no, she used that as an excuse to break up with you because she didn’t give a shit anymore, because cuffing season is over. She put her show on for her family during the holidays, and now she don’t need you because it’s the beginning of the year. She’s excited about new prospects.

Maybe she’s already talking to another guy, and like I said, it just looks like she locked up her friends with benefits through the holidays so she could show off in front of her family and not have to go, “Are you going to get a boyfriend? When are you going to settle down? Are we going to get some grand-kids? What’s wrong with you?” Now that cuffing season is over, she’s like, “See you bro. I got a tea time to make.”

As a rule, I don’t think it’s wise to ever pursue someone when they’ve cut things off with you.

Well, especially on this, she blew you off like you were nothing, because that’s how she really felt about you, something was off.

Dude, you need to get back and read the book and self-diagnose and figure out where you went wrong. I can look at her actions and tell you that this girl was not that into you. She certainly wasn’t in love with you. If you had been applying everything that I teach in the book, and she was a normal, healthy woman and not some kind of a fruit loop, then she had been in love with you by week six or seven and that didn’t happen. It’s like she didn’t lock you up until cuffing season. So that tells me your purpose has outlived its usefulness during the holidays.

However, to be honest, I’m here thinking about it and trying to make sense if I should trust my actions and how this played out and she’s just not the one or reconsider that I was too harsh and pushed a good girl away. 

Thanks for your great work,

Bob

Dude over ice cream? No, that was the excuse. She picked a fight and then broke up with you.

This is why it’s so confusing for a lot of guys. You’re thinking we broke up over ice cream. “Like, what can I do to fix it?” No, that was the excuse. She just didn’t give a shit anymore. A woman who loves you ain’t going to break up over ice cream, but that was the excuse. She picked a fight. It didn’t go well. Then now you’re going like, “What?”

Rejection breeds obsession. “I gotta get the love of my life back.” No, she wasn’t the love of your life. It just sounds like you’re friends with benefits. Locked you up for the holidays and after the holidays were over, now she’s a free agent again. Guess what? So are you. Since she wrecked it, it’s up to her to fix it. So you go no contact. You follow exactly what’s in the article and video I did years ago, 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back and you never call or text her again for any reason. If she doesn’t reach out to you, then you will never, ever speak as long as you live. Simple as that.

That’s what no contact is. No contact means no contact. Doesn’t mean you send her an email after 30 days or you call her after 30 days. You don’t do any of that shit. You don’t pursue a woman that ditches you. You let her go forever. If she doesn’t reconsider, she doesn’t say, “Sorry for being an ass. I overreacted then,” she’s going back to the streets, baby.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.