What you should do if you are trying to get your ex back, but she is cold, distant, sending mixed signals and won’t set dates.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who broke up with his ‘on again off again’ ex girlfriend about two months ago. After their most recent breakup, he did not chase after her like he did during the previous times she dumped him. He started applying what my book teaches and meeting and dating many new women in his target rich college environment. He went to a party with a new girl he was dating, and his ex was there. She went ballistic and wanted to fight the new girl he was with. He left with his date, and she later texted him and asked if they could talk.
They ended up getting together and had amazing, passionate make-up sex. However, since that night, she calls him every day, but won’t make a date. She also tells her friends she is over him, but continues to contact him. He asks what her mixed signals mean and what he can do to get her to set dates. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email.
I’ve been watching your videos, have read your book twice and am starting it for a third time.
I’m emailing you because of an ex-girlfriend. We dated for 4 years on and off, and after reading your book, I can see now where I fell off in areas I should’ve been stepping up in. I admit, I was being weak and needy and she ended things, saying, “I’m moving on. I don’t want this anymore.”
I didn’t pursue her this time. A month went by, and I had been going on dates, just like you talk about in your book, and implementing your principles.
We both go to the same college, and when I got back to school I went to a party with a girl I had been seeing.
(You’re acting like an alpha male at this point. If she doesn’t recognize your value, then you’re not going to run after her and chase her. You’re just going to move on with your life and find somebody better.)
My ex saw and went ballistic. She wanted to fight her on the spot. I took the girl and her friends back to her house for the night and headed back for my dorm. My ex contacted me saying, “Can we talk?”
(It’s funny how that works. Scarcity creates value. She realized you had totally moved on.)
I called her and said yes. We met up and talked for a good hour. I won’t lie, we both cried and admitted we both still loved one another. She even admitted to having sex with a guy she had been seeing, and that there was one up in her room.
(She’s got two other options. Just keep that in mind, because that’s usually a big problem when you’re trying to get somebody back.)
I looked at her and with a James Bond type smile and said, “Well, it looks like he’s sleeping alone tonight, because you’re coming back to my place with me.” And she did. She came back with me and we had crazy, passionate, and kinky sex.
(You acted like an alpha male. Even thought she had a guy waiting on her, she went and had sex with her ex-boyfriend. That’s the power of being in your masculinity and acting like a man. She will follow your lead willingly and excitedly.)
We have been talking every day since then, about a week.
(That’s part of your problem. The phone is for setting dates. If you’re talking to your ex on the phone, you’re not doing much getting together.)
She has initiated all of the talking, and I have only been asking questions.
(It’s great that you’re asking questions, but you should be doing that in person. When she reaches out, you should be saying, “Let’s get together.” Create an opportunity for sex to happen. If you notice what happened, she asked if you could talk, then you seduced her in person. It worked then, but now you’re doing the exact opposite.)
I’ve asked her to come over to make dinner, and she always replies with “I don’t know.”
(You should only be talking for a couple of minutes on the phone. Tell her to check her schedule and let you know. Tell her you’ve got to run. The worst thing you can do is sit on the phone for hours on end, because you communicate to her that you’re putting your life on hold and you’re waiting around on her. You’re not being direct, and you’re not being decisive like you were when you ran into her and pulled the trigger. Now you’re acting the opposite of the James Bond dude that you were when you ran into her at the party.)
She acts hot and cold with me. She goes out and drinks, and I won’t hear from her if she’s with her friends. She tells them one thing, and then goes and does another.
(Remember, she has two other guys in the picture and she’s probably fucking one or both of them. That’s reality. I would keep dating the other girl if I were you.)
She tells them she wants nothing to do with me, and then talks to me. What should I do?
(Come on man. Create an opportunity for sex to happen. Hang out, have fun and hook up. It’s very simple. As I talk about in “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back,” if she reaches out two times in a row, you ask her to get together, and she gives you anything other than a yes, then stop asking.
Next time she calls, talk for a couple of minutes, then tell her you’ve got to run, keep in touch. One of two things will happen. She’ll either bring up getting together, or she’ll stop contacting you all together. If she’s got two other guys in the picture who are making dates and hooking up with her, that’s why she’s sharing herself with them and not you.)
I have made no attempt to contact her first,
(She needs to earn another chance with you dude, not the other way around. Stop being her emotional tampon. Make a fucking date, and get off the phone. Be direct, decisive and get right to the point. If she’s not interested in doing what you want to do, then withdraw the offer),
and I’m doing as your book says and letting her do all the chasing.
(Well, you’re doing part of what the book says. You’re letting her do the chasing, but then you’re talking on the phone all of the time. You’re telling her everything that’s going on with you and sharing your feelings like you’re in a therapy session, instead of getting together to hang out, have fun and hook up. You’re fulfilling the emotional bond with her, while she goes and fucks somebody else.)
She’s even admitted that I’m different now, and that I’m changing, thanks to you. How do I get her to lock down to a date?
(Make a date and stop talking on the phone. Again, I highly recommend and encourage you review my article and video, “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back,” because I can tell from your email that you don’t know that very well. You’re kind of cherry picking information, and you’re not really doing everything according to the book. You need to read the book 10-15 times, because you’ve got to change the way you’ve been showing up. You’ve made some changes, but you’ve still got that old programming because you don’t really know the book backward and forward.)
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“An alpha male does what he wants, when he wants and with whom he wants. He is not interested in and does not seek the approval of others. He lives his life according to his own vision, mission and purpose. He does not waste time with tire kickers, time wasters or trying to fit square pegs into round holes. He is outcome focused and knows that circulation is the key to the universe. With enough time and patience, he knows the right people and circumstances will eventually manifest effortlessly into his life. He does not chase after or tolerate people who do not value what he has to offer. He presents himself to the world with a loving, open, non-attached, take it or leave it kind of attitude. He defines himself and is not concerned with the opinions or labels of others.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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