Falling in love is pure ecstasy, but falling in love and being loved by your ultimate dream goddess can also scare the crap out of you at times. How do you handle guys who may be more successful and better looking than you hitting on your super hot girlfriend? Do you start kicking some ass?
That’s not a good idea. If you become jealous and possessive it will communicate weakness. If you back off too much, she may think you really don’t care about her and then maybe start paying more attention to these other guys because she is unsure if things will work out with you.
It’s a fine line you must walk. It’s scary as hell the first time you go through it. Why? When you fall head over heels in love with your ultimate dream goddess, she is head over heels in love with you and you two are fucking each other’s brains out, you will feel better and more confident as a man then you have ever felt in your life. However, all of your weaknesses, fears, doubts, limiting beliefs, insecurities, etc. will come front and center and challenge you to heal those false constructs of your mind. What you fear you attract, and what you look at disappears. Things will be so good with your goddess that you will definitely not want to lose what you have with her. Any fears, insecurities and doubts about yourself can cause you to act from a place of weakness and fear; instead of a place of confidence, strength and certainty.
When a woman senses weakness in her man, she will test him. If she finds weakness, she will test him more and challenge him to grow and heal that unloved and fearful aspect of himself with love. The more a woman senses weakness in her man, the less comfortable and safe she will feel. Therefore, she will back away more and more and put up emotional barriers to him. Why? Women know that weak men will hurt their hearts emotionally, and if they are really weak, physically as well. So women instinctively will run away and lose attraction for men who display weakness and are unsure of themselves.
If a woman can push you around and cause you to change your positions or your beliefs on things so you are always agreeing with her in a way that communicates you are seeking her approval, she will not trust your masculine core or your ability to make her feel comfortable and safe.
It’s important to be a challenge to women. To stand up for what you believe. Especially when a woman threatens not to go out with you if you don’t change your position to match hers. If a woman asks you to compromise your principles, you must not. Even if it means losing her. If she really likes you, she will throw in the towel, submit and maybe even tell you that your position is probably a better one than her point of view.
If you are dating a woman who is a total 10, then she is going to get hit on constantly and there is not a damn thing you can do about it. You should take it as a compliment. She’s fucking you. Not the weak guys who are chasing her. An alpha male is unfazed by the advances of other men towards his girl. His attitude is, if she cheats, she’s out and it’s her loss. So he is going to enjoy himself and stick around as long as it’s drama free, fun and she says what she means and means what she says. He judges her by her actions.
If your ultimate sex goddess is telling you about all of the guys who are hitting on her and trying to get in her pants, but that she’s constantly rebuffing their advances because she’s so happy and in love with you, then you’re golden. If your goddess stops telling you about all the guys who are hitting on her, then it means it’s either because her ass is now the size of Texas, or her interest level has dropped because you are not paying attention. If you see yourself as the prize and make sure she tells you that she loves you more often than you tell her, this will give her the opportunity to feel the full depth of her emotions towards you and wonder how you really feel about her.
They key is to be a challenge and not always parrot her “I love yous” back to her. Next time your girl says “I love you”, you can say, “aahhhhhhh, thank you baby, you’re my everything!” and then kiss her. You just told her I love you in your own way which is a challenge. That statement can also be interpreted by her a multitude of ways depending upon how comfortable she feels in your relationship. If she is a little unsure of herself and where she stands with you, she will seek to get confirmation from you that you love her. Then you simply say, “Of course I love you baby. I may not be perfect, but when I am close to you, I’m close to perfect!” in response to her asking or inquiring, “Do you really love me?”
Women love you more if they can experience the feelings of doubting that you love them, or wondering if they love you more than you love them. When they are unsure of where they stand with you, they come closer to you for confirmation. This may come in the form of a phone call during the day while you are at work where she says that she was thinking about you, that she misses you, wants to see you, etc. It may also come in the form of her walking up to you at a party after you just finished talking with a really beautiful woman and ask about this other woman. She may comment on how pretty this other woman was and mention how the two of you seemed to really be enjoying each other’s company. The best response you can say is, “yeah, she was pretty, but she’s not as sexy and hot and as charming as you are!” as you grab her and make out with her. This confirms your love for her when she was doubting it. It’s how a woman tests and feels your strength. She wants to know that she really does it for you. That you desire her above all other women. When a woman is a little girl, she goes to her daddy and sits on his lap for his love and reassurance that she is still his little angel. When she is an adult, she goes to her man to receive his love and reassurance emotionally, physically, spiritually and mentally when she wants to feel his strength and protection.
The following is an e-mail from a phone coaching client of mine who has fallen in love for the first time in his life. Lots of other guys are trying to get with his girl and he is unsure of how to handle this situation. I discussed this at length in my book, “How To Be A 3% Man”, which you can download the Amazon Kindle version in under sixty seconds for only $9.99 to your Smartphone, PC, iPad or Mac by clicking here. My comments are (in bold brackets like this) in the body of his e-mail:
So it’s official between myself and this girl. It happened about 2 1/2 weeks ago. We have already even gone to the point of saying the “L” word to each other. She uses it all the time but seemingly never lightly towards me. Everything seems to be going great, but as this is the first girl I have ever said I loved to her, I have that pit in my stomach with all the what-ifs. (Yep tough guy, this is where we separate the men from the boys. Now we get to see what you are really made of.)
My current biggest pit is the fact that lots of guys continue to text her and have little conversations with her. I do not want to seem jealous, but I really cannot help disliking this excess company. (Get over it. Get used to it if you want to continue to date super hot and desirable women. The key is to remember that none of these jokers know what you know about women. As a matter of fact, 97% of these other guys don’t know or understand what you know. Even if your girl screws around on you with one of these other guys, there is nothing you can do to stop it. She will either be faithful to you, or she won’t. If she has a problem being faithful, then dump her or only have an open relationship with her. Women are going to do what they want, when they want and with who they want. The only thing you can do is go about your life and present yourself as the prize and catch that you are. Let her continue to chase you. If she is chasing you, she can’t be getting rid of you. Remember, less really is more with women.) She even told me one of her male friends who was going out with one of her other friends now confessed he has feelings for her. She told me she thought it was inappropriate (Good girl.), and that she told him he could not talk to her anymore (Wow. She sounds loyal, but the only thing that matters is her actions.). I know he is still texting her, and she is talking to him because I noticed when she was on her phone a couple times that there were texts from him. How can I approach this issue with her without sounding jealous? (There is no issue except your issue. Which is being insecure and fearful you may lose her to another man. Your job is to continually create fun filled romantic opportunities for sex to happen. Be a challenge and always be a good and drama free time for her. If you do that, you will continue to present yourself as her best option and she will continue to be your girlfriend. Women vote with their feet. If she’s with you, it means she voted for you. So relax, it’s in the bag stud.) It is really bothering me inside that she continues to talk with him even though she knows about his feelings for her. I do not want to push her away by acting jealous (Then don’t push her away by acting jealous! If you act jealous it will make her uncomfortable and make her feel less safe. Therefore, she won’t tell you what’s going on with him and other guys anymore if you are going to continually get upset about it. As long as she feels comfortable she will tell you everything. The reason she tells you everything, is this is how she communicates her loyalty to you.), but I just cannot get this out of my mind (Bullshit. You simply choose to not focus and direct your mind on to things that really matter in your relationship.)
All the Best,
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
If you feel I have added value to your life, you can show your appreciation by doing one of the following three things:
From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur